The Tallest Gene
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.
Irken Military Base, System location:
Sol System of the human homeworld 'Earth'
Zim's base, Level ten, Main Control Center
"Ummm...I dunno," replied the Computer, giving it's equivalent of a shrug. Zim's mind whirled as he digested the news that the Almighty Shortest could have the genes to become Tall. He was the truly most none Shortest irken alive. The Almighty Shortest was also one of the former Tallest, but he was chosen not for his height, but also for his intellect and war tactics. That was during the ages where they fought back the beings known as the Swarm. insect-like creatures like the Irkens, but more hive-minded and primal. They had a queen known as the Unu, which was also the name of the largest nest and hive, of the Killiks. They were attempting to assimilate the Irkens into a hive-mind and thus into a subspecies. The war lasted several millennia, until the Almight Shortest defeated them in a great titanic battle over their homeworld, the Saraska.
There were six great Irken Generals commended for the victory, many receiving medals and awards from the Tallests at the time. The Almight Shortest at the time was, as his name implies, was very short. Despite the prejudice against him, the odds of which the other Irken Generals shortened as they tried to take credit for his tactics and victories, they all failed.
The Shortest Irken alive was made the Almighty Tallest for the turn of the century. Though unprecedented, he was a beacon of hope to all the many service-drones forced to do menial and horrible work because of their height-status.
But that beacon of hope soon shattered as the dying Killiks sent one final attack, with what few of their species and sub-species remained, with a bio-weapon engineered just for the Irken race. The Killik spceies were wiped out, their taint gone from the galaxy. However, the Plague took their place. Irkens infected with the Plague could pass it onto any other Irken, without even needing to touch or be in contact with that Irken. It destroyed their ability to reproduce. Irken propoganda swore it was simply because sex was a pointless ideal and that cloning was such a cleaner process.
With some difficulty, and for the sake of preserving the Irken race, the Almighty Shortest worked with the Vortians on a new kind of cloning technology. That technology would evolved into the smeet factories deep down below Irk's crust. Soon the Almighty Shortest succumbed to a mutated version of the virus, it was made just for him. The Killiks made sure that once he would become infected it would mutate and kill him in the most painful way possible.
It did.
Good Irk...this has become complicated... thought Zim as he shifted through the data, the Almighty Shortest had the specific genes to become 5'4'! Not as tall as Red or Purple, but frankly an astounding discovery. He shifted through the rest of the samples. At least a third of the samples contained in the vials were genes of very short, but undeniably powerful and genius shot irkens. Then did that mean it was an explanation about why most Tallests were extremely...eh...it would treason to say so, but seeing as both Red and Purple were without a doubt one of the most stupid irkens he had ever seen. He caught himself and looked around in paranoia before shutting off the programs containing his research.
"Computer," spoke Zim as he walked towards the turbolift. "Yes?" "Create a serum and the simulations for what would happen if i were use it."
Skool, Lunch time. Cafeteria.
Lunch time as usual, with the regular high toxic plutonium embedded within the cafeteria food, supposedly first confirmed by Einstein when he himself was eating at his labs. His friends Ivan and Dillon were the two people to talk to the school about it, the cafeteria denied it, somehow managing to hide the homemade nuclear reactor that heated the food.
Zim poked at the obviously fake cafeteria food cautiously, as did every single boy and girl in the room, reading from a history book he had borrowed from the library. That was until a certain worm-baby broke the usual chatter. "Whats the matter, ZIM? Earth food too toxic for your alien tongue to eat?" drawled the large-headed Dib with his eyes gleaming through his glasses. Zim sighed and turned back to the human, "The cafeteria food is always toxic. Why do you think no one eats it?" Dib opened his mouth to say something caustic in return, but oddly enough found himself defeated for the moment.
Zim turned a page slowly, enough to provoke Dib into another accusation. "And that book, why're you even studying it? We don't even have a history class at Skool!" "What, I can't even read now? I'm bored, besides, this is the only other book thats actually interesting enough in the whole Skool library. Unless that is too complicated for your large-headed cranium to understand, Dib." Savoring the hatred and defeat on Dib's face as he continued to hold the bored facial expression on his green features, Zim chuckled inwardly as he turned back to the chapter on World War II. "Pathetic human worm-baby..."
Dib slouched back to his table amid the laughter, most of which was directed at him. Gaz glanced at her brother and smiled as she hit level ninety-seven, "You got pwned Dib. Face it." "No I didn't, he is working on something...I know it! I hacked into his base, and I found tons and tons of data from the probes I put in...Theres so much data on my computer I had to get extra data chips to hold it all...They'll all be translated into english by tonight and then I'll have enough evidence to..." Dib's rant was cut short as a muffin hit him in the face.
He picked himself up, slightly dazed and confused as he touched the muffin attached to his large forehead. Then Zim's voice rang out from the far side of the cafeteria.
"Heres a pork cow, so shut up!" Kids started jeering and laughing until a random boy shouted out, "That a freakin muffin!" "SILENCE, you will not speak to Zim about pork or cow muffins!"
Dib ripped the muffin off...ooh its chocolate...He shook his head like a rhino and launched himself onto the offending alien. Zim apparently knew what was about to happen and jumped out of the way. Before landing onto the mutant cafeteria lunch, Dib saw Zim's eyes glint evilly as the history book struck the back of his head, making him see stars and mutant cafeteria lunch.
"FOOD FIGHT!" shouted Zim as he took off through the doors leading to the classrooms. Dib stood up, his eyes covered in tears from the pain and hobbled after Zim, only for a packet of what looked like an eyeball...
SPLAT
A/N: Sorry for the short fic here. Decided to add a little fight. Review plz.
- TaRVa