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A/n

In reading this chapter please bear in mind, although Alice might have just had like the best night ever, sleeping with your brothers girl, isn't something to take lightly, especially when he is convinced the girl is his soul mate, and there is only so long the "afterglow" and warm fuzzy feelings can last before the gravity of the situation hits you. I mean she has two reasons to feel guilty. Jasper and Edward. People who she love immensely. Alice may be a little self sacrificing, but just like with Edward, love sort of blinds you from seeing logic, resulting in the altruistic behaviour. Just think, wouldn't you be self condemning if you had slept with your brothers girlfriend, whilst also married.

Its angsty I know :P

Chapter 18.

Alice POV.

Leaving the house, as soon as I hit the woods, thirst hit me like a freight train. My throat was ablaze, low guttural growls escaped my stomach, I cant go to school like this, I'll have to be late. A searing cramp tore through my stomach, causing my knee's to buckle under me. Wrapping my arms around my stomach, and gripping it tightly, I've never really felt physical pain, but this feeling was agony, it's a sensation akin to not having fed in months.

Picking up the distinct scent of a herd of deer in the distance, I picked myself up, stumbling at first, the stinging pain still shooting through me, I should still be able to hunt. I dashed forwards with as much speed as I could muster, locking onto the smell, letting it guide me, I caught up the the herd. Luckily they were very young deer. Easy to catch. I lunged forwards, my teeth clamping down around the torso of the biggest, I let the streams of liquid crimson pour down my throat.

After having replenished myself, draining the whole herd. I returned to the house, it was deserted, the scents of everyone were very faded. Where is everyone?

I strode in to the living room, calling out - no answer. Glancing up at the clock I noticed the time.

"Quarter to 3?!" How on earth was I gone for so long?…I promised I'd see Bella at school , I'll have to go to her house soon instead…just enough time for me to shower and get dressed before she gets home at 3.45

I stepped into the shower, running the water as hot as it would go, letting the steam fill the room, I breathed it in deeply, the warmth was comforting, it reminded me of her. The heat made me feel…content. I could just stay here, and let the heat engulf me, but the real thing is waiting for me, the root of my of my fulfilment is a 10 minute journey away.

I picked out an outfit to wear, for once not paying much attention whilst doing so. I glided toward the closet where I kept my vast collection of shoes. Hearing the front door slide open, I walked toward the hallway - Jasper.

"Alice.." he called out.

"Jazz…"

Within seconds he was in the bedroom, standing a few feet away, he swiftly brushed his honey blond hair that was obstructing his eyes, behind his ears.

"Good morning, or should I say good afternoon" he chuckled lightly

".." I paused not knowing how to respond, knowing the question of my whereabouts was inevitable, I didn't need to look into the future to see that one coming.

"I 'spose I don't need to ask where you were last night…" he drawled.

Or he could just not ask…

"Huh?" I scrunched up my nose and put on my best confused face, knowing that he found it adorable.

"Your emotions, you seem satisfied, also a lil' guilty"

"Jasp-"

"Its ok, there is no need to feel guilty." He cut me off.

Does he know, he cant know…her scent isn't on me, and he is alone so Edward cant have found out and told him, he must mean something else.

"there isn't?"

"No, its fine, I know you hadn't hunted since you left forks with Bella, I don't mind that you stayed out all night, and you musta needed some time to yourself anyhow"

Oh. He thinks I was hunting the whole time.

I swallowed hard, trying to compress any extreme reaction, he must of noticed the air of panic earlier. I hope he didn't think anything of it.

"Thank you for understanding Jazz…how was your day? I hope you didn't miss me too much"

Trying to change the subject, I flashed him my signature grin, I knew quite well how to break through Jaspers tough exterior with relative ease, he always relaxed at the sight of a smile or cute expression from me.

He walked over, pressing a tentative kiss to my cheek, his cold hands rested on either side of my hips, the icy chill of his skin was more noticeable, when I had spent my entire night, feeling like my skin was ablaze.

"Alice, I'll always miss you, even if we are apart for a few minutes, but I can manage, good enough." his accent sounded particularly pronounced when he spoke the last two words, a smirk played on his lips.

I didn't respond, instead I hugged him tightly, and then floated back toward the bed, I never really felt the need to rush around when I was indoors, I picked up the pair of shoes that I had chosen before Jasper arrived, and slipped them on.

"Are you going out again darlin?" he asked me, his eyebrow arched.

"Yes, but only for a short time, I'll be back before you know it" I winked at him, and with that skipped out the window.

I stopped a couple of hundred yard's from the window, looking at Jasper relax onto the bed, our bed. His amber eyes shifting around the room, even when he was relaxing he remained poised. He sat perfectly still, he looked like he was waiting for something, he was waiting for me.

Im an essential part of his existence, I give him purpose, im his strength and his salvation, his patience is unwavering, just as mine had been whilst I waited for him, I didn't dream that I could ever love another like I love him. He was all I could see for such a long time, then it started over 2 years ago, 8 months before any of us had met Bella, she was the new regular feature of my visions, small tidbits of information, short flashes of her here and there, as the time for her to move to forks drew closer, they were no longer flashes of her, there were scenes, and emotions attached to the scenes, and a sense of knowing a person who id never met, and the anticipation, the want for her to be part of my life, at the time I only recognised it as being in a friendly capacity, that didn't lessen my love for her, I made a point of it to Edward, I told him that he would never love anyone as much as I loved her.

I could see Jasper get off of the bed, and stride toward the dresser, and run his hands over the wood frame of a picture, a picture of us. The frozen image of us as newly weds. I could see the smile evident on his face. His eyes were so rarely animated, but his expression illustrated the depth of his love.

Prior to this moment, a moment that to anyone else would hold no significance, I hadn't really felt torn, I knew that I loved him, but my mind was made up of Bella and Bella alone, and the guilt I felt, the majority of it was about Edward. I had forgotten about my devout husband, his love unwavering. When did I miss this? I couldn't even spare a thought for the man I married. Not a single thought, I didn't just betray him physically, I betrayed him emotionally too. This is a big thing, you do not just forget your husband, that isn't right.

I can feel the singe of burning tears in my eyes, they'd never fall, but they were building and my throat is getting uncomfortably tight, and my jaw is clenching and the pain and the guilt is physically manifesting itself, and im only too aware of that fact. The silence of being alone with my thoughts, these thoughts, is the most deafening sound ive ever heard.

I cant do it to him, not Jasper, not after…everything. I love Bella, but she's like quicksand, shes consuming me, all of me, and im sinking so fast, and I need to stop sinking, before im too deep. She's claiming me, everything that I am. I cant allow myself to disappear, to let myself fall so deep that I don't want to stop, its started and if I don't get out now, pain. Pain will be the result, I'll hurt Jasper, and I'll hurt Edward, and I'll hurt Bella, and nothing will be able to mend their hearts. In the long run, it's better for everyone, and realising this now, its better than later. Love isn't supposed to tear me, her, anyone apart, but it will, it will crash into us all, like a storm, it will crash through our lives ruining everything and we're all going to get lost in the destruction, and the damage will be irreparable. It will happen because of me. I have to end things now. The timing isn't perfect, its as far from perfect as it could be, or maybe its not…I know what to say, I know how to finish it.