Perry was scaling the walls of the Danville community centre using the agency's suction cups (in other words, Monogram's old toilet plungers).

Doofenshmirtz entered the building with a spring in his step probably due to the masochism tango playing on the 3rd floor.

"Well the first resolution might not have worked out, but this ones gonna be different."

He did turn at a nearby popping sound but shrugged and Perry let out a sigh of relief.

The instructor greeted him with the helpful smile and a shake of the hand but Doofenshmirtz didn't really respond, he didn't have good people skills.

"Hi and welcome to tango lessons" he peered over Heinz's shoulder "do you have your partner with you or...?"

Doofenshmirtz looked down sheepishly "w-well my partner couldn't make it...in fact my partner doesn't even know I'm doing this!"

the instructor gave him a hard pat on the back grinning "ha-ha! Good man! The old secret romantic I see" Doofenshmirtz wasn't too sure why everyone he met with these things were so enthusiastic. he just nodded lightly blushing.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen lets pick your partners!"

Doofenshmirtz stood with the rest of the guys looking at the women in front of him. He was now beginning to regret this resolution too. All the women in front of him couldn't be younger than 60 and one of them couldn't have been less than 60 stone!

He pulled his collar "holy gimmle sh-"

"Ok we have the perfect partner for you. Her name is Katie." he brought forward a dumpy woman who looked like she had rolled her curls in sausages (smelt like it too)

Doofenshmirtz swallowed down his throw up "e-er...maybe i can get someone...shorter?"

"Shorter?"

"Yeah shorter about...yey high?" he pointed around his knee and the instructor crossed his eyes

He glanced over the room of wrinkles and found the shortest woman in the room, she only reached Doofenshmirtz's waist.

"Are you...'sure' Heinz?"

He hesitated feeling the wrinkled fingers entwine with his (much smoother) ones "yes, yes I am..."

Perry couldn't bear to watch his nemesis dance with this little prune, it was like an entirely new brand of evil.

He leapt down from the building feeling nauseous 'm-maybe i should do some research back at his lair...it's safer'

------------

The keys of the DEI PC-inator clicked as the secret agent platypus hacked into his nemesis account (despite the ridiculous word Doofalicious, it still hadn't changed after all these months)

'ok...documents...nothing there part from a few past evil scheme tips and a CV...' he kept looking 'how about internet history..?' he clicked on the link for the past week.

As he scanned down the websites he blocked a certain word for his own good

"How to know your in ****"

"Tips on how to make **** with your special someone"

"Is it ok to be in ****?"

"Evil schemes search engine: ****"

"How to keep your new years resolutions"

Perry closed the browser slowly placing his head on the desk 'dear lord what is this man up to? Is it that old lady at the centre?' he shivered at the thought

He glazed his look up to a bright purple post-it note on the computer scribbled with tiny writing. He plucked it off squinting to read it

'Number one: join a gym, number two: learn how to tango, number 3: learn how to cook for two...'

It took him a full four minutes to get through the whole list seeing 'stop putting self destruct buttons on inators' and 'shorten monologues so not to ramble' which Perry couldn't help smiling at.

But it was the last one scrawled in the corner in large print letters that he would always remember

'Number 327: TELL HIM!'

'What does he mean by that? Tell him what? And who?' questions were revolving round his head like a confused hive of bees. He clicked out of his confused state when he heard the door click open and a humming of the masochism tango from a certain doctor. Perry ducked under the desk with the post-it stuck on his duckbill.