Chapter 2.
Shape Shifter
In the morning it was warm in my hole, but it was also damp and I felt like my body heat had melted the snow. I dug out a bit and looked around at the bright morning. The scent almost knocked me over and I cowered in the den afraid to come out. I waited for the attack but it never came. I carefully looked out of my hole and saw the area was covered with tracks; so many tracks the snow was packed down with them. And the scent was strong even though there wasn't an animal in sight. Then I heard laughter.
Not growling, snarling, purring, wheezing, or any other animal noise, but real human laughter. I had nothing to cover myself with so I ducked back into the hole, all but my eyes and the sound got louder. When I saw him he was crouched down about 20 feet away. It was a man. A very large and mostly naked man watching my hiding place, and laughing at me! He stood up and I saw that he wasn't just large, he was easily the biggest man I'd ever seen! I would have thought the NBA had misplaced one of it's players if he didn't look more like he belonged in an old western movie. He had long black hair, and reddish brown skin. He wore nothing but a loin cloth; an honest to goodness Tarzan and the Apes loin cloth made from some kind of animal skin! I tried not to look since right then I'd have given anything for something like it.
He laughed and smiled as he approached, then squatted down right outside my hole. "Are you ready to stop running and hiding from me my beautiful tikaani woman?" I wanted to pretend I wasn't there, but he already knew. Besides if I played invisible he might just take it upon himself to dig me out, or worse, join me inside.
"I don't know who you are, but you can just go away and leave me alone!" I tried to sound menacing, but it sounded weak and whiny even to my own ears. And then he was laughing again.
"Will you tell me your name so I'll know who has stolen my heart?" He was still crouched and looking for my eyes in the opening of the den. "You can call me Keelut, it's an Inuit name. Please relax, I won't hurt you, I could never hurt you!"
I found myself kneeling in the cold, damp hole trying to look at him without giving too much of myself away. "I'm Leah Clearwater, and I'm not coming out of here so you can just go away!"
Again he laughed, "Leah. So the goddess has a name!" He stood then and I watched him do some kind of strange dance outside my den, all the while chanting my name. As I watched some things started to get through my sluggish brain. One was that he was clearly a native, a different people from my own, but not that different. Two was that the temperature had to be hovering in the low teens Fahrenheit and yet he was dressed for the jungle and didn't seem to be cold; even his feet were bare. The third thing was what was just starting to dawn on me; he was incredibly handsome. And strong with a wide muscular chest and biceps that looked like he worked out regularly. And the rest of his body seemed to be proportionate in strength. 'Stop looking!' I tried to tell myself, but still my eyes watched his every move!
He turned again and came back to me, then he laid out flat on the snow and peered into my hole at eye level. He knocked a bit of the snow away from the hole, and I was worried he was going to pull me out, but he stopped. "I just wanted to look at your face Leah." he smiled and I felt that scent hit me again. It was warm and sweet, and natural and I found myself breathing it in as his face came closer to mine. He reached into the opening and took my face in his very large hands. "So beautiful! I didn't think I would ever see another like me!" He leaned in and I thought he was going to kiss me. I felt his incredible heat and tasted the scent coming from him and pulled away from him in a panic. He laughed again and moved away from me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. We're the same Leah Clearwater, I'll show you." He took several steps back and I watched mesmerized as he changed into the large wolf I'd encountered. He paced in a circle and I watched amazed as he sat outside my hiding place. His large tongue unrolled and he sat watching me. I backed away from the opening and changed myself since I wouldn't be breaking the tribal secret. Wolves never had to worry about being discovered in the nude. I dug myself out of the hole and joined him on the outside.
He picked up the scraps of leather in his mouth and tossed his head to the west, indicating that I should follow him. We ran tirelessly for hours and he seemed to have a place where he was going. I followed him easily keeping up with the pace he set. It was late in the day when we came out of the woods into a clearing. We were in sight of a body of water that had the smell of the ocean. The whole area had a beauty and tranquility I could even admire as a wolf. When we stopped he walked around a tree and a minute later came back in human form wearing the little leather loincloth and a smile. "It's not the best way to travel, but usually I don't run into anyone out here. Come along, I live close by."
He lead me along a short distance from the shore line and I walked behind him following his scent. When we came to an area that looked like humans lived there he smiled and opened his arms wide to indicated the whole area. "Home sweet home." There was a small wooden shed set back against the trees with a canoe and a kayak up against it. There was an area, surrounded with wooden benches and small boulders, that was obviously for a campfire. And there was what looked like a cellar door barely visible under the mound of snow.
He walked over and pushed the snow aside to reveal the angled metal doors that were actually set back into what looked like a mound of some sort. He tugged on the doors and they opened with a huge protest. I could tell that it took incredible strength to lift the doors, and he made it look effortless. I saw there were stairs leading down but I was reluctant to go. "Please Leah, you don't need to be frightened." I wasn't afraid, or at least I wasn't about to let him know that I was. I went through the doors and down the stairs. His scent was strong inside and he followed me, closing the doors behind him with a heavy thud.
"It's got all the comforts of home so long as your tastes aren't too extravagant." He lead the way turning on the lights as we passed through a main room and past a small kitchen . To the back of the structure there was a large bathroom and an even larger bedroom. He opened the closet in the bathroom and pulled down towels and a new toothbrush and then went into his bedroom and opened drawers to pull out clothes. "I noticed you don't like to be dirty, so if you want you can take a shower and change. I'm just dying to talk to you face to face, but I can wait a little longer!" He smiled and closed the door on his way out.
I waited a few minutes to make sure I was truly safe, then changed back to human form. I found his shower and the hot water felt like a miracle after being in the cold for so long. I washed my hair for the first time in what must be months and it had grown halfway down my back! I got out feeling clean and ready to be human again. He'd given me a soft chambray shirt and a pair of boxer shorts to wear. The shirt was huge on me, and the shorts fell right off. I rolled up the sleeves and made sure the shirttail covered me; it came to my knees! I combed out my hair, marveling that it wasn't matted or full of parasites from my months as a wolf. I carried the towel and shorts out with me and heard him in his kitchen.
He had washed up and dressed in a flannel shirt and a pair of well worn jeans, and his feet were still bare. I could smell food cooking; some kind of omelet from what I could tell. He turned as soon as I came out and his eyes lit up at my transformation. His smile was huge and his eyes locked onto mine. He came to me and took the clothes from my hands, tossing them absently into a basket. "Just look at you, you're stunning! He was standing so close, invading my personal space and yet I didn't ask him to move. He brought his hands up and ran his fingers slowly through my damp hair, leaning in to smell it even though it was his own shampoo. He brushed my hair back and leaned closer, smelling my neck and bending forward as his nose followed the opening of the shirt.
"That's far enough!" I put my hand on his shoulder to gently push him back. His muscles were rock solid and it was only because he wasn't trying to resist that I was able to move him at all!
"You smell wonderful! And you are so beautiful!" He backed off suddenly, rushing into his kitchen to save the omelet he was making. In minutes he had it divided onto two plates and he carried them into the main room. He poured two glasses of milk and even brought me a cloth napkin and we sat on the couch to eat from his coffee table. "I know it's not much, but I don't get much company." I had already started to eat and I was in heaven just enjoying the simple pleasures of cooked food warmth and cleanliness. I watched him as I ate and he didn't seem to be nearly as interested in his food as he was in me. "I tell you what, why don't you eat and I'll tell you a bit about myself, okay?" I nodded.
"Well, I was born in the village you were watching last week. I grew up there; learned to hunt, fish, and trap and was home schooled by my mother. I had six siblings and I was the last one in the line. I was a dreadful fisherman and almost as bad as a hunter. Dad knew I wasn't cut out to follow him and do what his family had done for generations. So I went to Anchorage and started working. When they came through to put in the pipeline, I was the first in line to apply. The job was hard, but the pay was great and after two years I had money saved up. I enrolled in college, and earned a degree in engineering."
I finished my omelet and was looking at his when he smiled and slid it my way. "You go ahead, I'm too excited to eat." Anyway I liked engineering; building with my hands, designing new structures and all that. But I was in love with the outdoors! I guess even though I'd never become a hunter or fisherman I was still ideally suited to become a forest ranger; so I took the required classes and that's what I did! There are so many parks and preserves in Alaska I had my pick of jobs, especially when they discovered I was native and could regale visitors with legends and history about the area. I was a happy man with satisfying work and a great future ahead of me." He looked at me as I was halfway through his omelet. It was delicious!
"I was working in the Denali preserve when people started to disappear. Mostly visitors who had a tendency to get lost and hurt themselves anyway, but it was happening too often, and not just to newbies, but seasoned veteran hikers were disappearing. I was the one who found the bodies. I guess they weren't supposed to be found since they had been dropped into a deep crevasse, but I knew how to read the signs, follow the animal trails and watch the circling birds. The predators were trying to get to them since the smell was overpowering, but the access was down a narrow opening and I had to use climbing gear just to get myself down into what was obviously a hiding place, a kind of natural garbage can.
There were dozens of bodies in there! All of them decaying and all of them completely drained of blood. They were so empty they were like dried husks that once were people. It's the only reason there weren't more signs of decay. I climbed out and radioed for investigators and it took weeks to identify all the dead. It made the papers that there was a serial killer stalking the parks in Alaska. The killing seemed to stop, and so did the disappearances, at least for a while. The next one was too close to home. I'd gone back to my village for a visit when one of the teenagers went missing. We searched for her but her parents just assumed that she'd headed out to look for greener pastures like most of the kids do these days. I found her two days later. She'd been drained and then set on fire. If the melting snow hadn't put out the flames we wouldn't have been able to identify her.
I went home that night and experienced my first change. The first time I became the only animal I really knew; a husky. I was the biggest sled dog anyone had ever seen and I had no idea what was happening. It was in those first few weeks when I was learning how to control what was happening that I got my new name. Some of the old villagers suspected that I had something to do with the animal that had been seen stalking around the perimeter of the village. They started calling me Keelut which roughly translates to evil earth spirit with the appearance of a dog! That there could be a name for what I was astounded me. At first I denied everything, but then I stopped, and sort of embraced the whole legend. My real name is Kyle...not very native or interesting. Besides it didn't really matter to me that a few villagers believed I was a monster. I still had family there and most people didn't believe the story.
But that changed one night when I stopped a young girl from getting raped by some visiting fishermen. They were sneaky and they'd lured her away from the village so they could have privacy. She was only thirteen and I heard her when she started to scream. They thought they were far enough away that her cries wouldn't carry, but I heard. I found their camp and attacked them; I don't even remember changing. The four men were mauled by a vicious dog that night. One didn't survive....but that little girl did! I didn't live in the village, but I couldn't even visit after that because the people were terrified to be around me. People I'd grown up with and known all my life would avoid me like I was a monster. The legends and superstitions are strong among our people and I was no longer welcome in the village where my parents and some of my siblings still lived. I went back to work and discovered ways to control the change. As long as I held my temper and there weren't any obvious threats to anyone around me, I had no problem not changing.
But one night I discovered another purpose for what I was. I ran across another body drained of blood, and the trail of the one who had been killing in the park. I changed without even thinking and followed it. What I found was a a supernatural monster! It ran from me, leaping into the trees and racing with the speed of something out of a nightmare. And I was able to follow it! When it finally stopped running I found I faced a girl! She couldn't have been older than sixteen and she was beautiful. She almost killed me because my mind refused to believe that she could be the monster that had been killing people. She attacked with speed and ferocity and I fought for my life. Every bite I took was nauseating and I made sure she couldn't get her own teeth into me! When the battle was over she was dead; torn to shreds by my own teeth and claws. When I was able to change back I set fire to what was left; I don't know why but I've since discovered that it's the only way to truly kill them.
Once I found out that the creatures existed I decided I needed to be stronger to fight them. I had a lot of opportunity to study other animals. I spent months hiking through the wilderness watching animals; learning their shapes, their habits, their calls and their cries. When I found a coven of the vampires I changed, but that time I was an eagle; a huge bald eagle with an enormous wingspan, and I flew to the top of the trees and watched them. I was there for weeks, and I learned that they were not murderers. At least not of humans. I think the one I found must have been a wanderer passing through, but I also know there are more of them out there."
I listened to his story and became more interested as he spoke of changing into different animals. Why was I limited to a wolf when he was not?
"I found that after a while I could also shift into the form of a bear. It was an amazing experience! Raw strength and power....and fearlessness! The first time I changed I was a bear for a week before I even thought about changing back. Then I spent time as a wolf which was equally exhilarating. I've been otters, foxes, and even a caribou though that made me nervous since I had no real protection against predators. I haven't been down to the lower forty-eight states much lately, but I hope to take time someday and study the mountain lions. I've also been taking trips further north to study the polar bears and snow leopards."
I was hanging on every word. It registered somewhere in the back of my mind that he had been the grizzly, the eagle, the snowy owl, the fox and the wolf that had followed me. That explained his scent which stayed the same. I still didn't know why he had followed me or even how he recognized what I was. I was still thinking when I realized he'd stopped talking. He sat just looking at me and I started to feel uncomfortable.
"So, what's your story Leah? Did you come looking for someone like you or had you given up like I did?"
We were both on his couch and he was sitting so close I could feel the heat coming from him even though we weren't touching. He was so tall I had to look up at him even while we were sitting; and I'm not short myself at six feet even. I could also still smell his scent. It wasn't sweat or any kind of body odor, but a smell that was more like a pheromone; a part of his presence. I was beginning to like it very much.
"I didn't come looking for anything really; just peace. I needed to get away from the others; there was just too much to deal with!"
"Wait!" he interrupted, "do you mean there are others like you? Like us? How many are there?" He looked so excited and yet I was trying to figure out if it was safe to tell him since it was a tribal secret.
"Yes, there are more sort of like me and sort of like you. But as far as I know I'm the only female of our kind, and I've never seen any others who could choose to be different animals. We'd always considered ourselves to be werewolves, and we are ALL wolves; all seventeen of us. But recently we were told that we were shape shifters and that real werewolves were more in tune with the phases of the moon than their own moods and control. That the real ones are more like monsters than we are."
"Seventeen!" He seemed shocked. "I've lived the last 25 years thinking I was the only one!" He shook his head in wonder and gave a slight laugh. "I still can't believe it." He then looked at me and reached out and softly touched my cheek. "And you're the only female? Just my luck, with sixteen others to choose from you must already be married or spoken for." He looked like that idea was extremely disappointing.
"Well, that's part of the reason I left. There are now two packs, and my pack is full of my close friends and family. The other pack is lead by my ex-fiance; and he just got married this past fall. Since we fall into packs under an alpha male, he gets to decide what we do whenever we change. His word is law. The two alpha's are Jacob and Sam, and Sam married my cousin Emily after imprinting on her. Several members of both packs have now imprinted, and since we share our thoughts when we change it has gotten very difficult for me to listen to all the emotions they're carrying around about their soul mates." I stopped talking since I was confusing even myself so I knew that Kyle might have some trouble following my story.
"You mean to tell me that you can read each others thoughts? That's amazing; what a gift that would be!"
"You would think so, but it also means that you can't keep anything secret or private. Everyone got to know just how much it hurt me when Sam chose Emily. Every horrible thought got broadcast through the pack. And I got to see how he felt about his chosen one every time we changed! It's one thing to lose the one you love, but to know he can still get inside your head or broadcast to you his most intimate thoughts about someone else – it's awful!"
"So, you're the only female, and you're in love with someone else?" He stroked my cheek with a look of tenderness and sadness in his warm brown eyes. "Tell me about imprinting, the only thing that comes to mind has to do with baby birds identifying with the first thing they see as their mother."
I watched him and it seemed his happy demeanor had changed. I didn't know him well enough to be sure but he looked like he was almost depressed. "We were told through our legends that it could happen but it was supposed to be rare. It seems that some of the pack would imprint on the one who would be their perfect mate. We suspect it's to help strengthen our bloodlines, or keep them pure, but we're really not sure what is behind it. It's an instant connection that's totally involuntary, and I've seen it through the eyes of my pack often enough to know what it feels like. It's as if their chosen one is the center of the universe. As if she is the only source of happiness in the world. Nothing else matters but her. She is the reason for living and without her he would die. He will wait as long as it takes for her and he will become whatever she wants him to become. It goes beyond love to a point where its almost a physical connection." I smiled at him. "I'm not sure who came up with the term since it really doesn't fit. I guess soul mate was just too cliche."
"So, the one you love 'imprinted' on your cousin and left you behind? And you had to witness the most intimate thoughts he has about her, and then watch them marry? I can't think of anything more painful! Is that the reason you left?" He touched my cheek again with his big, gentle hand.
I felt the warmth of his hand and saw the concern in his eyes and suddenly I found it difficult to even remember what it was that I loved about Sam. "I didn't leave because I couldn't stand it anymore. I'm sure that's what some of them will think. In fact I'd already gotten over most of the hurt, and I'm in the other pack so I'm not always reminded of his feelings; we can only hear the thoughts of our own pack. I actually left from his wedding. Not because I was upset, but because I could see a way to be free! As long as I stayed I'd always be the ex-girlfriend. The one he dumped. I was ready for a change; and once I witnessed the final bond between them I knew I could say goodbye! The last little thread that held me was cut!" I smiled at him. I wasn't running from something but toward something."
"And here you are!" he smiled joyfully. "I can't tell you how grateful I am that you made it here! Being alone isn't bad most of the time, but sometimes it's the worst feeling in the world. It makes you question your whole reason for existing, like the universe made a mistake." The look on his face told me he'd experienced that kind of loneliness many times. "How did you find me? I mean why did you come north instead of ….going somewhere warmer or even tropical?"
I laughed. "I followed a hawk!" He looked at me confused and I explained. "It's a long story, but I just left myself open for something new to happen and it's as if my ancestors sent me a sign that I needed to go north, and go immediately! It's been a very good decision since warmer weather attracts more people, and I've been keeping clear of people as much as I can. When I saw your village it reminded me of home. It's so peaceful and simple and uncomplicated; I only planned to stop for a little bit, but I found myself drawn there again and again to watch the children playing after school, and the fishermen coming back in off the ocean. And the women gossiping while they go about their daily errands. It's almost like home; except there are no werewolves....or I guess I should get used to thinking of myself as a shape shifter. When I saw the grizzly bear I was as scared as I have ever been in my wolf form."
"I'm so sorry about that!" He impulsively reached out to touch me again. "I never expected to meet someone like you! I was so overwhelmed I didn't even think about changing back, I just knew that I needed to catch you, or at least follow you. You run so fast! I didn't have time to change or I knew I would lose you. When you turned to fight, I had no intention of attacking, but you came at me like the fiercest animal! You were so brave; to bite a grizzly bear would have been a big mistake for a normal wolf. I wanted to show you that I was bigger and stronger than you but that I didn't attack back. But you ran again." He laughed. "You were so hard to follow I finally changed into an eagle so I could keep an eye on you."
"So you were the bear, the eagle, the owl, the fox and the wolf! How is it you knew what I was but I didn't know what you were?" I was still confused.
He became quiet. I was afraid he wouldn't answer me but then he spoke. "I have started keeping an eye on my village. I worry about the people and they've hit some tough times. I try to make sure wild animals don't cause any problems, or human animals don't get into trouble. Most of the young people leave and don't come back so there's no one to look after everyone else. About five years ago someone opened a bar in the village, so now alcoholism is a problem.. And so I try to keep an eye out whenever I can. That's when I caught your scent. Wolves are bad news when they come in so close to human settlements and I knew that as a bear I'd be just the thing to scare any wolves far away from here." He smiled apologetically.
"When I saw you I was stunned. You were the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen, and easily the biggest wolf. And your scent was....I mean is so alluring! I came after you because I just needed to! I had no idea what you were, only that you were leading me on a chase and I was helpless to follow you. Each day I chose an animal that wouldn't threaten you, hoping that you would turn around and head back to the village. When I showed up as a wolf, I had such a great time playing with you! You are a much better wolf than I am and I am awed by your ability to compensate for my greater size and strength. I'll confess that I considered staying in my wolf form for as long you would accept me if it meant that I could be with you. But you surprised me and escaped. I didn't follow you as a wolf since something I did clearly terrified you." He continued to watch me with his clear brown eyes. I started to add up his story and realized he had told about the passing of about fifty years, but he only looked half that age!
"Leah, I had to find you, so as an eagle I was able to locate your tracks, but the wolf tracks turned human. That's how I knew what you were! I stayed nearby and waited for morning. Then I saw your eyes when you first peeked out this morning; beautiful human eyes!" His eyes never left mine, and his smile rarely left his face.
"So you didn't know what I was? You were chasing a wolf halfway across Alaska?" I had trouble believing what he was telling me. It suddenly felt very hot in the room and I wondered if I would be able to open his heavy doors on my own without changing if I needed to get out in a hurry. I was starting to get an idea of what he was about to tell me.
"Um...yea. It sounds so weird when you put it that way! I don't know why, I just had to! I was ready to search everywhere for you if I lost you....I just....needed to be with you!" He looked like it was starting to dawn on him what I already knew. He'd imprinted on me! Or whatever you wanted to call it. Me! "Do you think that we've got some kind of....bond?" he looked amazed at his discovery, and I felt my stomach turn over. "Leah! Is this what you were talking about? Heaven help me if I don't have more sense than a baby bird!" He stood up suddenly, agitated. He ran his large hands through his long hair as he took several quick steps away from me. I felt the heat coming off of him and suddenly he changed and I was faced with a large silver fox, wearing a flannel shirt and trying to shake out of a pair of jeans! It whined at me, then approached slowly to drop it's head into my lap.
I reached out to pet the soft fur and his eyes looked at me adoringly. "You do make a very lovely fox." I smiled and scratched behind his ears. "So, do you still like me as a fox? I mean maybe if you just avoid all the animals that mate for life you won't feel so....connected to me." He whimpered and licked my face.
"Great. I come all the way to Alaska and find puppy love." He yipped at me, then turned and padded into his bedroom dragging the shirt with him. At least he'd learned not to destroy his clothes during the change; I'd like to learn that one myself.
When he came back out he had on different pants and the same shirt. "I'm sorry about that Leah....are you okay? I was so close to changing into a bear but I was afraid I'd hurt you! It's just a lot to take in!" He sat with me again and I looked him over. Aside from being tall and solidly built he was handsome, with a strong jaw, straight nose, and thick brows over his deep-set dark brown eyes He had a small white scar by his ear and it looked like he didn't have much facial hair. In some ways he reminded me of Jacob; an older more rugged Jacob with a narrower nose and wider eyes. But then again he didn't look anything at all like Jacob....maybe it was just that intense look he had after his imprinting.
"Leah, what's wrong?" I hadn't realized I was so caught up in my own thoughts. He reached out and touched my face again and I nearly jumped. "Please, talk to me....I'm going to need some help with this!" He edged closer to me, resting his hand on my shoulder, touching me softly with his fingers. "Have any of them gotten over this 'imprinting?' I mean certainly there has to be an exception....I mean what if the girl is just not right or is unavailable, what then? Leah, please don't keep looking like you want to run away again!" I heard the panic in his voice as he moved his hand along the back of my neck.
"One of our pack imprinted on a two year old girl. He's waiting for her to grow up, apparently we don't age while we are able to change. My pack leader imprinted on a....an infant girl who is not like us! She's part human and part vampire and he imprinted just as he was about to kill her! She will grow fast, and he's totally devoted to her. He had been in love with her mother before she was born!" I watched him wince at that story. "And then there's my Sam. We were in love, planning our wedding when my cousin came to visit. That fast it was all over! He even ruined her face when he got angry and changed too close to her and he adores her even more!" As I told the story I realized I was over Sam. Completely.
We sat looking at each other. His hand was on my neck and I felt him slowly pulling me closer to him as he leaned in toward me. I knew he was going to kiss me and I wanted to let him. I was shocked to realize the only man I'd ever kissed was Sam. I wondered if it would feel different with Kyle. When he tilted his head and his lips brushed mine I felt the response from his body. His other arm came around me and I was wrapped in his arms as he kissed me deeper. There was his scent, but it was a taste as well, like warm muffins and fall leaves; sweet and naturally earthy. I wanted more! I pressed back against him, kissing him while his hands moved through my hair and down my back. He was delicious! Honey from the woods, sweet watermelon and fresh cut grass, fresh pressed apple cider, marshmallows toasted on a stick! Warm, sweet, natural, and fresh! I could feel my heart thudding in my chest and the blood rushing through me, and the alarm bells trying to warn me that things were spinning out of control. Oh yeah, this was definitely different!
I had to tear my mouth away from his. I gasped for fresh air while he turned to try to kiss me again. "No! Stop, I can't do this!" I wrestled out of his arms as it finally started to register that what he wanted wasn't going to happen. I stood up and smoothed the shirt over me to make sure I was covered and still somewhat decent. "Kyle, I don't think the females imprint! I haven't anyway, and I know my cousin hasn't. And I seriously doubt the little girls have either. I never thought about it before; it's a one way bond at first. I don't know why I never realized that before!" I watched and I suspected he'd already had a long look at my body and he was now watching my face again.
"What I'm trying to say is I like you. I think you're one of the most handsome men I've ever met. I love your scent, and your kisses. It would be so easy to just do what comes natural like animals. But I'm not an animal! And I didn't fall instantly in love with you! I need time Kyle. Time to let my heart and mind catch up with what my body feels." He looked confused, then he smiled and nodded.
"At least you're talking about time and not another chase!" He grinned and stood . He came and stood looking down at me. "I will give you all the time you need....I've already waited twenty-five years for you. Just promise you won't run away from me." He traced his fingers down my arms and laced his fingers with mine.
"I won't promise I won't leave....I take a promise very seriously. But I want to stay in this area ...I want to get to know you better." I smiled at him and he pulled me gently into his arms. I rested my head against his chest listening to his strong heartbeat. I'd never felt like a short person before but he dwarfed me. I put my arms around him and he kissed the top of my head.
"Stay here Leah." When he spoke I could hear his deep voice rumble from his chest. "Stay here with me. Not just in the area, but here. I'll make room for you and I won't push you into anything. Now that I've found you I can't stand the thought of losing you! There are so many dangers out there....I would go crazy if something bad happened to you and I never found you again! Stay here Leah....with me." His arms tightened around me and I was reminded how Jacob couldn't stand to be away from Renesmee for any length of time.
I moved to loosen his hold on me and looked up at him. "I have three conditions."
He smiled down on me, "name them I'll do anything you ask!"
"Okay, first I want you to teach me. If I can I want to learn to change into other animals. I want to find out what a shape shifter can really do."
He grinned. "Done. I'll be happy to teach you what I know, but I'm still learning myself. It will take some time....at least it did for me. I'd love to teach you Leah." I was getting a thrill just hearing him say my name. So different from the way my friends, pack, and family said it; with an edge of irritation.
"Next, I'll have to insist on separate sleeping areas. I noticed you only have one bedroom and I won't share that with you...."
"Done." he interrupted. "You can have the bedroom, I can sleep anywhere.....that won't be a problem. I'm not trying to lure you here to seduce you....unless you think that would work?" He grinned mischievously for a second. "Don't worry, I'll respect your boundaries and your privacy."
"Well, lastly I'll need to contact my family. I'll need things if I'm going to be human again. I'll need to let them know where I am and that I'm alright. They can send me the things I left behind like money, drivers license, and other identification. I'll need clothes....not that I don't appreciate your shirt, but it's barely modest."
He was smiling down on me. "You can wear anything I have....you look so tempting in that shirt! But I can take you somewhere to call your family. I don't have a phone since we're so far out even cell phones won't transmit. I can take you to a village to call, or we can just fly over to Anchorage and shop for what you need."
"Fly to Anchorage. You make that sound as easy as catching the bus!" I smiled and loosened his grip on me which had gotten tight again.
"Leah, this is Alaska. Nothing is easy, but most things are possible. We can fly to Anchorage because I fly a plane. It's a little Cessna but it will get you there! It's almost a necessity to fly when you live as far as I do from civilization. I've got my pilot's license, and I belong to a flying club and we share a couple planes. I don't need much here, but if I couldn't fly in supplies I wouldn't have any choice but to change into an animal to survive. Humans are high maintenance creatures." He looked at me like he would gladly take on the challenge where I was concerned. "So it's settled, you're staying here!" I felt his heart beat faster and I'd run out of conditions.
"Yes, I'll stay here, Kyle." He smiled and tipped my chin up and his eyes locked onto mine. When he lowered his head to kiss me I thought I knew what to expect, but still he took my breath away. The way he tasted and smelled was almost overpowering, like eating fresh cherry cobbler by the lake, or french vanilla ice cream in the rain. He was birthday cake in a summer meadow, and sugar cookies by the garden. I was enjoying the silken texture of his hair between my fingers before I even realized I had my arms around his neck! I wondered if this is what Emily felt when Sam kissed her. Sam....I tried to think of him and I couldn't even remember what he looked like! There was only Kyle, and his amazing kisses. 'Think Leah, think!' I had to remind myself that this could easily go too far, then I had to shut up the part of me that responded with an eager 'yes!'
It was even more difficult to tear myself away from his kiss, but he let me go, looking down on me with an amused twist to his lips. "I think you like me more than you want to admit. Are you sure you haven't bonded with me?" I could hear the teasing in his voice but I wasn't ready for him to know how much he affected me. I twisted out of his arms and backed away.
"Tell me, are all men so full of themselves, or is it just you?" I heard the edge of anger and sarcasm in my voice and saw the affect it had on him. I probably could have slapped his face and it wouldn't have hurt as much. I hated to see how easily I could wound him, and I hated to see the old defensive Leah showing her face. I bit my lip and hurried to apologize. "I'm sorry Kyle, you didn't deserve that. I guess I've got a few defensive walls that still need to come down." I laid my hand on his cheek trying to smooth away the hurt look.
His big hand grasped mine and he brought it to his lips, kissing my palm and my wrist. "I won't hurt you Leah I don't know how this works but I know if I hurt you it will only hurt me worse. I want this...no I need this to work out, and I'll do whatever it takes to help you trust me. I'm not ever going to set you aside for someone else. I won't break your heart Leah." His eyes were open and honest and I felt one wall come crashing down.
He said all the right things, but it was too soon! I knew nothing about him. I didn't know what his favorite food was, or the names of any of his family members, or even where he went to college. I didn't know if he wanted a family or even how he made a living. "What's your favorite food Kyle?" The question popped out before I could think. He stepped back with his eyebrows raised looking at me like I was crazy.
He looked confused for a minute, then smiled. "Just my luck to fall for a crazy person! I pour out my heart to her and she responds with food questions!" He was teasing me again, but at least the tension between us was broken. "I've never met a food I didn't like. But there's this fish stew my mother makes that's....well, it's not really all that good now that I've seen more of the world and tried new things. But it was my favorite growing up and it reminds me of home."
I smiled back at him. "I wasn't trying to change the subject. I just want to know more about you. I feel like I'm working backward since I can already feel the attraction between us but I don't even know a thing about you. I don't know who you are, but I know you're going to mean a lot to me some day. At least that's how it's working in my own tribe." I was embarrassed, but he pulled me closer to him.
"Well then let me see if I can help you get to know me faster." He was smiling again and he pulled me back toward his bedroom. I was in the doorway before I realized where he was going and I stopped in my tracks. "Don't be afraid Leah, I have something I want to show you in here." I could hear he was teasing me, but he was also serious. "Trust me just this once."
I let him pull me into his room. It was huge, with a gigantic bed carved out of pine logs in the center. As soon as I could drag my eyes away from his bed I saw one of the things he wanted to show me. It was a window running the width of the room at shoulder height facing toward the inlet outside. The view was amazing and I could see the sun setting across the water. "I love how every night I can lie here and watch how the sun seems to get caught in those two tall pines." He pointed out the window down the beach where the land curved toward the water.
"It's beautiful! It feels like I'm right on the beach. Thanks for showing me." He stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders and I turned to smile up at him.
His smile was back. "That's not what I brought you in here to show you, but I'm glad you like it. He moved and opened up what looked like it should be a closet and pulled me inside. I didn't expect another large room, but it was just as spacious as his bedroom, with another window facing the beach. I was starting to get a mental picture of his house more like a sectioned underground den with all windows facing the beach. I didn't remember seeing all this glass from the outside so I was even more amazed to see it on the inside.
He turned me from the view to show me the room. "This is my studio, it's one of the places where I work." I looked at his work and I was stunned. He was an artist and a photographer! Everywhere I turned were paintings and photographs, and the subject was similar in all of them; nature. I saw every animal I could name and some I couldn't as well as beautiful landscapes from the mountains, forests, and seas. I recognized the view outside the window in a few, and I saw some animals that I recognized as the ones he changed into. I wondered if he set the camera up and used a timer to get the perfect shot. He noticed me looking at the photograph of the menacing grizzly standing like it was attacking. "That one's me. I've been in a lot of nature magazines!" He posed like the bear, with arm raised and mouth open and I had to laugh.
"You're beautiful when you laugh. You need to do it more often." He was smiling at me again and I bit my tongue to keep from saying the nasty comment that came to mind.
"I'll see what I can do about that." I smiled slightly. "So what do I look like when I'm not laughing?" He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me.
"You're beautiful then too." He touched my face as he looked down at me. "I've got something else I want you to see." He smiled and stepped into a corner of the room. I watched him work his way past dozens of canvasses to reach one behind all the others turned toward the wall. " I painted this about twenty years ago. I'd already started into photography, and of course learning all about the animals. I took a class on painting offered by parks and recreation and this just came to me." He held the canvas and I could tell it had been there for quite a while. He didn't even look at it, but instead he was smiling at me. When he finally turned the canvas my way I was stunned. He'd painted me! It was a perfect representation of me except that my hair was still short. In the background was a wolf with the same eyes. Anyone would be able to see that he had captured the spirit of the wolf in the woman....but it wasn't just any woman, it was me!
I was speechless. I wanted to accuse him of painting it a few months ago, thinking that maybe he'd somehow seen me, or worse yet was somehow stalking me. But it was clearly old enough that it was showing signs of wear and needed cleaning. I also knew he couldn't easily lie to me. "I had this hung on my wall for several years; hoping that I would meet someone like her. I felt like I knew her and those sad eyes have haunted me for years. I called her my tikaani woman, that means wolf in Inuit. Then this morning I saw those eyes! Leah, I'm not sure what this means, or how you explain it, but considering all I've seen, I've had to come to terms with the existence of magic or the supernatural. You say you need time, and I understand that. But even if I didn't 'imprint' on you, I've been halfway in love with you for twenty years!" He set the painting on a nearby easel and I couldn't help but stare at it. No doubt it was me, in fact It looked exactly like what I'd seen in the mirror the day I left.
It seemed there was overwhelming evidence that we belonged together. I wasn't sure if I was reassured by it or irritated that the choice was taken away from me. Part of me wanted to deny that this was happening. I couldn't take looking at my face in the painting so I escaped to the other room where the setting sun was making his room as shadowed as my thoughts. He caught me before I could flee further and pulled me close. The last rays of sunlight danced in his brown eyes as he looked down at me. "Leah I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overwhelm you. I know this must be a lot to take in all at once. It's just been a very long wait for me; I'll get over my excitement and stop pushing you. That's really not my intention; I just want you to share my happiness!"
I was about to attack him and let him know how confused and scared I was about everything, and that happiness was the last thing I felt. But then I looked into his eyes and I had to smile. Wasn't this what I was too afraid to dream for so long? I relaxed in his arms and looked up at him. "You poor guy, you've been waiting all these years for your dream girl to show up. I can't help but be afraid that you'll be disappointed. I'm not some fantasy, and I have a mind all my own, and a mouth that gets me into trouble too often."
He grinned down at me. "I'm not disappointed at all! You're more than I ever expected Leah. And besides, I think I can keep your lovely mouth from getting you into trouble...." He lowered his head and kissed me, sending my mind spinning in too many directions at once. I felt safe and loved and the wonderful taste of his kiss. I felt confusion over my own feelings and fear of what my future held.
I was barely conscious of sitting on his gigantic bed, or his hands tracing down my spine and through my hair. The sun disappeared leaving a faint glow on the horizon and his room was almost in total darkness. I felt his body on mine but I didn't remember lying down. Part of me wanted to let it happen; a big part of me. But there was still a small part trying to fight it's way up from all of his persuasiveness. A part that wanted to do things right and not make a mistake when I was so close to finding happiness. I pushed him away and struggled to free myself not so much from his arms but from my own willingness to acquiesce.
"Kyle....we need to stop.....please!" Almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth he let me go and sat up. I could hear him breathing hard in the dark and I stood up, very conscious of the inadequacy of the shirt I wore. "I'm sorry Kyle, I'm not trying to lead you on or send you mixed messages. You're very hard to resist, and I've never felt like this before."
I heard him chuckle in the dark. "You tried to warn me that your mouth gets you into trouble....I was just thinking you meant your words!" He stood up and walked over to gaze out the window, then he turned to look my way. "I'm hungry....are you as hungry as I am?"
"Kyle, I need you to understand that I'm not going to sleep with...."
"....food Leah, I'm talking about food! I haven't eaten much the last few days and someone ate my lunch this afternoon. I'm starving and I wanted to know if you were hungry too." I could almost hear him laughing, and I was thankful that he'd broken the serious mood.
"Now that you mention it....I have gotten used to eating after dark. And I'm sorry I ate your lunch." I was heading for the door of his bedroom and he followed me.
"Okay, now we have a choice to make, either I can cook for you whatever I can find in the fridge, or....we can go hunting together! I'd love to hunt with you Leah, or cook with you if you'd prefer." We were in the kitchen and he was prowling through the sparse contents of his fridge. He had a cupboard full of canned food, but not much fresh. I felt confident that I could cook him a good meal with what he had on hand, but I knew that it would only be as good as the can it came from.
"How about we go hunting together tonight, and I'll cook for you tomorrow? I'd really like to get out and run a bit, and it will also give me a chance to check in with the pack back home." I smiled. "I forgot about that connection; I'm always trying so hard to hide my thoughts I forgot I could use it for something positive. I won't need to use a phone if I can get a message through to Jacob. He can send me my things if you can give me an address of where to send them. I'm surprised I didn't think of it sooner! We hardly ever use phones back home, I must have had a lot on my mind to forget that detail!"
He wrote down the address of a P.O. box he used in a village where they still made mail deliveries and warned me it would likely take a week or more to get a delivery. I memorized the address before we left through the big heavy doors. We agreed that we would change in different places and when we got back we'd be able to change and dress before we went back inside.
He held my hand and stroked my cheek in the dark. "Be careful out there!" I ducked behind his shed and changed. I took some extra time so that I could let Jacob know that I was alright and what was going on. I told him I was ready to be human again and I needed him to send clothes, cash, I.D. Etc. He had a lot of questions, and I gave him some basic answers, but I was anxious to run with Kyle. In minutes we were racing through the woods and I was trying to clear his scent out of my thoughts so I could hunt. He was a wolf with me and we had fun playing for a few minutes before we began hunting in earnest. It didn't take us long to find a trail and I almost backed away. I had only brought down one moose since the animals were gigantic and I felt it was wasteful to kill something I couldn't eat. But Kyle wasn't deterred at the thought of so large a meal.
It was exhilarating to hunt with him. We worked well together as I distracted the animal while he moved in for the kill. Afterward I let him eat first as the alpha, but he seemed more inclined to share or wait on me. I backed off, sending a clear message that I would wait. I'd found that the more I stayed in the wolf mindset the easier it made it being a wolf. For most things I had to give up being Leah in order to be the best wolf. When it was my turn to eat it was the wolf mind that allowed me to eat what was left without being picky. When the meal was finished he surprised me by spending several minutes licking the blood from my fur. It wasn't wolf-like, but he remembered how I hated to be messy.
We must have spent at least another hour running and playing on the way back to his home. I didn't notice at first, but Jacob was listening in, observing my thoughts about Kyle. "He's imprinted on you Leah!" I heard him loud and clear across the miles. He was happy for me, but curious. "We want to meet him! I'll check the Quileutte legends about others like us. In the meantime should I tell Sue to start making wedding plans?" I heard the teasing in his thoughts, but there was some seriousness too.
"Don't push it, Jacob! Don't tell anyone yet, I'm not ready to share! Just please send my things for me and let everyone know I'm okay." I felt him agree and then I changed back to Leah and put on Kyle's shirt. I'd lost track of Kyle somewhere between our return and talking to Jacob. I called out and there was no answer. I walked around outside his home barefoot and wearing nothing more than his shirt. There was enough snow on the ground it was a little uncomfortable without shoes, but nothing I couldn't handle. I thought about opening his doors and going inside but I was just a bit worried. I sat on one of the campfire benches and waited.