"Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly,
Afraid to loose control.
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.
Every step that I take is another mistake to you,
And every second I waste is more than I can take.
I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there."

—Linkin Park

Lost Control
By SpacePirateGirl

Chapter Four

This was the moment. This would be the hardest few minutes of my life. But I would bear it. If they didn't forgive me, I would understand. But they needed to at least know why I had done what I had done.

As I approached them cautiously, Naruto stole a few warning glares in my direction, and Hinata avoided my gaze. They were sitting under a tree outside, our usual spot to eat at lunch, and I sat down at my usual place beside them.

"What the hell are you doing here, Sakura?"

It hurt to hear his voice dropping the suffix for my name. But I deserved everything they threw at me. "Yesterday was not what you think."

"Then what the fuck was it?"

Hinata finally glanced at me, and Naruto pierced me with his knowing, blue eyes. I struggled to withhold a wince. "I still hate Sasuke. I would still kick him in the nuts if I got a chance."

"Sakura-san, why? Wh-why did you sit with him in math?" Hinata's voice was so gentle, yet so upset inside. I could hear the slight tremors of nervousness in her voice, warning me she was about to cry.

"He offered me a deal, and I took it." I bit my lip as Naruto, in a rage, stood up and stared down at me angrily.

"Sakura, we're not buying it! Why don't you go sit with him and his minions? Why don't you just become one of them!"

I didn't move. I promised myself to leave, just as soon as I finished telling them. They needed to know, to understand. "He said if I did whatever he told me for the rest of high school, he would stop picking on us—including you two. You're my friends, even if I'm not yours. I wanted to protect you. Sasuke told me not to tell you the truth."

Naruto's outraged façade fell, and Hinata wiped away her tears.

I stood up and began to leave. They didn't want me. I didn't blame them. I'd betrayed them . . . I felt a hand touch my shoulder, and surprised, I looked back. It was Naruto. Hinata stood right behind him. "What?" I asked.

"We . . ." Hinata trailed off her unfinished statement.

"We never expected that of you, Sakura-chan," Naruto said for her. "You shouldn't have to live through Hell, just so we can be happy."

I looked away from him. "That's what friends do."

"No, friends live through Hell together, and they still are happy." Naruto forced me into a deep hug, and soon Hinata joined the embrace.

Even though Sasuke would probably enforce his half of the deal by bothering us more, Naruto was right. We were friends, no matter how time changed us. I could feel all of us, together—happy. I could feel warmth, and finally I remembered what friendship could be. It was elation, joy, love. All warm.

"Stop it!" screamed an aggravated voice in the background.

I felt chills rush down my spine when I recognized the voice. Hinata and Naruto also seemed to feel warning shivers. I broke away from them and headed toward the noise.

"Green hair? You trying to challenge forehead-girl? So lame . . ." Ino.

I heard a noise that was definitely a punch, and then a yelp of pain.

"You're such an idiot," said another voice. "Wouldn't it be obvious if we hated Sakura, then we'd hate you?"

I reached a crowd of people and tried to push through. Naruto caught up with me and helped me get forward. As we pushed and shoved, more voices caught my attention.

"Besides, if you wanted a bright color like Sakura's pink hair, then why'd you make it that yucky green? It looks like a fat person's shit."

The same girl made a groan as if she was trying to escape. "It wasn't my fau—ow! Stop it!"

Finally I burst through the crowd, only to see exactly who I had imagined getting beat up. Tenten. Her hair was no longer in its two buns but long and down to her mid-waist. The color of it was definitely the way Ino and the others were describing it—a dark and sick shade of green. A few bruises littered her face, and Neji was holding her arms behind her back as Kiba stood in front of her face. Ino watched from afar, throwing taunts and insults at a safe distance. Sasuke stood next to her, though he did not appear to be enjoying the show.

Before Naruto could stop me, I raced up and stood in Kiba's way. "She said stop." When he didn't respond, I fixed him with my most angry glare. "Stop!"

"Loser. Defending your own copycat, huh?" Kiba laughed dangerously.

But then Naruto rushed to my side, also blocking Tenten from Sasuke's friend. Apparently Kiba and Neji didn't like the odds for they glanced at Sasuke, saw he wasn't in any mood to fight, and backed away. I turned to Tenten, who had fallen to her knees, breathing heavily. The crowd began to dissemble. Neji, Kiba, and Ino were gone. And so was Sasuke. Then the four of us—Naruto, Hinata, Tenten, and I—were alone.

I saw a small hat thrown disdainfully at her side. I knew it was Tenten's. Reaching over and taking it, I handed it to her.

"What's that for?" she demanded crossly. "They already know."

Naruto helped her up. "For luck."

She took it and placed it on her head.

"Stop hanging out with Sasuke." I adjusted her greenish-brown bangs back into place. "It'll always lead to this."

Jerking her head away from me, Tenten took a step back. "Think what you want about Sasuke. Just stay away from me." She began to walk away, but her legs just didn't seem to have the strength. Her body fell to the ground with a sickening thud.

Raindrops plummeted onto my face. An instant storm. Those didn't happen often. While inhaling in the warm smell of raindrops, I tried to help Tenten up. She pushed me away firmly. "Leave me alone!" I didn't want to listen to her. I wanted to help. Naruto had to drag me away before I abandoned the hope of bringing her to the nurse's office.

From under the tree, we began to eat lunch with Hinata. I could still see Tenten laying on the muddy blacktop, facedown and unmoving. Raindrops fell like needles from the sky on top of her. Why did she want to be left alone?

Hinata noticed me staring at her. "She . . . She doesn't want to be embarrassed. She feels weak, and . . . she hates it."

I frowned. "But it's not fair."

Naruto put a hand on my shoulder. "It's the truth."

OOO

"Sasuke, what the hell were you doing back there?" He was heading toward the bus and about to board. I had questions though, and he wasn't leaving until he gave me my answers.

"Back where?" he lied. Then he sighed and glanced at the bus again. "Sakura, my only ride home will leave any minute now."

"Too bad, so sad. You have some explaining to do." Why he didn't just get on the bus and leave was beyond me, but I would take any opportunity flashed my way. "Why didn't you stop them from hurting Tenten?"

"You think I cared?" Sasuke snorted and began to walk off.

"She's your friend."

He stopped.

"The way you just stared at what was happening to her—God! It makes me sick!" I drove down the tears threatening to surface. Why did this upset me? Things like this happened all the time. Why did this particular instance hurt?

Sasuke faced me, his expression cold and dark. "Do you think I could have stopped them?" He shook his head in answer to his own question. "This is a cruel world. It's either bully or be bullied—or watch from afar. In this world somebody will always get hurt. I just chose to watch is all."

"When Naruto and I interfered, no one got hurt," I countered. "You can't base your future on your past. Things change. You can change."

"Why the hell do you even give a damn—"

A voice rang clearly from behind us; "Sasuke!"

I glanced over my shoulder to see Tenten, limping toward us, almost half-crying and half-trying to be brave. The hat hiding her hair must have been discarded, and I wondered who had died her hair the sickly shade in the first place.

The Uchiha waited for her to reach him before allowing her to sink in his arms. That was when she started sobbing hysterically. "They sprained my ankle. I can't run. I can hardly even walk." She choked out the words, instead of taking the chance to breathe. "I can't . . . make the basketball team now. The coach won't even let me try, ever since . . . she saw my ankle. Can I . . . Can I come home with you?"

I scowled as her speech rang clearly in my ears. All this time, I had been arguing on her behalf. "Tenten, why don't you hate him? He didn't lift a finger to help you!"

She didn't answer. She completely ignored me.

Sasuke answered for the weeping Sophomore in his arms. "She knows how cruel this world can be."

With Tenten still leaning on him heavily, Sasuke got on the school bus. Only seconds later, it zoomed past, leaving a nice trail of dust as a memoir. I finally realized how much about Konoha High, my own school, that I had never understood.

OOO

The rain pelted against the glass as I stared out the window. Thunder and lightning attacked the silence every few seconds. Hinata jumped each time. I sighed and took her hand in my grasp. Some childish traits just never went away. Naruto's eyes faced the floor, gloominess written all over him.

It wasn't as if we played outside. We usually just talked for a while indoors. But for some reason, the rain had forced silence upon us.

I knew I was only unnaturally quiet because the speech Sasuke had given me rang clearly in my head—Naruto had been friends with drug addicts, he had been one? Sensing the heavy weight in the air, Naruto had remained quiet, as well; neither of us really knew what to say. And Hinata was always quiet.

Finally I couldn't hold the temptation to speak down any longer. "Sasuke told me things." Vague, but still I had managed to say something.

"Wh-what sort of things?" Hinata asked.

"About you two."

Naruto shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.

"He said everyone's done drugs, and that you two weren't spared," I explain while trying to keep my wavering voice calm. "Of course, I don't believe him . . . But I do think we should all be honest with each other. So . . . I've never done drugs or drank. Hinata?"

She shrugged. "I didn't do drugs, but, well . . . O-one night, Neji brought all his friends over for a party, and I was just l-lonely. No one would talk to me. So I drank one glass. I haven't since then."

My head dipped into a firm nod, believing yet not critical, and then I turned to Naruto. "You?"

"Yeah . . . Lots actually." He kept his gaze locked on the floor and avoided both of ours. "My parents died. Everyone kept saying that smoking and drinking stuff would make everything better, so I tried. It worked at first, and everybody suddenly became friends with me—something that had never happened before."

So Sasuke had been right. "What made you change?"

"Well, it was you, Sakura-chan. You were always happy, but you didn't drink." He grinned widely, and I smiled back.

Silence overwhelmed everyone again, but this time, there was no unspoken question, no lasting regret. Comfortable. Warm. But all good things weren't meant to last. Suddenly the air felt different and full of ominous foreboding. I wanted to shrink back into the armchair, never to return. I felt lost . . . helplessly lost. And I wondered if it was some sixth sense people had when something bad was about to happen. Almost as if someone was about to die.

No.

Almost as if . . .

Someone wanted to die.

No, who did I know that wanted to die? I pushed the thoughts away.

The phone rang, but no one made a move to get it. Three rings passed before I finally stood up and checked the caller ID. An unknown name. I sighed again and picked it up. "Hello?"

"You were right. About today."

I drowsily rubbed my eyes. "Who is this?"

"It's me."

Him! "How did you get my phone number?" I glanced from Naruto to Hinata, who were both staring at me with interest. Did one of them give away my home phone number, and then had it somehow gotten to Sasuke? He hadn't answered my question, so I figured I would never find out. "Never mind. Why are you calling me?"

"To apologize."

"You? Apologize?" I shook my head and began to pace. "What do you want?"

"To apologize," he repeated.

"No." I laughed for a minute before getting serious. "Really, what do you want?"

"To fucking apologize!"

I bit my lip. "Oh."

"Listen, she should be pissed at me. I don't know why she isn't. Maybe she's just confused—"

I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. "Slow down please. Who should be pissed at you?"

"Do you have short-term memory or something? Tenten!" He sounded so upset on the other line. He sounded ready to explode. "For years she hasn't made the basketball team. Middle school, elementary . . Her lay-ups have always been crappy, and everyone at her school that tried out has always been one of those athletic boys. She worked forever to fix them this year. I promised to help her make sure she didn't fail. I promised!"

I wanted to put my hands over my ears to drown out the noise. He was seriously getting worked up. It was getting me agitated. "Why did you call me? I'm sure Ino or someone else would be better—"

"You're the only damn person who understands at that retarded school!" he yelled. "I promised to help her make it! I even offered to bribe the coach, and now . . . Now look at what the hell happened! Do you realize what I did? I just watched as she got beat up, and . . . I . . . God, you were fucking right!"

"Okay, okay," I whispered. "Just calm down, okay?"

He took a deep breath, but I could still feel the tension. He was losing it.

"Listen, I'm going to come down there. Don't move until I get there, got it?"

He took another deep breath. "Yeah."

I sat down on the sofa and crossed my legs. "You promise?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, hold on. Don't hang up." I set the phone down at my side, and turned to Hinata. "Can I have something to write on? Fast please?"

She nodded and got into her backpack. Hinata was the neatest out of all of us, so I knew she'd find a pencil and paper the quickest. Naruto was hovering over me anyway, away from any source of writing. "What's going on? Who's on the phone?" he asked.

I shook my head, and took the notepad and pen that Hinata was offering. Then I picked the phone back up. "You still there?"

"Yeah."

"What's your address?"

There was a long silence before he answered. I scribbled down exactly what he said. "I'll be there in a few minutes. Don't move."

"Okay."

I pressed the off button of the phone and took the notepad with me when I stood. Naruto was right behind me. "Who was that?"

"Uh, Ino," I lied. If I told them it was Sasuke, they wouldn't help, and I knew it. "You have your license, right?"

"No, I lost it."

"I-I do," Hinata answered. "But . . . I'm not supposed to drive with my friends in the car until next month."

I glanced at her desperately. "This is important. I think Sas—Ino wants to . . . Well, she's really upset."

That was all Hinata needed to know. She trusted me. "Okay."

OOO

"Want us to come with you?" Naruto's hand was over my trembling one. "We'll help."

I shook my head and faked a smile. "I'll be fine, thanks." I gathered my things and stepped out of the car. Then I headed toward the huge mansion in front of me. The rain was still heavy, so I put my hood on to keep my hair dry. Only when I rang the doorbell did Hinata drive off with Naruto still staring anxiously in my direction.

I stood with one hand in my pocket, and one hand holding my bag. My legs shivered under the short skirt I was wearing. The door was answered a few moments later to reveal a very beautiful, raven-haired woman who was smiling at me. "Hello, this is the Uchiha residence," she greeted politely.

I smiled back at her. "I'm Sakura, one of Sasuke's friends."

Acknowledgement lit her eyes. "Come in." I entered the house and gratefully gave her my coat to hang in the closet. Staring at the woman as she led me to the elevator, I wondered how a parent like her could send her own son to a school like Konoha High.

"You have a nice house," I complimented instead.

She smiled again. "Thank you. Sasuke's room is the third door on the left."

I nodded, and the elevator door shut. When I reached the third floor, I followed her directions to the Uchiha's room. Hearing voices from inside, I paused for a moment to listen.

"It's not your fault," said a female voice. "You'd only have gotten in big trouble. You know I don't want that."

"I promised you."

"And you did help me with my lay-ups in the end. It's okay. I'll talk to the coach tomorr—"

"No, I'll talk to Anko tomorrow. She'll listen to me."

When I felt awkward listening in on the conversation, I knocked on the door. The steady rhythm of footsteps pounded against the floor, and the door swung open. I looked Sasuke up and down, hardly liking what I saw. A frown seemed to permanently taint his face, the skin on his face was tight and stressed, and his hands were shaking. But that was not what was worrying me.

It was his eyes. His usually cold and aloof eyes were suddenly desperate and begging. All rays of hope had vanished from them. He appeared ready to leap off a cliff at any moment—maybe not completely figuratively. I knew it was not just what had happened today. It was his whole life. He had always bullied people, always ruined their dreams. Maybe me being here wasn't the best idea. I had been one of Sasuke's victims, after all.

Entering his room without an invitation, I saw Tenten lying on Sasuke's bed under warm blankets. She appeared sick, and I wondered if she had caught a cold. I sat down on the corner of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Her brown eyes inspected me for a moment before she answered. "Fine."

My eyes returned to Sasuke, who had shut the door and sat down on a chair. "How are you doing?"

He didn't answer. It seemed as if he didn't know how to respond.

"It's eight o' clock," I said after glancing at my watch. "Have you eaten anything?"

Sasuke's head sank into his hands. "No."

I tried to look under his arms to see his expression. "You should eat something."

He shook his head.

"Come on, show me where the kitchen is," I told him, pretending he hadn't declined the offer.

Sasuke didn't move. I placed my hands on his shoulders and forced him to stand up. It wasn't hard. He didn't even fight back. Literally half-dragging him to the bedroom door, I promised Tenten that we'd be back in a minute and then left. As I forced Sasuke to walk down the stairs, he soon seemed to realize exactly what was happening so that I didn't have to drag him anymore.

We entered the kitchen. I found where Itachi had gotten the apple from the other day to give me, and tossed Sasuke one from the basket. He caught it and stared, but he never ate it. I pretended as though he had started to eat. "You like ramen?" I asked while looking through the cupboards. He didn't answer. Again, I pretended he said yes and started boiling some water.

He was crashing. How long would it be before he wanted to die? Even though it was against all good judgement, I started looking through drawers and cabinets while the water heated up, trying to find what he probably wanted most. It would help for the time being anyway. They have to be somewhere around here, I thought to myself. Finally I found what I was searching for. The package felt awkward in my hands, but nevertheless, I handed it to him.

Sasuke didn't seem to notice, so I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "You want to smoke?" I asked, holding out the cigarettes and the matchbox.

He shook his head. "I quit."

"Yeah, so?" I took out a match and lighted one. This was crazy, but I didn't see any other way to convince him. Carefully taking the smoking cigarette, I put it in between my lips. "It helps, doesn't it?" I said between puffs.

He shrugged but took one anyway and lighted it.

The smoke burned my throat as I inhaled it and coughed. I really wanted to puke . . . But then again, it wasn't as bad as my parents had made it sound. The minute Sasuke became dazed again I put out my cigarette and threw it in the trash. Long-term side effects were what was really the problem. I knew that better than most teenagers my age. My mother had been a heavy addict a while ago, after all—which was why I had retained my purity for so long.

The water began to boil, so I took it out. I opened the ramen package and dumped the water in. Three more minutes to go.

Sasuke suddenly walked toward the trash can and chucked his cigarette inside.

"What are you doing?" Not that I really knew how long cigarettes lasted, but I had seen people smoke longer than that.

He returned to his position of leaning on the counter. "I quit."

"Oh." He was making so much of an effort. I remembered the look in his eye the first time I had found out he used to be a drug addict. If I were he, I would take the chance to smoke again and rid myself of depression. And knowing Sasuke, he probably would probably want to more than I could ever know. But he had tossed the cigarette into the trash without a second thought. "Why not now?"

"You don't like people who smoke."

Me?

I resisted the urge to smile.

The three minutes were up. I handed him a fork and the ramen after he set the apple in his hand down beside him. Then I used the leftover water to make myself some. Another three minutes passed, and we ate in silence, neither of us moving to the dining room, neither of us speaking. At least with each bit of ramen he ate, he appeared less upset and less lost.

My cell phone rang when we were almost finished, and I answered after glancing at the caller ID. "Hey, Naruto," I greeted.

"Hey, you want us to pick you up? It's been two hours."

I glanced at the clock. It was ten. "Uh, sure, thanks."

"Okay, we'll be there in a few minutes. Bye." He hung up before I had a chance to say goodbye too. I knew by the time we were finished that Hinata and Naruto would arrive.

Finished eating, Sasuke's eyes had been on me the entire time I had spoken on the phone. "You don't like people who used to smoke. Why do you hang out with Naruto? He used to be friends with me, you know. He used to do drugs."

I took the last bite of my ramen. "He's a good person. I'd trust him with my life."

He didn't respond. I really didn't think he knew how. Finally he mumbled something about Tenten and began to head toward the stairs. I stopped him when he reached the front door. "My friends will be here any minute now. I should go wait for them. Say bye to Tenten for me."

Sasuke nodded and approached the stairs. He looked so much better over the time I had spent with him. He looked as if he could breathe again. I watched him climb the stairs and reach the second floor.

"Sasuke!" I called.

He looked down at me.

"You're a good person, too. You proved that tonight."

His shoulders relaxed, and his head dipped in a nod slightly—an acknowledgement to what I had said. I smiled back at him as we parted ways.

A/N: WOW, this chapter was sloppy, choppy, and... sorry, can't think of another oppy word. Maybe dopy.... Mm, Idk... :P Anyway, yeah, I hope you enjoyed. My next update might take a while, since I lost the written version of a small part of it, and I never typed it up. But... my updates have been a little few and far between anyway, so... Sorry! :D :D Anyway, please do tell me how to improve the whole drugs thing. :) I did some research, but... Seriously people, I just don't smoke. Or drink. LOl. So any advice on how to change the awkwardness of drugs in this story would be you-have-no-idea-how-much helpful. (Even if it's not your own personal experience, but just something you heard. Thank you!) Well, cya next chapter. Thanks for all those reviews last chapter, and sorry if I missed replying to a few (MAN, there were millions, thanks.) :D Cya!