Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with SOA, it's production or casting. SOA belongs to Sutter and FX. Only Grainne/Romana is my creation.

A/N: A huge thank-you to for reviewing my last chapter. I know I said I'd hold off until I got five reviews but I'm in a good mood – I got a job today so no more concerns about money. It's only 16 hours a week which allows me to continue writing. This will go up to M in the next chapter and I'm sorry this one is short in comparison to the last few, but it will be longer come next chapter

"Calm down girl...you'll give yourself a panic attack"

"I've not done this before...what if I screw up?"

"It's Juice, how can you screw up compared to him?"

"This is me we're talking about. I can screw up anything"

"Look, Celt. You'll be fine – he's more likely to mess up than you are. I know you must be thinking about whatever his name was and I can promise you, Juice isn't like that he's just too soft to hurt anyone"

"Like Kip? All heart and not a lot else"

"Yeah. You'll be fine. He hurts you and I'll tear him apart. Same goes for you – hurt him and I'll hunt you down. We all good with that?"

"Will you quit scaring the poor girl Jax? Sit down 'ana and chill out"

"Ana? That's a new one – people usually shorten it to Roma or just call me Celt"

"Jax out. And sit down already – you'll wear a hole in the carpet with the amount you're pacing"

"I'm sorry. I can't help it"

Shaking her head, Tara practically pushed Jax out of the bedroom and closed the door after him. Why on earth was I this nervy? For goodness sake – it was just one little date it wasn't like I was getting married or anything like that. And I didn't see that happening. No, I wasn't marriage material. Too wild and free-spirited an individual to even consider settling down. My longest 'relationship' lasted just over three weeks. I couldn't stand being tied to anyone; as much as I willed myself to it just wasn't possible for me, it wasn't for a lack of trying I just couldn't do it. I had fought with myself every waking moment; there was the part that craved the stability and safety that came from being someone's woman, but I hated the monotony and predictability. If I wasn't so stubborn I would have split on day one instead of day twenty-one. I guess I just hadn't found anyone I was compatible with, not yet at least. Or maybe it had been that I had been stuck in the same place with the same people my whole life and I was stuck in my ways. Being out in Charming, even for the short space of time that I'd been around, was helping me to see things in a new light. Maybe I could give something like this ago. Maybe I just had to push past the barriers of insecurity and stay with it rather than giving it 30 seconds before splitting, I had to work through problems instead of running from them.

It was strange what just over one week in a new place could do to a person.

"So, now you've calmed down, lets see what you have to wear"

"What am I doing? This is crazy"

"No it's not. You're letting the past get to you"

"Honey, you know nothing about my past. Don't act like you know me"

"I know more than you think"

"Try me"

"You've got history, I get that and I admit that I don't know much about it. However, my guess is that whatever you've been through has toughened you. It's left you fairly cold and paranoid. You're used to having control and get frustrated when you don't get and keep that control. However, underneath it you long for some sort of stability, maybe even a family"

"Why would I want a family? All they do is tear your heart apart. Now, it's my turn. You're originally a small-town girl who wanted more than what was on offer. Someone who wanted out of her boyfriends lifestyle because she couldn't hack it. A former girlfriend who went off to medical school and has reappeared in town as a paediatrician, the absence resulting in no apparent loss to chemistry. Still that raven hair temptress, beautiful even in scrubs. If you could toughen up a bit rather than letting everything get to you, you'd easily better Gemma when it came to Clay stepping down. However, your morals and ethics get in your way and trip you up. You'd do well to learn to block shit out"

"I'm sorry-"

"And so you should be. Just leave – I'll figure this out by myself. I don't need anyone else. Never have, never will. People are a crutch; they're only ever out to use you for their own selfish ends and needs"

Silence and shock crossed her face. However, she didn't move. It was like she was rooted to the spot and it was really starting to piss me off. Opening the cabinet next to me, I took out a gun and turned to watch her, loading the chambers. She left the room as I slid the cylinder back into place. A sigh and I realised that I'd done it again; I'd scared off another person. Still, the cool touch of metal and familiar weight did enough to calm me. It reminded me of the scent of gunpowder and crack of the hammer flowing through the air around me the first time I'd ever fired it. I'd been a few days past my thirteenth birthday at the time. It'd taken those few days to find enough time with just me and my father to do this together. My step-mother at the time had been good to me; probably the only one who I ever got on with other than my own mother. She'd been caught in a drive-by and unfortunately didn't make it. All since and before her had hated me, especially the current one I didn't understand why – maybe it was just me. Maybe I was naturally a hated person. The gun would be kept on me this evening for my own sense of security more than anything else. I couldn't handle going anywhere unarmed any more. I jumped at my own shadow these days and I knew why it was, but no-one else did. Not even Kip had the first clue as to why I was in Charming; every time he questioned it I'd change the subject or tell him to drop it.

Now, I had this damnable drink to get ready for...it didn't seem so terribly terrifying if I thought of it as a drink rather than a date. Second-skin jeans (maybe a little too low-slung), knee high (but flat) boots, gym top styled leather corset, serpent shaped armlet, forget the make-up and leave the hair to do it's own thing. Tonight didn't call for anything too dramatic. At least I hope it didn't...I didn't really want it to go too fast because that's when things usually went to pieces. Besides, I was here to keep men out of my life. And how was I doing that by going out to get a drink with one of them?

For goodness sake, Grainne Catalina you are a fool. Can you not keep your resolve when around a pair of brown eyes? Why should I fight it? I've never been able to resist and probably never will. Mother always said I'd have a pull to them – something to do with them reminding me of home. I may have grown up in New York and her in Wales, but Spain would always be our spiritual home as it was grandfather's physical and spiritual reside. She said we were tied to it and would never be completely happy until we were there. But how am I meant to leave behind all this...oh, just stop thinking Grey

The sound of an engine in the driveway dragged me out of my thoughts. I was not ready for this. Was it worth putting the effort out if nothing was to come of it? I knew what severeal people would be telling me if I was back home; live life with no regret, put my heart out there and don't be scared of getting hurt because it's all worth it in the end. A knock on the door and my feet stuck on the bottom step, I could feel the throb of a heartbeat against a ribcage and there was a rush of blood flowing around my ears. It didn't feel like I was in control any more, it was like someone had taken control and was manipulating me to move and open the door. Opposite I spotted Jax and Opie sat out on their bikes in their usual evening talk mode. Cigarette in one hand, the other either playing with a thread of material or twirling a lighter between their fingers. However, it had broken for them to watch the unfolding scene. There was a trademark smirk plastered over Jax's face and Opie had that usual unreadable but still very deep expression that never seemed to change. Closing the door behind Juice (but not before flipping them off) I pointed out the front room. Weren't we going out tonight?

"Feel like a drink?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah I guess...thanks"

Was it just me, or did he seem as nervous as me, if not more so? Maybe it was even footing for once. The fridge was humming at me as it usually did when I'd put a little too much in it. At the moment it had an extra 9 or 10 bottles stored in the shelving units attached to the door. I know some may think of it as extreme but I was used to the idea of any number of bikers dropping in on me without warning and all in search of something of the cold liquid variety. Sitting down next to him, offering out the opened beer bottle I tried to figure out what the hell I was meant to say. Placing the bottle down on the coffee table he appeared to toy with the hem of his cut for a couple of moments before clearing his throat and glancing over to me. His eyes gave away his clear uncertainty as to what he should do or say next. It was like a blind date set-up between two strangers by mutual friends. This was crazy.

"I drove past the bar on the way here – it's closed down...sorry"

"Don't worry, recession has a habit of closing things down"

Silence again. This was awkward and difficult – more so than I had expected.

"So...what's there to do in Charming?"

"Not that much...I know, great advertisement come to Charming, like Miss America it's pretty but not a lot else to it...but Charming really is a family town, bars and clubs aren't around here that much – I mean, there's the sons clubhouse, but that's fairly quiet tonight. As hell would we be let in the hairy dog"

"Whys that?"

"White supremacists run the bar and lets face it – neither of us are a perfect milk white like they want in their bar"

"We should go – just to piss em off"

"You can but I'm not...actually I think Half-sack would kill me"

"Kip? The kids a pushover"

"Not in the ring"

"You just gotta know how to deal with it...I prefer a blend of bojutsu and street fighting and it used to undo him pretty quickly"

"And I have no idea what that is"

"Bojutsu? Fighting with a Bo...staff. I'll show you some time. Now – what are we going to do? I suppose we could hang around here and just get wasted. At least no-one has to ride drunk"

"Are you sure?"

"I'd rather sit around at home than go out – I'm more comfortable here than any where else"

"Then I guess if I can't figure out any where better I suppose we're staying here then"

"Yeah but don't get any ideas though. It's just a drink and a talk"

I said that but I had a feeling that things would end up in a very different situation. Maybe I wanted them to go that way...I don't know, it was hard to tell what was going on in my head these days, let alone what I really wanted any more.