Always & Forever

Gravity

"Leah, don't do this, please..." he begged, distress evident in his voice, "Come back to the pack...I-I don't think I can bear it without you."

"What?!" I asked him increduously, "You wanted me to leave!"

"No, I never wanted you to leave-"

"Oh cut the shit Sam! You never wanted me in the pack in the first place! I was an inconvinence to everyone, so I just thought I would make it easier."

"No, Lee-Lee. I want you there! It was hard enough today, not being able to hear your thoughts, or feel you there in my mind...It was so hard without knowing you weren't with me. The disconnection is...it's too much Leah. I can't handle it." he explained to me, his words rolling out of his mouth with urgency.

He returned his gaze to mine, his familiar dark-brown eyes reflecting the hurt he felt.

I was astonished to think that he was actually upset over the fact that I left the pack...I couldn't fathom it.

"Come back, please Leah, I'm begging you. Come back for me. I need to be with you."

I sucked in a short breath at his words and did not release it again. I never thought this would ever happen. I was so sure Sam didn't want anything to do with me anymore, but his words changed everything.

"You-need?" I barely wispered.

"Leah, I-I still love you."

I gasped when those words escaped his lips, and felt my chest tighten. My heartbeat thudded rapidly in my chest, and my stomach was overcome with a rushing feeling. Those words clawed at my heart, and I was hoping with everything in me that they were true. I hoped that this would be the moment I had been waiting for, for two long years.

"I still want to be with you."

I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted to hear him say that.

I had always hoped that he still held feelings for me, dispite the imprint. It was always so hard to read how a really felt about me, he kept those thoughts locked up tightly in a vault hidden in his mind.

It was my ultimate fantacy for him to confess his love to me, and we would be together again, like we were supossed to be. And I would be happy again. Our love was like gravity, we would always fall back to each other.

I closed my eyes, tears of joy falling from them as I did.

I heard Sam sigh almost blissfully and then felt his arms contract around me. When he just touched me for a little while, all my strength seemed to dissapear, and I felt myself melting into his embrace. I lost myself in the moment, feeling the happiest I've felt in a long time. I forgot everything around me, and my entire world in that instant, revolved around Sam.

His hot breath, his strong arms supporting me, his scent, the way his skin felt...

"Always and forever Lee-Lee." his husky voice filled my ear.

My eyes snapped open in response to his familiar promise, and my heart contracted painfully. It was as if it triggered something inside me that had been concealed until that very moment. A strange feeling crept over me, and I suddenly felt very uncomfurtable in his arms. It felt, wrong, just all wrong.

As this feeling consumed all my previous emotions, my breathing began to get heavier, and my mind was disturbingly clear. Clearer than it had been for a year. The feeling frightened me, and confusion settled in. Why was I acting like this?

My arms moved as if they we not my own, and suddenly pushed Sam roughly away from me.

His face was struck with confusion.

"Whats wrong?"

I stared at him, not knowing the answer yet myself. I couldn't bring myself to do anything but look at him, having no idea what the expression on my face revealed.

"Can't to this Sam." I burted out suddenly.

I was in shock, it was like my subconcious was in control of my body now, and I couldn't understand it.

"What?" he asked, somewhat deperately.

I tried to process my own actions and emotions, trying to make sense of what was happening to me. As I dug deeper, it clicked in my head abruptly.

This was all wrong.

He loved her. He promised always and forever to her.

I couldn't bring myself to do it her, the same thing that had happened to me. I wouldn't let Sam ruin it again, I wouldn't let him break another heart. I wouldn't let him choose me over her.

As my emotions slowly started to make sense to me, I had an epiphany.

"Sam, it was so hard to see...you-you fall in love with someone other than...than me. It hurt me so much to try and- and accept, that you weren't mine anymore. I didn't know who I was without you." The tears fell faster now, "I tryied, I tryied so hard to let you go. But...but I just couldn't find it in me...to just...give up. I just couldn't let you go. And even after all this time,-I havent been able to."

I paused, wiping away my tears with quick and trembleing fingers.

"But I just realized that you've had apart of it too. After all these years, everyone-I had been thinking that its been me-me with the trouble, me fighting against the imprint between you and--Emily. I though that I was the only one who still felt the love we used to share...I thought I was the only one who couldn't let go..."

I forced myself to meet his eyes, reminding myself that I had to do this, that it was for the best...for both of us.

"Its been you, too Sam. You haven't been able to let me go either."

Sam's body twitched slightly, almost as if he felt uncomfurtable under the wieght of my words.

After a moment, he stepped twards me, his arms reaching out to me. My arm weakly raised up in response, my plam held outward to him. My hand touched his hardened chest, and served as gentle barrier to keep him from coming any closer to me.

"Leah, I do lo-"

"No." I said, my voice firm, "Don't, Sam. Please don't." My voice quivered again, "It already hard enough--I can't--I can't hear it anymore."

I shook my head slowly, squeezing my eyes shut in an effort to keep the tears at bay. It was a vain attepmt, for most of them escaped though the corners of my eyes, refusing to be hid behind my lids.

There I stood, torn between love and pain.

I heard him let out and unsteady breath, and open his mouth to say something. I lifted up my seemingly heavy head to face him, to look into his eyes. His pair of dark brown eyes were tear-filled, the distress in them were unbearable. They begged me for forgiveness, pleading me to love him again.

I swallowed hard, in effort to rid the throbbing lump in my throat.

He reached his hand out slowly to my face again, his fingers tenderly brushing my face. I slightly moved my face just out of his reach, even though as I did I felt my body screaming at me to let him touch me. He winced visibly at my action, his hand dropping away from me as if it had lost all life. The tears welled up in his eyes spilled over then.

Never taking my eyes off him, I took two steps backward, my legs felt somehow detached from my body, as if they were not my own. I stood there, perfectly still, staring back at his expression that was twisted in misery and guilt.

"Let me go, Sam." I whispered.

"It's time we both faced that we can't keep doing this. We can't hold on to something that ended a long time ago. We're done, we have been...done. You're meant to be with Emily, the imprint prooves that. No matter how much I still love you and no matter how you still feel about me, she's you're destiny. I'm not. We were never ment to be." Every word that came out of my mouth seemed to cut another hole into my heart.

"We can't keep hurting everyone around us--we can't keep hurting ourselves with this." I managed to stammer out, my voice cracking with emotion and tears again.

He shook his head from side to side slowly, his mouth forming the word, 'no' over and over again.

"You know I'm right. We have to move on." I pressed further, each word still cutting into me, "Let me go."

His eyes swept up to meet mine again.

"Please, Sam, please. Let me go so I can have a chance to let you go..."

My throat closed up then, unable to continue. It hurt too much. No matter how we still felt about each other after all this time, we had to end it. We were loosing ourselves in this mess.

I wanted the old Leah back. I didn't want to be unhappy anymore, I didn't want to feel the constant twinge of pain in my chest anymore. I didn't want to fall back into his gravity.

I loved him enough to let him go. I had to.

But still, amoung all my emotions, I couldn't help but to feel torn. A part of me just wanted to take everything I had said back, tell him I loved him too and stay in his arms forever. The other part of me told me I was doing the right thing, and that this way would be better for everyone involved.

I hoped it was right.

He kept his eyes locked onto mine.

"I'm so sorry." he breathed. I nodded, averting my eyes from his to examine the title floor.

"Emily needs you now," I said softly to him, keeping my eyes from his.

"I know."

I lifted my head suddenly, my eyes latching onto his once more.

"Love her like you loved me."

He nodded, a small, hesitant smile dawning on his face.

"I promise."

He knew as well as I did that I was, in my own way, giving him forgiveness. The forgiveness he had been waiting for for years.

I tried to smile back at him through closed lips, but my attempt was in vain. A sad smile responded to mine. He took two slow steps torward to me, this time without my protest.

Holding my head steady in his gentle hand, he placed his lips to my forhead.

"Thank you Leah." his husky voice murmured through his lips that lingered on my skin.

I closed my eyes, knowing that this was the last moment Sam and I would ever share together. This was our final good-bye. I savored it, etching it into my memory forever. In that instant, all that remained were bitter-sweet emotions that were quickly meeting their end.

When I opened my eyes again, he was gone.

The kiss he left on my forhead burned.

I fell to my knees crying.