Chapter 7.
Hurt
When I came around I was cold. Jacob was still the wolf, but the rest of the pack had changed and there was Jacob and three very concerned looking young men standing around me trying not to hurt me. "Leah, you've got to change back so we can help you! You'll start to heal soon, but we need to get you back home or you'll have to have your bones re-broken.
I thought to Jacob. "I can't change....I'll be naked!" I knew I would be okay even though I couldn't remember ever being in as much pain as I was right then. But I'd never recover from the humiliation of having all of them gawking at me; and not just a passing glimpse.
I saw Jacob get angry then. "Leah, there's only one of us here who might even care what you look like! But even if the whole world sees you in the nude you're going to change, and I mean NOW! It was the power of the alpha; the order I couldn't disobey. It scared me more than it angered me since Jacob wouldn't use that power against me unless he felt he had no choice. Maybe I was hurt worse than I thought. I closed my eyes and kept them closed as I returned to being just Leah. I felt them pulling me out of the tangle of branches and I felt livid pain. I had to fight to stay conscious. When I was brave enough to open my eyes I started to shake. My right arm was obviously broken since bones don't bend in the middle like mine was. My left wrist felt broken as well. But my worst injuries were my legs. I looked like I'd been in a wreck; both legs were twisted and mangled and I was bleeding where bones had broken through the skin.
"Jared, run back to Kim's and bring back blankets.... and call....call Doctor Cullen!" Jacob had changed at some point,and he had taken charge; I closed my eyes. "Leah! You can't go to sleep now, you're going into shock; you've got to fight it! Think about your wedding Leah, talk to me about your plans; stay awake!" I was so cold and I just wanted to sleep, but I thought about Kyle and opened my eyes.
"I'm trying Jacob. I'm getting married on Valentine's Day....I can't freeze to death can I?" My teeth started to chatter and the shivering sent jagged shards of pain chasing up my legs. Jacob pulled my head into his lap and stroked my face to warm me. Then I felt two huge wolves carefully lying on either side of me like a couple of fur blankets. I was so thankful for my pack even though every movement sent fresh waves of pain through my body. When Jared returned he wasn't alone. Kim was clinging to the back of the wolf and she carried a heavy backpack. After her initial shock she went to work first covering me with blankets and then gently wrapping my legs to slow the bleeding. Even that small amount of movement and touch had me crying and gasping in pain. "Jacob, how am I going to get out of this mess? I can't even change into an eagle and fly, and if you try to carry me out I'm going to bleed all over the place! I guess my days of being the fastest are over!" I started crying. Jared had called back home as well and let Mom know what had happened. I tried to relax and wait for help to arrive, but I could feel my injuries starting to heal which took away any numbness and left me in agony. If not for the wolves beside me I wouldn't have been able to hold still.
I lost track of time while Jacob kept having to call me as I tried to drift off to sleep. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or hallucinating when I heard the noises coming our way. First it was the sound of another wolf and the two beside me raised their heads. But there were other sounds as well, and a huge roaring that sounded familiar. Jacob warned Kim to stand back out of the way and he changed so he would be able to listen to the others. I felt the hackles of the two wolves beside me raise. The noises were getting closer and moving fast. I barely recognized Seth as he came skidding to a halt, first looking at me lying broken on the ground and then obviously communicating back and forth between the rest of them. One of the two wolves accidentally bumped my leg and it took a second for me to realize the one screaming was me.
When I could calm down I was almost stunned to see Doctor Cullen moving impossibly fast, and with a black medical bag in his hands no less! He came to my side and immediately started to check my injuries. Before he'd even looked at my legs he took my arm and snapped it the other direction, re-breaking the bone that had already started to heal. I screamed at the sudden pain and he apologized for the necessity. My wrist received a similar yank, setting bones back in place before he wrapped them in secure pressure bandages. I felt him give me some kind of injection and I hoped it was something for pain.
He then went to work on my legs. Just moving felt like my nerves were being ground against the ragged edges of the bones. I tried not to scream but it was the only release I had left since I couldn't run, kick or hit. It started to register that my screams brought an answering roar from Kyle as he charged into my sight. The huge grizzly stood up and fixed his eyes on me. "Kyle, don't worry, I'm going to be okay." At least that's what I tried to say, but I screamed again as Dr. Cullen pressed compound fractures back through torn flesh. Kyle came my way and I could tell he wasn't himself. This wasn't the Kyle that had carried me back from the lake on his back, this was the Kyle that had confronted a mother bear to protect me. Seth tried to get between the bear and me and I watched him swat my brother aside like a toy. Seth went flying through the air and crashed into the trees. I screamed at him to stop, but my words had failed me and I heard myself crying out in terror and agony. Still he advanced on me in his slow upright stance.
Jacob stood guard over me, once again a wolf snarling at the bear. He was then joined by the others, all placing themselves between us. "No! Don't do that, he won't hurt me, you need to back away!" I could tell my weak gasping whispers weren't getting through. I was delirious as Dr. Cullen worked quick and efficient to get me ready to move. I closed my eyes and retreated into the blissful blackness for a short time. When another jolt of pain caused me to wake up screaming I heard Kyle roaring an answer but I couldn't see him. I wanted him with me and was calling his name when another scream surprised me.
I saw the problem but I couldn't get my mind around it to fix it. Kyle was a gigantic bear trying to reach me while a doctor was trying to put me back together. Kyle wasn't calm enough to change back and I couldn't let him know I wasn't dying, which is what it felt like. The wolves were only trying to protect me from an out of control bear who was also my fiance.
I watched as the pack surrounded him and kept him in one place. One of the wolves charged in at what looked like an unprotected flank and Kyle knocked him aside easily. One by one they took their turn, and each time he easily defeated them. He didn't look like he was trying to hurt them, just get to me. I could see the wolves backing away, giving ground except for Jacob who stayed in close to keep him back. I still thought things might work out if Doctor Cullen could get me patched up soon enough Until I saw the black wolf come charging in. Damn! Why did Sam have to pick now to show up? I tried to get Sam's attention, raising up partway to wave to him, but only managed to call his name before my movements caused me to black out again and fall back to the ground.
When I opened my eyes again I watched horrified as Kyle had turned all his attention on Sam; obviously forgetting me for the moment. He dropped to all fours and ran at the snarling wolf. I watched helplessly as the bear I loved attacked the wolf I used to love. I was too weak or sedated to get their attention. Sam was no match for Kyle's bear and soon he was swatting him around like a stuffed animal while Sam gave ground again and again but didn't retreat. When another wolf joined Sam I felt tears trickle down my face as my worst nightmare was becoming reality. Locked inside a body that refused to obey me I begged for them to stop; Jacob and Sam were both facing the bear, and one by one the pack allied against Kyle. I watched them spread out encircling him and all at once they moved in, biting, and clawing him, keeping him off balance and on his guard. With so many attackers he wasn't able to use the advantage of his size and strength as they drew blood again and again.
My heart was breaking as I saw Kyle bleeding from at least a dozen bites and still he remained hostile. During the fight I barely registered that Seth had limped over to lay beside me. Doctor Cullen checked to see if he'd broken anything. I heard Kyle roar again and I heard pain in his voice.
I could see the wolves were winning and yet the bear wouldn't give up! I watched in horror as the russet wolf moved in and locked it's powerful jaws on the throat of the bear. I couldn't take it, even if it killed me I had to do something to stop it. I changed then. I wasn't the wolf, but a bear, just like Kyle. I surprised Doctor Cullen even though it wasn't a violent change. Once again I heard the pack mentality. "Stop Jacob! That's Kyle and your killing him! Stop now! I didn't hear words, just images of protecting the pack, protecting the tribe. "I want out of the pack Jacob. I'm not your responsibility anymore! I belong to Kyle. I mean it Jacob; I'm out!" I felt our connection break.
What I heard instead was the pain of the one I loved as he was struggling with everything in him to shake off the attack. "Kyle, I'm free now beloved! Stop fighting and change, Jacob doesn't have a hold on me anymore! If you ever loved me you'll do this for me!" He looked my way and I could barely keep my eyes open. The pain I felt from him was hurting worse than my legs. Just as I closed my eyes I caught sight of him as he laid on the ground and changed. Jacob would have to bite him again if he wanted to continue the attack. Kyle was himself again and badly torn up. I changed back to Leah and I could feel that my change had reopened many of my wounds and I closed my eyes to welcome unconsciousness.
I would find out later that Doctor Cullen took charge of the mess, sending the uninjured away and doing triage to see who needed his help most. I was still top of the list and Kyle was wrapped in a blanket beside me. All the wolves had suffered cuts, bruises and bites but they were already healing. Seth had a bruised leg that might hurt for a couple days. The doctor had to reset my broken bones but I don't remember since I was out of it. The bleeding in my legs was stopped and he was planning on taking me back to his home to use his x-ray machine to see how best to fix the damage.
I woke up briefly as they put me into the backseat of Dr. Cullen's car. Jacob apologized to me for attacking Kyle. It seemed the alpha fog had taken him too, along with the need to protect the pack and the tribe from what he saw as a dangerous threat. "I'm going to miss having you in my pack Leah. I'm really sorry it came down to that. I never even got the chance to tell you how impressive your new abilities are; you saved Kim's grandmother; we couldn't have done it without your eagle eyes and that amazing mustang. Don't worry, I'm sure with Dr. Cullen's help you'll be up and running again in no time. We do heal pretty quick, I've been through it before, remember? I barely remember what he said since I was under the influence of whatever medications I'd been given. At the mention of Kyle's name I started to panic about where he was and how hurt he had been. "We'll take care of him Leah; he's in shock but Dr. Cullen says he should be fine once we get him warm and he finishes healing. You rest and take care of yourself."
I don't remember anything else until I woke up in a room at the Cullen's. I was groggy and confused, but I soon recognized the faces around me. "It's good to see you awake Leah. Carlisle had to go back to the hospital but he seems to think after a week or two of rest you should be fine." Esme's concerned face smiled down at me and I realized I was in a bright white bedroom. I saw Bella and Edward waiting as well, but I was most surprised to see Emmett.
"Hey don't look at me so funny, I'm just here to get the whole story on what took you out. Carlisle said something about a bad encounter with a tree limb, but I'm thinking you look more like you tangled with that bear of a fiance of yours. I just want to know who won?" He grinned at his joke, but just thinking about the last time I'd seen Kyle had me breaking down in tears. Bella shooed the guys out of my room and she and Esme stood on either side of the bed trying to comfort me. Neither of them could tell me any news about Kyle or even the rest of the pack since it had only been about six hours since I'd been brought in. I'd been medicated to keep from tearing up the work Dr. Cullen had done.
"I'm going to go get you something to eat dear. Do you like soup?" I nodded and Esme left the room. Bella stood patiently at my side; almost too patiently. I realized they must have turned the heat up for my benefit. I wanted to ask how they had power when so many were without, but it didn't surprise me since the Cullens always managed to take care of themselves.
"Bella, did Dr. Cullen say how long I'd have to stay here? I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I feel like I've left behind a pretty big mess back home and I need to get it sorted out."
"As soon as Carlisle let me know how you were doing, I called La Push and told your mom that you were going to be fine. She was frantic with worry about you and she assured me that your fiance Kyle should be fine once he wakes up. He's almost healed completely and he was resting while she was on the phone. Seth said not to worry about him either. Everyone else has gone home and Kim's grandmother is doing fine as well and her family sends their thanks." She smiled at me, "I think Carlisle wants you to stay here for a day or two at least before you are moved. He did some extensive work on your legs because of the way the bones broke and that you healed so fast they needed to be re-broken. He did say not to do any changing without your doctor's permission unless you want to get around like Billy Black for the rest of your life."
"I owe him a lot of thanks. There's not another doctor anywhere that would have been able to help me. And he just dropped everything to come as soon as we called."
"What happened out there Leah? I can't imagine what could do so much damage to you, I mean I thought you wolves were indestructible. I mean Emmett's not right is he?" Her beautiful face showed nothing but concern and I was hit again by how wrong I'd been about them.
"No, of course not. Kyle would never hurt me!" I didn't want to relive the horror of the day again, but maybe she could help me make sense of it all. "It's all my fault. Most of our pack went out to find Kim's grandmother who had wandered away sometime after the ice storm. We weren't having any luck finding her scent because she'd doubled back and taken a different path. I got a chance to show off my new abilities to the pack. Bella I learned how to change into other animals after we were told we were shape shifters. Just like Kyle had already been doing for years. I flew as an eagle and found her, then I changed into a mustang to get her back home since she was terrified of the wolves. It worked beautifully.
"But then afterward Quil and Embry challenged me to a race. I've always been the fastest and it was no different as a horse. We shouldn't have been in the woods, but I know those woods like my own back yard and the ground wasn't as icy in the woods. All it took was a heavy limb falling in my path and my legs got tangled in the branches. I didn't know that my legs could be so fragile in that form. I'm bigger than most horses and all the weight combined with the twisting of being caught....it was physically the most pain I've ever felt!"
"Jared called Dr. Cullen, and he also called my home. I don't know how Kyle learned what happened, but he and Seth came on the run. He was about half crazy and of course he was in his bear form. It was just like yesterday when he was here. He wouldn't change back; he seemed to see Jacob and the other wolves as a threat, and as long as he was a bear Jacob wouldn't let him near me. Then Sam showed up and everything exploded! They attacked him Bella; all of the wolves against my Kyle! If Sam had come with his pack I know Kyle would be dead now! I couldn't stop them; Dr. Cullen had given me something and all I could do was lay there helpless. I finally did change just to try to get through to him. I broke ties with my own pack....I had to reject Jacob's leadership and accept Kyle as my alpha so he could hear my thoughts. That's the only reason he changed back and the attack stopped."
Esme came in with the soup as well as a full tray of food. They helped me sit up and fed me since both arms were in casts. "Don't worry dear, Carlisle assures me that you won't have to wear these very long. It's just to encourage you to be still. The same goes for the ones on your legs." Just seeing the casts brought it home how badly I'd hurt myself.
"How in the world am I going to get married looking like this?" I started to laugh crazily. "Well at least they're white!" I caught the look Bella gave Esme across me and realized they thought I was losing it. Maybe I was, especially when I thought about the condition of my groom the last time I saw him. I tried to hold it together as the two of them helped me lie down and made me comfortable. "I think I'd like to rest now if you don't mind?' Bella's cold lips brushed my cheek and I tried not to react. She slipped out of the room silently.
Esme smoothed my hair from my face. "If you need anything at all just ask; we'll hear you." She took the tray with her leaving a glass of water with a straw on the bedside table. Once I was alone it took some effort to pull the blankets back since they'd tucked me in tight. Someone had dressed me in a rich pink satin nightgown. I might have liked it at one time in my life, but it was barely enough to hide the ugly casts sticking out below the hem. To make matters worse I saw that Alice must have sat with me since my toenails were expertly painted a matching pink and poking out from the edges of the plaster. A glance at my forgotten hands showed they had a coat of polish to match. I started to get angry thinking that Alice was messing with me, but then I remembered how she always dolled Bella up whenever she got the chance, and it was just her way of showing she cared. For just a minute I longed for my old defensive attitude; the one that didn't let me see things from someone else s perspective. If I started to cry I wouldn't be able to wipe my own tears. As it was just trying to pull the blankets back across me was almost more than I could handle.
I said I was tired, but what I really wanted was to be alone. Alone with my guilt and fears and a desperate longing for Kyle that had taken root inside me and started to grow the longer we were apart. Every time I closed my eyes I could see the way the pack turned on him; see Jacob trying to tear his throat out! Worse I replayed again and again Kyle's agony when I left the pack and could hear his thoughts. The whole thing happened just as I feared it would. I didn't expect to be so right. But then I thought that I'd played into Kyle's fears as well; recklessly racing through the woods trying to 'win' some contest. It was the part of me that didn't think she was good enough unless she could win. My old insecurity had almost gotten Kyle killed; the one who thought I was the best without ever having to challenge me! I felt the tears spilling out of my eyes to trickle down into my hair. I cried silently, not wanting to give the Cullens a reason to come back in to check on me.
I don't know how long I laid in bed staring at the ceiling and longing for Kyles arms wrapped around me. It was dark outside and there wasn't a clock I could see. The house seemed deathly silent even though I knew they never slept. It was so different from home where people made noise; cooking, laughing loudly, talking, watching tv, slamming doors, and even walking with heavy footsteps. Only when everyone was asleep could you expect this kind of quiet, and that was only if it wasn't raining on the old tin roof. Even Kyles home wasn't so quiet and it was partially buried. I missed the sounds of the ocean, ever present in the background.
The way my mind was working I was starting to doubt ever making it back there to spend my life with him. I started going down the list of things that could go wrong, or already had gone wrong. Maybe my family and tribe would find a way to keep us from getting married. Maybe Kyle would change his mind after all the craziness of yesterday. Maybe we wouldn't be healed enough to even get together and say our vows. The more I thought about it the more fantastical the obstacles became: Maybe the Cullens were only keeping me here for some future meal. Maybe I'd done more serious damage to myself and I'd never walk again; I couldn't burden Kyle with that. Maybe I would lose the ability to change and he wouldn't want me if we weren't the same. Maybe he'd come to his senses and realized he wasn't really in love with me but only an idea. I cried so many tears with every horrible thought that I knew my hair must surely be soaked.
I'm not sure when I fell asleep or even if I slept for long. In my nightmares I watched him die! He'd refused to change and Sam helped Jacob finish him off. He lost so much blood it ran to where I was lying and pooled around me. I saw his eyes glaze over and close for the last time. His dead body collapsed and he changed back to the man I loved with his empty eyes staring my way. I was screaming. I could hear my voice echoing but I felt stuck in place, held tight in the nightmare wondering if maybe our safety and survival was really the dream, and the reality was staring at me with dead eyes. I could still feel the pain and was almost convinced that I was still in the woods, and Kyle was dying before my eyes when those eyes were roughly pried open.
"Leah, wake up, you're going to hurt yourself if you don't stop thrashing around!" Little by little I started to become aware of reality. Dr. Cullen was wiping my eyes with a warm cloth saying my tears must have dried and glued them shut. The lights were on and it was still dark outside the windows. I could tell I'd moved and he easily pulled me higher up in the bed so my feet weren't pressed against the foot board. He started his examination and I could hear music off in the distance. The beautiful piano was enough to keep me distracted from the prodding and manipulating he did to check my progress. But soon the music started to haunt me and made me miss Kyle more. My tears followed a familiar path and Dr. Cullen asked if I was in pain.
"Nothing you can help with medications. Thank you by the way, for everything. I don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't been able to come and help me. And after I was such a....brat to your family."
"Nonsense, this is my job. But even if it wasn't, I still owe you and the rest of the wolves a huge debt for what you've done for me and my family. Laurant would have killed Bella for sure, and that would have killed my son. Add to it the way you helped us and supported us during the Volturi....visit. And I'll never forget that your family stood with us to face Victoria and the newborns when my own would not. And I can't help but be excited that we're not too many years away from a wedding that will make us all family."
At the mention of a wedding fresh tears leaked out and he unconsciously wiped them with the cloth. "Leah, I've asked that your family and friends give you twenty-four hours before they visit. They're welcome here of course, but you really do need to rest. Not to mention that they need to sort through some of the drama that happened yesterday before you get all worked up over it. That's the best I can advise you as my patient. We have been keeping in touch with them to make sure they know you're doing fine. And you are doing fine Leah! I imagine those casts won't be needed more than a few days with the speed you heal. I want you to let me examine you thoroughly before you change again. I saw yesterday how much stress it puts on your body, and even if your bones seem healed they may take longer to be strong enough to safely change." He smiled and patted my hand. "Esme's making you something to eat, then I'm going to give you something to help you sleep."
Almost on cue she came into the room with a tray loaded down with food. She seemed happy to feed me and I had to admit that she was a good cook. I couldn't help but notice the meal was rich in protean and calcium to help me heal and there was also enough for at least two people. She must have remembered how the boys could eat. She kept up her end of the conversation talking about the weather and how lovely the ice looked glazing every surface in glass. She spoke of her memories of a different time and place and how it was her joy to take care of her home and family. I couldn't help but listen to her as I chewed the food bite by bite along with milk from a straw. It seemed she was from a time when there was more value in being a woman.
"But I always thought women weren't valued then. I mean now we can get an education, and have a career and make our own money and own things like women of your time couldn't. How is it that you felt valued when you couldn't do any of those things?" She held the spoon in midair as I questioned her.
"There are many good things that have happened for women over time. We have more rights and freedoms for sure. But I think women of your time have lost some of their....femininity. I mean you have claimed sexuality, but at the expense of chastity and faithfulness. Well, I don't mean you yourself, but I see so many young women falling into the trap of trying to be just like men! And men no longer have to step up and prove their worth! Girls today want to go out and claim everything the world has to offer except the roles that women have always had. They think they can turn their backs on the home, family, and motherhood , then they find they feel cheated when they can no longer choose them."
"There is a beauty in the balance of being feminine and letting men be masculine. We are different, and even though women can do it all; men too for that matter, it's just so much better when we can partner with one another and be who we were made to be!" There was something about what she was saying that resonated within me. She smiled and went on. "Carlisle is my husband and he's a successful doctor. By today's way of thinking I am only a wife. But I love taking care of him and my family the best that I can. And he does the same for me in his own way. He doesn't expect me to have a career and compete with him just for the sake of a paycheck, but he would support me if I had a passion to make that choice.
"Women today think they have to live and compete in a man's world or they have no value. But there is value in being soft and embracing your femininity. Just feeding you and taking care of your needs is extremely gratifying to me." She smiled down at me and I was again embarrassed by the way I'd behaved toward her. "If I were a doctor I would hope to get joy from what I did as well. So many people today want to rate your contributions and measure them to determine what's more important and what's more valuable. This simple act of feeding you would be seen as menial and not valuable or important. But don't you think it's important to have someone who is willing to feed you? And isn't it valuable that I'm patient with your chewing and not irritated to have to do a less 'important' job? Imagine if you would a brilliant doctor who saves a patient's life only to watch the patient get weaker and weaker to the point of death because no one would 'lower' themselves to feed the patient!
"Oh I can see I need to be careful with girls your age. I don't want you to think that you should be relegated to tasks of servitude and that you can't have a brilliant career if you want. I'm just saying that you shouldn't have to deny you are a woman just to follow your passion. And you should not let the world tell you that your beautiful, feminine inclinations are not valuable! I've always wanted to be a wife and mother, in fact I didn't want to live if I couldn't do those things. By today's standards I am weak and of little value. But there are ways of being a strong woman even without all the trappings of worldly success. I like to think of myself as the foundation my family is built on. I support them and lift them up and help them to weather all their storms. It takes more strength to let yourself be female in a masculine world.
"Oh dear Leah, I hope I haven't put my foot in my mouth with all this talk. It's just that I've been worried about you ever since I saw you were part of the pack. I watched you again and again trying to measure yourself against them and coming up short. And of course I couldn't miss your bitterness over how your life had turned out. When Jacob told us you had run off this fall I was actually happy for you; and worried too. When I met your fiance yesterday I was so pleased for you! He looks at you like you are his treasure; every woman should have a man look at her that way! I just don't want you to make the mistake of thinking you always have to come out on top. I'm not saying to let the boys win, I'm saying take yourself out of their race! He treasures you and values you just the way you are; you have nothing else to prove!"
"Esme, if I had had this conversation with you before I went out to look for Kim's grandmother I might not be in this shape! Oh, who am I kidding; I don't know if I could have resisted the temptation to race. I love challenging myself, and when I run it's one of the best feelings in the world. Yesterday that feeling of speed and freedom was much greater than the feeling of winning. The winning was just a bonus."
"Oh I understand dear, believe me I know how glorious it is to be strong, fast, and nearly indestructible. But the problem when you challenge anyone but yourself is that someone has to lose. How much of yourself is wrapped up in the winning?" She smiled sweetly as she cleaned up the tray; I'd eaten everything without realizing it as she talked.
"My family plays baseball sometimes. You can imagine with our abilities the games can get fierce. I used to play too, usually on the side opposite Carlisle and I was a pretty good outfielder. I figured out where he liked to hit the ball and I could catch almost anything he could hit! It started to be something I looked forward to and I took great glee in bringing the ball back from wherever he hit it to with a little smug smile on my face. I would probably still be playing except that the games seemed to be getting tougher and more competitive each time we played. When we had an argument break out over whether Emmett was safe or out it nearly turned into a fight. I realized that we were all taking it way too seriously. I decided then and there that my best contribution to our games would no longer be in catching Carlisle's fly ball, but as the impartial umpire keeping the peace. I still get to have fun with my family, and he knows I can still catch whatever he can hit my way. I'm not weaker because I'm not competing, I'm stronger because my family is strengthened in knowing that I love them and will watch out for them. It's set an example that some things are just more important than winning." She smiled and patted my cast.
"I'm still trying to figure it all out. In case you haven't noticed I've only recently stopped being the center of the universe. It helps having someone in my life who believes I still am. Now if I could just stop testing the boundaries and accept that something good can actually happen to me."
"I understand that too Leah. There was a time when I thought my life could never be happy again. I've had a little more time to get it right and see how wrong I was!"
My eyes were leaking again and she wiped the tears without comment. "I'm sorry I was so rude to you last year. I've done a lot of apologizing since I've gotten home. I've blamed your family for all the bad things that happened to me for so long. I just thought that if you hadn't moved here and we hadn't changed then everything would have been perfect. But the changing has turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me! I really think it's what we're supposed to be; not an accident or a response to your kind. And even if it is, it's still not a bad thing, and it's not your fault." She leaned over me to wipe my eyes and something started to dawn on me finally. I sniffed the air and smelled....fabric softener, shampoo, and maybe a hint of perfume! No odor! Esme didn't stink and I realized that I hadn't smelled it as long as I'd been awake.
I saw Carlisle come through the door and I told them both what I'd discovered. "I don't smell you anymore! I mean last year while we were here so often it was getting less offensive, but I thought it was just because I was getting used to it. But now it's gone! Is it possible this is a side affect of a medication?" I leaned over to the food tray and sniffed ….applesauce, broccoli and cheese sauce, yeast roll, peppercorn steak, and milk. I could smell the remnants on the plate but not the vampires in front of me! Carlisle looked puzzled.
"Nothing I gave you should have that kind of side affect." He stood perfectly still, thinking, then smiled. "Leah, didn't I hear Jacob say you'd left your pack? And not just to be on your own, but to join with Kyle?" He was laughing and I was trying to figure out what my pack affiliation had to do with my nose. "I think I've got to have a little more respect for that treaty we signed all those years ago! Not only did it give us clear boundaries and rules of behavior, but it seems it also included a way to know if those boundaries were crossed! If the wolves come into our territory we can smell you. In fact we can tell what you are just by your odor. I'm sure the reverse is true for you. I should have wondered why Rosalie was commenting on how good your fiance smelled. I just thought it was because he didn't change into a wolf, when all along it's the treaty! Leah, you're not part of the La Push pack, you're part of Kyles now so it seems the treaty no longer covers you! If it's any consolation, you smell pretty good yourself. I'll have to remind Jasper to stay clear of you now; at least until your wounds are completely healed." It made sense, but it was still a lot to take in. I'd often wondered how Bella thought Edward smelled so good when he smelled like something burned and rotten to me. I felt a little sad that I was no longer protected by our tribe's agreement; like I'd broken some kind of sacred trust. But then again it meant I belonged with Kyle. It certainly made my stay at the Cullen's a lot easier to take.
"Well Leah, I think you should get some more rest now. It's about two in the morning and we've got your schedule all messed up. I'm going to give you something to help you sleep and relax your muscles so you won't be as likely to toss and turn. When you wake up later there should be no problem having visitors if they can navigate the roads. I want to get some more x-rays then too, just to make sure everything's knitting together the way it should." He laid the pills on my tongue one at a time and held the glass while I drank water from a straw. "I'm turning the lights out, but I'll leave a night light on for you. No nightmares, okay?" He smiled and brushed his cool hand over my forehead.
I slept the rest of the night and most of the morning. It was about ten when I finally woke up and from the looks of the bed I'd had some terrible nightmares through the night. Fortunately I couldn't remember what had made me toss my blankets off the bed and soak the bed in sweat. Almost as soon as I woke up Esme was at my bedside to take care of me.
With Dr. Cullen's permission she brought a wheelchair in and she and Bella lifted me from the bed and placed me in the chair. I was surprised at their strength as they effortlessly sat me up with both legs propped up and sticking straight out like a doll. They rolled me into the bathroom and again lifted me so I could likely be the first one to use the toilet since Bella's wedding. I was embarrassed and anxious as they rolled the chair over and lifted it into the oversized shower. Esme hummed a happy little tune as she ignored my feeble protest and took off the damp nightgown and turned on the shower. "You need to tell me if it's too hot since I can't tell what's uncomfortable for you dear." Bella had gone off to find me something to wear while Esme washed my hair and the parts of my body not covered by a cast. "Normally we'd have to be careful to keep the plaster dry. Six weeks is the usual time you'd have to wear these, but you will be out of them before they have time to get a good bacterial culture growing!"
As soon as I was cleaned she wrapped me in several thick towels and lifted me and the chair out of the shower single handed. She had started to comb out my hair when Bella returned with the clothes. "I had to get permission to raid Rosalie's closet since she's the tallest of us here. She didn't mind nearly as much as I thought she would and she even recommended you wear a skirt so you don't have to worry about stuffing the casts into a pair of pants." I was already feeling self conscious when Alice breezed into the bathroom with us.
"Oh good, I caught you before you started to dress her! You can give that back to Rosalie, I've already got the perfect outfit for Leah; I ordered it last week and it's perfect for today!" She was talking to Bella but looking at me. "I 'saw' you wearing this after your accident and so I knew it would get here in time even with the storm." She presented a package that she opened up as I watched and took out a beautiful peach cashmere sweater and a cream colored soft leather skirt; both in my size. "Of course this means I'm going to have to redo your manicure and pedicure, but you're going to look adorable! And I can't wait to get my hands on that gorgeous hair of yours!" She ran her fingers through my wet hair like it was fine silk and I didn't have the heart to tell her no. "Oh, I almost forgot..." She pulled out slippers that were the exact same color as the skirt. "...these will fit right over the casts and you'll look like a porcelain doll when your visitors come. We're going to need to hurry if we want to be ready on time!"
The three of them dressed, blow dried, polished, and made me up for close to an hour and they would have taken even longer if my stomach hadn't started to rumble. Bella grinned, "how quickly I forgot those human concerns! Let's get you downstairs and feed you. I think I can still prepare a pretty good omelet, and we have juice and toast. Oh, don't forget to look in the mirror, Alice is an artist; she was even able to work miracles with me and you're already lovely." Bella was starting to adopt some of the old fashioned speech patterns of the Cullen's. I wondered if I would do the same with Kyle's generation. I looked in the mirror Alice held for me and I barely recognized the woman looking back. Alice knew all the right colors to use and they had trimmed and styled my hair. I looked like I was ready for a party rather than recovering from an accident that might have crippled me.
They wheeled me out of the bathroom just in time for Carlisle to direct them to take me to the x-ray machine. It didn't take long for them to get fresh pictures of my bones. I was stunned to see them side by side with the ones taken yesterday; it looked like two different people. There was no mistaking the horrible jagged breaks and twists of the bones in my legs. My right arm looked traumatized and there were minuscule fractures in my left wrist as well. The new ones showed the bones were aligned as they should be and all the fractures were starting to knit back together. I was impressed with the work Dr. Cullen had done on me, and all without using the pins and plates that would have been necessary for a normal human. "If you keep healing like this those cast's should be off in a few days."
My entourage didn't wait around discussing treatment and physical therapy. They carried me and the chair down the stairs as easily as if I really were the doll Alice had mentioned. Bella started cooking an omelet and Esme made toast and poured juice and milk. I was feeling embarrassingly pampered as Alice combed through my hair again and fitted the slippers on my feet over the casts. When she was satisfied with her handiwork she stepped back and pulled out a tiny camera and snapped my picture before I could protest. She tucked a white throw over my legs and wheeled me in for breakfast, which was more like brunch. Alice took over feeding me while Esme cleaned up the kitchen. Bella went to get Edward and Nessie since Alice seemed to think Jacob was coming.
Rosalie and Emmett came through and found seats in the living room, obviously waiting for my guests. I laughed to myself that for all their animosity they seemed almost as anxious for my company as I was. Jasper breezed by and Alice smiled brightly his way. "It's okay, she's not bleeding anywhere. He cautiously approached keeping his eyes on her, nostrils flaring slightly as he tested the air.
I flinched as he slipped up behind my chair and I felt his breath close on the back of my neck. "Carlisle was right....she smells.... heavenly!" He lifted a lock of my hair and inhaled deeply, "Mmmm, like magnolia blossoms.....and fresh oranges! And you say she's not under the treaty anymore?" I turned my head to look at his face, just inches from mine and he locked eyes with me raising one eyebrow suggestively. I knew he could hear my heart speed up, but then he smiled and I knew he was teasing me! I blew out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and he laughed. "Emmett, I won that one. Don't forget I want two coats of wax next time and hand buffed!" I could hear the laughter in his gentle southern accent even as I wondered what the bet had been. He moved quickly and wrapped his arms around Alice and they kissed long and slow. She still managed to find my mouth unerringly with the forkful of eggs she held.
With perfect timing Esme came and took over the chore and they slipped off to go play together. "You really do look beautiful Leah. That outfit disguises your casts, and the color couldn't be more perfect for you. Alice really does have a gift. She's the reason Carlisle was so fast in getting to you after your accident, he already had the bag packed and was just waiting for the call. She usually can't see your tribe, but she knew you would be coming here and the kind of injuries you would have." Esme fed me the rest of the food and was just cleaning up when they pulled up.
I was almost giddy with excitement to see Kyle again. I'd been apart from him longer than I ever had since we'd met. Esme wheeled me into the living room and Edward held an eager Renesmee on his lap with Bella right next to him. The doorbell was almost silent, and it was only my super-human hearing that let me hear it at all. Esme went to the door with a smile on her face and invited everyone inside.
Jacob lead the way, noting that I was alive and well, kissing me on the cheek and asking the obligatory 'how are you doing?" Then he dropped the pretense and hurried over to Nessie to snatch her out of her father's arms and swing her around the room. Mom was right behind him and at least she had come just to see me. She threw her arms around my neck, and I had to quickly reassure her that I was going to be just fine to keep her from crying.
"So, look who's just relaxing and taking it easy here at Club Cullen!" Seth came in and pulled Mom away from me since she hadn't let up and I couldn't exactly push her away. "I should have gotten myself hurt a little more then I could join you! What's it been, room service? Hot showers? Gourmet meals? We're still without power back home and guess who didn't hurt the right appendage to get out of splitting wood?" He looked surprised when he finally got a good look at me. "Wow, they really are treating you like royalty! You look great Leah!" I smiled and nodded, trying to see around him. I wanted to see Kyle as soon as he came in, and Seth was taking up too much space!
I was confused when Esme shut the door and still Kyle wasn't inside. "Seth, Mom, where's Kyle? Is he coming in the other truck? What's taking him so long?" I heard the nervousness in my voice but I couldn't help it. I was even more worried as I looked back and forth between the two of them. "Somebody tell me what's wrong! Is Kyle okay?" I felt the tears in my eyes and I didn't care that I was ruining Alice's make-up job.
Jacob handed Nessie back to Edward and came my way. "Kyle's not coming Leah. He's not doing much of anything. We took him to your mom's yesterday like we promised, but he hasn't come out of his stupor....the lights are on but nobody's home! The only movement we've seen is he wandered from Seth's room into yours and he's been curled up in a ball, unmoving ever since. Leah, there's not a thing wrong with him physically; he heals faster than we do! But he doesn't seem to hear us and he hasn't said a word! We've told him what happened to you and where you are, but it's as if he's deaf, mute and blind! Poor Seth had to wrestle him into some clothes; he wasn't fighting, but he couldn't get him to uncurl. He hasn't eaten or had anything to drink as far as I know, even though your mom put the food right in his mouth! I've never seen anything like it.
I sat and listened to him and all I could do was cry. In all my worst case scenario's I'd never imagined that Kyle could have some kind of breakdown. "I need to see him! Now, whatever it takes I have to see him!" I was so helpless I couldn't even roll the chair without help. And that made me cry harder. Mom tried to comfort me, putting her arms around me, but I didn't want to be comforted; I wanted Kyle! "Please, someone take me to him! I don't care if you have to tie me into the back of the truck; I need to see him!" I felt on the edge of panic as I looked from one concerned face to another and no one was moving to help me. "Please don't make me beg.....someone....anyone!" I couldn't talk anymore as the sobs were choking out of me. I thought I was going to vomit my breakfast I was so upset.
Jasper came over and stood behind me. I wasn't nearly as aware of him as I'd been before, but in seconds I felt a calm and peace flowing over me. It was profound in that I no longer felt like I was collapsing in on myself. I still wanted to go to Kyle, but the desperate edge was gone. Dr. Cullen came in and offered to drive me home and Edward asked if he could go with us. "It's up to you Jacob, the treaty still applies even though it's got footprints all over it."
"Please Jacob! Maybe Dr. Cullen can help!" He didn't even look like he was indecisive, he looked like he was trying to find a reason to justify the visit. When he finally gave his okay I was anxious to get going. Jacob, Mom and Seth got back into the truck and started the long drive back home. Dr. Cullen pulled his car up front and Edward lifted me out of the chair and placed me into the backseat with a seat belt across my chest and another one holding my casts on the seat. They folded the chair up and put it in the trunk and soon we were on our way.
Dr. Cullen drove expertly and fast and soon we caught up to Jacob driving Billy's truck. We slowed down to follow even though I wanted to pass them. It seemed to take forever and I was trying hard to keep from crying. Alice had already had to wipe off the running make-up before I left.
When we finally made it to the house the place looked deserted and I remembered the power was out. Mom, Jacob and Seth went inside and Dr. Cullen popped the trunk latch to get the chair out. "Just leave it for now." Edward whispered. "I'll carry her in." He lifted me out of the car without bumping even one cast. We glided across the porch and Mom had the door open before he needed to knock. Edward set me down on the couch against my wishes. "You need to stay here first just in case something is seriously wrong with him. If he changed and you couldn't get out of the way it could be worse than what happened to Emily. I sat with Mom and Seth as Dr. Cullen and Edward both went back to my room. I could feel myself shaking even though the house was still warm and fires were burning in both fireplaces.
When they came back out I couldn't read their faces. Edward shook his head. "I never thought anyone but Bella or I could believe so strongly in something so wrong, but he's done exactly the same thing! Leah, he thinks you're dead! From what he saw yesterday you were too badly hurt to recover. The things he saw have him absolutely convinced that he witnessed your death. He's connected enough to you he felt your pain and heard your screams even before he was able to get to you. He saw you collapse and he watched your eyes close. There was a point when you stopped feeling the pain. He saw you turn into a bear and then he heard you inside his head like you were 'spirit walking!' You said something about being free and told him to change back if he ever loved you; past tense. He thought your spirit was saying goodbye to him! He didn't want to change back because he thought if he was a big enough threat, your pack would end his life. He did everything he could to challenge them and make them fight with him. He wanted them to kill him since he believed you were gone. When you made it your last request that he change he was denied following you in death." Anyone but Edward might have laughed, but he was as somber as his own memories.
"Physically there's not much wrong with him. He's a little dehydrated, but that's about all I can see wrong with him." Dr. Cullen was letting me know what he'd seen. "But he's unresponsive to everything we say to him. He's locked himself inside his head and he doesn't want to come out. If he was left alone he might come out on his own, but more likely he'd die of thirst. I could hook him up to an I.V., but because he's chosen to die he would likely rip it out."
"Edward, can you carry me in and set me on my bed; he'll have to believe if he sees me."
"Don't count on it. It might just seem too good to be true; he's absolutely convinced he's lost you. I can't even tell you the kind of delusions Bella had when we were apart." He looked as if the memory was a painful one for him as well.
Dr. Cullen seemed to agree with Edward. "Our minds work so mysteriously sometimes. It's hard to know what he will think. Right now he's deluding himself so much that he might convince himself that your presence is a sign that he's cracking up. We just don't know, and as your doctor I really don't recommend putting yourself into that kind of danger. If he tries to change and run away from you he could seriously hurt you."
I looked to Edward instead. "Please, you understand. He won't hurt me even if he thinks I'm not real. I didn't come all this way to sit out here and discuss him like he's some kind of problem to be solved! If you won't carry me to him, then please leave so I can do what I need to do!"
"Leah!" Dr. Cullen's voice barely registered as the stupid tears were already falling and my mind was made up. "If you change that wheelchair could be yours forever!" Edward glanced at his father apologetically and came to pick me up. He wiped the tears away, and his cold fingers actually felt good on my overheated skin.
He lifted me and carried me past my doctor and family, each of them would have stopped him if I wouldn't have thrown a fit. My room was much the way I'd left it except for the big man curled in the center of my bed. It broke my heart to see him like that with his hair covering his face and his knees drawn up to his chest. Edward set me gently on the edge of the bed and retreated to allow me some privacy. I knew he could hear anything that happened even from the other room.
It took me a few minutes before I could force words past the lump in my throat. "Kyle." I whispered. "Kyle I'm here and you need to wake up!" It was killing me that I couldn't reach out to him with all the cumbersome casts. "Kyle I know you can hear me....I'm not dead....and I love you! Please look at me!" I watched as he began to shake but I still couldn't see his face. Slowly he uncurled and stretched out on the bed. He laid on his back with his long legs hanging off the end by at least a foot. His tortured face stared at my ceiling, then he turned and looked my way obeying my request. I saw the recognition in his eyes and I smiled; they were wrong about his delusions and all he needed to do was see me! "I love you Kyle! See, I'm okay!"
His normally deep rich voice was dry and raspy. "My beautiful Tikaani. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you! Please forgive me and take me with you this time. Don't make me stay here without you." He didn't reach out to me or smile and it took me a second to realize he didn't believe I was real; he was talking to my spirit! It was so frustrating! Without the casts I could have hugged him or shaken him or climbed on top of him to smother his face in kisses; I could have proved I was as real as he was. Instead I sat here locked into some doll-like pose while he gazed at me like I was some kind of avenging angel.
"Kyle, you have to listen to me. I'm not dead! I am alive and sitting right here beside you! I got hurt yesterday and had to go to.....to see the doctor, but I'm getting better and it's not your fault! You know how I feel about you trying to protect me! Please, just touch me!" He turned onto his side and his eyes still didn't show more recognition. He reached out obediently and touched my arm; soft cashmere over hard cold plaster. He pulled back like his hand was burned. "No Kyle, touch my hand...or my face; not the stupid cast!"
"Leah, why do you come to torment me! I will love you forever and I will be with you again soon. I promise, nothing will keep us apart." He rolled onto his back and stared like a corpse at my ceiling with one hand folded over his chest. I recalled seeing my dad posed in his casket at his funeral just the same way.
"No! You will not do that to me!" I'd had enough of the stupid casts and I threw myself his way, toppling over and landing with my head on his shoulder. With a crazy kind of wiggle I was able to push and pull myself up until I was face to face with him. "Kyle get up! I'm not dead you idiot! If you don't stop acting like this I'm going to pummel you with my casts and make you wish you were dead! You're stronger than this; you don't just give up! And no matter how psycho you act you're still not getting out of marrying me!" I kissed his unresponsive lips trying to get some kind of reaction out of him. I wiggled up until I was almost on top of him and kissed him again. I felt his mouth move with mine, but still no real reaction.
"Kyle, I can't do this on my own; I need you!" The tears had started again now that my anger was passing and they dripped onto his cheeks. "Kyle, you are the strongest man I know, and I am in love with your superior awesomeness!" I felt him flinch and knew he was still hearing me. I kissed him again, and pulled his lip into my mouth.... and bit down hard! His eyes flew open and he saw me for the first time. His lip was bleeding but I couldn't help but smile as his eyes locked onto mine. "Welcome back my love!"
His arms came around me as he looked up at me in wonder. "Am I dead now too?"
"Don't be ridiculous, it's only a little bite! Unless I gave you blood poisoning we're both going to live a very long time!" I smiled and kissed him again and for the first time he kissed me back. His strong arms squeezed me painfully tight but I didn't care.
"Leah, how is this possible? I saw you die; I felt you die!" He kissed me again before I could answer. He reached up to touch my face and wipe my tears. "Don't cry....I can't stand it when you cry! Leah, my Leah, is it really you?" He pulled me closer to him and I wished I could hold him.
"This is real Kyle; I didn't die. Yesterday you weren't behaving like yourself. I'm sure with Jacob and Sam so close you were in that alpha rage. I was hurt badly after a bad encounter with a tree. Dr. Cullen was trying to help me and I was in so much pain I couldn't speak; every time I tried I would scream. Jacob didn't want you to get close to me since you looked like you were out of control. I don't think he fully realized the bear was you. Dr. Cullen gave me pain medication and then something to knock me out. When I changed into a bear I left the pack. Kyle I had to cut ties with the pack so you could hear me! You're the only alpha male in my life now; not Jacob and certainly not Sam! You should be warned that when we change I'll be able to hear your thoughts....it works both ways so mine won't be private either. I wasn't 'spirit walking' or trying to say goodbye to you. I was trying to get through to you through that alpha rage! As soon as I saw you change back I did too and the medications started to work all at once. I was unconscious and pain free for a while, but I wasn't dead!
"Where have you been all this time Leah? I couldn't even sense your body and every time I closed my eyes I felt like I was seeing your spirit laughing at me, or calling to me!"
"No body to find Kyle; I'm not dead, remember? If you saw my spirit I'm sorry. I'm not going to say it was all in your head because I've had some fierce nightmares that were centered on you. We're connected in more ways than one now. But I wouldn't do that to you if I had any control; certainly if I was truly dead I wouldn't torment you! I've actually been at the Cullen's, since that's where my doctor took me to recover. I'm alive and on the way to a full recovery thanks to him. I don't know if my injuries would have killed me Kyle, but they were serious enough I might have been permanently crippled without his expertise."
He moved then, pulling me up to a sitting position next to him. When he took a closer look at my arms and legs he could tell they were encased in plaster casts. "Leah, what in the world happened to you?! I never did find out how you got so injured. I thought you were attacked by something and I just knew it was my fault for not being there with you!" He held my arms up gently and his eyes followed down to my legs. "Oh Leah this is terrible! You've done such a good job of hiding it I couldn't even tell how bad you were hurt! Shouldn't you be in the hospital? What are you doing here?"
"I'm here because my crazy fiance thinks I'm dead! I went and got all dressed up for visitors today and the one I wanted to see the most didn't show up! What do you expect me to do, lounge around all day while you go and try to die on me! Three days Kyle....three days without water can kill a normal person, or maybe you would have made it a week, and I'd be out of the casts just in time to put you in the ground and throw the dirt in on you myself! You're already on your way there!"
"Leah, calm down you're going to hurt yourself." He had his arm around me and my anger must have dispelled the last notion that I was some kind of a dead spirit coming to haunt him.
"These stupid casts and broken bones are nothing compared to how bad it would hurt me if you died over something so pointless!" I was crying again and he pulled me closer and kissed me, probably to shut me up. His mouth was dry and his lips were chapped and I wondered how long it would take him to dehydrate himself to death. If I had waited to come home would I have been too late?
There was a tap on my door and Doctor Cullen stepped in. "Edward let me know that you were able to get through to him. Do you mind if I look you over?" He was talking first to me then to Kyle.
"Are you the doctor she's been talking about? I'm sorry I barely remember you from yesterday. How did you get to her so fast?
He smiled. "I forgot to introduce myself. My family told me so much about you and my little granddaughter showed me what you looked like; I feel like we've already met. Yes, I was there yesterday; I had a little forewarning that Leah was going to need some serious help. How are you doing? You've scared the daylights out of my patient and I'd like to reassure her that you're going to be fine. I'm Doctor Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle." he shook Kyle's hand then quickly checked his blood pressure and temperature. "Your pressure's a little low and your temperature is a little high even for shape shifters. Do you have a headache? Any dizziness?" Kyle shook his head to both questions. "I think you can have a full recovery if you let Mrs. Clearwater have her way and feed you and give you plenty of liquids. Don't overdo it on the water at first, I'll leave you an electrolyte solution you should start with and increase slowly til you get about two quarts of liquids a day; more if you're outside or working."
He turned to look my way. "I was about to ask if you were assured enough to go yet, but Edward also warned me that you would probably not be going back with us. I can leave the wheelchair here with you until the casts are ready to come off unless you want to return and give Esme someone to fuss over again." He smiled at me and that same guilt hit me again. The man was not the evil monster I'd had him built up to be. When I smiled and shook my head I was almost sorry I wouldn't be returning with him. "No thank you, I'll be staying here if that's okay with you. Just let me know what I should or shouldn't do to keep needing that chair permanently."
"Just stay calm and heal for the next couple days. Come back to see me and I'll do x-rays to see where you stand. I'm sure those casts will be coming off then; you are healing so fast. I imagine you'll be up and around again no later than Valentine's Day." he smiled and I suddenly remembered what was supposed to happen on that day.