The Tallest Gene

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.

Zim's base

"Master? I'm hungry."

Zim raised a nonexistant eyebrow and turned in his hoverchair to look at his robot. He was reviewing the few reports the Computer had filed in response to his order on self-experimentation. GIR's cyan eyes peered back imploringly. Like a hungry robot earth puppy.

"Ehhh, don't we have food in the fridge?"

"I ate it all," replied the defective SIR unit dejectedly, "Its empty now."

"But I just stocked it up yesterday," exclaimed Zim in surprise, "Don't tell me you ate it all already!"

"Umm," mumbled GIR as he shuffled his feet nervously, "Would it make you feel better if I lied?"

The Invader stared at his robot servant for a few minutes before sighing violently and digging into his red-pink and purple uniform and pulling out a wallet. "Heres seven hundred earth dollars," he said, picking out the with his clawed hands, "But. You can only spend fifty dollars. Heres the list of food I want you to buy."

During his two year stay on earth, Zim's appetite had been on mainly Irken carbohydrate 'SNACKs', which soon grew tiresome. Human meat was soo polluted to devour. The water and sea-life were the same. The base's water system cleansed the water vapor around it and collected it into pure drinkable liquid. Over time, Zim developed a taste for vegetables and breads. His temporary episode of germ-phobia evaporated as his attration to bread pastries increased. Taste buds for fruits were apllied when he devoured an apple-pie for reasons best left unknown. His own garden (attached to the hydrolics system) grew fruits for his and GIR's general consumption.

GIR took the pro-offered money andran off with a squeal of pure unadulterated delight. "I'm gonna get myself some donuts!"

"Get me a couple chocolate ones," yelled Zim after the SIR unit as it rocketed up the elevator shaft without pause, leaving a GIR-shaped hole in the elevator itself. Now that the excitement was gone, Zim returned to looking over the report.

The Computer had decided that injecting the gene-spliced serum was a risky move. There was fifty-percent chance that the serum would cause his body to swell up and explode. The same chance would also happen, by turning his body into a metamorphosis cacoon and slowly change his body into that of a Tall irken.

Both chances were extremely risky, too risky for the ingeniousness of Zim to be done over so. Surely thre was an alternative? "Computer! What if I were to take it, in gradual doses?"

"Uh...umm...hmmm," pondered the super computer thoughtfully, "I suppose that could work. Your metabolic rate of energy consumption is naturally high. If you consume more food, your body will have more energy to convert into cells during your-"

"So I need to eat more while taking the serum, increasing my meal size over time?

"...Uh...yeah. I suppose."

"When is GIR coming back?"

There was a resounding crash upstairs, many levels up with a certain SIR unit shouting, "LUCY-GOOSEY! I'M HOME!"

- - - - -

Membrane Residence, Dib's Room

"Zim. I'm going to rip that damn alien apart with my bare hands," growled the parascientist darkly as he slapped together several panels of motherboards fashioned from several old computers in the garage. Soldering irons sealed several brightly colored wires to the superconductor that was surrounded by cannabalized irken technology. His laptop had proved to be unsalvagable. Fortunately, he had a backup disk that held the last updated system for his recently heart-attacked laptop. Unfortunately, he hadn't updated it in a month. Better than nothing.

He pulled some wired around the cylinder and soldered the ends to the conductor, "Once I finish this, put in a new firewall, I'll be sure to send Zim a nice thank you present."

He giggled, which blew into an overblown laugh. He laughed until-

"Son, you had better not be using my experimental narcotics! Those aren't ready yet!"

His laughing spree cut short, Dib returned to building a new computer in silence.

Been awhile since I last updated this. Fortunately, my muse has returned. Hurrah!