I Hate That I Love You - CH 7: Promise
When I entered the room quietly, she was still standing in the same spot a few seconds ago. The broom and dustpan remained untouched in the corner. The broken glass on the carpet was still in front of her. Though this time, her head was hanging down and I could see the glimmer of water on her face. The sounds of soft sobs were audible. Orihime didn't know I was here, standing at the entrance, watching her cry quietly. I hated it when she cried. Hell, I hated a lot of things—this was, I think, the thing I most hated. Not working for a Shinigami or having Ulquiorra pester me all the god damned time, but when Orihime cried.
Why is she crying? I had to wonder.
I cleared my throat, loud enough for her to finally notice me, as if sending her a mental message of "I told you not to do that when I'm around." When she lifted her head and realized my presence, she quickly wiped her face with the back of her arm.
Orihime gave me a sheepish smile. "I didn't know... you came back. Sorry... I should sweep this already." She made no movements to reach the broom on the other side of the room. She was immobile.
"Why the fuck are you crying this time?" I asked because I truthfully didn't know the reason. The best I could think of was because she would be alone until Ulquiorra's return.
"Nothing. Forget it." She shook her head and started to walk away, although she was not going in the direction of the broom.
I followed quickly with my long strides and then spun her around by her shoulder. She still avoided eye contact, so I lifted her chin and bent down to her eye-level. I was too close for comfort—I could tell because she shivered as she unwillingly stared at my blue eyes. "I asked you a question," I said, being surly.
"You're going to hurt me if I tell you!" she pressed.
I snickered. "Just tell me why, dammit! The sooner, the less painful. It depends on your reason."
Orihime shook out of my grasp and made her way to the couch to sit down. She acted like she did a crime that I wouldn't tolerate. I couldn't help but be curious of what Orihime Inoue committed. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to sit with her. I stayed put anyway. Seeing this, she patted the space next to her twice. I took the invitation and moved my legs toward her. I silently stared at her with a warning flashing in my eyes, trying to squeeze it out of her wordlessly.
"All right, I'll tell you." She took a deep breath. The rest came out in a rush. "What if I said I cried because I thought I wasn't going to see you for a long time again?"
I smirked. "No really, Orihime." Why was she acting so secretive and guilty?
"I'm telling the truth. I was upset everyday since you told me to go away. That really hurt me, Grimmjow-san! Why... why would you do that?" The new batch of tears spilled over.
Have I seen her cry this much before? Not since she heard I was going to be executed. All because of me? That was a load of bull shit if you ask me. Somewhere, I felt warm because she was upset like I was during our separation. A part of her never forgot me as well.
"Why?" she repeated, tightening her jaw.
Why was I weak enough to the point of wanting to please the girl? At the same time, I had all these words bundled in my chest that I wanted to release all on her. I snapped again, seeing her face twist with pain. "I already told you: you made me like this, Orihime! I didn't mean to fall for your petty trap, but it happened without a warning!" I grabbed her collar, pulling her closer so I was sure I had her full attention and that she knew I was firm with my words.
"And what do you mean by that? What did I do?" she demanded, gaining volume.
"It's your fucking fault that I'm in love with you, Orihime!" I exclaimed, releasing her. The words slipped out of my mouth without permission and I wanted to cut my tongue off. Now she knew my little secret. The secret I'd been hiding from myself and her. I felt weak to admit it. As if my back front line was completely exposed to my opponent.
Orihime incessantly cried, even as she fell to my lap.
"Dammit, Orihime, stop that! You're pissing me off!" I prompt her up until her head was resting on my chest and she sat on my lap. I held her, cradled her—the girl that I loved—until she stopped shedding tears for me. I buried my nose in her hair and inhaled that unique scent. I wiped the drying salt-water off her face with my thumb.
"I tried to ignore this feeling by separating myself from you. It won't go away. I just can't stay away from you. I hate that I love you and that's just another thing I have to put up with," I whispered in her ear, explaining myself. I didn't have to look to see that she was surprised. Anyone who heard of this fact would feel the same. It's not like him, I imagined them thinking. He's crazy. I stared up at the plain, grey ceiling instead. Then I closed my eyes to listen to that heartbeat again.
It speeded wildly for a whole minute. That was of expected because she loved Kurosaki and not me. How was she going to tell her friend? Then it calmed as seconds ticked by. I felt her fidgeting around in my arms, getting comfortable. Her hot breath tickled my chest as she laid her head there.
If only time stood still...
Then she made the effort to sit up until she could place her head underneath my jaw. I still kept my left arm around her back. "Grimmjow, Grimmjow, Grimmjow..." she whispered repeatedly, letting the syllables roll of her tongue easily. I felt her hands on my side of my face, and she forced me to duck to her level. I kept my eyes closed as her breath blew on my lips…
I didn't understand why she kissed me next. It was a mystery. But, I enjoyed it. Something told me I wanted to do this myself for a long time now. Her taste matched her scent; it was unique and delicious. It must've felt weird for her to kiss that hunk of bone on the side of my face. I began to move my mouth along with hers fiercely. I've never kissed anyone before because I have never fallen in love before. It felt odd at first, but then it grew to a more comforting state until I was enraptured by it. She was gasping for air soon enough, but then she kept coming back for more. Her knees were on either side of me and our breaths became tangled like the atmosphere. Doing this was only making me love her more. She knew that. Why was she doing this to me?
"Hold up," I said, putting my hand on her forehead and pushing her to prevent her from getting any closer. "Why are you...?" I couldn't seem to form a sentence—I was too overwhelmed. Then I slid away from underneath her and to my feet. I had my back to her as she replied.
"Wh-What do you mean?" she asked.
"What about Kurosaki? Are you suddenly deciding to forget about him?" I knew it was wrong to remind Orihime about him when I was getting what I yearned for, but I also knew I would feel horrible during the night when I'd think about it.
Her heart raced, and I turned around to smirk at her. Orihime's face was full of bewilderment.
"You know what? Don't worry about it. I'll pretend it never happened." I started for the door. I was going to regret this.
"Grimmjow-san! I—!"
I cut her short and looked back to explain something to her. "I know you love him, Orihime." It felt like my organs were shattered with pain greater than Ulquiorra's own hand through my throat. Then I continued on my way, not interested in hearing her excuse.
Why did I walk away again? Oh, yeah. It didn't feel right to be kissing somebody who was in love with your own foe. This was one of the reasons I didn't want to fucking love Orihime Inoue. She's a distraction, a weakness. I've never had one before. Why start now?
I pondered over this during the night while I lay in bed, the streaks of moonlight cast shadows to objects in the room. I had my hands behind my head, eyes closed and one leg hanging off to the side. I sighed aloud. That taste in my mouth lingered. I wanted more. What was I supposed to do now? Ignore her again af—?
My train of thought was interrupted by light that came from the hall, as it stabbed through my closed lids. The person hid there reiatsu well because I didn't recognize who it was. Damn... I didn't know Ulquiorra would be back so soon. Then he quickly walked across my room to my bed after closing the door. These steps were too light to be Ulquiorra. Besides, if he wanted my attention he would just yell for it. Then who the fuck was in my room?
I felt how the person leaned against the side of my mattress. I unlocked my hands from behind my head and soon, I could hear my favourite sound playing, the warmth was coming quickly.
Orihime gave me gentle and swift little pecks on my corner of my mouth. Before I could stop myself, I sat up and hauled her on my bed. Then I started kissing her again, filling my appetite. I completely forgot all about that distraction-shit that I was pondering about earlier. Now that she was already in my grasp, there was no stopping me. Her fingers tangled in my hair and I placed my hand underneath her jaw. I moved to her cheek bone and made a trail down her jaw line and to her collar bone. She tackled me down until she was on top of me and I wrapped my arms around the small of her back. We stayed like that for a few minutes that felt like years of pure happiness.
Then I felt water on my shoulder. Orihime was crying. Her body shook afterwards.
"Orihime, what's wrong?" I whispered into the night.
"Gr-Grimmjow-san, promise me something please!" Her voice was thick with tears.
With whatever witchcraft she used, she got me to fall into her palms. "Anything," I said. Anything to stop her from crying.
"Promise me that you won't ever leave me again. Those days that I spent without you, they were meaningless and cruel. I don't want to live like that ever again!"
My voice came hard and firm. "Are you sure about that? You're asking me to stay with you, you know? Me. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez."
"Yes I'm sure! I've never been more sure in my life! Grimmjow-san, please understand that Ichigo is just part of my past. I did love him, that's true. He's just a friend now and nothing more. You're the only one that has a place in my heart. No one else!" she explained whole-heartedly. Her words were pure and truthful.
It felt like I was dreaming when she said that even now that I have her in my arms. Somehow, I believed every word she said. "I promise," I stated. "I'll never let that happen to you again. I promise."
A/N: Here's the skinship and affection I bet some of you have been waiting for! I felt like I rushed a little in this chapter. If anything confused you, drop me a line.