T for some innuendo, but well south of the 'Lewd Tripe' indicator on your dashboard

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Chapter 1

Chuck's First Upgrade

He wiped his hands down his pant legs in a long motion, closing his eyes and breathing out at the same time. Moist hands, not sweaty palms, it is just moisture, he told himself, Moist…oh, who the hell am I kidding?

"Chuck, are you okay?" Her voice jolted him back to his current dilemma.

"Sure, of course. Don't be silly."

"Well, are you ready?" Sarah leaned her head forward, turning towards him, and his eyes followed her tresses that fell past her shoulder.

Concentrate, dammit, he scolded himself. No distractions. No denim miniskirt. No tank top…low-cut tank top…skirt riding up…NO. Don't screw this up. You can do this. He grinned at her, a grin that did little to hide an awkward nervousness.

"Before we start, get yourself comfortable. It is going to take a while to get used to it."

Sarah stretched across him to find the lever that eased the seat backwards and Chuck tried not to think of all of the electrifying contact points where their bodies met. She pressed the lever and the seat rolled on its tracks until his legs were able stretch a bit.

"Better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Do you remember everything I told you?"

"Sarah, I am not a complete idiot, no matter what Casey says to the contrary. How hard can it be? Besides, my hand-eye coordination has been perfected, thanks our friends at Activision. And to think Ellie calls it a waste of time..."

"Those are games, Chuck. I don't know how much they will help you right now," she smirked at him.

He cleared his throat, and shifted his eyes back to the task at hand.

"How about some music?" Music: the universal tension reliever, he thought, as he reached forward to adjust the volume.

"Not now." Sarah put her hand over his lightly to stop him. "I want you to be able to concentrate."

"So," she tilted her head with a serious expression, "Press down. How does it feel?"

"G…good." God, did his voice just crack and go up two octaves? This is a cluster already and we haven't even started.

"Good?" She was smiling at him again. "It's probably a little stiffer than you are used to. I mean, this is new to you, right?"

He blew out an exasperated sigh. "I told you, Sarah. Besides, we don't have to do this…"

"No, it's alright." She averted her eyes, pointing them ahead. "Let's start, okay?"

My God. Is she nervous too? What does she think I am going to do?

"Okay. Remember, you need to push down all the way before you do anything else."

A slanted smile crossed Chuck's face. "I have to say Sarah, I am proud of you. I really thought that no one would ever be allowed to touch your baby."

"Well, Guinevere isn't going to like it if you don't handle her well, so try to remember what we discussed."

Chuck attempted to hold back a laugh, but it sputtered out before he could stop. "You named your car. A car. I thought Casey was the only one who did that. Though, I must say, I am impressed by the name. Damsel in distress and all…not very fitting, now that I think about it."

She knew his avoidance tactics by now, and returned a slightly reprimanding but amused stare.

He shifted his eyes forward, gazing over the pristine hood of the car. "Sarah, maybe we should rethink this whole thing. And by we, I mean you. I mean, think about it. I have managed to avoid mastering this skill for twenty-eight years…"

"Chuck…" She could not hide a smile in the warning tone.

Babbling. He had crossed the line of filling space to definite, utter, babbling. Chuck silently cursed the situation the week before that had gotten him into this mess in the first place…

It had been planned as an evening of fake-real-cover dating, but had quickly dissolved into real-threat-of-maiming-or-death dating when Chuck had an inopportune flash. Sarah had then reached under the restaurant table to put her keys in Chuck's hand, and insisted he take her car and go to Castle. It was at that unfortunate moment that Chuck had to reveal an embarrassing Achilles' heel – one that Jill had experienced firsthand in the Ferrari on the way to their fake date.

"What?" she had said once he had revealed his secret. Sarah had even managed to say it in an amused tone, despite the circumstances. She decided on a fallback plan, and a few moments later, they were in her car.

At that point, Sarah had a new 'upgrade' mission for Chuck.

Now behind the wheel, he gulped, and then quickly shifted his eyes to look at her without turning his head. Did she hear that? Not with the engine running. Not with the 300 or 400 or…however many horsepower she said it was. His mind wandered back to a few hours ago, when he was stretched on his rumpled bed, as Sarah sat in his desk chair, reviewing the finer points of gear progression and clutch work. Chuck was not a car guy. His eyes had rolled back in his head from boredom. Sarah asked him if he had just flashed, or did she need to start over?

Flash?,he thought sarcastically. The Intersect was being completely useless right now. Need to repair a bullet hole in drywall, completely unnoticeable to the casual observer? It's in there. Build a fire using only women's panty hose and a Sharpie pen? Yep. Make a blue cheese soufflé with arsenic additive? Gotcha covered. But this? Noooooo. Nothing. Nada .

"Relax, Chuck." Her hand was now resting on the back of his neck, with her thumb making small swirling motions around the curls over his collar. This did not help with the 'relaxing' objective. In fact, it had the opposite effect. He wanted to tell her that, but her hand was warm and soothing…and he really needed to focus right now.

Flexing his fingers over the wheel, and then reaching to his side, Chuck carefully positioned his hand. Sarah moved her hand to rest over his and used it to adjust the stick until she was satisfied with the position.

"Feel that? You want to get used to it. You need to be able to do that automatically."

Ignoring the place in his mind where those words had another meaning, Chuck gradually lifted one foot, while gently pressing down with the other. His efforts were rewarded with a screeching clang. They were lurched forward and back, while their heads jerked in unison. This was followed by an icy silence.

He glanced over to his now glaring passenger. "You know, there are some fine cars on the road with automatic transmissions. I hear you can get a GM car very reasonable right now. You would look great in a…a Vue." Who was he kidding? She would look great in any vehicle, he thought, even that piece of excrement on wheels, the AMC Pacer. He shook his head slightly, trying to rid his memory of Morgan's Uncle Paulo's car. As kids, they thought it was a giant rolling egg, a space capsule, or a bulbous, rounded…

"Chuck?" She paused to ensure he was paying attention. "We have to be prepared with a contingency plan for any situation. You may need to take my car, or any vehicle with a stick shift, for an accelerated exit strategy in a worst-case scenario. What will you do if you can't…well…accelerate?"

Exit strategy – he could use one right now, as he took a fleeting look at the locked door and felt the taut seat belt around him, but Sarah was like a bulldog when she set her mind to something, and he resigned himself to humiliation at the hands of his semi-fake but super-hot – focus dammit – girlfriend.

Sarah could tell that her argument was being met with skepticism. It was time for a different approach.

"Don't boyfriends usually drive on cover dates?" Sarah added playfully.

"Let's roll," he said, trying to sound convinced that this was a still a good idea.

"But first, release the emergency brake."

"Sorry."

-x-

Two hours later, the Porsche was maneuvered into a parking space at the apartment complex. Chuck turned off the engine, and twisted in his seat to face Sarah. Even in the dusk, she could see his face light up with a confident grin. She hoped he did not see her close her eyes and breathe a quick sigh of relief.

"Chuck, I am proud of you. "

"It's not the Herder, but it will do in a pinch I suppose…" he teased as he dangled the keys off of his finger before handing them to her. "Mission accomplished."

Oh, if only he knew, Sarah thought as she returned his smile. It was just one small baby step for Chuck's 'upgrade', with the side benefit that he would be able to drive her car on 'cover' dates…or other reasons that were not as pleasant, reminding herself of the incident in the restaurant.

Sarah's thoughts were tugged back to the present when Chuck reached to his side and absently pushed the driver's door open. He turned in his seat to face her, hesitating, and then leaned in, his eyes closed. The near kiss was interrupted by the distinctive clink of moving-door-to-stationary-car contact; Chuck realized too late he could not stop the door's motion.

"Oh, God." Not turning his head to look out the side of the car, he could see Sarah's smile drop from her face, replaced by a tight-lipped frown, and then by a look that roughly translated to a "I am your protector, but I will not be able to save you from the rain of fury about to descend upon you" look.

"Sarah, please tell me that I did not park next to the Crown Victoria."

Her expression did not change. The silence was broken by an almost imperceptible beeping of a sensor.

"Oh crap."

"Damn Casey for being so protective of that car," she muttered.

Now, it was Chuck's turn to level an amused stare.

"Chuck, get out of the car."

"That's a first."

"Do it."

Chuck scrambled out of the Porsche, with Sarah quickly joining him, just as a tactical flashlight blinded their eyes. The 'mission' had been nearly a complete success, except for the looming, growling Casey that had suddenly appeared in the parking lot to survey the damage to his beloved Vic. Not knowing that it had been Chuck driving Sarah's car, Casey made scathing comments about women drivers – Where are some good throwing knives when you need them?, Sarah thought – and grumbled back to his apartment.

Chuck had tried to come to her defense: "Casey, it wasn…" Sarah raised an eyebrow at him, her mouth tight – Chuck would never hear the end of the insults if Casey knew the truth. Chuck understood the signal and closed his mouth.

Good man, she thought. At least we won't have to cover those nuances of discrete messaging in the upgrade plan. She smiled up at him as they walked through the courtyard. But, God, he needs a haircut.