So far I've had to deal with two counselors, my screaming mother, a crying Kate, my livid-beyond-words father, my nervous lawyer, more cops than I've ever seen in my whole life, and even more reporters than I had to deal with after Rick died. Kate's been trying to keep me away from the television, but I know the media is having a field day with this. Toby Isaacs, only friend to Rick the Psycho, facing counts of felony terrorism for a prank gone too far in a furious drug frenzy. Oh, the morbid irony. The stuff of good ratings.
Jail was terrifying, but I was so fucking spun out of my mind that many of the finer points elude me. Dad's lawyer managed to negotiate bail within just a few hours, so for now, at least, I'm home. Home with my stressed and furious family, cops, lawyers, reporters, bull shit, bull shit, bull shit. I'm on hard-core lockdown. No contact with the outside world. No drugs.
It's been two days since I called in the bomb threat. I've been pacing my room, music turned up loud, trying to drown out the nervous chatter of my parents and assorted visitors. The itch is creeping up on me, sobriety clawing at my flesh. Need to get high again. Need to get high again.
But now that I'm sober, I'm starting to see things a little clearer. I'm started to get scared.
It was funny when I thought of it. After I left Emma, after I left the ravine, my friend from Lakehurst called me back. I was so excited to have scored a hit, I cleaned him out. I bought as much as my pockets would allow. And I did all of it as soon as I got home. I got raging, soaring, mind-blowingly twacked. Everything crazy inside of me exploded all at once.
Emma didn't want to go to school, see. Emma didn't want to take her test. So me, tweaking balls, high as a kite, I decided I would give Emma what she wanted. I'd call in a fake bomb threat, and they'd have to cancel school. She'd be so pleased. So impressed. I'd her win her over. I'd make her mine. I could give her what she wanted.
It always comes back to Emma.
Yeah, it seemed like a good idea two days ago. But now reality is glaring at me, and I'm fucking terrified. Not even considering the fact that I'll be owing my parents thousands of dollars in legal fees for the rest of my natural-born life, I'm super-screwed. I'm going to do time. I'm going to have to go to court. I'm going to have to go to jail. I'm going to be on probation. College? Future jobs? A normal life? Compromised. Ruined.
Seven months ago, I never would have seen this coming. I sit here now and I try to put it all together. It's just unreal how quickly it all came tumbling down on me. A party or two became addiction, a stupid prank became a felony. Suddenly, it's not so easy for me to judge and hate Spinner the way I once did. I see now how easy it is to lose control. To watch your actions like you're not even in your own skin, and wake up not realizing who you are or how you got there.