I'm back! Sorry for the long wait! But on the plus side, I'm really really into writing right now! Any spare time I have I'm on here writing and I'm already half way through the next chapter of this fic.
Before I forget. Thank you very much to my amazing beta Jess!
7 – The Bella Box
Edward
"Edward!" Esme said loudly, shaking me as I slept. I awoke with a gasp and glared at my mother. I propped myself up on one elbow so she could see the invisible daggers I was shooting at her. It had been a dream. I was debating on whether I'd feel better by killing my mum or Jacob.
Jacob, always Jacob. Mother fucking girl thief... "Why did you wake me," I growled.
"It's eight Edward. You need to get ready for work," Esme replied in a motherly voice. Come on sweetie wake up, you have school!
"I'm not going in. I quit," I stropped, flopping back into my bed and pulling a pillow over my face. I felt Esme trying to tug the pillow away from me, I just gripped tighter. But she persisted. Eventually, I was so fucking annoyed I yanked it away and sat up bolt right in my bed, fuming. "I'm not going to work. I. Quit. The only bloody thing that got me there in the first place was Bella. Now go away. I'm going back to sleep," I yelled, staring Esme straight into the eyes.
"Get up; you can't just give up on your job."
"But I could go to England. I had a good offer there recently, should I go? I'm not sure I'm even wanted here half the time."
Esme stared back for a few seconds, her eyes welling with tears. "I'm so sorry baby," she whispered as she scurried out of my room. I immediately felt guilty, but went back to sleep. I was awoken two hours later by my mobile. The ringtone that I could pick up anywhere because every time I heard it I thought of Bella. That song was 'Girl all the bad guys want' by Bowling for soup.
I want to talk to her so badly.
Well, you know that if you talk to her all you'll be thinking is, she's never going to be mine. Maybe you should just give up, get over her and grow up. You can't go throwing tantrums when you don't get what you want. I'm sorry, but that's not how the world works, my most reasonable side of my brain informed me. But I ignore it. I fished out my mobile from the pocket of my jeans and answered in a faux-happy voice.
"Hey Bells," I said, meaning why don't you love me? "How are you today?" Why the fuck aren't you waking up here so I can ask you that in person?
"Hey Edward. I'm fine. Are you? You've never missed a day of work ever. You dad said he doesn't know if you'll ever get better, it was really harsh the way he said it, but he was fine to everybody else. What's going on? Did you tell him? Am I going to lose my job?" She interrogated, worry plain in her voice.
I grit my teeth and clenched my fists. "I didn't tell him. And don't worry Bella. You won't lose your job. I already quit."
"You what!? No! You can't quit Edward! You're the best boss I've ever had!"
The instant I said the next thing, I wish I hadn't. "What? Because I'm the only one who'd listen and comply with your every desire? Because I'm the only one who got in bed with you? Because I would happily do anything that you wanted the second you wanted it just because I love you? Or just because you like playing with my heart? You know what? Fuck you. Get out of my life. Have fun with Jacob," I seethed and hung up, turning off my mobile. I stared at it for what seemed like hours thinking Oh shit... I'd basically called her a slut and I'd told her I didn't want to talk to her again, or speak to her. This couldn't be good.
I turned on my phone, expecting loads of texts and missed calls, I had none. What have I done?
Bella
I sat in the chair in Edward's office, just sat there, sobbing looking over the city. I'd just lost Edward. Had it been my fault all along? I always knew I had the option to leave Jacob if I wanted and I did want to leave him for Edward, so why didn't I?
Because you're a fucking idiot, that's why!
I shook my head and blew my nose, vowing that I was being a big girl and growing up. I forced myself up out Edward's chair. Well what used to be his chair anyway and marched to Carlisle's office.
The secretary warned me that he was in a foul mood, but I stormed in any way, bursting the door open and slamming it behind me. "Look, Carlisle, I don't know what the fuck is going on with the male Cullen's this morning, PMS maybe, but whatever shit is going on, don't fucking take it out on me. Edward has the right to, but you don't! I've done nothing but treat you right Carlisle, do take your head out of your ass and apologise because you don't want to lose two of your best employees in one day," I barked, slamming my fists down onto his desk. Carlisle looked at me with an expression mixed with shock and admiration.
"Okay Bella. I'm sorry I treated you bad last night, but I had some bad news and I was very angry. Will you forgive me for my dreadful behaviour?"
I wasn't actually expecting him to apologise. "Ur, of course. But can you tell me why Edward quit?" Please don't say because of me... Please.
"I don't know all I know is that Esme came downstairs in tears because Edward had yelled at her at told her she'd quit. That's all I know."
"Thanks Carlisle." I stepped backwards toward the door. I have to see him. He's at his parents' house. I need to go. Carlisle smile.
"You're welcome dear. Since Edward's quit, take the day off."
"Thanks again." And with that, I all but ran out. I was desperate to see him and get him to come back. And I also wanted to make sure nothing could destroy our friendship for real. It was unbreakable. I was certain. Because we loved each other.
We're in love.
No, we're not. You're only in love when you're together. You and Jacob are in love.
Are we? After I'd slept with Edward, I was starting to love Jacob less and less. But that wasn't a good thing. I was having to spend the rest of my life with a man I didn't love. This was bad, very bad.
I got out my mobile and texted Jacob a quick, I'll be hope late tonight x – B I got no reply so I put my phone away and continued out of the office building to my car. When I got in the car, I took a deep breath, I needed to calm down. I couldn't face Edward like that, breathless and angry wasn't a good combination, not around Edward; I could remember countless times that he'd said that it was hot when I was angry, I'd figured it was a joke. But I guess not.
When I was officially calmed down, I started the car and drove out to his parents house. When I got there, saw that Esme was back to working on the garden. She was planting new flowers in the flower beds and removing dead leaves from the others. Esme always had been a brilliant gardener, much better than me who mucked up and broke the plant before it was in the ground
I parked outside the house and climbed out, shutting the door loudly so she'd hear me. She did and turned around with a large smile.
"Bella dear! How lovely it is to see you," she said happily, standing up, taking off her gardening gloves and walking over to hug me. "Are you here to see Edward?" she asked.
"That's exactly why I'm here."
"Well I'm afraid you're too late; He left a few minutes ago," Esme replied, her smile faltering. "I know what happened between you." Shit. Esme paused and looked down at her hands quickly. "I don't mean to put any pressure on you or make you feel guilty, but I'm sure you can understand that Edward is at breaking point and, when you talk to him, please, just be careful."
"At breaking point? You say that like if I say one wrong word he's going to kill himself," I said nervously, tangling my fingers together. Esme shook her head.
"If you say one wrong word I'm afraid we may never see him again," she explained, her eyes filling with tears.
"What?"
"He's gone back to his apartment to see if the job placement he got offered a few weeks back was still open," Esme informed me, wiping the tears from her eyes
"What job? He never told me about it."
"Because he knew you'd encourage him to do it. And I didn't think he'd ever even consider it. You were what was keeping him grounded. Bella, Edward was offered the opportunity to move to England to be the social media manager of a different company that paid more. But he stayed because he was hoping that he may have had a chance with you. Now, you either need to make him see sense or say you're not worth it or something, that everybody here loves him, because when he lived in England the first time, it almost drove me insane knowing anything could happen to him..." she started sobbing, looking so sad that there was nothing but pure misery on her face.
"I'm going to go talk to him." I gave her a quick, comforting hug and a kiss on the cheek before I set off to Edward's house.
I was pissed off and sad now, Edward was making everybody's life hell over me. I needed to end that once and for all. I still couldn't be with him, but maybe, if I did what Esme said and convinced him I wasn't worth it, everything would be okay.
I got to Edward's apartment block and stormed in, stamping up the stairs, when I got to his apartment, I dug the key he had given me for emergences out of my bag and unlocked the door. I didn't make too much noise, just in case he wasn't in and somebody called the police. I didn't want to be charged for breaking-and-entering, not then, not ever.
He was in the living room, his back to me. He was on the phone whilst looking at a picture. I had no idea of what it was of, but I sure as hell wanted to find out.
"I don't know... Can I call you back in a few days with a final answer; I have a few things to clear up before I give you a definite answer... Okay. Thank you. Good bye," Edward said into the phone before hanging up. He continued to star at the picture, unaware that I was even there.
"Edward?"
He turned around to look at me. He'd usually smile, he didn't smile. His eyes didn't even look happy, they were screaming out, wanting to me free, Edward was trapped in his own personal hell and torment. "Hello Bella." The way he said it made my heart break. It was detached and grim. I had to do something to free him from myself!
"Please don't go Edward," I whimpered. "Please?"
His sad expression changed, he looked livid. "Why bloody well should I? I've worked hard, every day of my life to get where I am. Now I'm getting an opportunity to be richer and successful, why shouldn't I take it?"
"Because when you got the offer you didn't want to go. Things have just changed that's making you want to go. But you can't go. You just can't."
"So I can't go?" I nodded. Edward laughed bitterly and placed the phone down on the coffee table. "You just watch me," he snarled and walked into his bedroom. I followed him and saw he'd got a suitcase out and had already started packing, chucking draws full of clothes into his bag, I couldn't help but notice how he packed a picture that we'd took together at the beach a few months back. They were the times when we were happy to just be together. Times when Jacob wasn't there. It's all Jacob's fault. "Bella, I think you should go."
I ignored him. "What was that picture you were looking at?" I inquired.
"Nothing that would ever matter to you," he snapped and stuffed the picture he'd been holding into his bag. "Go away Bella."
"No. I'm not letting you leave. You have too many people here who love you for you to leave," I yelled.
"Well it's one too little," Edward barked, leering at me. I'd never seen him so angry. Tears welled in my eyes, he was angry because of me.
"I don't want you to go."
"Well, sorry to tell you this Bella, but you need to grow up and realise that life isn't fair and not everything can go your way." At least he wasn't shouting anymore. I stood sniffling, tears rolling lazily down my face. Edward sighed and shut his suitcase zipping it up. He then proceeded to bend down and pull out a box from under the bed. It was a shoe box. The Bella Box, it read in a childish scribble.
"What is that?"
"It's my Bella Box," he said with a soft smile. If anybody else had had a box called 'The Bella Box' I'd probably be creeped out, but I kind of liked it. He held it out for me to look at. I took hold of it and went to open it before Edward stopped me. "Before you open it, please don't make a dissuasion on what you're going to do for something that won't happen. Bella, I'm going to England. Face it. But don't break up with Jacob if you really love him, because I'm not going to be there when you break down crying because you lost him again. And I'm not going to be there to take his place. I'm sorry," he apologised and stepped closer to me, kissing my forehead. He inhaled my scent and stepped back, grabbing the handle of his suitcase and pulling it off the bed. "Goodbye Bells. I love you." He strolled out the door before I realised what he was saying. Goodbye forever.
I stood there for five minutes just taking in what was going on. "No," I whispered. "No," I repeated, bolder that time. I set the box down on his bed and sprinted out the bedroom door, to see the apartment was empty. No.
Edward
Walking away from Bella was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Especially when she was crying, begging me not to stay. On the way out, I realised that this was the last time I was ever going to be in this apartment, I couldn't come back, Alice would probably tie me up to stop me from leaving.
Alice. I wouldn't see her again. Or Jasper. Or Emmett. Or Rose. Or my parents. I couldn't see them again, otherwise I'd have Bella running to me and I couldn't let that happen. I needed to get her out my system. I needed... God I needed to strap on a pair! I needed to find a girl that I could fuck with no strings attached.
I briefly looked around my apartment; there was nothing I overly wanted to save. But there was one thing. I knew exactly where it was.
Hurrying into the kitchen before Bella could come out and stop me; I opened the cupboard that I kept the cups and plates in. On the very top shelf I kept a picture nobody knew still existed. It was of when I was at camp with Bella. Emmett, Jasper, Bella and I were all covered in mud after me and be slipping and sliding around after a heavy load of rain. I had my arm around Bella and Emmett was doing the classic bunny ears on Jasper. We all looked so happy to be together and to just be alive. I loved the picture even more nowadays, now that I could fully appreciate how easy it was to be a child.
With a huff of mixed frustration and depression, I slipped the picture into my jeans pocket, grabbed my coat and went to the front door. I hesitated for a second, praying to god she'd come out and stop me, that anybody would stop me. No signs of her.
"Goodbye Bella," I whimpered, my lip trembling and the tears that I hadn't realised were there started to fall. She'd given up on us. There never was an us, the sooner you accept that the better. I closed the door and started to walk away from my old life to my new one. And what was so sad, was that the only thing I could hope for is that I'd never have to see anybody from my old life again.
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