Thanks for the reviews I am going to admit the ending isn't that good but I happen to love the beginning better.
Warnings: Sex and Violence
Lyrics from Stand my Ground By Within Temptation.
Stand My Ground:
I can see
When you stay low nothing happens
Does it feel right ?
Late at night
Things I thought I put behind me
Haunt my mind
He did not eat, he did not drink nor did he do anything else other than pray. For hours he locked himself in his office, on his knees in front of his crucifix. He was thirsty and his stomach rumbled. His knees were sore, possibly bruised. One was definitely bleeding from dirt particles digging into his skin. He deserved all the pain with the impure task he was submitting to.
Whispers of ever so perfect Latin flew from his lips. His clasped sweating palms were slipping from their constant clasped position. But Sir Thomas knew it was hopeless god was never going to forgive him for this. His pure body was about to become dirty, dirty as the rest of the sinners in this damn court. And for what a damn heir? Why oh why did Harry choose him over someone who slept with women other than their wives? Couldn't he have just survived with Mary as an heir?
So lost in oblivion and confusion he did not realize what time it was. And then there was a loud knock on the door. It was time. Time to receive his punishment which was worse than death: Eternal Damnation and a moral reputation ruined.
"Dear lord please I beg your forgiveness for what I must do and know that no matter what I remain your most humble and obedient servant, Amen," He whispered one last time before crossing himself.
Using the table for balance he slowly got up from his knees. They screamed in pain and wobbled as he walked to the door. Hesitantly moving his fingers over the key, he unlocked the door and opened it quickly. Before the page boy dressed in black could answer Sir Thomas just said:
"I know the King wants me. I know where he is I rather walk alone and collect my thoughts."
And with a bow of acknowledgement from the page boy, Sir Thomas began to walk the long hallways to his destination.
I just know there's no escape now
Once it sets its eyes on you
But I won't run, have to stare it in the eye
Stand my ground, I won't give in
No more denying, I got to face it
Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it, someone else will stand my ground
Sir Thomas walked alone slowly the long corridors of the palace. His hands clasped together and his eyes gazed to the floor. His upper lip twitched wildly, a unique feature that came out when the nerves began to devour him whole. He kept blinking and gulping to hold back the tears forming in his dark eyes.
It was as if he was going to his own execution. He now pictured it vividly. The castle hallways were where he was making his last walk. First it would be dark from the lack of light in the bowels of the Tower of London. Then the bright sunlight would attack his eyes almost blinding him. But the reality was he was walking from the dark hallways of the palace to the brightly lit great hall.
There was some sort of celebration raging on. The music played and the people danced and laughed. But the lawyer saw no happiness. As he made his way through the crowd, he began to imagine the people around him as the spectators of his execution. They stare at him in concern and reach their hands out to touch him. "God bless you Sir Thomas" they say and cross themselves as he passes them slowly. When he reaches the end of the crowd, terror rushes through his body soon he would be mounting the scaffold.
There was no freedom to refuse or to turn back. It was to either accept his fate quietly or be forced to in an undignified matter.
He snapped back to reality when a tear fell down his eye. His eyes gazed around wildly seeing if there was anybody watching him. Thankfully he was alone.
Don't you fucking cry, Sir Thomas thought as he wiped the tear from his eye, it is only going to make the situation worse.
I can feel
That it's time for me to face it
Can I take it?
Though this might just be the ending
Of the life I held so dear
But I won't run, there's no turning back from here
At the end of the hallway there was a stairwell. Sir Thomas knew once he walked up those stairs he would be at the Queen's bedchamber. He hesitated for a moment. Again the scene changed to the scaffold. His eyes fixated on the block in which he was to lay his head upon. In his morbid dream and in reality he tripped on the first stair. Had it been his execution he would have something witty. Maybe something like "I pray you Lieutenant see me safe up, for coming down let me shift for myself." He got up and dusted himself off and continued up the stairs.
He was closer to the door. He now pictured himself facing the crowd that gathered at his execution. He knew what he would say. He'd say that he died the King's good servant but god's first.
What a hypocritical statement, considering that the King's good servant was disobeying god's orders.
The next thing he knew he was at the top of the stairs facing the door. He was paralyzed. He didn't know whether or not to knock. He saw himself kneeling hesitantly at the block. A fate he could not resist. Even if he kicked and screamed he wasn't getting out of it.
And whilst imagining himself laying his head on the block, accepting his fate, he raised his shaking hand and knocked on the door.
Stand my ground, I won't give in
No more denying, I gotta face it
Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it, someone else will
Stand My Ground
All I know for sure is I'm trying
I will always stand my ground
"What took you so long?" Harry greeted him rudely as Sir Thomas nervously bowed.
The lawyer's eyes were cast to the floor. He took a deep breath and replied, "Harry forgive me, I needed a few moments to-"
"Raise your eyes," Harry cut him off, "you are in the presence of me your King not our savior."
If only our savior was here to rescue me from this hell, Sir Thomas thought as he raised his eyes from the floor to the King. His upper lip began to twitch even more wildly than it did before. There in all his naked glory was Harry. His knees began to wobble in a mixture of nerves and embarrassment. It was enough he was seeing the Queen naked but Harry too?
"Well are you just going to stand there and admire my body," Henry growled crossing his arms in front of his chest, "or are you going to get undressed?"
Sir Thomas swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. He couldn't refuse. But he was terrified to be completely bare in front of his king and queen. It was not that he was self conscious of his body image, it had to do with his exposure. Enough about him was exposed, his beliefs and philosophies being some. But his body was sacred and had many secrets revealed through his scars. Some scars obtained through clumsiness were faded. But then there was his back. The harsh practice of self flagellation left terrible scars upon the skin. They were long, cruel and deep as if a wild animal scratched at his back. He hoped he had the luxury of keeping his shirt on.
"Are you deaf?" Henry growled even louder, "GET UNDRESSED!"
On impulse Sir Thomas started fumbling his outer clothes. His fingers flew over the buttons of his black doublet before he discarded it to the side. He then lifted his leg to attempt to take off his boots only to fall face first clumsily to the floor. Embarrassed that he lost all composure, he began to weep. Upon this the King laughed.
"You are really pathetic you know that," Henry said bending down and grabbing the fabric of his chemise, "I guess I am going to have to do this for you."
"NO DON'T!" Sir Thomas screamed as the sound of ripping fabric filled his ears. The next thing he knew cold air touched the bare skin of his back. The fresh and newest scars (created in the early morning hours of the day) began to sting. He curled his fingers into fists, hoping to alleviate the pain.
"So the rumors are true," Henry said laughing hysterically causing the humanist to weep harder, "look at you a person who enjoys hurting himself, THIS IS WHAT IS GOING TO HELP ME HAVE A SON!"
"HENRY ENOUGH!" A voice Sir Thomas immediately recognized as Katherine's roared, "Sir Thomas has done everything for you with no objections and now he is helping get an heir, how dare you humiliate him?"
The next few minutes seemed distorted to the humanist, just Katherine and Harry screaming back and forth at each other, until it ended with feet stomping on the ground and the door slamming behind them. As this was going on he was weeping in embarrassment with his face buried in the floor.
"Oh you poor dear," He heard Katherine say as he felt her presence next to him. He then felt her fingers run lightly down the scars of his back. He flinched only to gradually be helped back onto his knees. His eyes still shinning with tears remained cast down to the floor. But then something happened , something he didn't expect. He felt Katherine wrap her arms around his waist and pull him in close. "It's alright now," she said, "he is just jealous because he you are able to give me something he failed to give me. But if you want to cry go ahead I will not judge."
Katherine slipped her hand under the humanist's chin and lifted his head. She stroked his cheek gently with her thumb wiping the tears away. He closed his eyes and leaned his head into her touch. And in an instant his sobs died down to sniffles. He hadn't been treated with such kindness by a woman since his…beloved Joan.
His eyes suddenly opened as realization struck him like the axe. The gates of his mind burst open allowing his mind to be open to a thousand thoughts. Did Katherine love him? She couldn't love him could she? He wasn't of royal blood nor was he worthy or handsome enough. And then again this act of affection could merely be a way to come to bed with her quickly. He wasn't stupid, once he gave her what she wanted she would throw him away like a beating rag.
"You don't have to pretend to care," Sir Thomas said finally flinching away from the gentle caresses, "it is going to just deceive me into falling for you. You are just going to treat me like one of Harry's whores."
The look on the queen's face turned from soft and caring to tense and hurt. And in an instant she sprung from his presence and disappeared behind the curtain. Sir Thomas remained on his knees as he bowed his head in shame. And then the silence cut off by Katherine's painful sob.
On impulse the lawyer rose to his knees and followed Katherine.
Foolish man, Sir Thomas thought as he descended from the curtain, she is treating you with affection and you have to speak your mind. Alright you are just going to apologize for that comment and get this over with.
He cleared his throat, "Katherine." The Queen abruptly turned to face him. "Forgive me," He continued as she stormed over to him, "as you know this is a rather awkward situation for the-"
He was cut off with a vicious slap across the face. His ears rang and his cheek burned. He moved his hand to his face, trailing his fingers over the bright red mark. His eyes widened.
The woman has quite the arm, he thought as he stared at her sheepishly.
"How dare you accuse me of being a thickheaded man," Katherine said reaching her hand up to his face and gripping his chin, "when I defended you from Henry and treating you with as much kindness had you been my husband, how dare you accuse me of using you as a whore. Fine you want me to treat you like a whore, I will."
Before Sir Thomas could reply Katherine pulled his face down and began kissing him roughly, forcing his mouth open with her tongue. The lawyer whined and moaned. He lifted his hands to push her off him. But he immediately restrained himself upon realizing that he had no choice. And then without warning Katherine abruptly ceased to kiss him.
"Katherine please I didn't mean it," He tried to say as she pushed him down on the bed. He stared at her with wide eyes. He became paralyzed as she pulled off her robe, which revealed she was wearing thing under it. His mouth became gape at the sight. His lips began moving but nothing came out.
Sir Thomas studied her body for a moment with wide eyes. Katherine's skin was pale, almost white as snow. Her breasts were perfectly round. Her body curved in a unique shape. Her arms and legs were thin and boney. Her neck was long and thin. Yet with all bodies came imperfections. From her failed pregnancies there were stretch marks on her stomach and veins popped up around her breasts. Harry may have found them repulsive, but Sir Thomas found them beautiful.
He closed his eyes for a moment as the moral barrier crumbled. The thoughts of how to get out of this awkward situation turned into sinful and deviant thoughts. He began to imagine her body against his, chests touching, lips colliding with their tongues fighting for dominance and bodies moving together as one. He felt the blood trail to the familiar area of his groin at the thought. He bit his lip.
Dear lord, He thought as he slowly opened his eyes, forgive for I have sin exceedingly in thought: Mea Culpa, Mea culpa, Mea MAXIMA culpa.
"Henry was right," Katherine growled as she crossed her arms over her sagging breasts, "any man including you would be repulsed if they saw my naked body."
Sir Thomas sat up slowly when he heard those words. And suddenly a painful realization rushed over him. He wasn't the only one who was Harry's victim in this game…Katherine was too. In an instant, he felt her pain, he felt…connected to her.
"I believe the opposite," Sir Thomas said biting his lower lip, "I think you are beautiful."
Katherine snorted and turned her head away from him to stare at the raging fire. "I don't believe you," She said, "you just speak to flatter me."
The lawyer sighed. He expected that answer considering the verbal abuse he received from Harry before. He slowly rose from his spot and walked over to Katherine. He took a deep breath and took both her hands into his own.
"On the contrary I speak the truth," Sir Thomas said bending his head down to look the Queen straight in the eyes. The more he stared at her the more comfortable he became with her. "Yes you have flaws to your body," He continued rubbing her hands with his thumbs, "but I think it's the flaws that make the person beautiful. Those people who think they are quote unquote flawless are the most hideous people in the-"
The words were cut off by a soft kiss on the lips. This kiss was different from the first one he received because it was gentle and quick. But it was with that one kiss he wanted more. She wrapped his arms around his neck and smiled.
"This is why I chose you to do this task," Katherine said leaning her cheek against Thomas', "you are a different person from the rest of the court."
She kissed him again, this time with a little more passion. They were still slow but tongues touching. The lawyer moaned as he felt her tongue brush the inside of his mouth. He sighed and fell backwards onto the bed.
Katherine then ceased from kissing him for a moment and lifted her head.
"I know this a personal question Sir Thomas," Katherine said with her face turning a shade of red, "but along with goal of a heir being fulfilled, your comfort is just as important to me, do have any rituals when you make love to a woman, like do you just go ahead or do you like to be touched in a certain way beforehand?"
Sir Thomas sighed and narrowed his eyes. The last time he truly made love to a woman was 15 years before when John (his youngest and only son) was conceived. She died 9 months later after John's birth. He vowed he would never love the same way again (though Joan begged him on his deathbed to move on). And his prophesy was true. When he lied with Alice it was usually quick and there was no foreplay and no terms of endearment in the end. There were even times that he wasn't even aroused.
Though he did not trust Katherine emotionally, he did not trust her physically enough to give her such intimate demands. Besides he felt his body prepared to perform the act of conceiving a child.
"Just go ahead," He whispered, "I am ready."
It was all lies, he was terrified. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt his breeches lower to his ankles. He bit his lip as he felt the cool breeze brush over his inner thighs. He braced himself for their bodies to intertwine. He expected it to be quick but instead he felt her small hand squeezing his large one.
"You are going to be okay," Katherine said to him softly rubbing the upside of his hand with her thumb, "nothing will happen to you, if it is any consolation you doing a brave thing for me I shall always appreciate it."
He then felt her bend down and kiss him gently on the lips. And before he could perceive the comment he felt their bodies intertwine.
I'm lying with the Queen as if she were my wife. I am basically now equivilant to Bessie Blount. He thought as the first waves of pleasure began to rush through his body.
He groaned and thrust gently up. He remembered the whole affair with the little tart. How he lectured Harry for hours on the gravity of what he did, causing a woman who wasn't his wife to have his child. Sir Thomas didn't know what made his blood boil more. Harry jumping around and dancing at the fact another woman gave him a son or that child being ecstatic she gave the King a son. Sir Thomas was so disgusted he failed to see that in the aftermath to see that Bessie regretted it.
Now he felt her pain and even had sympathy for her.
A loud long moan from Katherine caused Sir Thomas caused him to open one of his eyes. The sight made him more eager to push her off him and lash himself. Head bent back exposing her throat. Sweat beads forming on her body. Her black hair flowing freely, she was a goddess.
At the thought a long guttural moan left his throat. He cursed himself for showing such pleasure. Showing pleasure would displease god.
After this, He thought, I shall whip all the disobedient skin off my back and cleanse my dirty-
Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. How was he going to face the world after this, his children especially? He often tried his hardest to lead his children in the right direction in the laws of god and they would follow him. John, his youngest child and only son, especially. John aspired to be him and brag to his friends about how great he was as a man and a father. What was this going to tell him and his sisters? That John could disregard his future wife and sleep with whomever he wanted to? Or that he can go from country to country bedding Queens? That Meg, Cecily and Elizabeth can be the king's whores?
As Sir Thomas reached the point to the very edge of releasing, an image passed through his mind. It wasn't the disappointment in god's eyes. But it was the faces of his children. They looked at him with sad eyes and disappointment that his lectures on living a pious and moral life were lies.
He moaned again and then he felt himself release into her. It was over but as he released into the Queen the voices of his children echoed in his mind.
How could you father? God if Mummy saw you she'd roll in her grave! Meg echoed in his mind.
You taught us not open your legs to anyone! And you open your legs to the Queen! Elizabeth cried next.
How could you do this to Alice? Cecilia wailed
You used to drill in my head to never be like the men in court! YOU LIED TO ME PAPA! John cried out last.
"NO!" Sir Thomas cried out burying his face into his hands. He didn't want to show the disappointment in himself. He hoped Katherine didn't take this action as a reflection on her. "I deceived you all my innocent children," he then cried the words muffled in his hands.
He didn't realize the union of their bodies had been broken when Katherine jolted up next to him. She shyly brought the bed sheet to her chest. She slowly raised her hand and started to slowly rub his back. The humanist jerked his head up.
"Don't touch me you foul temptress," He said as he flinched away. He wanted to get out of there. The whip was screaming his name. The damage had been done he wanted to be at peace. He prayed desperately to be dismissed.
"TEMPTRESS!" Katherine shrieked, "DO YOU REALIZE YOU CAN BE KILLED FOR INSULTING YOUR QUEEN!"
Sir Thomas laughed amongst his tears. The queen gasped she never seen this behavior come from the man before. But yet she understood how he felt, having to sacrifice his principles to save the kingdom.
"Good I deserve to die," He said as he pulled himself out of bed, "especially since I am a shame to my family."
Katherine grabbed his wrist lightly.
"No," She said rubbing the inside of his wrist, "you don't realize how much you mean to me. With your help I can finally make Henry happy by giving him the son he wanted for all these years-"
"That makes me feel better now it confirms to me that I am indeed a whore," Sir Thomas retorted pulling his wrist away. He paused to sloppily put on his clothes, "Well I hope you enjoyed yourself now if you will excuse me I am going to go and beg God for forgiveness."
"Thomas wait I didn't mean it in that way at all but there is something you must know," Katherine yelled jumping on her feet to follow him but it was too late he was out the door. With tears in her eyes she took a deep breath and looked to the ground and whispered:
"I have always been in love with you."
Next Chapter: Needle and The Damage Done
14 year old John Moore wakes up to a Thomas Moore in the midst of a nervous Breakdown, Thomas Moore tells his Children the truth. Thomas confides to Bishop Fisher as to what happened and another Tomkat confrontation.
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