The Tallest Gene

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.

"Are you sure about this?" Droned the slightly apprehensive monotone voice of the Computer, "This is dangerous to your health. There is a forty percent chance of survival-"

"Do not lecture me on the conclusion I drew up myself," said Zim with a glare, "I have been ingesting the dosages regularly with my food. The loss of sugar in my diet is...saddening."

Irkens were beings whose diet developed mainly of carbohydrates and only a few essentially nutrients. Almost all of which were fatty and full of sugar. Their bodies processed food very fast, making obese irkens exeedingly rare. For Zim, this meant his diet were made of little to no sugars, less carbohydrates, and quite a lot of nutrients of a variety of quantity that any normal Irken would need. Unless they were growing Taller. The serum that he had created reacted badly to highly concentrated amounts of sugars and carbohydrates. At first, Zim thought his high metabolism rate would burn the carbs and sugars faster than the serum could react to it. He was wrong. With multiple tests ending in failure, he concluded in order to take the correct dosages, he'd have to gradually starve himself.

Each day that passed, his bright green skin paled. Predictably, Dib noticed and jeered loudly that his mortal enemy must be suffering from some sort of disease. The fact that Zim made a extremelyaccurate presentation of being a buffoon that was trying to hide something in vain made Dib feel all the more happy.

Dib got detention for pulling a scalpel out at trying to gut Zim with it after that. He was also assigned a counselor later that afternoon.

But that smelly pig-stink got one thing right, each day that passed made his body feel sicker and sicker. His PAK converted processed carbohydrates and sugars constantly to create energy for it's user, but could not do so fast enough to sustain him. Even so, in the face of starvation, the serum's effects were indeed working. Zim could feel it as he trudged up the steps of his base.

He could feel it even as he closed the doors. His eyes.

Distantly, he could hear GIR crying out in surprise as he fell forwards onto the ground.

- - - - -

A week later...

- - - - -

Dib was worried. Extremely worried. Zim hadn't appeared at Skool for five days straight. His absence was noticed only by him and Miss Bitters, the latter being more happy by the second. She personally excused Zim's absences as sick-leave. He recieved a lashing for his continued questioning about it. He ranted to everyone, his father, Gaz, and anyone else who would listen. On the evening of the seventh day, he entered the alien's mockery of and ordinary home.

He had infiltrated Zim's base dozens of times. But it was the first time he had encountered no resistance whatsoever. No defense Gnose, security systems. Not even Gir. The house was dark, looked and smelled unused. The lifts that lead down to the base deep underground below were inoperable. He managed, climbing down into the bowels of the base. The computers were flickering, with only white static to show the human paranormal investigator for his troubles. He jacked his newly constructed laptop into a nearby computer console on the wall. Quickly he initiated several programs and ran sixty-eight hundred quad-trillion numbers and cracked the security password in a few seconds. His eyes ran over the irken data, reading the alien language once, and again to confirm what he was reading.

The entire base was completely devoid of life, let alone the alien he was looking for. His eye caught a stray data symbol and tapped on his keyboard. There was a single room in the entire base, and it was where all the power was being headed into. The translator finished it's work, showing two words: Medical Bay.

- - - - -

"Masta?"

Zim opened his eyes slowly. The light seemed to darken, giving his unused eyes time to adjust. "Gir," he rasped, "Where...am I?"

"You fell over and died, and then I got the 'puter to bring you to the doctors and then you were like this for a...a week," came the garbled reply.

"A week?!"

He shot up, out of the vat of slim that had kept his body going for the entirety of the Growing Stage. Immediately, he knew something was wrong. The place seemed suddenly so...far way.

"W-wha-what is this?"

"The experiment worked," droned the Computer, "I had to shut down all power to keep you alive, but it worked. You are now Tall."

"How tall?" Whispered Zim hoarsely, "How tall?"

"Seven feet three inches," replied the AI in monotone voice hesitantly, "a full foot taller than...the formerly Tallests themselves..."

"Even taller than even..." Rasped Zim as he stumbled about, his naked flesh now thin and muscled. No fat remained, all muscled and 'buff' as human would call it, tough meat, and thinner than a Rogash Corndog, "Heh...ehehheheh...hehaha...Hahaha!"

"With this...I shall take my rightful place as the Almighty Tallest," roared Zim, straining his unused newly formed vocal cords, "Now I shall rule the Irken Empire!"

The Computer and Gir joined in laughter with their master as an amazed, shocked, awed, and totally gobsmacked Dib watched from his computer laptop.

Suddenly, the lights turned on. Every computer ran diagnostics and security systems rebooted. By the time the patrol bots were doing their duty in the many hallways of the base, Dib was already out of the house and running pellmell to his house.

He had proof. For the Swollen Eyeballs, but will it be enough?

Or will it be too late?

DONE! Hallelujah!