I went with what seems to be the most common pronunciation of t'hy'la - kinda wish we could've heard it on screen just once. Did anyone ever ask Roddenberry how it's meant to be pronounced?
Chapter 3 – Discovery
Spock rushes out of sickbay, attempting to forget what he has just seen. He cannot deal with this right now; there is work to be done-
He almost jumps in shock when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Whirling round, he sees Kirk looking worried.
"Are you okay?" Kirk asks in an undertone.
"I am fine." Spock straightens his uniform. "We should identify the attacker and place him under arrest." He moves off in the direction of the turbolift.
Kirk follows. "Do you know what happened, then?
"Not precisely. The memories leading up to the attack were somewhat fragmented, which, I assume, is from the trauma." Spock thinks, as they enter the turbolift, that with more time he could perhaps have learned exactly what had happened. But he is having a hard enough time with the memories he has already seen, and the idea of another mindmeld with his counterpart is particularly unappealing.
As they wait for the lift to reach the correct floor, Spock concentrates on blocking out the irrelevant memories. Being alone with the captain is really not helping him deal with the unexpected after-effects of the mindmeld, and it doesn't seem to matter how much he tells himself that this is an entirely different reality.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Kirk asks with evident concern, jerking Spock out of his thoughts. "You ran out of sickbay like you'd seen a ghost."
Thankfully, the doors open before Spock has to answer that question. He leads the way to the conference room where the crew of the Archimedes is congregated. He and Kirk enter with several security men; Spock scans the room. He quickly identifies a blond ensign no older than Chekov and points him out to security.
The young man seems willing to come quietly, but the older lieutenant next to him insists on coming with them. Kirk protests for a moment, then shrugs and allows them to stay together. The two men are almost silent on the way to the brig; all Kirk and Spock learn is that their identities are Ensign Russell Saunders and Lieutenant Jack Morris, and that they are cousins. The lieutenant spends the short trip attempting to keep himself between Ensign Saunders and the Enterprise crewmembers. There is no evidence that Morris himself is guilty of any wrongdoing, but the way he is glaring at Kirk has Spock fighting a protective urge to move closer to his captain. It is something of a relief when they reach the brig and can leave the two men under guard.
They leave the security personnel to question Ensign Saunders, and Kirk claps Spock on the shoulder. "Well, this was certainly an eventful day, huh? Chess tonight?" He smiles and for a few seconds all Spock can do is stare, struck by the way the captain's entire face seems to light up. Then he realises what he is doing and actively takes a step backwards, trying to ignore Kirk's slightly hurt expression.
It's at that moment that Uhura appears. She looks from Spock to Kirk and back. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No," Spock says, turning away from Kirk and concentrating on Uhura. "Was there something you wanted?"
"I wondered if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight."
"Of course," Spock says. "My quarters at 19:00?"
She nods, and Spock turns back to Kirk. "Captain, I am afraid I will have to decline your offer of chess."
Kirk's expression is unreadable. "Okay; maybe another time."
Something in his tone makes Spock want to take back his words, and that thought brings a sudden urge to get as far away from the captain as possible. "The mindmeld with my counterpart was more taxing than I had anticipated. If it is acceptable, I would like to meditate for a time."
"Yeah, sure," Kirk says, waving a hand. The odd tone is gone from his voice. "I'll go tell him that we've found the guy."
He heads off towards the turbolift, leaving Spock and Uhura alone.
"Are you feeling okay?" Uhura asks, with a hint of concern.
He allows his expression to soften slightly as he stares at her. "It is nothing serious. I am merely slightly fatigued." He moves off and she follows.
"I hear your counterpart's going to be fine," Uhura offers as they make their way to his quarters.
Spock resists a grimace at the mention of his elder self. "Yes; his apparent resilience bodes well for me." He glances at her and she smiles a little.
"I went to see him," she says lightly, "when I was looking for you." She pauses. "He and the older Kirk are very close, aren't they?"
He notices something in her tone that he cannot identify and frowns. "Vulcans do not engage in casual friendships. For my counterpart to count Kirk as a friend, they would have to be very close." This is the truth. It is also a way of avoiding the question.
He is grateful that Uhura doesn't push the issue, though he sees an odd look cross her face before she changes the subject. "So, what do you think of this other Kirk, then? He doesn't seem much like the captain."
"I have not yet had the chance to form an impression," Spock replies stiffly, wishing she would discuss something else. "However, my counterpart does not resemble myself in many ways. They are from an alternate universe, as well as being a great deal older." He speeds up a little, wanting to get to his quarters and end this conversation as quickly as possible, before the memories that are not his overwhelm him.
Uhura lapses into silence; he wonders if he has hurt her with his abruptness, but he cannot deal with extraneous thoughts at present. Thankfully, they reach his cabin a short time later.
As he turns to her, she lays a hand on his arm. "I'll see you tonight."
Spock nods, reaching out and briefly laying his own hand over hers. Then he enters his quarters and locks the door.
He drops into a sitting position, hoping that meditation will help him deal with the emotions the mindmeld has stirred up; images of his and Kirk's counterparts sharing a bond that went far beyond simple friendship.
Spock is at a loss to explain it. He and Kirk have become friends over the past months, but this? He cannot help wondering if this is the true reason for his elder self's insistence that he stay with the Enterprise.
The most unsettling thing is that part of him longs for a relationship like that - to be so close to someone it were as if they were a part of him. There is a word in Vulcan for that kind of relationship, one that is rarely used, and yet had featured prominently in the memories of the alternate him-and-Kirk; t'hy'la. Friend, brother, lover… soulmate.
Spock cannot deny that he has felt drawn to Jim Kirk since the day they met, but the idea that the illogical human could possibly be his t'hy'la is somewhat difficult to assimilate. Besides, he tells himself firmly, he is already in a relationship, and he is quite content. Nyota Uhura is everything that James Kirk isn't: logical, reliable, safe - and she truly cares for him. Leaving her for Kirk would be the height of illogic.
And yet, no matter how he tries, he cannot get his mind off of the memories. There is one memory in particular that is impossible to ignore; he assumes it is a bonding ceremony between his and Kirk's counterparts. That would be unnerving enough by itself, but what really captures Spock's attention is that his mother is there.
He feels a stab of pain at this vision of the life she will never have. His mother never met Uhura, will never meet Kirk, but in the memory she is smiling, welcoming Kirk into the family as if it were the most natural thing in the universe. The idea that even his mother approved is too much and Spock gives up his attempt at meditation, deciding that he will have to confront his counterpart. He pulls himself to a standing position with a sigh and heads out of his quarters towards sickbay.
When he arrives, he finds his counterpart sitting up in bed conversing with Kirk's counterpart. The elder Kirk is sitting on the edge of the bed, and they are looking at each other as if there were no one else in the universe. Spock is filled with the odd longing again but determinedly pushes it down.
His counterpart looks up at that moment, and sees him. "Spock."
Spock steps forward. "I wish to speak with you." His eyes flick to the elder Kirk. "Alone, if possible."
The two older men stare at each other for a moment. Now that he knows what to look for, Spock can spot the signs of a telepathic bond between them. Fascinating.
Jim stands. "I'll be outside if you need me." He looks mildly surprised when Spock's counterpart extends two fingers, but quickly meets them with his own and smiles.
Spock stares after him for a moment when he leaves, then turns to confront his elder self. "You are bonded."
It isn't a question, but the elder Spock answers anyway. "Yes."
"Why did you not inform me of this?" Spock pours all of his confusion and frustration into that one question.
His elder self sighs. "Would you have believed me?" He looks away. "In any case, it would have been unfair of me - selfish, even - to interfere in that way." He looks back at Spock as he adds, "It is the same reason I did not accompany Jim to the Enterprise during the Narada incident – you needed to learn to work together on your own. I obviously didn't expect you to find out this way."
"Why him?" Spock bursts out. The logic of the situation escapes him.
His counterpart meets his eyes. "Because I love him," he says.
Spock swallows, his father's words echoing in his head. I married her because I loved her. "You call him t'hy'la," he says quietly.
His counterpart sighs. "Yes."
"If you expect our relationship to mirror your own-"
"I do not," his counterpart interrupts. He pauses for a few seconds. "You are happy with Lieutenant Uhura?" He seems genuinely curious.
"We are content," Spock answers, then adds, "You were never involved with her." He has suspected for some time, and is now certain of it.
"No." His elder self spreads his hands. "I have no regrets. But the timelines have changed; it is possible that your destiny differs from mine." He leans towards Spock. "All I can ask is that you do not underestimate James Kirk. Jim became the most important person in my life long before we were bonded. Your friendship with him can still be life-changing, even if it does not follow the path of my own."
There is little that Spock can say in response to that. After a moment he manages, "I will consider what you have said."
He leaves without looking back.
- - - - - -
Dinner with Uhura is usually a pleasant experience, but tonight it seems awkward and uncomfortable. In the middle of the meal Uhura puts down her fork and asks unexpectedly, "Do you love me?"
Spock blinks, taken off guard. "I… I am a Vulcan." It is all he can think of to say.
Uhura looks down at her plate. "Yeah; that's what I thought." She sighs. "Spock… I think we need to talk."
"About?"
"About us." She meets his eyes, visibly upset. "I think…. I think we should just be friends."
"I do not understand."
She twists her hands together. "I care about you a lot – you have to know that."
Spock nods.
"And I know you care about me." Uhura takes a deep breath. "But it feels like we're drifting apart. Sometimes it seems like when you're here with me, you're not really here. There's this space inside that I can't reach."
He stares at her. "I thought you understood Vulcans."
"I do. And if that was the only problem, maybe I could deal with it." She gets to her feet and begins to pace. "What's going on with you and Kirk?"
Spock frowns in confusion. "To what are you referring?"
She turns to him with a look of disbelief, which quickly changes to shock as she stares at him. "My God; you don't even see it."
Spock feels frustration begin to batter at his controls. "Will you please explain what you are talking about?" Then something occurs to him. "Does this have anything to do with my counterpart?" He remembers the odd tone in her voice when she'd mentioned the elder him-and-Kirk.
Uhura sits down on his bed. "A little. But I don't think I would've noticed anything if I hadn't already been thinking about it. The way you act around him; the way he acts around you. I thought… I wondered if there was something going on between you two, but now I just think you're both idiots."
Spock blinks. "You believed the captain and I were involved?"
"I didn't know what to think." Uhura gestures helplessly. "I mean, I didn't think you'd actually cheat on me, but at the same time, it was pretty difficult not to notice the way you two look at each other." There is a hint of bitterness in her tone.
He moves over to sit beside her. "I care deeply for you, Nyota."
She looks down at her hands. "But you don't love me."
He has no response to that, so moves on to her next point. "I have no interest in the captain."
Uhura meets his eyes. "Really?"
He is about to reassure her, but something makes him pause and think about it, about all of it: his growing friendship with Kirk; the emotions stirred up by the mindmeld; his elder self's words. And suddenly, he isn't so sure of the correct course of action. "I am… uncertain," he admits, frowning.
"And that's why this isn't going to work." She lays a hand on his shoulder. "I really would like us to stay friends."
Spock nods, mind reeling. "If that is what you want."
Uhura takes her hand off his shoulder and stands, blinking rapidly. "I should go."
He nods again, watching as she leaves. When the door slides shut, he moves to sit on the floor, hoping that meditation will provide some answers.
Kirk practically bounds into McCoy's office. "Bones, how're you doing?"
McCoy looks up with his usual annoyed expression. "I take it you're finally off duty?"
"Yep," Kirk replies proudly. "As of ten minutes ago, I'm a free man – until the next crisis hits, at least. And you'll be happy to know that Scotty finally got the engines fixed." He flops down in the chair opposite McCoy. "How's Old Spock?"
"Does he know you call him that?"
Kirk shrugs. "He seems to think it's funny. Besides, it helps tell them apart."
"He's doing fine, from what I can tell – not that I'm exactly an expert on Vulcans. And his human half makes it all the more complicated." McCoy stands up and begins rummaging in one of the cupboards behind him. "Did you learn anything from Saunders?"
"No – he won't talk to anyone but his cousin, and he's no help." Kirk sighs. "I just wish I knew why."
He raises his eyebrows as McCoy emerges with a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. "What's this in honour of?"
McCoy sits down and pours them both a glass. "In honour of how much I don't want to have the following conversation." He takes a generous swallow. "Have you noticed how close the other you and Spock are?"
"Yeah," Kirk replies, shrugging. "They're best friends. Like we are."
McCoy almost chokes on his bourbon. "No, not just like we are." He gives Kirk a meaningful look. "They were holding hands."
Kirk shifts in his seat. It's as if he and McCoy are having two different conversations. "So?"
McCoy's expression changes to a very familiar 'you're an idiot' look. Kirk wonders sometimes if the members of his crew actually practice that look, because McCoy, Spock and Uhura are all masters of it. "Did you sleep through the section on Vulcans in Xenobiology?"
Kirk grins. "Well, there was this really hot instructor…."
McCoy shakes his head. "Typical." He sighs and leans forward. "Hand-to-hand contact is how Vulcans kiss. Holding hands like that isn't something they'd do with a friend, no matter how close they are."
It finally begins to sink in, and Kirk blinks, hard. "What're you saying? You think they're lovers?"
"I'm sure of it." McCoy tops off both of their glasses resignedly. "Cheers."
Kirk is silent for a while, trying to think all of this through. If McCoy is right, it explains a lot. The ambassador's hastily concealed surprise at the news that Spock and Uhura were dating; the reunion between him and Kirk's counterpart; the feeling that the two of them could read each other's minds-
And then it slams into him - how strange Spock had acted after he'd mindmelded with his elder self. "He knows."
"Who knows what?"
"Spock. Knows about the old him-and-me. He must've seen it in the mindmeld." Kirk frowns. "I knew he was acting strange."
"Sounds like you and the pointy-eared bastard need to sit down and talk about this."
"Yeah, right, 'cause that'll go brilliantly." Kirk takes a long drink and places his glass back on the desk. "It doesn't mean anything, anyway."
He wants to take the words back when McCoy begins to look particularly interested; that expression never bodes well for him. "I never said it did."
"They're not us."
McCoy leans forward. "Are you trying to convince me or yourself there, Jim?"
Kirk knows what he should say, but he can't quite form the words. He takes another drink and holds out his glass for a refill.
He'd considered it, once or twice, but Spock seemed to be happy with Uhura – or as happy as Spock ever got, anyway. He certainly wasn't going to be the one to come between them – Kirk did have some rules when it came to sex, despite what McCoy might say, and one of them was that he didn't break up relationships. He'd put Spock firmly in the 'unavailable' category a long time ago, and he'd been dealing with it. And now the universe has decided to shove it in his face.
"I don't know," Kirk finally answers. "Does it matter?"
"I still think you should talk to him." McCoy nods his head in the direction of the ambassador's bed. "Or maybe try talking to them."
That isn't a bad idea. In fact, Kirk decides, he'd quite like to have a 'Why the hell didn't you tell me?' conversation with the elder Spock. "I guess I'll start with them." He considers his glass for a moment and drains it; something tells him this isn't a conversation he'll want to have sober.
When he's finished, he bids goodbye to McCoy and, with a sigh, heads off to talk to his and Spock's counterparts.
He finds them playing chess. Kirk wonders for a second where they got the 3D board, but is quickly distracted by the game. The first thing he notices is that his counterpart actually seems to be winning. Kirk never manages to win against Spock – the closest he's managed so far is a stalemate. The second thing he notices is that when Jim goes to pick up his bishop, he deliberately brushes his fingers against the elder Spock's. Suddenly, Kirk starts to understand what McCoy meant about hand to hand contact.
He steps forward. "Hey."
They both look up at the same time. Jim grins, and Spock gives a tiny smile – the Vulcan equivalent of a grin.
"Hello," Jim says. "Come to watch us play chess?"
"Can you teach me to beat Spock?" Kirk asks, in an attempt to avoid the real issue.
They both look amused. "The best tip I can give you," Jim says, picking up a knight, "is to play illogically." He moves the knight up a level. "Like so."
Spock quickly makes a move in retaliation and Jim sighs. "Unfortunately, he's grown wise to me after all these years. Might work with your Spock, though."
"I still win only fifty-six point two percent of the time, Jim," the elder Spock puts in. "I have not grown wise to all your tricks." He looks ever-so-slightly smug as he adds, "However, I anticipate checkmate in six."
"We'll see about that, my friend," Jim responds. He looks up at Kirk. "Was there something you wanted?"
"Yeah, actually." Kirk shuffles his feet. Should've had more bourbon. He takes a deep breath and blurts it out. "McCoy thinks the two of you are a couple."
He stares very intently at the floor. There's complete silence for a moment, and then he hears Jim say, "I told you they'd figure it out." As Kirk looks up in surprise, he adds, "Y'know, Bones was the first person to figure it out in our reality, too."
"So it's true, then?" It isn't really a surprise, but somehow hearing it confirmed makes it more real.
Spock sighs heavily. "Yes, it is true. I had not intended you to find out."
Kirk frowns. "Why not?"
"As I have already explained to my counterpart, I wished the two of you to develop a relationship free of my interference."
"I told him it was a bad idea," Jim puts in.
"Spock came to see you?" Kirk asks, trying to focus on one thing at a time.
"He did, and I shall tell you the same thing I told him: I do not expect your relationship to mirror our own. The timelines have changed; it's possible that is no longer your destiny."
"Unless that's what you want," Jim adds. He pauses. "Is that what you want?"
"I... hadn't really thought about it," Kirk lies.
Jim shrugs. "Well, if you want some tips…"
"Jim!" Spock chides. He gets an amused look in response.
There's so much about their relationship that Kirk is curious about. He pulls up a chair and sits down. "Can I ask you some questions?"
"I suppose, though I can't guarantee that we'll answer them," Jim replies. "What do you want to know?"
Kirk decides to start at the beginning. "How long have you been together?"
Jim frowns. "That really depends on how you count. By my reckoning, twenty years."
Kirk takes a moment to let that sink in. Twenty years. "That's almost my entire life."
"Oh, don't say that," Jim complains, turning to look at Spock. "How many people can claim to be old enough to be their own father?"
"I believe the honour is ours alone, Jim. Although, if I may point out, I am now considerably older than you are."
"Yeah, but in Vulcan terms you're hardly older at all."
They seem in danger of forgetting that he's there, so Kirk quickly jumps in with another question. "What about Starfleet? I mean, he was your first officer, right? Didn't that cause problems?" From what he's read, relationships in the chain of command aren't actually forbidden, but they're heavily frowned upon.
Jim stretches in his chair. "Starfleet didn't exactly approve of our relationship, but they knew we were stronger together. Even after Spock was promoted they didn't separate us." He gives the elder Spock a fond look. "You could've had a ship of your own."
"I had no desire to command. I was quite content to serve as your first officer."
Jim nods, grinning. "Ah, so it was a completely logical decision."
The corners of Spock's mouth twitch upwards. "Of course."
Something occurs to Kirk. "Y'know… you never did tell me how you could tell he was hurt."
The two older men exchange glances. "You want to answer that one?" Jim asks.
"Very well." Spock steeples his fingers. "Vulcan couples traditionally share a telepathic bond. It allows the partners to communicate without speaking, and to experience each other's emotions. Jim and I share such a bond, and it was this that alerted him to my... distress."
Kirk blinks. "So you really can read each other's thoughts!"
"Not all the time," Jim puts in hastily. "I think I'd go crazy. And it'd take all the fun out of our chess games." As if to underscore this bit of information, he makes a move on the chessboard. "But it's pretty useful if we want to communicate without anyone overhearing."
"It has saved our lives on several occasions," Spock adds.
"So how does it work, exactly?" Kirk asks curiously.
"I can't read Spock's thoughts unless he lets me, and it took me a long time until I could shield well enough to prevent him from reading mine – though he only ever did it without permission in emergencies." Jim leans back in his chair. "In theory, the connection between us should be fairly weak, given that I'm human and Spock's half-human. In reality, he once heard my thoughts from lightyears away – and that was before we were fully bonded."
"The strength of our bond was somewhat unprecedented," Spock adds. "Our minds are apparently remarkably attuned."
"So, does that mean that mine and Spock's minds are… attuned?" Kirk asks quickly, already poring over the possibilities.
His counterpart and Spock's exchange glances again. "I cannot answer that," the elder Spock responds. "But I would suspect so, yes. If the two of you ever mindmeld, I would advise caution."
"The first time we melded, he actually created a link between our minds," Jim says. "Which is supposedly impossible to do by accident."
"Not impossible," Spock corrects. "It is, however, exceedingly unlikely." He gives Jim a fond look. "You have an extremely dynamic mind."
Another question occurs to Kirk. "Can you say his full name?" Spock had told him it was unpronounceable by humans; Kirk would quite like to prove him wrong.
Jim rattles off something in rapid Vulcan, ending with 'Spock'. He glances at the elder Spock, as if checking that he got it right; his response is a nod.
"Took me six months to learn how to say it properly," Jim remarks. "But apparently most humans can't pronounce it at all, so…."
"Most humans would not have the patience to learn, t'hy'la," Spock responds. "And it took my mother rather longer than six months; you should be proud of your accomplishment." He looks at Jim affectionately, and Kirk is hit with a sudden wish to see his Spock look at him like that.
He looks from one of them to the other and suddenly can't breathe from the pain. Here is living proof of what he could have with Spock if things were different – if Spock hadn't picked Uhura instead. He's suddenly hit with how unfair the universe is, and needs to get out, get away. "I should go," he mumbles, standing up.
He is confronted by matching looks of understanding and sympathy, which only make him feel worse. "Can we talk more some other time?"
"Absolutely," Jim promises. "And don't give up hope."
Kirk bites back the retort on the tip of his tongue and nods instead. He takes one last look at the two of them, then leaves.
He spends the journey to his quarters trying not to think about how happy his and Spock's counterparts had seemed, and mostly failing. It's a surprise when he actually gets to his quarters and finds the younger Spock waiting outside. "Captain," Spock greets, and then corrects himself, "Jim."
Kirk blinks. That's the first time Spock's called him 'Jim' without being prompted, not counting times when Kirk's been in mortal peril. "What're you doing here, Spock?"
"I find that I am free tonight after all. Are you still interested in a game of chess?"
Kirk frowns. "I thought you had plans with Uhura."
"Lieutenant Uhura has terminated our romantic relationship." Spock's voice is perfectly expressionless; he may as well be commenting on the weather.
"She dumped you?" Kirk blurts in surprise, then winces inwardly. Probably could have phrased that better.
Spock's expression doesn't change, but his ears turn an interesting shade of green. "I believe that is one way of describing the situation, yes."
Kirk resolutely pushes down the part of himself that is rejoicing at the news. Spock likely needs a friend right now, and, aside from Uhura, he's probably the only friend that Spock has. "Are you okay?"
Spock inclines his head. "I am adequate."
Kirk rubs the back of his neck. "I guess you'd better come in."
He lets Spock set up the chessboard while he changes out of his uniform. "So did she say why she broke up with you?" he asks, pulling on a clean shirt.
"I would prefer not to discuss it at this point," Spock replies, voice still carefully expressionless.
Kirk shrugs. "Okay." He raises the temperature a few degrees out of consideration to Spock, then sits down across from him. "Actually, I think there's something else we should talk about." There's a voice in the back of his head telling him not to open this can of worms, but McCoy has a point – they're going to have to discuss it at some point.
Spock raises an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"
Kirk holds his gaze. "Our counterparts."
It's as if all of the oxygen suddenly goes out of the room. "You are aware of the nature of their relationship," Spock says, after a moment.
"You mean that they're not just really good friends? Yeah."
"My counterpart did not inform you of this before?"
"He told me they were friends." Kirk shrugs. "Of course, he also told me the universe would explode if the two of you met." He looks at Spock. "I'm guessing you didn't know either – I mean, before you went wandering around in his head."
Spock shakes his head. "I am unsure what to do with this information," he admits. "Meditation has not helped, and so I thought that it might be worthwhile to discuss the situation with you."
"It doesn't have to change anything," Kirk says. "If that's what you're worried about. They're not us."
He sees something flicker in Spock's eyes for just a second, but the emotion is gone before he can identify it. Kirk gestures to the board.
"Let's play."
Kirk takes his counterpart's advice and plays illogically – even more so than usual. He doesn't expect it to work, and breaks into a grin when Spock tips his king in concession. "I knew I'd beat you one day!" Maybe he should have a few drinks before playing more often.
He'd expected Spock to be annoyed at the win, but instead he looks almost… impressed. "You may be a worthwhile opponent after all," Spock tells him. Kirk decides to take that as a compliment.
"You know," he says as he sets up the board for a second match, "the other you and me play chess, too."
Spock raises an eyebrow. "Indeed?"
"Yep. And you only win slightly more than half the time."
Spock eyes him suspiciously. "You have been getting tips on how to beat me."
"Yeah," Kirk replies, grinning, "but I was getting them from myself, so it doesn't really count."
Spock doesn't look convinced, but doesn't argue. Kirk counts that as a point in his favour.
About halfway into their second game, Kirk finds the courage to bring up something he's been thinking about. "Can I ask you a question?"
Spock looks up from where he is considering his next move. "That is a question."
Kirk ignores that. "There's this Vulcan word that the other you called the other me. I was wondering what it meant."
Spock observes him neutrally. "What word?"
Kirk tries to pronounce it. "Tuh-hi-lah?"
"T'hy'la," Spock responds.
"That's it!" Kirk exclaims. "What does it mean?"
Spock stares very intently at the chessboard. "Friend. Brother. Lover."
"All at once?" From what he's seen, and heard, it sounds about right.
"Not necessarily. It is a word used to describe a person with which one shares a lifelong relationship, whether platonic or otherwise." Spock's expression shifts. "However, it is very rarely used unless all of the definitions apply. Our counterparts are apparently no exception."
Kirk frowns. "How much of their relationship did you see in his head?"
Spock glances up and then goes back to staring at the board. "Largely flashes. Some were of moments such as this: playing chess, or working together. Some were considerably more… intimate."
Spock finally makes a move, and Kirk studies the chessboard without really seeing it. He thinks for a moment about asking Spock to show him, but the many, many reasons why that's a bad idea stop him. "Are you going to be okay? I mean it's got to be a weird situation."
"It is somewhat discomfiting," Spock admits. "However, I am determined not to allow it to affect me."
Kirk feels an ache in his chest, as well as the sudden desire to yell at Spock, You've seen what we can have together, how can you not want that?
But, he reminds himself firmly, Spock has only just broken up with Uhura, and now really isn't the best time. He rapidly moves the conversation to less dangerous topics.
Kirk loses the second game, but only just. Spock leaves Kirk's quarters with a promise to play again the next night, and Kirk collapses onto his bed. "When did my life get so complicated?" he mutters darkly, wondering why all of the problems in his life seem to trace back to people named Spock.