This is only a 3 shot, and i wrote most of this back in 2007, this was the first thing i ever wrote for Grey's but i never actually completed it until now, and this is only posted on one other site. Part 2/3 Enjoy! Italics are flashback

I close my eyes again, remembering everything we went through, and how I felt before I met her and after I met her. The memories came crashing back to me, every single one of them, like it had happened yesterday.

I was one of the top neurosurgeons in the country. Not to toot my own horn or anything but my work was and still is highly recognised, and I had to work hard to get to where I was. Years of med school, studying hard, kinda all work and no play…that was me…for a while, I had sacrificed a lot including my marriage, to live my dream.

I left my life in New York City that I thought I loved to move to Seattle. I left private practice to work at Seattle Grace, which is one of the foremost teaching hospitals on the west coast, I felt honoured to be asked to come here, by my mentor Richard Webber, who was the chief of surgery.

Did I leave New York for work? Not exactly, the job offer happened to come at just the right time. Did I come here to better myself, establish myself more? No, it was personal…I found my wife of eleven years in our bed with my best friend Mark Sloan. Mark was one of these guys who seemed to ace his way through everything, endless, meaningless one night stands, unable to commit to anyone.

I moved out here to get away from Addison, from Mark, from all the lies and the betrayal that I now associated with them both and with New York. The two people that I loved and cared about the most in this world, hurt me in more ways that I can explain. Or so I thought at the time.

Once in Seattle I brought some land and a trailer to live in, if Addison saw this, she would have hated it, it was a whole world away from my life in New York City, but that was exactly what I wanted, no reminders of my old life. I planned on hating it here, after all I'm a New Yorker, so I'm genetically engineered to hate everywhere except for Manhattan. That was until the night I met Meredith Grey.

It was my second night in Seattle, which turned out to be much better than my first. I was suppose to attend the intern mixer at the hospital, which was suppose to introduce the new interns to the hospital and the doctors they would be working with over their residency. Interns that I would come to know professionally and ultimately personal, that I would teach, mentor and guide for the next 7 years. Tomorrow was my first day at work, so I'd meet them all in the morning, so I didn't really need to attend tonight, what would a few hours tonight mean to them…Nothing…just like it meant nothing to me.

I was sat in my car, in the hospital parking lot; it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Addison entered my mind, and played on my thoughts more often than I would care to admit. I had moved here to forget her…to move on… but it wasn't really working. I looked at the big double doors which would lead to my new 'home', my new life. The place where I would spend more time in, than in my own trailer. As a doctor, you were never 'off-duty', always one more surgery, and one more emergency to deal with.

I let out a heavy sigh and watched has my breath hit the cold air and danced in front of me. I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets and took a few steps towards the hospital, but something stopped me from actually entering the building, and before I knew it, my feet was taking me away from the hospital and toward a bar opposite the hospital. Little did I know that by not attending the mixer, and heading to the bar, it would change my life forever.

When she kicked me out the next morning and I finally knew her name, Meredith, I could get used to saying that name, it just rolled off the tongue, I knew that I had to find a way to see her again, I just didn't know how. So, imagine my surprise when later that day I saw her in the hospital. I could see how shocked she was, how often does your one night stand, turn out to be your boss. She ran, I chased and I grabbed her arm, and guided to the stairwell, I had to try and convince her to go out with me and even though she turned me down, I knew that I would find a way. By no means was I a player, like Mark, but I had never had any problems getting a woman, if I wanted too. She was a challenge, but a challenge that I wanted so bad. When she kissed me in the elevator, it felt so right, so natural, she left me breathless. I always believed in soul mates and true love and in that instance I knew she was someone special; especially that she had made me jealous, something Addison nor anyone else couldn't accomplish.

I fell for her hard and fast, I wasn't supposed too; after all Addison broke my heart, but not that quick. After two months with her, I was in love with her, then Addison showed up and my world came crumbling down. I was going to tell Meredith; that night, that I was married, but of course Addison showed up before I had a chance to tell her. When Addison introduced herself, the look in Meredith's green eyes broke my heart. I could see that she was devastated and I knew so matter what happened I could never undo the hurt that she felt in that moment.

The day in the scrub room, when Meredith asked me to "pick me, choose me, love me", and she told me that she loved me, god I wanted to say it back, but I couldn't do that to her, if I choose Addison, not that I was planning to but it would hurt Meredith even more. I thought I did it to protect Mer but I soon realised that I did it to protect my own heart. When I told her I picked Addison, I watched again as her heart broke, I wanted to take it back, but I couldn't, it as too late. I knew I hurt her so badly, and I wanted to tell her I was hurting too, but I couldn't just throw away 11 years of marriage, without trying to fix it, when I said the vows, I meant them. Little did I know that decision was going to haunt me for a long time, that I had damaged any relationship that we would have for years to come.

I remember back to that night, that night that I held her in my arms, before Addison turned up; I was ready to tell her that I was married, but she fell asleep before I had a chance too, and my world fell apart when I heard those words come Addison's mouth.

"So you are woman screwing my husband"

I was brought out of my memories by the feel of my wife's arms going around me, my eyes flew opened, hoping to see the beautiful green eyes of my wife, but instead there was nothing, but I could still feel her head resting against my chest. All I wanted was to see her, to join my wife, we had a wonderful 40 years together, but I never thought she would be the first one to go, I don't know how to survive without her. She was my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, how am I supposed to go on without her. More importantly do I want too? There was no way she was suppose to go first, It should have been me, I was older, and I can't breathe without her. I know our children Ellie who is now 28 and started her internship at Seattle Grace, she was always the one to follow our footsteps, especially her mother, and Ellie had adored Meredith since the day she was born. Tyler came two years after and he decided not to become a doctor, but study art, Meredith was always proud of them, and either of them could imagine losing their mom so young and I didn't know how much longer I could survive without her.