Chapter 4: Something will happen in this chapter. I can promise you that…
Sarita was happy to return to Salem . And, she was successful in not being noticed by her rivals, Ellen and Susan. That skirmish in Laci Alley was embarrassing…
Dragging Alina with her, she came across one of the many secret rooms in the castle where she would confront five men who were responsible for her large corporation of wizard things… Also they were the ones who had betrayed her to the Man, due to their technology.
The room was a round one, and the five men were sitting around a table when Sarita marched in, followed by Alina.
"I can't believe the five of you tried to take over my company," Sarita berated them.
"And don't forget how they kidnapped me!" Alina added.
"Yeah, that too," Sarita continued.
One of the elder men stood up. "Miss Patel, please let us explain…we were just pretending to work for the Man. "
Sarita nodded. "I instantly forgive you. But I'm still kind of sore after the whole trying to kill me thing."
Another one of the members, a far younger man said, "By the way, we finished work on your new magical device. It now connects to a muggle computer like a video game. Feel free to check it out… if you dare." He sounded like he was purposely being elusive on this matter.
Sarita only heard the new invention stuff, so she didn't dare question the logic. "Kay, thanks." She hurried into the second part of the secret room, which housed a large muggle computer console room.
Alina ran after her. "Wait, Sarita! It's clearly a trap! Why are you being so gullible and out of character?"
Sarita ignored Alina and sat down in the middle seat. It was the only seat in the room, with wires running into it everywhere. It was just like The Matrix, only not really. Sarita put on the robotic goggle thing so she could have a good gaming experience. "Initiate gaming sequence," She commanded the computer. She had to admit, she was most impressed by muggle items. Just how did they build all these computers without magic?
The computer logged on, and Sarita saw a blue background with stars floating past her. "Initiating log on sequence. We're sorry; we seem to be discovering some technical difficulties. Please standby until we correct this problem."
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
Sarita virtually warped to a new world. Right now, she was in a digital version of a forest, and she had a black suit on with pink outlines. Normally Sarita would love the wardrobe change, but this one really wasn't that stylish. Oh well. She could ignore that.
"Once I'm done playing this childish video game, I can arrest those fools for trying to murder me." Sarita muttered to herself.
On the outside of the game, Alina was waving her hand in front of Sarita's face. "Wake up, boss! It's time for my story! Hello?"
A TV screen flickered to life on the other side of the room. The young man with sunglasses and a nice suit who had suggested Sarita check out the game appeared on the screen. "Your boss can't hear you anymore. We've made her addicted to online gaming." A smile crossed the young man's face.
"You bastards!" Alina exclaimed.
Three body guards were running down the hall. Yes, the loud guy who had worked for The Man was among them. "ATTENTION DUELISTS! My hair will huff, my hair will puff, and my hair will blow your house in!" The door leading to the computer console room opened easily.
"Huh?" The announcer said, looking around for Alina. The room was empty except for Sarita's body and the chair she was sitting in.
"She escaped!" Another guard pointed out the obvious.
The third guard pointed at the ventilation shaft. It was open. "She must have crawled through there!"
The announcer quickly took out his muggle cell phone. "Hey, MOM! You'll never guess what happened!" There was a pause. "Oh, hey, Dad. Can you put Mom on the line? What do you mean she's asleep? Wake her up then!"
Ellen, Nate and Jen were gathered around one of the many wizard chess tables outside on the grounds. An old man was standing behind the table.
"Okay, Gramps," Ellen was saying, "Give us all your muggle money, and Nate won't have to break your knee caps!"
"What the hell is a muggle?" the old man whined. This wasn't the first time this guy forgot he was a wizard.
Somebody came up behind them and said, "Oh…I'm wet… in more ways than one." It was Alina!
Ellen suggested going inside, thereby stopping her usual harassment of old men with short memories. One of the passing house elves saw Alina, who looked exhausted, and gave her a large mug of hot cocoa (after using their magic, of course).
Susan and Tessa came down at that point. Ellen decided to allow Susan to stay. After all, Alina was the disheveled one, not their friendship. Jen saw Q and ran off to join him in the Great Hall.
"Sarita's been kidnapped?" Susan exclaimed, surprised.
"Yes, that's what I just finished telling you," Alina replied. "I didn't know who else to turn to, so I came here.""Forget it!" Ellen interrupted. "There's no way we're helping Sarita. She smells like wee wee!"
"Worse than James!" Susan added. Ellen scowled at that.
"But she's been trapped in a video game world where monsters are—" Alina started explaining until Ellen interrupted.
"Did you just say video game?" Ellen smiled.
Alina nodded, a tear coming to her eye. "Yes, but it's very dangerous…"Susan jumped up, grinning. "Come on! Let's go play the video game! Anything to take a break from this stress about the beginning of school!"
The four of them followed Alina up to the secret room.
"I didn't know there was a secret room for Sarita in Salem ," Ellen pointed out.
"There are a lot of secret rooms," Susan explained, "My mom keeps telling me about the time she and my dad found their own secret room to make out in. That's my least favorite of all their stories…"
They made it to the video game consul. Susan saddled up into a chair and was about to enter when Nate stopped her. "Um, Susan, there's something I have to tell you…"
Susan grinned. "Don't worry, Nate, I know all about it.""Really?" Nate asked, surprised.
"Yeah, you're in love with me, right?" Susan grinned.
Nate frowned. "Actually I'm in love with your best friend, Tessa."
Susan frowned too. "Oh. Well, this is kind of awkward."
Ellen saddled up into a chair next to Susan. She waved to Tessa. "Bye, darling!" she mocked Susan and Nate.
"Ex-nay on the arling-day…" Tessa sang suddenly, to make up for the awkward silence generated by Susan and Nate.
Then Ellen and Susan were transported into the world of video games, along with Alina for some reason.
They appeared in the same forest as did Sarita a couple minutes ago. Susan looked down at her new costume. It was all black with green lines on it. "This new game that Sarita created is super special awesome!" She said, excited. "It's like walking into an episode of Reboot!"
They continued walking down the crude path in the forest. After a couple hours of wandering aimlessly, the three of them decided to rest. Ellen examined her costume, which was black with yellow lines. Suddenly, she heard a faint, "Hello!" coming from somewhere nearby. It sounded like an annoying fairy.
"Nnni?" Ellen perked up.
"Hey, listen!" The annoying fairy came into view.
Ellen grabbed it. "Hey, this fairy is really annoying! Let's kill it!" It fluttered out of her hand right then and flew away. "Hey, get back here!" Ellen called.
Susan and Alina followed her in hot pursuit.
Ellen continued her line of insults, "I'm going to rip off your wings with a pair of tweezers!"
They ran to a cliff side, which would probably lead to their deaths among… more trees. The fairy vanished from sight.
"Damn, it got away…" Ellen cursed
"Hey, I've got an idea!" Alina cut in, "Let's go to that genie in the market place who is voiced by Robin Williams! He'll save Sarita!"
Ellen and Susan had no choice; they had to follow Alina to a stupid market place, which was surprisingly not that far away.
They found the market place, and it looked just like the one in the movie Aladdin. Also, they found that first year, Coleen, wandering among all the digital people.
"What are you doing here, Coleen?" Susan asked upon seeing her.
"I've been beta-testing this game for Patel Corp," Coleen replied truthfully.
Susan blinked. "That's just about the least truthful story I've ever heard."
On the outside of the video game, Tessa and Nate were guarding Ellen and Susan's bodies.
Nate sighed. "I've been thinking… What if we're all part of some enormous virtual world? What if we exist in a fictional universe created by two college girls who enjoy writing other people's stories too much?"
Tessa frowned. "Nate, that is without a doubt the dumbest thing you've ever said."
They heard a voice outside of the dark room. "…So then I said ATTENTION DUELISTS!" The announcer was telling his body guard friends. "Man, you should have been there."
"Uh oh," Nate sang, "We're in trouble. Something's come along to burst our bubble."
"Yeah, yeah," Tessa sang with him.
Ellen, Susan, Coleen, and Alina finally made it to a castle. This wasn't a very hard video game after all.
A princess stood in the hallway, blocking their path. She looked just like Alina… only with a mannish figure that Alina never had.
"Hello, I'm Princess Sari," She was exactly Alina's height as well.
Ellen stared. "This is just wrong."
Alina approached her supposed twin. "I've never been more traumatized in my entire life! Why would Sarita create something so twisted?"
Ellen groaned. "Now do you see why we hate her so much?"
Princess Sari invited Ellen, Susan, Coleen. and Alina to her dining hall. There was a large feast made just for them… but it was digital, so it wasn't real.
"Welcome to the land of Fantasy ," Princess Sari greeted. "Every year my people are attacked by an evil monster… a dragon descends from up high to devour the…"
"Question," Susan interrupted.
"Uh… yes?" Princess Sari let her speak.
"Just what the hell are you, anyway? Are you a boy or a girl?" Susan demanded.
Ellen added, "Maybe it's a she-male, you know, like Alana."
"Whatever it is," Alina put in, "It's going to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life!"
Princess Sari looked annoyed. "Excuse me, dear heroes; I'm trying to tell you about the suffering of my people."
"I think it's pretty obvious why your people are suffering," Susan told her. "Their ruler is a transvestite."
Princess Sari decided to continue on. "The only way to destroy the dragon is to summon the mythic flying machine, which—"
"Why weren't you censored anyway?" Susan interrupted. "I mean, guns are bad, but cross-dressing princesses are AOK?"
Sarita found herself pressed against a stone wall, and it was probably somewhere near night because of the darkness. But who could be sure? This was a video game after all.
There was a red orc in front of her, being evil.
Sarita shook herself. "What the hell is going on?" She demanded.
"You've been kidnapped, Sarita Patel," the orc snarled. His lip curved into what must be a smile. To Sarita it just looked outright disgusting.
Sarita groaned. "That's already been established. Just what the hell is the point of this?"
The red orc shrugged. "If anyone's watching the computer screen, it gives them a chance to see you in chains!"
Sarita groaned again.
Back at the castle, the group was just getting some cool medieval armor on. Coleen showed Susan her armor. "Speaking of Fan service, check me out!" She spun around, her nice cape flowing with her. Her armor was mostly black, with an outline of red.
Susan's was the same, only had an outline of blue. She wasn't paying attention to Coleen, however. "I can't believe Nate likes Tessa more than me…"
Coleen scoffed at that. "Forget about him, kiddo. You deserve a real man."
Susan never got the chance to answer because at that moment Ellen came into the room. She was wearing what a caveman might wear, and she was carrying a club. "You know what's the difference between you and me? I make this look good." Ellen posed with her club. Cave woman probably never looked good ever. Who knows why Ellen chose this costume.
So, Ellen, Susan, Coleen, Alina, and Sari found their way to the roof top. There was only one structure taller than them up here.
A bunch of monsters suddenly filled the skies, like they do in a video game.
"Harpies! I read about them in one of my father's books!" Coleen warned.
Suddenly, a net fell from the tower above them and captured Princess Sari. She was dragged to the top, out of reach of the sort of heroes.
"They've got Princess Sari!" Susan shouted.
Ellen heaved a sigh of relief, "Thank God for that. She was really starting to creep me out!"
"Oh no, they've kidnapped Alina!" Princess Sari said. It turned out that she was wearing Alina's armor the whole time, which meant that Alina was wearing her dress.
"What the heck was Alina doing being dressed like you?" Ellen demanded.
"Um…well…" Princess Sari started.
A COUPLE MINUTES AGO
Alina and Sari met in her room. Alina indicated at her dress. "Let's trade outfits. I've always wanted to look pretty."
PRESENT
Susan sighed. "Looks like we'll have to resurrect the ancient flying machine…whatever that is." They traced the shape of a phoenix in the dirt.
Ellen thought of the many spells they could use in the game. "I activate the Ocarina of Time!" She decided.
A random ocarina appeared out of no where and started playing 'Saria's song' from the original video game. The song just made a bit of an earthquake, causing a bit of chaos. Oh, and that made the ancient flying machine come to life.
"That made no sense whatsoever." Ellen pointed out.
Coleen threw her arms around Ellen. "Hurray! My hero!"
"Awkward!" Ellen shoved her off. Then the rest of them got on that ancient flying machine, which turned out to be a rusty airplane.
The red orc laughed suddenly. "I've brought you a present, Sarita!" A ball of light hovered before them before disappearing. Alina was there seconds later, with his dress for some reason.
"Sarita!" Alina cried. She took off the dress and revealed her armor… which she had now for some reason.
"ALINA!" Sarita laughed, thankful someone had come. Then, "Why were you dressed like a muggle princess?"
"Like you've never tried it," Alina snapped. She used one of the many spells Sarita had invented for this game, "Sword wielder, free Sarita!" A purple monster appeared, picked up a sword, and broke Sarita's chains. Then it disappeared again.
Sarita rubbed her face, and then smirked at the orc who was still looking on. "Time for a trip to the recycling bin, phantom man. And then once you're in the recycling bin, I'm going to right click on it and select 'empty recycling bin'. Because otherwise you'd just be taking up unnecessary space….In other words, I'm going to kill you. Come forth, Blue Eyes!" Sarita summoned a white dragon, the one she wished were real.
"NO!" The orc screamed, "This was so avoidable!" and he died.
Sarita, satisfied, turned to Alina. "If anybody asks, I rescued you."
Alina slumped her head. "Yes, boss."
The five business men were watching the video game world from comfy chairs in the real world. "We can't let those guys get out in one piece." One of them remarked.
"That's right, so let's all stand up dramatically at the same time." Said another. They did just that. "Excellent."
Sarita and Alina met Ellen, Susan, and Coleen in a long tunnel. Ellen grinned. "Hey, Sarita! We're here to rescue you!"
"That won't be necessary, seeing as I'm already free." Sarita pointed out.
"Then what was the point of the princess, and the flying machine, and all the other crap we did?" Ellen snapped.
A deep cackle emitted from the wall above them. It was a speaker of sorts. The malicious voice continued. "Well done, all of you. You've reached the last stage. Now get ready to face the final boss!"
The scene swirled around them, changing shape…into what looked like an endless void of computer chips.
"They're hacking into the computer system!" Sarita exclaimed. A monster dragon materialize. It had five heads.
The malicious voice continued, "Once we destroy you, people will come to realize that video games are dangerous…and then all video games will be banned!"
Sarita curled her right hand into a fist. "Listen, pal, you can try to take over my company. You can kidnap my assistant. You can even try to kill me. But when you $% around with video games, you've gone too far."
"It's time to slay the dragon!" Susan shouted, excited for the chance to battle in a video game.
Sarita summoned that dragon again. Ellen summoned a different one that was black and creepy. Susan summoned a golden dragon.
Sarita's powerful Blue Eyes shot some beam or other at the big five headed dragon, and it disintegrated, screaming, "No!"
The subtitles for the video game announced, "You gained 500XP. You collect a rusty dagger."
So everyone was transported back to the world with Princess Sari. She had that annoying fairy by her side, repeating the same words of, "Hey, Listen."
"Welcome back, brave heroes," Princess Sari greeted everybody. "You have saved our people!"
"Let's get out of here; that fairy's starting to piss me off," Susan ignored her. A portal opened before them, and they knew it would take them home.
"This game is more disappointing than losing a duel!" Ellen pointed out before they all entered through the portal.
The surroundings warped and changed shape. They were back in the room they had all started in.
Nate was fighting off a bunch of body guards, and Tessa was watching him do that. "Nate, do I look fat?" She asked him.
"Little busy here…" Nate said, pushing back the stupid body guards.
Tessa turned and saw everyone return. "Susan! You're okay!"
"That's right, princess—I mean Tessa." Susan confirmed.
Alina stuck her tongue at the guards. "Now that we're out of the video game, you guys can't do a thing to me!"
"Actually, we can still beat the crap out of you." The announcer reminded Alina.
Alina frowned. "Oh yeah…"
"Ow! My ribs!" Alina cried. "Ow! My other ribs!"
"Nate, why are you punching her?" Susan asked.
"I don't know," Nate admitted.
"Attention mother," the announcer told her on his cell phone, "I've just been told that I'm not going to be in any more chapters after this. I know, it's so sad!"