Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They belong to Cecily von Zeigesar and The CW.
"Blair!" Chuck gasped as he sat up suddenly in bed after awaking from a dead sleep. The images of the nightmare he had just endured were still fresh in his mind. He never slept well after speaking about his father and the accident that had left him as an orphan. His dreams the previous evening were more terrifying than usual. It wasn't his father that was lying in the bed when he arrived at the hospital, it had been Blair. It wasn't his father's face being covered by a sheet by some lowly orderly, it was Blair's. Chuck's heart was beating wildly as he looked to her side of the bed to find it empty.
"Charlotte," Chuck stated as he slid out of bed and stepped towards the crib in the corner, only to find it just as empty as his wife's side of the bed. He began tearing through the penthouse as he looked for his family, his calls for Blair turning more and more frantic the longer the search continued.
He had tears in his eyes as he fell against the chair in the dining room. His head fell into his hands as he began sobbing. His rational mind knew that Blair and Charlotte were all right. Blair had probably taken Charlotte shopping or something, but he could not get the image of Blair lying dead in the hospital bed. He had lived with the image of his father lying in the hospital bed dying for eight years and it shook him to his core. Blair was right. He needed to deal with this.
The elevator chime shook him from his thoughts. He quickly stood and made haste as he went to the elevator doors. Relief was not the proper term for what he felt when he saw Blair step off the elevator with Charlotte in her arms. They had matching radiant smiles as they looked at Chuck. He took his women in his arms and held them tight.
"What's wrong?" Blair inquired once he finally released her and she was able to study his face and the tearstains that covered him.
"I had a bad dream," he admitted as he held her against him as he rested his head in the crook of her neck. He could feel the relief wash over him as he inhaled her perfume. "When you weren't in bed, I began to panic."
"I left you a note on my pillow," Blair stated as she handed Charlotte to her father. She knew Charlotte would be the best cure for his frazzled nerves. "Charlotte woke early this morning. We didn't want to wake you, so she and I went to that bakery that you like and got breakfast." She held up a paper bag that he had yet to notice.
"I didn't see the note," he replied as he kissed Charlotte's forehead softly. She responded by resting her head against his chest.
Blair pulled him towards the dining room as she set out their breakfast.
"You were right last night," he stated as he set Charlotte in his lap and accepted the pastry that Blair was handing him. Blair gave him a curious look in hopes that she could prompt him to elaborate on what he was talking about. "I have been ignoring the issues with my father for far too long. It's time that I face this. I'm going to call Lily later this morning."
Blair looked at him in confusion.
"She knew my father better than I did," he stated as he bounced Charlotte up and down on his knee, "She's tried to help me in the past. I think I'm ready to accept it."
"I'm so proud of you," Blair stated as she bent over the table and kissed him.
"Charlotte deserves a mentally stable father," Chuck replied as he held her close.
"You are mentally stable," Blair rolled her eyes. "We both have our issues and our own way of dealing with them. Therapy isn't for everyone. If you think Lily can help you, then I'm going to support you."
"Charles, your home looks incredible," Lily gasped as she step off the elevator and into the winter wonderland that was his home for the holidays.
"Thank you," Chuck responded as he accepted the hug that Lily offered in greeting.
"Where are Blair and Charlotte?" Lily inquired as she looked expectantly for the rest of his family.
"Shopping," Chuck replied as he rubbed the back of his neck to try to alleviate the unseen tension, "Blair knew that I wanted to speak with you in private. It's important."
"If it's about stepping down from the company, I am already well aware," Lily assured him, "I must say I was a little surprised. You seemed to take as much pride in being CEO as your father did, and we both know how talented you are at doing it."
"My head just isn't into it right now," he confessed, "I spend most of my days at the office wishing I was home with Blair and Charlotte. I'm doing what is best for me and my family. The company is in good hands."
"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" Lily inquired.
"No," he shook his head, "I'd like to talk to you . . . about my father."
Lily's eyes light up in surprise. They hadn't discussed his father for years. She followed as Chuck motioned towards his office where he had pulled out several pictures of his father that he had kept over the years. He'd been looking through them with Blair and Charlotte for most of the morning as he tried to remember the happier times that he had with his father. He had filled his head with all of the horrible memories and had forgotten that there were actually good times.
"Tell me about my father," Chuck requested as they took seats next to each other on his leather sofa. His eyes shone with unshed tears. Lily took his hand as she collected her thoughts. It had been a number of years since he had died, and she didn't think about him often, but she knew that this day would eventually come, so she had made a concerted effort to keep the memories as vivid in her mind as possible.
"I know you felt your father was a cold and calculated man that was devoid of all emotions, but that wasn't the case. Losing your mother hurt him very deeply . . . so deeply that he concluded that it was better to just down emotionally for fear that he could be hurt that way again. He knew how much it hurt you, and he regretted that more than you'll ever know. He regrets the childhood he gave you. Looking back, he wished he had made more time for you, given you the things you wanted instead of what he thought you needed," Lily spoke. She paused for a few moments so that her words would sink in. "God, I wish you could know how much he really did love you."
Chuck lost the war with his tears as they escaped and began to trail down his cheeks.
"He was hard on you only because he saw so much potential in you. He wished that he was half as smart of you. When you thought you had disappointed him, it was himself that he was disappointed in. He felt that if he had been the father you needed, you wouldn't have gotten into half as much trouble as you did. If he had set better limits you wouldn't have gotten as out of control as you did. He never blamed you for your trouble. He always blamed himself," Lily stated, "The disappointment in his eyes was directed towards himself. He felt he failed you as a father."
"Why didn't he tell me any of this?" Chuck inquired as he wiped the stray tears off his face.
"He didn't know how," she responded softly. "If he could see you now, he would be so proud. He knew if you ever married Blair that you would have a happy life."
"He knew about Blair," Chuck responded in surprise.
"He saw her as your equal, as someone who would keep you in line and bring out the best in you just as your mother did for him," Lily explained, "He always thought there were strong feeling on your part for Blair, and he hoped that one day Blair would return them so that you could have the happy life he had with your mother."
Chuck smiled ever so slightly.
"Charlotte would have had him wrapped around her tiny fingers," Lily laughed lightly.
Chuck reached to the end table and picked up the family portrait that was taken during his father's wedding to Lily. "You, Serena, and Eric were the first glimpse I had into what it would be like to be a part of a family. I haven't properly thanked you for that."
"You'll never have to thank us for that," Lily assured him, "We love you, Charles. You're my son in every way that matters."
"Will you tell me more about him?" Chuck requested as he focused his eyes on his father. Lily was happy to oblige as she rambled on for several hours. Blair and Charlotte came home half way through his afternoon with Lily. They joined the pair for awhile, Charlotte in Chuck's arms and Blair with her arms around Chuck until Charlotte needed to be put down for a nap. The way Chuck was laughing at the humorous stories that Lily was telling about his father warmed Blair's heart. He was finally beginning to heal.
"Lily stayed longer than I thought she would," Blair stated as they got ready for bed that evening. Lily had stayed for dinner that night, taking time to play with Charlotte after she woke up from her nap. Charlotte was currently tucked into her crib in the corner. Chuck was filling the bathtub with water as he had concluded that a bath would feel good that evening.
He merely nodded as he began to shrug out of his clothes before he slid into the tub. Blair heard a relieved sigh as his head feel back against the porcelain.
She observed him for a moment. He was laid out in all his glory in the warm water with his eyes closed. Whenever they took baths together there were always bubbles, but there weren't any that evening. Blair had the feeling that she wasn't invited to join him. Instead she settled upon taking up the perch that he had assumed so many times throughout her pregnancy. Once she was settled she reached out to caress his bare chest. Chuck must have felt her presence as his hand was waiting for her before it could settle against his skin. His fingers began to draw random patterns on the back of her hand as he kept his eyes closed. When his fingers trailed over her rings his hand settled over her hand, moving it up so that it rested over his heart.
"You and Lily had a lot to talk about," she whispered softly.
"I have a lot of issues to settle," he stated very matter of fact.
"You seem to be better today," she observed as his finger entwined with hers.
His eyes opened leisurely as he turned to look into her eyes. "I feel better today. Better than I've felt in years, actually. Today I was actually able to think about my father without the repugnance and loathing that is usually associated with my memories of him."
Blair smiled warmly as she began to caress his chest softly as she studied his eyes. He looked exhausted. It was as if the weight that he had carried around with him for so many years had finally caught up with him.
"I'm going to let you relax," she announced as she began to rise from her perch. Chuck quickly grasped her hand to keep her close.
"Stay," he requested as he brought her hand to his lips, "I need you near me."
She nodded as she sat back down leaning over the tub a little further so that her head was resting against his shoulder. Her hand found it's way back to his chest to settled over his heart. A relaxed sigh escaped from Chuck's lips as his eyes closed and he fell into a blissful sleep, something that had eluded him the evening prior.
Blair let him sleep for twenty minutes before she pulled the plug on his bathwater and allowed it to drain. The chill against his skin as his bare skin made contact with the air raised goose bumps all over his body. Blair reached for a towel and began to dry him off as he awoke fully.
"You were shriveling up," she spoke softly as she helped him out of the tub, "You should get to bed. You look exhausted."
"I feel exhausted," he admitted as he leaned against her, needing her support to get to their bed. His limbs felt heavy as if there were cement boulders attached to them. Blair struggled to support his weight, but was determined to get him to bed. He fell against the mattress and was asleep instantly. Blair kissed his forehead as she pulled the comforter over his body. He rolled towards her side of the bed and reached out his arm towards where she was usually laying.
"I'll join you in a few minutes," she whispered into Chuck's ear so that he wouldn't continue to search for her in his sleep. She knew it would result in him waking up, and he obviously needed his sleep. He responded by stilling his movements. Once she was sure he was settled she turned towards their closet to pick out a negligee to wear to bed. She checked on Charlotte before she climbed into bed. She snuggled into him as his arm wrapped around her waist pulling her tight against him.
She struggled to get to sleep. She suddenly realized that today had been the first day since they had been able to make love since Charlotte was born that they hadn't. She craved his touch, needed him as she always did. She had to settle for the feel of him against her as she closed her eyes and will herself to sleep.
Minutes turned into hours, and still sleep refused to find Blair.
"Are you awake?" Chuck's voice startled her as he whispered softly against her ear. His voice was hesitant as if he hadn't expected her to respond until she jumped slightly in his arms
"Yes," she sighed, "I haven't been able to get to sleep. I hope I didn't wake you."
"You didn't," he assured her as he kissed the sensitive spot just below her earlobe, "My need for you did. We haven't had our daily workout. My tired mind can fool my body for a little while into thinking that I need sleep more than you, but my body will always win out in the end."
"Thank god," she gasped as she rolled over so that she was face to face with him. Her lips found his as if there was some sort of gravitational pull sucking her in. He hummed with pleasure against her as his arms snared around his waist as he brought her against him fully. One of her legs wrapped around him as she pulled him closer. His hands roamed to the hem of her nightgown sliding it up her body slightly as his hands skimmed her hips to find she was sans the complimentary panties that she usually wore the that particular garment. "Chuck, you know I enjoy foreplay as much as the next woman, but I really cannot take waiting any longer. Please fill me."
"As you wish," he grinned as he happily complied, shifted her ever so slightly so that he could slid in effortlessly. She hadn't been kidding when she implied that she was ready for him. He tried to stifle his groan, but her warmth was too much.
"We almost went a day without making love," she gasped as he moved within her, "I'm not ready for that yet. We went three months without each other. We need to make up for lost time."
"I completely agree," he grunted.
Blair groaned as her release caught her by surprise.
"Shhh," he chuckled as his lips crashed against her as he tried to swallow her cries so that she wouldn't wake Charlotte as she convulsed around him, "We have an infant in the room." His orgasm brought his own cry of release to which Blair repeated his words with amusement.
"Do you ever feel weird about making love with Charlotte so near?" Blair inquired as they held each other tight. They were panting as they tried to catch their breath.
"Never," he shook his head before he settled it against her chest where he could hear the wild beating of her heart. "Making love to you is anything but weird, no matter the proximity of our child. As I've told you, Charlotte will know that her parents love each other and that they make love each day."
"Do you worry about setting a bad example?" Blair inquired.
"How could making love to my wife set a bad example?" he asked as his face scrunched up in confusion.
"We make love with wild abandon sometimes several times a day. Is that the example we want to set for Charlotte? That sex is the most important thing in our lives?" she inquired.
"Sex isn't the most important thing in our lives," he replied as he brushed hair away from her shoulder, "You and Charlotte are the most important thing in my life. Making love to you is just an expression of my love for you, just as cuddling, tickling and hugging Charlotte is my way of expressing my love for her."
"What about when Charlotte enters her teenage years and starts to think about becoming sexually active? How are we going to handle that?" Blair inquired.
"First off, we have a few years before we have to think about that," Chuck responded, "And then we'll start locking her in her room."
"I'm trying to be serious here," Blair glared at him.
"I know," he sighed, "And we'll explain to Charlotte about the mistakes that we made in our experiences. Sex to me was just an act. It felt good, but there was no emotion behind it for me. The more I had it, the more numb I became inside. It wasn't until you that I understood the connection that being with someone in that way could bring. I came to life that night. I can only hope that when Charlotte decides to have sex, or hopefully make love for the first time, that she does it for the right reasons."
"I wish we had waited," Blair confessed. Chuck merely nodded as if had expected her to feel that way. "And I don't want you to misunderstand me," Blair added quickly, "I am happy that you were my first lover, but I wish that we had taken the time to explore our relationship, so that when we did come together that first time that the emotions would have been there as well. Perhaps if we had done that, you would have been my only lover."
"And a limo isn't exactly the most romantic place for a person's first time," he added.
"Oh, it always would have happened in the limo," Blair groaned, "That was the perfect place for our first time."
"Do you regret your other relationships?" he inquired. This was a new thought for him. Of course he had regretted his encounters, but it had never occurred to him that she would have regrets.
"I don't regret most my relationship with Nate," she replied, "But Marcus and especially Baizen were mistakes. I knew that even back then. I was forcing my feelings for Marcus in hopes that he would share his title with me. It was ignorant and vain. Carter was just a part of my downward spiral after I was rejected by Yale."
"What do you mean that you don't regret most of your relationship with Nate?" he inquired. He could overlook her other two relationships. They weren't important, but Nate was important to her. He was her first love. He had something of Blair's that Chuck could never have and it still bothered him slightly.
"For a first boyfriend, Nate was a perfect choice. He was safe. I regret how long it lasted. We should have broken up a year or two before we did. We tried to force our feelings for the sake of our families, and that led to a lot of bad decisions on both of our parts," she explained, "Nate and I were not meant to have a future together. He wasn't exciting enough, dangerous enough, sexual enough. Even when we tried to make our relationship work the second time, I was forcing it. I believe Nate's feelings were genuine."
"They were," he confirmed.
"Mine weren't," she admitted, "I was still smarting from the Yale rejection. You and I had no relationship. Nate was there when I needed him."
"For the record, I came to see you that night after that family soiree of Nathaniel's. I wanted to be there for you, but Nate was there instead," he looked away.
"Had I known, I would have sent you away," she replied, "You had just rejected me. I was angry with you."
"I didn't reject you," he scoffed, "I was trying to get you to see that you were doing was not going to help. I had just gone through my own downward spiral. I wasn't going to stand by and watch you go through yours. I loved you too much for that."
"I know that now," she nodded as she kissed him, "But then it hurt. My life was falling apart. I needed you. I needed the one thing that made me feel alive and you rejected me."
"I'm sorry," he apologized sincerely.
"Don't ever do that again," she warned him, "Don't ever reject me."
"Never," he assured her as he wiped a stray tear off her cheek. "I love you so much. I need you so much. My life without you would . . . I wouldn't have a life without you. You and Charlotte are my life."
Tears trickled down Blair's cheeks as he spoke. He stopped speaking and kissed away her tears. He would spend the rest of his life drying her tears if necessary.
TBC. . .