I Hate That I Love You – CH 4: Who I Am
I don't know why the fuck I kept coming back to her room. It was mostly not because of the game. I tried to tell myself that it was, but something in my mind was telling me it just wasn't the rest of it. I felt like I had another reason to see her. Did that talk we had encourage me to be at her aid? No. I don't do bullshit like that. We've never touched each other—no hugs, or even touches of comfort. I didn't even hit her anymore. It was like there was no need for that anymore. Maybe I kept coming back because her overwhelming scent was like a drug. It was already complacent to be near her.
She told me about her struggles in life. Sometimes she told that that she didn't think she wasn't pretty enough, or her friends must secretly talk behind her back. Why should I care about that bitch's life anyway? That isn't who I am. I usually never listen to my comrade's problems that they tell me. I tell them to handle it on their own and stop complaining. Why should this be any different?
I hated that name: Kurosaki Ichigo. I don't know why. 'Cause he was the reason she cries every night at her sleep? The reason why she was sleepless?
What the fuck was wrong with me? How did this all start? It was as if she bestowed a spell on me to actually care, and then I succumbed to it. That's not who I am. I don't give shit about anything that doesn't concern me!
So why do I still come back? I guess I had more pity in me than I thought. Maybe I was taking this game more seriously, but I was unaware of it myself.
For the past week, I sent her visits after lunch was over. Orihime expected me since I was doing it so often now. She left the door open for me to enter without her having to unlock it herself. Ulquiorra got pretty pissed off when he'd walk in her room with the sight of me in it. "Grimmjow, get out this instant," he even said once. He got even more frustrated when the girl said she allowed me in. He continued to tell her that I wasn't a good influence or I was dangerous—stuff I told her before—and she didn't listen to his firm words like she ignored mine.
So that was when he told me I could visit since she agreed, but only during the few hours after lunch.
I broke the rules… well, Ulquiorra's rules to be exact. This time I came back during night, total violation of the "after the few hours of lunch" clause. I visited her when everyone would be asleep. I couldn't help myself, even if I had already seen her this afternoon. I skipped lunch to extend my time too. I guess I shouldn't be surprised when I came in and she was next to her bed, crying on the sheets.
"What's up?" I asked casually as if she wasn't pouring her eyes out.
Orihime talked into the white fabric, her words were muffled. I couldn't understand her gibberish.
I walked closer. "Wha'?"
Then she turned around to face me, her expression was tortured in pain. "U-Ulquiorra told me that Aizen w-was going to use me to destroy Karakura Town! I d-didn't know!"
Amazing. She really did come here without knowing what the fuck she was doing. "Oh," was all I said.
Honestly, how much fluids could a girl cry in a day? She was probably lost a pound everyday. Her shoulders shook with every sob. I watched the tears fall unto the red carpet, staining it with a darker blotch of red.
"Get up, Orihime," I commanded.
Her knees shook along with her when she made the effort to move off the floor.
"For God's sake, stop crying already, woman."
I pulled her by her two scrawny shoulders. Then I had to prop her up too, she kept tripping over while her head hung like a doll's.
"I said quit crying!" I said with more volume.
Orihime didn't stop. "I-I can't, Grimmjow-san! I need a…" Then she walked toward me with her arms twitching in the air. She threw her twiggy arms around my torso and rested her head on my chest, just below my chin.
What the fuck was she doing? I forgot what humans called this action… Oh, that's right—a hug. It was a form of comfort or affection. My chin was lying on top of her head. She had her own unique scent that I now smelled up close. It was stronger than ever. What compared to it? Well, it was unique. So it would be like the scent of desert rain or the atmosphere of Venus. It lingered on my nose. I'm surprised that I didn't push her off right away. But I refused to wrap my arms around her back, even if she was slowly calming down. She stopped crying after a minute of staying in the same position. I'll bet if I were to ever bring back the topic, she'll start to weep all over again.
"Thank you for letting me… I know this is not your thing," she whispered.
Why couldn't I object to a 'thank you like' before?
Then the doors flew open behind me. I couldn't see who it was. We didn't move for a few seconds, not recognizing the presence because the person masked their reiatsu. I finally turned my head to see Ulquiorra Cifer in the doorway eyeing the scene with irritation. As soon as I realized this, I came back to my senses.
"Get off me, woman!" I yelled, pushing her away as she stumbled back. Orihime stared at me with her mouth hanging open in disbelief. I had to leave her like that.
Fucking Ulquiorra had to come at the worst moment possible. I couldn't think of an excuse at the moment. It was like he was pointing a mental finger at me with those creepy green eyes of his. "Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez—" he began.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Then why are you here, at night time, in Orihime's room?" he questioned.
An excuse didn't come to me yet... Hell I couldn't even think of the truth for myself. Why the fuck am I here again?
"I'm going," I said instead. Then I proceeded out the door, bumping shoulders with him again.
Just as I hoped, he didn't follow me out. I guess he'll ask answers from her first. But I still had a feeling he'll come to me and ask as well. I cursed under my breath. He better not have Aizen involved. The game couldn't play out if the big man was on the way.
Aizen's disciple didn't come at the morning. During lunch, I sat with a heavy burden on my shoulders. There were all sorts of mixed emotions running around in my head. I thought that maybe she had convinced him not to say a word to me about it. Perhaps he didn't need to say anything to me anymore because he was tired and he's just going to lock her up for the rest of her time here. I couldn't loose the bet against Nnoitra. It was amazing how much I despised her a week ago, and now she's all I never think about. My boredom, I guess, was getting the best of me. That was the only conclusion I could form at the moment.
"How's it going?" Nnoitra said in my ear.
It was friggin' creepy how he did that. "Good," I lied.
"Your seat was cold yesterday. Decided to skip lunch for her?" he asked, grinning.
"Huh?"
"In other words, I'm asking how your little game is going so far. I'm impressed that you can come in her room everyday now. Well done."
I always wondered how he was so up to date in everything that was happening. News and gossip travelled around fast here. There wasn't a moment where someone wasn't watching or listening to you. "Yeah, its going good," was all I said.
"What's the matter, Jaegerjaquez? You seemed so piped up about it before. C'mon! You got access in her room!" he said, nudging my shoulder.
I realized I was losing my cool right now. "No, I mean it. It's really going good." I made the effort to smirk.
He chuckled again like last time. I think it got even more annoying and ear splitting. Someday, I'm going to punch a hole through that throat of his. "I heard she was crying last night after she had that talk with Aizen about destroying that former town of hers."
"Uh-huh." I nodded absently.
"That chick cried too much. It's amusing to hear and see. Makes me want to twist off her—"
I interrupted him by grabbing his neck with one hand. He dropped his spoon in surprise. All eyes were on me now. I could feel the stares boring through my face as I choked brother number five.
"What were you saying?" I asked through my gritted teeth.
He managed to laugh at me.
"Grimmjow, release him immediately!" Stark, who had got up from his seat, ordered.
I couldn't deny Stark was stronger than I was and could crush my skull if I didn't obey. Hell, Nnoitra was stronger too. But he angered me to the point where I'd risk my skull's safety. Zommari even put a hand on my shoulder to calm me down. Then the silence deepened. It took me a few seconds to tell my hand muscles to release him. I was still gritting my teeth when I finally dropped my hand. My jaw felt numb and broken like someone punched it a hundred times over.
I silently got up from my seat, only my chair making the sound in the room. I exited with my tray left on the table. I could care less about how hungry or thirsty I was right now. What I heard last was Nnoitra's god damn laugh.
Where was I going exactly? Not her room, because I was sure Ulquiorra would be there guarding. Chances are, I was banned from entering her room or seeing her. If I knew Ulquiorra as well as I thought, that would most likely be the outcome. As much as I wanted to stick around, I strolled to my room.
The empty desert stretched on forever. I couldn't seem to find where it would end. I never really saw the desert since I covered my window, and I've been stuck in this building. Well, I took the covers down now and tossed it somewhere around the room. I didn't care where.
Looking out the window… Was that really something I wanted to do all day to fill that gap of time I used with Orihime? Pathetic.
I didn't notice the familiar reiatsu enter my room. "Grimmjow," Ulquiorra called.
So he comes now. I bet he was expecting me to come to him in the form of visiting her. "I'm not that stupid, Ulquiorra," I wanted to say. I stared at the blue, cloud-less sky not turning back. "Ulquiorra," I greeted.
"I'll ask you again and I want the truth: What were you doing in Orihime Inoue's room last night? I came in to see a… shocking sight."
"Ask her yourself!" I said to him with hate. But it looked like I was saying it to the sky.
"She's not saying a thing for your sake. Threatening the girl is not tolerated, Grimmjow," he told me in that annoying-as-hell monotone voice of his.
"I never threatened her," I answered.
He said the words loud enough so he was sure I heard every syllable: "If that is not the case, then maybe you're in love with the human girl."
The words hit me like a brick wall in my path. I had to question myself to be able to get the truth myself. "Shut the hell up, Ulquiorra!" I angrily whipped my body around to scowl at him. My hands were clenched so hard that my skin turned white over my knuckles, being exasperated as I was.
"Are you saying that I am correct?" he asked, like he knew I wasn't about to attack him.
"Fuck no!" I exclaimed.
"Then you are forbidden to see the girl. You wouldn't care, ri—?"
I cut him off by leaping into the air and giving contact with my fist on his face. Ulquiorra flew until he crashed into the wall across my room. I stepped out the hallway to grab his collar with one hand, and hauled him up in the air until his feet touched no ground. I wanted to fell pain made by him. That how fights worked—you keep trying to hurt the other person until they give up. Except it wasn't one because, he didn't attack me back.
"You're making a mistake, Jaegerjaquez! I am number four and you are number six. You're smart enough to know that I can kill you with one move if I wanted!" he yelled at my face.
I laughed once, even if I knew he was speaking the truth. "Try me! If you don't, I'm going to make you!" A blue cero began to build on my other hand that didn't hold his collar. When it was the size I wanted, I dug it into his stomach.
This threw him back through five walls in this tower, spreading dust and the smell of burnt flesh—his flesh. I walked toward him with my hand around the hilt of my Zampaktou, giving a death glare to anyone who stared at the commotion. They scurried away like mice face-to-face with a cat. I'm being a dumb ass right now. Who am I to battle Ulquiorra to the death for the likes of Orihime Inoue? But I wanted to. I succumbed to her, remember?
Ahead, I saw him rising to his feet. I didn't give a shit as I kept walking to my death.
"Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, you've tested me and challenged me by this battle. Now, I'm going to finish you for disrespecting me, a higher ranked Espada. As I promised, I'm going to kill you," he said.
It was like I accepted the fact that I was going to die here and now. Go on, I said to him in my head.
Before I could take another breath, a piercing pain shot on my neck. It took me a few seconds to realize that Ulquiorra jabbed his hand through me.
A/N: Things are tensing up. Another chapter to come, don't worry. This isn't the end yet!