A/N: Okay, this is going to be the crappiest chapter, I've ever, ever posted, and that's exactly why I never wanted to post it. :'( I wrote it so long ago, and it's so gay (for lack of a better word, lol)... But finally I decided to heck with it, and that I'd post it. It's not like I'm ever gonna completely revise it since my inspiration ran out about a year ago (which was when I finished writing the story), so... all I can say is.... I'm so sorry it sucks!!! Please forgive me!! Lol... Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, despite the stupidity of it... Sorry. :'( I feel so guilty, lol... I didn't even edit it at ALL since reading it again would completely change my mind about posting it... Thanks for all the reviews because they're what finally convinced me to post it and get it over with. Hope you like. :-/ -holds breath in anticipation-

"Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly,
Afraid to loose control.
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.
Every step that I take is another mistake to you,
And every second I waste is more than I can take.
I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there."

—Lincoln Park

Lost Control
By SpacePirateGirl

Chapter Six

There had to be a reason I would want to kiss Sasuke. Two weeks had passed, and I was sure I wouldn't live another day of this Hell. Every night, he would send me to his room. And every night, I would miss out on dinner in his room. Every night, I was trapped in his deals, in something I wished I could erase. I wanted to die even. Sometimes the nausea was so terrible, I just wanted to fall asleep right-side up and drown in it. At least, the pain would dissipate, and I could be at peace.

There just had to be a way I could love him, if only for a moment.

The door opened, relieving me of my thoughts. "Sasuke," I started.

"What?" He slammed the door shut.

"Can we just . . . talk tonight?"

At first, stubbornness was the only emotion in his eyes. But he didn't move. I waited patiently until an idea seemed to pop up in his mind, a light bulb could have went on above his head. And then the stubbornness vanished. "Let's play a game," he suggested.

I suppressed a sigh of relief. "What game?" The enthusiasm ripped through my voice like a shark through water.

"A mind game. You tell me something, and I tell you something."

"Oh." My enthusiasm had disappeared. I really didn't want to go around spilling my deepest secrets to him. But I didn't have much of a choice either. "So? What do you want to know?"

"Do you have a sibling?"

"Y—" No, a "yes" would be a lie. I would tell the truth, and hopefully Sasuke would tell me the truth. "No . . . I have—had—a little brother. He died in a car accident when I was five. I don't really remember him." I paused and thought of a return question of equal value. "Tell me how your brother used to be. That picture—" I pointed to the one upside-down on his desk— "showed you all together, and you were happy."

He didn't answer for a long, long time. I wondered if he ever would. He just sat there, in silence, in his own mind, probably thinking about whether it was worth it to tell me or not. Finally he said, "I'm tired of this game. Lay down on the bed."

"That's not how the game works." Somehow I stopped my arm's urge to just punch him in the nose. "I told you about myself, you tell me about yourself."

Sasuke's hands shot up and shoved me onto my back. The mattress stopped my descent roughly. "You do what I say. Got it?"

I nodded and winced. Tears welled up in my eyes and leaked onto my ivory skin. He played with my hair for a while. It was past my shoulders now, and the length partially pleased him. Sasuke still wanted it longer. I wanted it short again. Suddenly he leaned forward to kiss me. Preparing to be still and motionless for the rest of the evening, I closed my eyes and readied myself for the sinking pit in my stomach the moment his lips would meet mine.

The kiss never came.

Warily I opened my eyes, and saw him halfway there. Maybe he wasn't sure that he wanted this anymore. Maybe I would be free!

Sasuke avoided my gaze. "Itachi protected me. I thought he loved me. We played together, washed dishes together sometimes, watched T.V. together. It must have all been fake. I found out that one night."

What one night? I wanted to ask, but I knew his fragile mood wouldn't remain intact for long. It probably would crumble back to insanity before he got a chance to finish his story, especially if I spoke.

"It was nothing really," Sasuke continued. "I just woke up at midnight to find a knife to my neck. I was seven." His voice trembled as he spoke, though he tried to cover it up with a neutral expression. Even without all that, his hands, holding my shoulders down, still shook with each beat of his heart. "For a week he came to my room. He said, 'Sasuke, don't tell your parents,' each night. Except on the seventh day. 'Mother and Father are dead, little brother. Or they will be, at least. Someday in your near future. I'll rip out their organs in front of your eyes. Then I'll kill you. Warn them, and all of your death's will only come quicker.' I can't ever forget."

My eyes widened.

He turned away and faced the wall as he rose to his feet. "He's never been the same since."

"Sasuke . . . That's . . . That's terrible. You should have told the police—"

"Don't you think I've already fucking thought of that? What if he finds out? My parents will die and . . ." His desperate voice cut off in a wave of tremors. "I'll be all alone forever. Completely and utterly alone."

"No," I whispered gently. "You'll never be alone."

Never alone.

The wind pushed the trees against his window, and the brown branches scraped against the glass. I could hear, even though the drapes completely veiled the light of the bright, full moon.

Sasuke turned around, all evidence of his fear and grief gone. "You're the first person I ever told, you know. And the last."

This time, it was I who dropped from his gaze. "Become a good person again, and you'll never have to worry about this again. You'll never be alone. Never alone."

A chilling scream broke through the air as Sasuke and I at lunch. I longed to get up and stop it from happening, but my choices were limited. Stop the fight, and create more fights—one would lead to the other. I wished I could kick something. But that would cause a fight, too.

"I heard green's your natural color, you little baby," said Kiba, who had Tenten trapped under his weight facedown and in the dirt. "Why don't you just go dye it again? Cost too much?"

"You fucking dyed it!" she screamed. Her struggling began again.

Kiba shoved her face back to the ground. "Not the right answer."

"He's suffocating her!" I cried out and jumped up from the table.

Sasuke grabbed my hand. "He knows what he's doing. She won't die."

I glared at him. "How the hell does he know what he's doing? He's hurting her! Isn't that enough for you?"

He shrugged. "Lunch doesn't end for another thirty minutes, and teachers don't really come over here." He started reaching into his backpack and fished out a pack of cigarettes. "Want one?"

"No, thanks. I don't smoke." Glancing at the tiny crowd, I really wondered if none of them would so much as get help or something. I looked back at Sasuke, and gasped when I saw a held cigarette dangling in front of my face, already lit and everything. "I said no."

His hand didn't move. "Want one?" he repeated.

Finally I realized it was an order, not a question. No, this isn't right. And it wasn't right. But it was the truth. Hinata and Naruto—I just had to keep thinking about them. I took the cigarette.

A coughing fit erupted in my lungs immediately, and I gasped for breath. This thing hurt. But with every inhale of the smoke, the sight of Tenten being held, face in the dirt, being kicked occasionally—yes, it no longer became much of an immediate threat. Even when Neji walked over and traded places with Kiba.

I wasn't upset. But I could still be curious. "Why do they pick on her more now?"

Sasuke took a puff out of his own cigarette. "I'm not protecting her anymore. With the casual statements. You know, 'Let's go find Sakura to tease,' or, 'Class is about to start.' But I don't really care anymore."

The selfish bastard. I stood up and threw my cigarette away. Then I yanked Sasuke's out of his mouth and threw that in the garbage, as well.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sasuke had jumped to his feet, his onyx eyes glaring at every inch of my body, at once. It felt as though he could see through my clothes, through my skin, and into me. I shuddered. He already knew what was there anyway.

"That's what made you crash last time, remember? Besides, I am not making out with somebody who smells like smoke."

He rolled his eyes and sat back down. "That's your last free B."

I sat back down, slumping my shoulders, and rested my chin in my hands. I wanted that cigarette back so badly. Every time I heard Tenten yelp in pain from within the crowd of students. I wanted it back! Even though it tore through my throat and choked me, at least I didn't have to think about anything else except struggling to breath.

"Never mind, you're right," I whispered to Sasuke. "Can I have another one?"

"They're expensive. Stop wasting them." But he gave me one, nonetheless.

My one day of freedom—he had promised me the last Friday of the month. I could do anything I wanted on that day that seemed to have loomed so far in the future only days ago. But it had been a month since our deal, and since I had been so "good," he decided I deserved one tiny break.

I strolled up to Naruto and Hinata, who were beginning to walk home. They were first. No one else. "Hey, you guys." I took my place beside Hinata since Naruto was walking backwards to talk.

"H-Hello, Sakura-san," Hinata greeted politely.

Naruto nodded a greeting, though something in his eyes looked stressed. "So what's up, Sakura-chan?"

I could infer what he was really asking. "He gave me a free day." I shrugged. "Guess he had a nice streak."

Naruto grinned, but the gesture didn't reach his eyes. I looked at Hinata, who seemed just a tiny bit more nervous than she was before. "Is something wrong?" Obviously something was wrong. And I already knew the answer. I rephrased my question before asking again. "Should I . . . leave?"

"N-no!" Hinata nearly yelled.

I looked at her in shock. Hinata—yelling? I stopped walking when overwhelming grief hit me in the face.

Naruto realized my distress and put a hand on my shoulder. "Lots of things have changed."

Tears spilled down my cheeks. "So . . ." I couldn't say anything. They were my only friends. Where would I be without them? Some recovered fragments of a friendship with Ino. A half-lunatic for a boyfriend that would fuck me almost every night. One day of freedom, so wonderful, and yet with nothing to do, no one to hang out with. Had I really missed out on everything? "Are we still . . ." I couldn't even finish my own statement.

Naruto's hand squeezed and then let go of my shoulder. "What are you talking about, Sakura-chan? It's nothing to be upset over."

Right. I shouldn't have been upset. This was what I deserved. "Well, bye then." For some reason, my legs just wouldn't move. They were rooted to the spot, stuck.

"N-Naruto-kun," Hinata stuttered. She suddenly assumed a hunched position, one hand clasping over her mouth and the other one clutching her abdomen.

Naruto-kun. When had that changed? It had always been Uzumaki-kun.

"It's okay, it's okay." Naruto patted Hinata on the back. "Nobody's watching, except Sakura and me. Don't be embarrassed."

Hinata knelt down to the shrubbery beside the sidewalk and began to heave. Stunned, unable to move, I stared at her, and watched as Naruto rubbed his hand comfortingly on her back. "What the hell is happening?" I asked. "Am I still your friend or not?"

Hinata's fit disappeared, and Naruto glanced up at me. "Huh?" He paused and scratched his head. "Oh. Oh. No way, Sakura-chan! It's not like that! It's just . . . Well . . . Hinata and I have a problem."

Instantly fearful, I drew in a deep breath. "What problem?"

"Well . . . You see, I . . ." Hinata smiled. "Naruto asked me out. We've been dating for a month and a half."

Naruto grinned, and this time, it did reach his eyes. "Yep!" His face suddenly turned gloomy. "We were just . . . about to talk about what to do."

"About me?" I guessed.

"No, silly!" Naruto laughed for a few moments. "I was asking Hinata if she wanted an abortion."

A gasp escaped my lips, and my eyes widened. Them holding hands, Hinata so upset, Naruto so stressed, Hinata throwing up . . . It all made sense! "Oh, well, uh—I, um—I see. Congratulations?"

Hinata's hand rubbed around her abdomen. "I'm getting an abortion."

What?

"Whatever you want," Naruto told her. "It was a total accident."

I shook my head at them. "Why? It's . . . yours. Who knows? In ten years, you might not have something that's both of yours anymore! You might break up."

"No," Hinata spoke softly, as tears began to glisten near her eyes. "We won't break up. Besides . . . this baby. I don't want it to live like some of the kids at school do. It sounds awful, but . . . Would you want to live if you were this child?"

I debated the issue for a moment. Hadn't this past month been too much of a burden to bear? Hadn't I felt like dying every once in a while? Yeah, people always said that I didn't have it as bad as people in third-world countries, but . . . At least, third-world countries—the children were all the same. They were all in it together. But I had seen better. I could dream of living better. And I would never want my own child to live the life I was living. "You're completely right, Hinata. Completely right." I paused and a smirk tainted my face. "So Naruto, you didn't use a condo—"

My cell phone rang, and I checked the caller identification. Sasuke. "It's my free day," I thought out loud. But as I answered the phone anyway, my voice somehow decided to take a will of its own. "What?" it snapped.

There wasn't an answer. All I could hear was the sound of heavy breathing.

"Hello?" If this was a joke, it wasn't funny. I wasn't laughing. "Sasuke, if you want to go back on your terms, fine, but do it on your own time please?"

"S-Sakura . . . help me please." Sasuke. His voice was its usual coldness, but I heard the fear and begging inside, threatening to overwhelm him. "Please."

I ran my free hand through my hair. "Hey, I'm a little busy, right now. Call back later?"

"Please, Sakura. I'll do anything, if you . . ." He paused, and I heard him hold his breath. His breathing stopped. Any longer, and I would have hung up. But he continued from where he left off after quite a few seconds. "Don't come to my house, okay?" His tone was a whisper now. I could barely hear him.

Something was terribly wrong.

"Sasuke? Is everything okay—"

"Shh, shh. Whisper please."

I listened to him. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Itachi—he . . . My parents . . . If I . . . Well, you j-just should know. Don't come. I just needed someone to talk to before . . . he finds me."

Realization hit me strongly, and I froze. "What?" I had imagined the night he had spilled everything to me about his brother, or I had thought I did. But the tone of his voice, his words, everything—I had no choice to believe that I hadn't been dreaming. Just thinking about Itachi could scare me now that I knew Sasuke hadn't been lying to me.

His tone cracked under the pressure. "I'm scared. Really scared. Just keep talking to me . . . Please."

So sincere. "Where are you?"

A small pause. "The bathroom. The door lock works better here."

"You have to get away from that house."

"I'm trapped, Sakura. The only way is through the front or the back door, and they're three floors down. I can't . . ." He took a deep gasp of air and let it out. "He'll catch me. I can sense . . . him waiting for me."

"Just . . ." What could I do for him? "Just stay calm," I whispered. Then I thought. In the bathroom, Sasuke had said. There was a window in his bathroom. One with a screen and a removable windowpane. "Sasuke, does he know you're in there?"

"He knows I'm on the third floor."

I gathered up all the information on Sasuke's house that I could. There was also an overhang by the front door, though the bathroom wasn't over that door. There were a few ledges for each floor, however. Just for decoration. I thought it looked nice, but this could save Sasuke's life. "Okay, listen. Look out the window. There should be a ledge."

I heard soft footsteps as he tiptoed to the window, and a little creak as he took off the screen. "Yeah, there's a ledge."

"You have go on that ledge, and climb sideways—"

"Hell, no, please. God, Sakura—"

"Now's not the time. It's either that or through the door."

A pause filled with heavy breathing. "I understand," Sasuke said quietly. "Do you have a plan after that?"

"I've crawled through a window before. If you want to make it ambiguous, you have to pull the screen with you. It's good leverage, so you don't fall out anyway." I closed my eyes and prayed that he wouldn't fall. "After that, climb toward the front door. It's two floors down. Just climb the ledges, and you'll get to the over frame. Or just hide there for a while."

I heard a slight moan. "I'm going to die," he whispered.

"I'll call the police. They'll be there in a few minutes. You'll be safe."

"No police." His voice was strained and terrified. Trying so hard to stay calm. "Please don't call them."

"Why not?"

"The knife. It has my fingerprints on it . . . I—"

"Explain it to them. They'll understand."

He choked and held back another cough. "You don't get it . . . Just . . . No police." I heard a loud pounding noise. It seemed powerful enough to break down the door—Sasuke's bathroom door. The pounding continued, and I heard Sasuke begin to sob. "He's trying to break in. I'm scared."

"The window, Sasuke, the window," I whispered. "Your only chance." Then I hung up. Sasuke's house was within walking distance. I ran, ignoring the strange glances Naruto and Hinata gave me. I kept running and running, the wind pushing away all my tears. I had a plan.

As I ran, I dialed the police's number. The minute someone answered, I screamed Sasuke's address. If I was right, Sasuke wouldn't have climbed out the window. He sounded way too terrified to try that. We needed the help of the police.

After two minutes, I reached his house, and indeed, Sasuke was not up there. Bravery. I had always wondered what bravery was. The absence of fear. The understanding of fear. The succumbing to fear and forcing it to help you. None of those. I realized that it was the ignorance of fear. Ignorance, such a foul word.

The door to Sasuke's house was unlocked and nearly unhinged. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and raced to the kitchen. Itachi wouldn't hear me from the third floor. I knew that from experience. Grabbing a knife, I raced into the elevator and rose to the third floor. There was an overwhelming silence until I reached the bathroom. No Itachi pounding on the door, screaming to be let in.

Yet there were voices.

I listened to the voices. The first was Itachi's. "I warned you. All those years ago. Did you forget?"

"No! No . . . Please . . . don't kill me." That was Sasuke.

"Stand up." A pause. "You're so obedient today."

I crept forward behind the man who should have been Sasuke's brother.

"Now, move closer. We don't want the blood to spill." Another pause. "Good, good."

If Sasuke saw me, he didn't say a word. So absorbed in doing every damn thing his so-called brother told him to do.

"It's time now, Sasuke. To erase everything you have done. Be brave. Just do it now." I could hear the smirk in Itachi's voice. And then gasped when Sasuke brought up the knife he was holding.

And held it against his own neck.

"No!" I screamed and held the knife up against Itachi's back. "Don't move, any of you!" Everyone froze.

Except for Itachi's surprised face, which turned around and stared me in the eye. "You. You were always protecting him, you were. I expected you."

I sunk the blade into his body without thinking. All thought had already been long gone. Anything to save Sasuke from himself—and his brother.

Itachi sank to his knees. "I . . . I'm sorry . . ." He fell to the floor.

The instant he was down, I rushed to Sasuke and pulled the knife from his hand before throwing it out of reach. He had looked at it as if not knowing exactly what it was. It was already stained with blood, stained with his parents' blood. And he had held it to his own heart.

I hugged him and forced him back down to the ground. His hands and chest were warm with crimson liquid that rubbed off on my own clothes. From the amount of his parents' blood on his shirt, I knew his parents would probably die. I only hugged him tighter. Suddenly his arms clutched back and held on to me, his only grip on reality. "What do I do?"

I laughed without emotion. "Explain everything to them. What can they do but believe you? Besides, you're already in the worst school of the country. What worse can they do to you?"

His eyes grew glazed again, and I moved the hair from his face. "You're fine now. You're fine."

The police were arriving. I had heard the sirens, the sirens of the emergency, the sirens of trouble. I did not kiss Uchiha Sasuke.

The sirens were too loud.