Twilight and Lord of the Rings merging:

The not-so-exciting conclusion…

Author's note:

Hello faithful minions… (that's right- your brainwashed into reading this) Well anyhoo- I'm concluding the story here. *GASP* *dramatic music* This, the third chapter, shall close the portal between both book/movies !!! So I hope you enjoy this… so behold : CHAPTER THREE!!!!!!! The last of all chapters to close my parody trilogy… (yes I love fancy words)

The-bad-writer: althought i love edward, and you're not very...keen on him, i love this merge, both of my fave films and books, together!can't wait for chapter 3, and is there going to be any Jacob? =]

Me: Yes, Jacob is in it by the pure fact I'm bored of my current characters.

-Brianna the great one

p.s. thanks for the reviews! You guys rock-

In the world of Twilight:

Jacob smacked Bella across the face (snicker) "TELL HIM TO AVENGE YOU!" he cried.

In the world of Lord of the Rings:

Sam and Frodo climbed up the to the next stair as Gollum helped Frodo up. Sam got up as well and they decided to make camp and sleep on that ledge on the stair case. Gollum stared ominously at Sam with an evil glare. And Sam- again alerted Frodo-

~PAUSE!~

Hullo- dearest minions. Today, I will conclude the mergings in one FASINATING tale, of tragedy, romance, misery, and mystery... No… not really… actually it's just comedy… well anyways- on with the merging!!! *GONG NOISE*

Now I bring you… THE END…

Jacob bit into Bella's hand. "AAAAH! Owey-ow-y- OWWW!" screeched Bella.

Jacob laughed evilly…as all villains normally do- SUDDENLY … but not SURPRISINGLY…Edward ran in full speed followed by Emmett and Alice … "ILL SAVE YOU BELLA!!!" he cried…

Jacob weakly smiled…"Hmmm, so much for plan B" …. "Nah-nuh-nah-nuh-nah-naaah! YOUR OUTNUMBERED! " sang Edward.

Suddenly an army came crashing through the back wall and behind Jacob… Edward stared shocked at the large group of vicious looking orcs covered in amour… Edward whimpered counting on his fingers. "…1.……2.…3.…4.…5...6, 7....…crap…" Jacob grinned a toothy evil smile as well as his army did the same. Alice pointed at the gash in the wall and screamed "LOOK! FRODO AND THE RING!" and the army jerked their vision hole. Jacob turned his head back, "There's no hobbit over-" Bella Emmet Alice and Edward were gone…. "Crap…." said Jacob, as his words echoed through the empty ballet studio.

-meanwhile- Edward, Emmet, Alice and Bella were running full throttle away down the road, and they didn't realize but the road started gradually passing into dirt road, 'till the point dust came up from their feet. The four continued their marathon until Emmet whimpered "Someone look back and check if they're following us-" They all looked back and saw nothing but the dirt road, Edward sighed with relief "Pheew- they're-" DOOSH the company slammed into a gate door. "Oooowww…" whispered the bruised Emmet. "Eeehhh," groaned Alice as Bella made a moaning sound. The group got up and dusted off. "sigh, well… where are we? " said the confused Emmet looking at the gate. A little slot opened in the gate, "WHATTA YA WANT YA PESKY TEENAGERS?!" said the figure on the other side. "…um, where are we?" asked Emmet.

"ARG! IF YA MUST KNOW! YOU'RE AT THE VERY GATES OF RIVENDALE!"

Edward cocked an eyebrow. "Can we… come in?" questioned Alice. "FIIIIINE! Fiiiine! BUT DON'T EXPECT US TA LET JUST ANYBODY IN…" the group was let in reluctantly as they stared at the "everybody welcome" sign.

~Meanwhile~

On top of the army's safe haven, Legolas and Gimli prepared for battle. They and the other archers stared at the far off hills where orcs gathered and began running full speed to them. Legolas chuckled, "(snicker) Okay…1...2..." "3!!!" cried Gimli as the two started chucking water balloons at the orcs below. The two stood on top of the Forks Washington High school as orcs began smashing at it's brick walls. On the inside, Aragorn, was barring the front doors of the school, telling the men to get women and children in the back cave.

"Sir- there is no back cave! Just a supplies room!" whimpered a soldier.

"Very well! Into the storage room they go!" replied Aragorn to the stuttering soldier.

"Um. One more thing, my league,"

"Go on- what is it?"

"I thought you said we were heading to Helms Deep! Why are we in a high school?"

"BLAME OUR AUTHOR!" cried Aragorn.

Soon orcs had over run the doors and came barging into the hall. They tore down a "DISECTION TODAY" poster and destroyed classrooms. Seeing that the school's inside was flooded with orcs, Legolas took a skate board and rode down the staircase slicing an orc in half.

~MEANWHILE again~

Bella Edward Alice and Emmet entered the city… they all let out a confused "Huh?" as they stared in deep thought at the strange surroundings… It was nothing to their knowledge of what an elven city looked like. The waterfalls let out water lightly and bridges without splinters…. Emmet wandered away as did Alice, lost in the heavenly scenery. Edward scowled, he wrinkled his eyebrows at the sight of it all. Bella stared in amazement, "IT'S BUEATIFUL!!!" she giggled dragging Edward by his hand through the golden haze of buildings, arch ways and rivers….

"Oh dear… more emo teenagers…" sighed Elrond staring at the four walking around and… touching his glorious buildings. He walked down his stair case to go and greet the visitors.

Elrond walked up to Bella and Edward, "Hello, Welcome to Rivendale…" said Elrond, "May I interest you in a tour?" he said drowsily and un excited.

Edward, a little suspicious, was curious. "Not so fast---" Elrond stared blankly at the vampire. " Who are you again?" questioned Edward, "Because I would most certainly like to know where my tours come from"

"Edward- you're embarrassing me---" whispered Bella.

"I am Elrond, leader of the great council and ruler of these peaceful elven folk."

"Wait… elven… like, elves?" asked Bella excitedly.

"Siiigh… yes… like elves."

"Oh yeah where's Santa?" snapped Edward

"Doesn't exist in Middle Earth"

"Neither do elves"

"I am one-"

"But your not short."

"Elves aren't 'short' where I come from."

"And where is that?"

"Here-"

"Hmm. I see… very clever. But when I find out what mental institution you come form I'll be here to question you…."

"Very well- on with the tour now-"

Everyone followed but Edward.

"Art thou coming, lad?" called Elrond stopping.

"No-eth I-eth am-eth not-eth! YOU HEAR THAT YOU MIDEVAL FREAK?!" cried Edward.

"As you wish-" said Elrond continuing his tour, "Now first off- no flash photography at the sacred fountain and-or my castle." "Awwww!" cried Emmet.

~In other news~

"NOOOOOO!" cried Aragorn at Haldir's death. He turned to a soldier, "Fetch any lad able to bear arms- we need more men!" Soon Eric and Mike, confused and dazed, were armed with swords and shields, and put at the front lines.

"Eh?" whimpered Mike as he saw an orc thrash it's club at some innocent victim.

Eric stared at a corpse on the ground, he began to cry, "I DON'T WANNA DIIIEEEE!"

~on the other hand~

"Ooooo" said the group as Elrond showed them to a path under an arch to his garden,

"And this- is my lovely hedge garden" said Elrond.

"Aaaaaah-"

Bella walked along the tall hedges as Alice joined her. "Just look at this place!" sighed Bella dazed in the beauty.

"I know right?" Alice agreed.

"I think- "

Alice looked back to where Bella was just standing.

"Bella?"On the inside of a hedge Edward held Bella's mouth shut.

"Shhhhhhh!" he hissed, "It's not safe here! AND I KNOW IT!" he whispered sourly.

Bella took his hand off her mouth, "Edward are you nuts?! It's heaven here" she whispered.

"NO! No it's not! And- and I'll prove it- ILL PROVE IT!" he cried standing up, throwing his arms up in triumph. Elrond stared at Edward as Edward's head poked just above the tall hedges….Edward quickly threw his hands over his mouth and sat down again in the secrecy of the hedges. "I mean… I'll prove it…" he whispered. "Ugh! Your embarrassing me! There's no need to protect me here- I'm fine." said Bella getting up and walking out. "NOOOO! BELLA!" he hissed, "Every time there's a merging- EVERY TIME- something TERRIBLE happens! The first time: I DIED! The second: I STARTED TALKING BACKWARDS! Whose to say I'm not to loose you this time?"

"…" Bella awkwardly stared back… "… Yeah… I'm, just- uh, gonna go…over- there now… bye" she scrambled to the group again.

"NO! BELLA!" cried Edward. He sat alone, twitching, "I'm not crazy- THEY are the crazy ones… no- no- NOT me! NOT MEEEEEE! IM NOT CRAZY!" he laughed. Edward stared down at the ground. There he saw the ring. He held his gaze on it before taking it. "My precioussssss" he hissed.~On the other hand~

In the dawn's low light Eric and Mike reluctantly looked up to see the sun rising and in a glowing haze of yellow hues, came a unicorn with some ol' coot riding on it. "FOR NARNIA! I mean, FOR MIDDLE EARTH!" cried Gandalf riding down to the battlefield.

PAUSE…

Well, this is it, I must close the book, and end my mergings between the two, the door will shut. ( I run over to a giant portal in which one way looks like middle earth and through the other is Forks.) "EEEEEEEEEEEP!" I cried struggling to close the portal between them. I moaned trying to shut it but, I couldn't. "Sigh, well then, I guess they'll have to stay merged forever." I said still recovering through my loss of strength. "Well, until I have some power tools to shut this darn thing, I suppose it's THE END !!!"

Author's note: Mwuahaha, that's right, A bizarre twist to my ever so beloved story. So this was--- THE END? Or is it? *Laughs evilly at the fact your probably checking if there is a forth chapter* MWUAHAHA- ta ta for now, my minions.