Howdy!

Sorry, but I'm going to have a quick author's rant before chapter four. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I feel like saying it anyways. The last chapters and this one seem kind of uber depressing to me at some parts. This chapter deals with alcohol and drug abuse. I also implied a very sensitive subject at one point, thought I didn't go very much into it. If you think I'm doing overkill with the depressing material, please just bear with me. I started writing this fanfiction when I was really upset about something, so that went in to a lot of Namine's thoughts. I promise that this is a romance fan fic though, and it will become lighter and less depressing, as the story continues on. Right now though I feel like it's a little too soon for Namine however to be completley over with what happened with Riku (which I will go into later). I also wanted this chapter to focus on Axel and Namine's ups and downs as friends. Okay, rant over with. And thx to those who didn't skip the large amount of text that isn't part of the story :)

Thx to everyone who reviewed as well as the people who just read. Means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

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"This is your one chance. Hell if you'll waste it. I can't let it happen. I love you too much."- Josephine Collective

xXx

It's all piling up. Building and building. 'Till at last it reaches its breaking point.

Problem after problem. All major by themselves. Disastrous when combined.

Stress from school. Pressure from parents. Fights with friends.

Broken promises. Stepped on hearts.

All normal parts of life. But they sting all the same.

More than sting. They throb until you can't take it any longer.

But just when you think you're about to explode, the clouds clear a bit.

Or at least you believe they have. You reach out, trying to clasp the sunlight in your hands. And just when you think everything will be okay the clouds reform. The light gone.

As it slips through your fingers you cry out in pain.

'Cause more than anything you need that little shed of light in a world filled of darkness.

A world full of broken promises and stepped on hearts.

The world of reality.

'Cause anything else would just be a fairytale.

xXx

Alone. In a room bursting with people.

The band finishes playing the song that makes my heart constrict.

A song about the love for a girl. She's the most beautiful girl, inside and out. The only one for him.

It's a great song. Passionate lyrics and a soft, romantic melody.

Demyx's voice makes the song even better. You can hear his need for her. How much he loves her.

A song that makes anyone listening to it, happy. Happy for the boy and girl so perfect for one another.

Everyone except me, that is.

'Cause I know I'll never be like the girl in the song.

No one sees me like that. Probably because I'm not beautiful; inside or out.

I tug on the sleeves of my white sweatshirt so my hands are covered. Then I reached back and pull the hood over my head.

Not cold. I just want to block it out. The music. The couples. The boy sitting next to me.

Okay, not fair to Roxas. He's been nothing but nice to me nor has he given me false pretenses such as Riku did.

"You okay?"

I look over and nod. "Just sort of tired."

The same excuse I use when ever someone catches me looking upset. They always believe it too. Just once I sort of wish someone would see through the facade. That someone would understand and demand that I tell them the truth.

The corners of Roxas' mouth twitch down.

"Let's go back up to my room," he says, getting up. Reaching down he pulls me to my feet.

"Okay," I mumble. I'm grateful for leaving behind the couples and the music, but the thought of being alone with Roxas doesn't make this empty feeling inside of me go away.

"You sure you're okay?" he repeats as we climb the stairs to the top level.

"Yup."

Again he frowns, but doesn't say anything.

Roxas opens the door to his room halfway and lets out a loud swear word.

"What?" I ask, trying to see over his shoulder. Roxas pulls the door closer to him, further blocking my view.

"Get out," he says calmly.

A high-pitched giggle comes from inside the room.

"Find your own room, buddy," responds a noticeably drunk voice.

A voice that I recognize all too well.

"Get out," Roxas repeats, this time no longer calm. Furious sounding.

"Make us," laughs the perky female voice.

The one belonging to Kairi. Meaning that's Riku's in there with her.

Roxas sighs angrily and runs his fingers through his hair.

"Get out." This time he growls the words.

"What a party pooper." Another giggle.

Roxas opens the door completely and steps back.

Kairi steps out into the hall, her hair a mess. Her eyes grow wide as she spots me, standing behind Roxas.

Lips curling into a sneer, she says, "Wow, never would have expected to see you here. Isn't it past your bedtime?"

She giggles, almost as if she just says the wittiest thing ever. Being drunk does that to people.

"Come on, Riku," Kairi calls out.

"Hold on, I'm trying to find my shirt amongst all this shit," he yells back.

Roxas cringes, shooting a sympathetic look towards me. But I barely even notice.

'Cause it's obvious what they were doing. And despite not wanting to imagine it, my mind won't stop forming that mental picture.

His lips on hers as she runs her neatly pink polished fingers up his tan, strong back.

He strokes her hair, leaning down, till she's lying on the bed with him on top of her.

"Oh, hey, Naminé," says a drawling, drunken voice.

The images vanish. I focus on Riku as he walks out of Roxas' room.

"Hi," I reply weakly.

Riku wraps his arm around Kairi's waist. The two of them stagger down the hall, laughing loudly the entire way.

I watch until they disappear down the stairs and out of sight.

"Come on, Naminé," Roxas says gently.

He takes me hand and leads me back into his room. But instead of directing me to the bed, he pulls out the chair from his desk so it's now in the middle of the room and gestures for me to sit.

I do so. He then begins to strip the blankets and sheets off of his bed.

"Stupid, bastard," he mutters angrily as he balls up his comforter and throws it to the floor.

The picture of the two of them forms once again in my mind. I shake my head as if it would rid my mind of the scene of them together. It doesn't

"Were they…?" I trail off, not sure if I even want to know the answer.

"No," he answers. "They were only making out. But they probably would have if we hadn't interrupted. Sorry," he adds, seeing my face.

I nod, not really hearing him. This numb feeling is spreading through out my body. A defense mechanism. The same feeling I got when Riku told me "no" that one night where everything changed.

That feeling you get when you can't believe what just occurred. That it had been just a figment of your imagination, not reality. You know you've reached a turning point, and nothing will ever be the same again.

"You're positive you're okay?" he repeats.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be? It's no big deal. Just a shock, that's all."

A lie. But I must have said it convincingly because Roxas doesn't ask again.

It's almost humorous how good of an actress I am.

Roxas, Riku, my parents. They all believe me when I tell them I'm fine when I'm not.

Only Axel can tell when I'm lying.

Maybe that's because he's a good actor too. Better than me, even.

Good enough to make believe he had quit his vices.

"Man, I hate that guy." Roxas sits down on his bare bed.

That surprises me. "Why? You barely know him."

"He's one of my brother's buddies. I've met him while I was visiting before. He's just a dick. Even though he's our age he treated me like a little kid. Guess the fact that he was friends with my big shot brother made him think he was The Shit."

His face darkened for a second as he glanced down at the floor, but by the time he looked back at me it had returned to normal.

"At first when I saw you drawing his picture I didn't recognize him, but then I realized who he was and remembered that he was a huge asshole." He grinned sheepishly at me and ran his fingers through his hair once again. "To be honest I was really shocked that someone like you was friends with him. I was kinda disappointed actually."

Oh. So that's why he looked disappointed when he saw the drawing. He had asked if Riku was my boyfriend. I had taken his expression as him liking me and was sad I was already taken. But I guess that's not the case. He didn't like me or anything it's just that he hates Riku.

Not understanding why, but knowing the truth makes me sad. Is it 'cause I'm falling for Roxas?

No, that can't be it. It's because he told me Riku's a jerk and that contradicts with what I think of him. And I want to hold tight to my belief that Riku is a really great guy. I don't want to loose that thought 'cause that would mean…

"You kind of lost points for being friends with him. But I realized that I was being stupid, 'cause you're nothing like him," Roxas says, interrupting my thoughts.

"How so?"

Roxas got up from the bed and quickly walked over to his overflowing bookshelf. But before he turned his back on me I fleetingly saw the flush that had crept up onto his cheeks.

"You're really nice," he says, taking a book out. "Hey, have you ever read this?"

He faces me again and holds up the book.

Shaking me head I told him, "I don't read much."

"Oh, yeah."

"Yup," I reply, looking down at the floor.

An awkward silence follows Roxas's attempt at starting a different conversation.

More than anything I want to be curled up in my warm bed, listening to music as I fall asleep. But even if I could leave the party I know I wouldn't be able to sleep soundly. 'Cause the minute I get away from the eyes of Roxas, people at the party, and my parents, I know I'll start crying.

I just can't get over him. No matter how hard I try to forget him and move on. But my brain keeps replaying scenes from before that night. Scenes when we were friends and I loved being around him. Memories of the most random things he had said that made me laugh keep bouncing inside my head. I can hear his voice perfectly. Can remember exactly what I was doing and exactly how I felt.

Happy. More than happy. Rapturous.

'Cause all my life I have wanted just for the right person to notice me. He had been so perfect. I was so positive it was going to finally happen. Finally someone would fall asleep thinking about me for a change. Someone wanted to be with me.

I thought I would have someone to hold hands with and watch movies cuddled up on the couch together. Someone to eat ice cream with while sitting outside during warm summer nights. Someone to give me their jacket to wear when I got cold.

Someone that I made as happy as they made me.

"You really like him, don't you?"

I almost had forgotten that Roxas was there.

Looking away from the floor and to him, I see that he's watching me. His beautiful sapphire eyes meet mine and I nod.

"Is it that obvious?" I ask, looking down at my hands as I fiddle with the cuffs of my sweatshirt.

"Well, earlier you did say he was your dream guy," he replies.

Oh yeah. I'd forgotten about me breaking down in tears in front of him, letting my crush of Riku slip.

"Yeah, well when I pictured my dream guy he definitely wasn't having sex with Kairi," I reply bitterly.

"I would think not," Roxas says, causing me to look up at him and laugh. But there's no humor in it. It sounds hollow, or at least it does to me. Wonder if Roxas noticed it.

"It just took me by surprise, that's all. Seeing him with Kairi. I'm almost over him."

Roxas stares at me, probably trying to determine whether he believes me or not. If it's the latter it doesn't show on his face.

"Soooo," he says, a few moments later, obviously trying to once again change the subject, "What do you want to do? Or do you have to be home? I could give you a ride."

"Nah. Besides I'm gonna have to find Axel to drive him home. He's probably stoned out of his mind and I'll never forgive myself if I let him get behind the wheel," I reply.

"You mentioned he got into trouble last year. What happened?"

His question lingered in the air as I tried to find the right words to explain. My silence must have been misunderstood because Roxas's cheeks go pink, his expression abashed.

"Didn't mean to pry. Sorry."

"No, it's okay. I'm just trying to figure out what to say," I assure him. "Axel's been smoking since like the age of fourteen. At first it was just cigarettes, but then sophomore year one of his buddies introduced him to weed." There's venom in my voice on the last words, but I carry on, refraining from expressing my opinion on Axel's moronic smoking friends.

"Axel's grades went to complete crap. He was broke and cranky all the time. Then he started drinking alcohol more often. It used to be only a beer when he was with friends, but after a while one beer turned into about four. He'd come over to my house pissed-drunk at like midnight, too afraid to go back to his house. And I stupidly covered for him. Oh god, I was so dumb." I sighed wearily.

"Naminé, it's okay. You cared about him. You didn't want him to get into trouble," Roxas tells me in a calming, sympathetic voice.

"No, that wasn't it. I just thought he'd get over it. Like one of those rebellious streaks teens go through to deal with stress. I thought he'd return to normal, cheery Axel. I never really understood how big the problem was. Just kept ignoring it. Kept helping him hide it from his parents. He'd call me all the time on school nights, stammering for him to pick him up from wherever the heck he was. Sometimes he'd be drunk, other times high, barely making sense."

"I'm sorry. That must have been hard for you," Roxas replies, clearly clueless on anything else to say.

"Yeah. Whenever it was just us hanging out on weekends he'd pretend those school nights never happened. When it was just us, it was like it always had been. He was actually pretty good at keeping the drugs and alcohol separate from us. I only had to deal with his other side when he called begging for help on those school nights. Then afterwards we'd just forget and return to normal. That's why I fooled myself in believing it wasn't so serious. If he could be Axel when it was the two of us so easily, then I figured he could quit whenever he wanted to."

"How long did this go on for?" Roxas asks, once I've fallen silent.

"A couple months, during the middle of sophomore year. But then everything started to snowball. We hung out less and less. He started hanging out with his other friends more and more, leaving me to eat lunch by myself. Less time hanging out with each other on weekends, more times picking him up drunk on school nights. One night was especially bad. I was so terrified when I picked him up." I shuddered, remembering that cold, night.

"Did he hurt you?" Roxas asks apprehensively.

"No. Axel's not an angry drunk. He gets really depressed. And that night he was rambling on and on about he's so sick of living the way he does. And how he wished things would end. Oh, god." I had to stop talking about it. I could feel the tears building up.

"Naminé," Roxas replies, gently. That's it. Just my name. But in that one word I knew what he meant.

"That was the final straw. I finally told his parents as well as mine. They were starting to get worried why I was always leaving late at night and why Axel was spending so much time sleeping in our guest room. At first he was mad at me. His parents grounded him and he wasn't allowed to hang out with his other friends any more. It wasn't until I told him how much the whole deal was tearing me up inside and how I had cried so many times, that he realized I had done the right thing. He knew all along what he was doing was destroying both him and our friendship, but he just couldn't find a way to stop. So he tried his hardest to stop."

"But, he didn't completely?"

"He stopped smoking cigarettes, and now only drinks beer occasionally and only one beer at a time. Got his grades up. Went back to hanging out with just me and his techie friends which he also had blown off during the fiasco. He went back to being happy, sarcastic Axel again. We don't ever talk about his downward spiral. He wasn't Axel then. We're back to where we were before sophomore year. He's my best friend." I paused, the scene from earlier replaying in my mind. "Well, at least I thought we were okay again."

"Naminé, he just made a really stupid mistake. People relapse. It's impossible for anyone to quit cold turkey. He's still your best friend, and I bet every book I own that he's beating himself up about it now, 'cause he knows he's hurt you," he responds.

"You're probably right. It's just that-."

"What?"

The tenderness in his voice made me forget what I was about to say. My eyes locked on to his beautiful ones, so full of compassion and empathy. In that instant I realized that even if I didn't like Roxas in the way I did with Riku, he was someone to rely on. Someone I knew would become one of my best friends. I can't believe I just meet this guy and I feel so strongly about him. But something in my gut assures me that we'll be spending a lot of time together in the future.

"Naminé?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Axel always tells me that those who make you cry don't matter, and those who matter won't make you cry. And because I always shoved the disastrous sophomore year to the back of my mind and pretended it never happened, I always thought that Axel mattered the most out of everyone cause' besides what happened, he's never hurt me any other time. But the truth is I shouldn't forget what happened. Nor can I forget the tears I did shed over him during that time. He'll just keep breaking his promises. And I can't go through seeing my best friend slowly kill himself over again. It'll destroy me."

That sounds selfish, but it's the truth. I just can't see him like that again. I love him more than anything in the world. He's always been there for me, even when my own parents weren't. And...

"Naminé," Roxas says as he comes over to me and kneels on the ground. "No offense, but you're wrong."

"What?" I watch him as he nervously runs his fingers through his blonde hair.

"You're moving backwards instead of forwards. You want to pull away from him because you fear getting hurt. But he needs you. You still hurt from everything that's happened with Riku. It's impeding your judgment. 'Cause I know that you know that the right thing for you to do is to help Axel. Not keep your distance. Don't use his own words against him either. Yes, jerks like Riku aren't worth your tears. But I can tell by the way you talk about Axel and how much his mistakes hurt you, that you love him. Trust me, that guy matters to you. I know he does. You told me earlier that Axel wasn't acting like himself when he was high and drunk. So it wasn't Axel that made you cry. That's not who he is. You weren't being stupid when you helped him, but you are now. Don't give up on him. You'll regret it. Because you're a really great girl."

Wow. Oh god, Roxas is so right. Here I was going on about how I can't deal with Axel starting his old habits again, when I should be thinking of ways to help him. He needs me. Just like I've needed him over all these years.

As is sit here letting Roxas' words sink in, Roxas stares the floor. I watch him, wanting nothing more to hug him.

"Thank you," I say.

He looks up to meet my eyes. Relief is evident on his face.

"I'm sorry. I don't really talk a lot, but for some reason you really get me going. And it's like I can't stop," he replies.

"It's okay. Everything you told me was true. I needed to hear it. Or else I would have done something stupid."

He gives me a smile, before standing up. "You wouldn't have. I think what happened earlier with Riku was still upsetting you. You weren't thinking straight."

"Seriously, the thing with Riku was nothing. I'm not upset," I lie.

Roxas smiles again, except this time it doesn't reach his eyes. He sticks his hands in his pockets, and rocks back on his heels.

"Do you want to go listen to the band again? Or stay up here?"

I think back to those happy couples holding on to each other and mentally grimace. So do not want to be there.

"I actually think I should find Axel and drive us both home," I reply, after a minute.

"Okay. I'll help you find him."

I get up from the chair and head into the hallway, Roxas following after me. We gingerly travel down the now occupied stairs. Guess those couples must have gotten bored with the band.

"Would he be in the basement?" Roxas asks, nearly falling over his brother and some poor drunken girl. Sora's hand is dangerously getting closer to underneath her skirt. I notice that Roxas doesn't even acknowledge his brother's presence.

"Let's check the balcony first," I answer, jumping the last step and onto the floor.

We go out onto the balcony that stretches the entire length of the house.

"It's gonna take a while to find him," Roxas states.

Either the band started to suck, or people just got bored, because there are quite a lot of people out here.

As we continue on I spot Olette and Hayner all cuddled up on the swing-chair Axel and I had sat earlier. Wonder where Pence is.

But I find out in a few seconds when I see him talking to some girl, clearly looking nervous.

It isn't till we're at the halfway point when I spot a mass of the brightest, red hair I've ever seen.

"Found him," I say, pointing to where he's sitting.

"Good. This is where I leave you," Roxas tells me.

"Wait-what?"

"I think you need to talk to him without me standing there," he answers, sounding like it was way obvious. Which it was, but still.

"Yeah. Thanks so much for your help."

"No problem. See you Monday, Sandy."

For a second he looks as if he's gonna hug me, but all he does is give a little wave and then turn around. I watch him go, once again feeling disappointed that Roxas didn't do something I wanted him to.

Wait. Did I just say want? No, I meant… screw it. I'll obsess over this later. Need to talk to Axel.

As I get closer I see he's staring at the floor, bottle of beer in his clutch.

Looking up he sees me, and immediately jumps to his feet. "Naminé! Please, let me explain," he pleads.

"Okay," I reply calmly.

"It's not what you think. I wasn't going to smoke it," he tells me. His usually bright, laughter-filled eyes are melancholic. Desperate for me to believe him.

"I promised you that I was finished smoking weed. I didn't break that promise. I swear I was just chilling with those guys. They kept offering me the joint, but I kept refusing. I finally took it just to shut them up," he explains.

"Axel, you had to know they'd be smoking. Why did you go there in the first place?"

Axel looks down at the ground, ashamed.

"'Cause I wanted to be around it. Unlike you, I enjoy the scent. More than just enjoy. It's intoxicating. I'm sorry Naminé, you had been gone for a while and I had smelt it, so I decided to follow it."

When I don't say anything, he looks up. "I'm sorry," he repeats.

I sigh, knowing he truly means it.

"You do know you can get high, just by the fumes, right?" I say lightly, letting him know I'm not angry with him.

He nods, his normal grin spreading across his face.

"And since you've been drinking, that means I get to drive your truck."

"Fine."

"And, Axel-"

"Yeah."

"You need to promise me that you'll do your best not to go back to smoking. Cigarettes or pot. Just stay away from any of it. If you need any help at all, ask me. I'll do anything for you. I love you," I tell him.

Axel drops the beer bottle to the ground, where thankfully it doesn't smash. Then he encloses me in his arms, squeezing me so tightly I can barley breath. Which I guess is a good thing, 'cause he positively reeks.

"Love you too, Naminé."

He lets go and slings his arm around my shoulder. Together we stroll the balcony, back to the house.

"You know there is one thing you could do for me," Axel says, after a while.

"I'm not dressing up and going to the Rocky Horror Picture show with you again. One time was enough."

Axel chuckles and pulls me closer to him, kissing the top of my head. "Nah, though I will make you go on Halloween. After we've gone trick-or-treating of course."

I roll my eyes, not even bothering to begin my usual "we're too old for that" argument.

"Then what do you wish for me to do?"

"Monday, you're going to ask Roxas to sit with us at lunch," he says firmly, so I know there's no auguring with him on the subject.

But truth be told, I'm perfectly okay with asking Roxas to sit with us.

In fact, I'm looking forward to it very much.

xXx

"Then you'll see. It's like rain on a beautiful day. All the clouds go away. And we're just singing and playing and alright. Then you'll know no matter where the wind blows us, we've always got each other."

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So what did you think? Love it? Hate it? Tell me your thoughts. I promise critism with not upset me. It'll let me know what I can do to become a better writer.

This chapter took forever to write. Mostly because the original one extremely differed from this one around the middle of the chapter. I went back and changed it because I felt like the characters were out of character and it wasn't realistic at all.

Probably no one recognized the song or the band. Josephine Collective isn't very popular. I personally love them. Honestly, they are quite an emo band with some screaming. If that's your style of music, I recommend checking them out. They are awesome!

I also used a song from Mayday parade like a couple chapters back. They're a lot less emo and more popular. I love them. Their lyrics and singer's voices are incredible. So check them out!

I haven't heard a lot of Sugarcult, but the songs I do known are the type that you play over and over again, 'cause you love them so much. Pretty Girl was another big inspiration for this story.

Sorry, for the music info. I'm always looking for new bands to listen to and thought you guys might be as well.

Have a good rest of the summer! I don't want to go back to school! :(