Chapter 14.
Honeymoon
As he took the plane to the end of the runway we waved to Jacob. He reached behind his seat and handed me a box wrapped in white paper. "I wanted to get you something for a wedding gift, and I hope you like it. You said you wanted to learn to work with me, and this is a good start." In the box was a camera. It wasn't like his with all the lenses, but I could tell it wasn't a cheap one. "It's one of the best digital cameras out there. I'm still partial to film, but most photographers are using the smaller ones like that. I was thinking that we could cover both bases. I wanted you to have it so you could take pictures during the trip. I can't wait to see what kind of eye you have."
His gift reminded me of Alice's gift and I had to reach behind me to pick up the small package. Hers was wrapped in pink paper and I was puzzled when I opened it. It was a small box, but inside there were legal documents. She had a copy of my drivers license, and a passport with my new name inside. I recognized the picture as the one she'd taken on the day I'd left their house. Since I hadn't signed it, I realized it must be a forgery, but it was a good one. Kyle was even more confused than I was.
"Why would she give you a forgery of your passport? I mean having your new name is thoughtful, but it seems a little odd."
"That's just it Kyle; this isn't a copy, I don't have a passport. She must think I'm going to need one." I smiled his way hoping that he'd give away his secret destination.
"You're kidding me! How do you not have a passport? I thought you'd have left the country at least once in your lifetime. I didn't even think about it!" He seemed embarrassed by his oversight. "So, how much traveling have you done? I mean I'm sure you've seen a few states at least, right?"
I wasn't sure how he would take it. "Well, not really. I've been in the same place all my life. Except for when I ran away and found you; I saw Canada and Alaska for the first time. Quileutes don't leave home much. Our history tells us that we've been in the same place for over four thousand years. In many ways traveling is discouraged; we don't even go to a regular public school, so we don't get a lot of exposure to other places and cultures."
He looked straight ahead for a while and I thought he was upset by something I'd said. "I am amazed over and over again how you found me! The number of things that had to happen for you to cross my path keeps growing! I am astounded that the very first time you left home you came almost straight to me! There's no way this is an accident Leah! I had a chance to see some of the men in your tribe that you could have fallen for. The ones you were not related to that is. You didn't fall for Jared, Quil, Paul, or Embry; any of them would have been good mates. You're special Leah. I'm even more convinced after listening to your mom talking about your family lineage. Whatever makes us what we are, is multiplied in you! The same is true of Seth, and he didn't choose a girl from your tribe either. I think there's a reason for this"
"Isn't it enough that it's helped me find you? I'm interested in finding out more about it, but right now I'm just content to be with you and not have to worry about some driving instinct or master plan behind it all. And are you going to tell me where we're going?"
He smiled and looked over at me and smiled. "Well, I'd thought about taking you to the Ice Hotel in Lapland up by the Arctic Circle. They build it every year out of sheets of ice, and it's a marvel in art and architecture. I really did want to take you, but then I had a look at the distance and flight times. It's almost halfway around the world and I didn't want to be flying on our first night as husband and wife." He smiled again and I blushed at the thought of our first night. "We're actually going to Portland Oregon first. I'm going to store the plane there for two weeks and I asked Ahnah to repack your suitcase to make sure your wardrobe was appropriate for the weather where we're going." I groaned thinking about all the inappropriate things I had hiding out in my closet and dresser.
While we flew I asked him about his poker game. He smiled and looked my way. "Well, Edward played once while Bella blocked our thoughts from him. He lost badly and Jasper won. Then We got to watch Emmett and Jacob both lose several hands. We were all thinking that Jasper was cheating, but it's his ability that made his opponents more likely to stay in rather than fold. He gave off a sense of calm and confidence that made him a lot of money." I was surprised to hear they were playing with money, but I didn't say anything. Carlisle and Sam were evenly matched and the younger ones didn't play the game. Once I figured out Jasper's game, I started to beat him. Emmett tries hard but he's easy to read. I think Jacob was just distracted by the little one who kept coming in to play with him. None of us had the heart to tell her it was for boys only.
"Sam won Emmett's fancy shirt, and I took Jasper to the cleaners. Funny, but you'd think with them being what they are they'd have an easier time bluffing. I realized early that they could tell more about me than was normal. If I bluffed they could hear my heart beat faster, and even sense my body temperature rise. I learned that if I thought about you, my heart would race and my temperature would go up whether I was bluffing or not. I almost feel bad about winning so much money from them, but I was able to pay Jacob back for his losses. Even with all the winnings, I still would rather have been with you."
It was funny, but even though I felt the same way about him, it seemed silly when he said it. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to spend so much time with me. I wondered how long that would last. Would he still feel that way after the honeymoon? Would he still feel like that when we got back to our regular lives? I was starting to worry that when he no longer wanted to be with me all the time I'd feel the loss. I couldn't imagine not wanting to be with him, but he was so much more attractive and interesting than I was. What if I felt this way forever and he didn't?
"Don't do that!" He looked over at me and it seemed like he was upset about something.
"Don't do what?" I asked confused.
"That look. It looks like you're having some kind of doubt. I used to see it all the time when I first met you. Little by little it's going away but I still recognize it. Sometimes I just don't think you understand how much I love you! I want to be with you Leah; in fact if I wasn't flying this plane I'd show you just how much I want to be with you right now! It's not about this imprinting or bonding thing we have, it's much more than that! There's not another person in this world that can draw me to them the way you can! I think if you hadn't found me I would have had to come looking for you. You belong with me and I don't want you to ever forget it!
It was quiet for a little while as I thought about what he'd said. I found myself playing with the necklace he'd given me during the ceremony. I hadn't had much time to really look at it. It was a pretty gold wedding band on a thin but heavy gold chain. I held the chain in my hands and tipped the ring back and forth between my fingers, feeling the weight of the gold. The chain was fairly long, allowing the ring to hang low against my chest. I could easily slip it over my head without breaking the magnetic connection. "Thank you for the necklace and ring. I didn't really expect anything after Seth brought it up. I like the idea of the necklace so it won't become a trap in a sudden change."
"You don't need to thank me Leah! Every bride deserves a wedding ring; I'm just sorry I didn't let you pick it out yourself. I also went ahead and got the one to match for myself. I wanted to surprise you with it. It should be an easy thing to take off before any intentional changes. Seth actually suggested a transmitter or a microchip that could be located, but I decided not to do that. I'd rather just replace it if it gets lost. Besides, I think after you wear it a while I'll be able to find it by smell. The ring is your size if you ever want to wear it" I'd already slipped it on my finger a time or two and it fit perfectly.
"I don't doubt you Kyle." I felt like I needed to apologize. "I know you love me. I"m just afraid that it's too perfect and the only way to go is down from here. I can't imagine not loving you like this. But I doubt that I have what it takes to hold someone's attention for a long time. I'm so much younger than you are; I've never even left the state before I met you. I'm not worldly and experienced and I have so much to learn about life. I sometimes just can't understand what you see in me!"
"Tikaani! You talk about so many things as if they really matter. I don't care that you've never traveled, it just means that I can be the one to show you the different places of the world. And I'm glad you're not worldly and experienced since I'm not either! I may have been around longer and traveled farther, but I've been a very solitary person for most of that time. I've always been more comfortable behind a camera than in the middle of the action. You've actually helped me to get out of that since I've been around your friends and family. I haven't had any close friends for so long I almost didn't know how to react to friendship. That was you Leah, I would never have made an effort if not for your encouragement. I see so much in you Leah that you don't even see in yourself. You have this bright spark of life that's impossible to resist. There is this constantly evolving sense of who you are and I'm so anxious to see where it leads us. How could I get tired of that?"
It was time to land and he was receiving instructions and I was quiet beside him. Once on the ground with another perfect landing there was a taxi waiting for us. With the airplane safely stored I watched out the window as we sped along the roads of Portland Oregon. As we came in sight of the harbor I saw what he had planned for us. It was a huge cruise ship and he smiled when he saw I understood. The sun was going down and we hurried to check in and board the ship. He had booked a room with a great view of the ocean and I was feeling a bit like Cinderella at the ball as he tipped the man who carried our suitcases. I laughed out loud when I watched him hang up the garment bag that had all the fancy clothes that had come to me through Alice and Bella.
As soon as the door closed we stood together in the small room with its one bed. When he pulled me to him I was almost afraid to look at him. But I looked into his eyes and knew that everything was going to be fine. It was Kyle; the man loved with all I had in me. We hadn't left the harbor yet and he guided me out to our private deck to look at the city and the harbor with the moon shining down. The air was chilly but it barely touched me as he wrapped his warm arms around me from behind. We stood for a while waiting, then the ship slowly started to move out. We watched the lights disappear as we headed into the open ocean. When we finally went inside, we closed the doors and pulled the curtains. "You know, I love the room with a view, and the balcony is just amazing. But we could have done just as well with a smaller, interior room.
"Leah, I wanted you to have a beautiful honeymoon, not be crowded into some tiny interior room. What's bothering you now?"
"It's nothing....I shouldn't have said anything. I'm just worried about the expense of a honeymoon. As long as I'm with you that's all that matters. You don't have to waste your money on and expensive room and all the luxuries." He laughed and pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
"I should have rented a dinghy and a set of oars if that's all it took to make you happy! I wanted to do this for you. I didn't want to bring you on a cruise for you to look at the four walls of an interior room! I won't cut corners and skimp on your honeymoon if I don't have to! Leah, trust me we can afford this; you don't have to worry about the budget."
"But I know these rooms cost so much...."
"It doesn't matter what they cost! Tikaani, I'm sorry if my simple lifestyle has lead you to believe that I'm destitute."
"I don't think you're destitute, Kyle. I just thought it would be better for us both if we weren't too extravagant. I don't have a job yet and you haven't worked for a couple weeks and I....why are you laughing?"
"You married me thinking I was poor? Or struggling paycheck to paycheck? Leah, if I ever doubted you loved me, I know that at least you didn't marry for my money! I didn't mean to give you the impression that I was some kind of struggling artist; I'm not! I've been doing photography for almost twenty-five years. I've made a name for myself and I'm quite well paid for my work. I've also been painting for almost as long, and that pays even better. I've had no major expenses except the flying club and I have few obligations. Leah, I could take you on a trip like this every week and still not have to worry about money."
"Are you trying to tell me you're like this rich guy living all alone up in Alaska in some tiny underground cabin painting pretty pictures? "
"That does sound a little depressing if you put it that way." His face twisted into a crooked grin. "How about I'm a man who is going to be living in Alaska on four square miles of pristine beachfront property I own, with the most beautiful woman in the world. We're going to be living in a cozy underground dwelling I've invented. It's in limited production, and I hold the patents to it. It's built to withstand floods, earthquakes and fires, and it's also self-sustaining. I'm the man who is sought out by various people in advertising, travel and tourism, and outdoor adventure because I take the best pictures in the industry. My work has been more widely published than any other in my field and I can demand top dollar because I'm the best. I'm also making a name for myself as an artist, and I'm not going to tell you the obscene amount of money my paintings can bring. In fact, if your mother ever wants to sell the one I painted of you, she could easily afford a new Jeep. I've had people trying to buy that one for years. The only reason I even took it to show was in hopes of finding the subject." He smiled and pulled me closer to him. "Now that I have her I don't need the paining."
I was still confused. "But you live like you have nothing! Your clothes look like what Jacob or Seth would wear to play in, and you have a cupboard full of canned food, and....!" He was laughing before I could finish.
"Leah, I told you I was a loner. What use are fancy clothes to chase bears in the wild? And why would I have a stocked pantry when I'm not even home to eat most of the time. I've got money set aside to pay for Akiak and Ahnah to go to college. I've got it set up that any of my other nieces and nephews could go too if they ask. I belong to the flying club instead of owning my own plane because the maintenance and storage are more than I want to bother with. I have what's important to me and everything else just serves a purpose." He pulled me tighter and kissed me. "I like how I live, but I love you, and if you want to do things differently that's fine too. I mean if you want to take cruises, or buy fancy clothes and build a mansion somewhere....I'll adjust."
"Oh Kyle, no! I like the way you live too! I don't need all that stuff either, I just need you. I just had no idea you were so...."
"Rich? Successful?" He supplied the words I was thinking. "Leah, until I met you I had nothing in comparison. And I have nothing in comparison to the Cullen's in case you're wondering. Maybe in another fifty years!" He grinned. "Leah, I don't like to get caught up in worrying over money matters. The best thing it can buy us is freedom. So if I want to take my beautiful bride on a cruise in style, I can. And if I plan to take her on a rainforest safari afterward, I can. And if we want to go study polar bears in the arctic we can go for as long as we want. And if I plan to take her to the Ice Hotel on the Torne River for our first anniversary, I can." He had my head spinning with his plans, but it was nothing compared to how I felt when he pulled me down onto the edge of the bed. Suddenly I was conscious that this was my honeymoon night, and we were alone.
He looked me in the eyes, asking me silently if I was ready. I could hear my own heart beating and suddenly it felt too warm in the room. I jumped up and hurried to the balcony doors and opened them a little to let in the cold ocean air. The curtains billowed slightly and the sound of the water was too faint to calm my nerves. "I think I need to change...." I smiled nervously and went to pick up my overnight bag. He crossed the room and stopped me, wrapping me in his arms and kissing me.
"Don't change. I like what you're wearing, it reminds me of when you came to me in my dream." I was wearing the peach sweater and cream colored leather skirt Alice had given me. "You don't have to go dress up in some special wedding night lingerie to make me want you." He pulled me closer and his hands slipped into my hair as he kissed me. "I won't hurt you Leah, you don't have to run away from me." It was his scent; his taste that washed over me, blending with the clean air breezing in off the ocean. Warm fresh baked bread covered in honey, and fresh air; I was lost in his arms and kisses. I closed my eyes and let him remove the barriers between us. I felt the cool air on my skin and his very warm touch. He lifted me and carried me to the bed almost like a child.
Together in bed with my eyes still closed I could feel him; his skin, his warmth and his weight and his hands lightly touching me. His taste and his scent were overwhelming and I was breathing him in with short gasping breaths. I wanted to be his wife in every way, but it seemed there was something more that I was missing. There was still a barrier between us and it was distracting me in an annoying way. Something didn't belong here!
I felt the moment when I physically became his wife; joining in the most intimate way with him. It was almost exactly right, but still....something was wrong. The words from our wedding ceremony came back to me; I hadn't even listened, but there they were: '….and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two but one flesh!' That was it! That was what was coming between us; the flesh, our physical bodies!
My eyes flew open an I stared into his. "Kyle....this isn't who we are! This isn't what we are! Our bodies are just another animal; it's a choice we've made! There's more than this!" I kissed him then, pulling him as close to me as I could. "My love, you are my partner, my mate, and my husband. But you are also my completion! You make me whole!" With my eyes locked onto his confused face I changed. Not into a wolf, a bear, or an eagle....but what we were always meant to be! Somewhere between the changes there was always a breath of reality we'd race past on the way to becoming something else. An instant where we were our true selves. I reached for this sliver and became who and what I really was for the first time ever! I saw the look of surprise and recognition on his face and in a breath he joined me! Kyle and Leah ceased to be as two separated entities. We joined instead into one pure form of ever changing, shifting matter and energy! It was unimaginable bliss! It was love and acceptance in it's purest form!
I knew that there was nothing in me he couldn't see. I too could see his whole existence of loneliness and solitude as he waited for me. We were still two different beings, but we were so close and blended it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. It was an intimacy not known in the physical world. Where we touched, we blended, and where we blended we filled the gaping holes in each other. If I thought I loved him before, it was nothing compared to how much I loved him when all the structures and barriers were gone. And his love for me in return was almost more than I could handle! We would never be able to doubt each other again. He was as necessary as air to me, but more than just need; it was longing, and desire, wrapped up in comfort and acceptance; a total completion!
There was no need for words as our thoughts were transparent to each other, no need to touch as we blended unresistingly, and nothing else mattered or intruded. Time didn't matter, though I could feel the passing of seconds and minutes, it was like we were outside of it; cocooned in our own own existence. As I wondered why we would ever choose anything else, he answered me in his own thoughts, showing me a stagnant pool of nothingness. Without the physical we would lose something important to our growth and survival. Just existing, no matter how blissful and natural it was for us was not enough. We still needed to take physical forms. We needed to use our senses and interact with others. We needed to learn and do things that could only be accomplished with a physical body. We risked becoming stagnant and disappearing otherwise.
In the deepest recesses of what must be a racial memory I could see the reasons why we become human. They were the most intelligent and adaptable and through them more of us were born. I could see back through generations where the bonding happened, creating opportunities for new shape shifters to be born, or as a connection between two, like me and Kyle. I could see that sometimes the strain was dominant, and sometimes recessive. I could tell that those born female faced the biggest challenge due to their reproductive cycles. Though the strain was dominant, the choice to stay human was almost always made so that she could be a mother. It was hard to wrap my mind around the reasoning, but I knew that I would be able to be a mother, and I would also be able to change; always. It was like Mom had guessed; it was very strong in me.
The minutes ticked into hours and together we decided it was time to separate and become Kyle and Leah once more. When I again saw his eyes I remembered that this could be good too. Without the physical, I'd never know his smile, or the touch of his hands, or – I suddenly became aware that we were in the middle of something very physical. With the question of who we were resolved I was able to give myself completely to making love with my husband!
In the morning when we were finally able to dress and leave the room I didn't feel such a need to cling to him. I knew that there would come a time when we'd come together and share everything, and it would be better if we had some separate experiences. Still it was hard to leave his side since I just loved to be next to him; the way his hand unconsciously reached for me, the way his eyes followed me, and the way he would kiss me when no one was watching. It was our honeymoon after all, so I felt entitled to stick close even if I didn't need to.
We did all the usual things available on a ship; we ate, we danced, we played games, we listened to music, we met other couples, we swam and climbed the rock wall. But nothing compared to just being together. One night we stood on our balcony and I told him what I thought might have happened. "What if we just forgot who we were? I mean if our race is compatible with humans and maybe even other animals, what if we forgot what we really were?" I smiled up at him as he stood behind me holding me in his arms. "I could easily have just stayed Leah forever as long as I had you. Or I could have stayed a wolf knowing that I would be alone forever. What if the memory of who we are got lost because we got caught up in who we were pretending to be?" I knew he was thinking about what I was saying.
"I listened to our old legends, and they were passed down from generation to generation by word of mouth. What if they were supposed to remind us of who we are, and instead they changed and evolved into something else? In the legends there's talk of spirit walking, and leaving the body behind. That's so much like what we do, but it sounds like a myth. Add to it the wolves and the vampires and we have gotten lost in our own legends! I can't help but wonder if the supernatural creatures aren't related in some way. I bet if we could go back through all the thousands of years and see where we began, we'd be tied up in it together somehow. Being close to the vampires is what causes us to change, but I think it merely reminds us of who we really are. I think that Mom and Lora and many more of them could have changed if they had remembered. Not a mental memory, but something more primal and visceral. Unless the line is recessive for a whole generation that is. I don't understand it all Kyle, but I do feel that we are the beginning of our kind becoming what we were intended to be. Seth and Ahnah will have this same connection, and I think Paul and Rachel will too. Jacob and Nessie....I think their connection goes back even further than ours! I can't shake the feeling that there's some kind of split that happened between our two kinds. We decided to change into humans and have children with them, while the vampires decided to feed on humans. It set us in opposition to each other for all this time.
"My wife is so intuitive!" he looked down at me and smiled. "If you've figured this much out in this short a time, I can imagine in a few years you will have it all mastered!" He turned me in his arms and kissed me. "Do you think you have some time before you start mapping the supernatural genome, to come inside and make love with your husband?" He smiled down at me and I followed him back inside, all theories forgotten for the next few hours.
A week after we boarded the ship we left it to head out to our Amazon rainforest excursion. We had a week of wandering through hot mosquito infested swamps, coming face to face with spiders, snakes, and lizards, and being wet almost all the time. We loved it! Again and again we slipped off from our tour group to go exploring on our own. I changed into a black caiman, an anaconda, and a howler monkey the first day out! Once we knew what we were, the changes were easy, almost effortless. Kyle became a jaguar, without even studying it. Then he became a pink river dolphin and played in the Amazon river.
There was so much to learn and explore, I was almost sad when our time was up. The only concession was that we would get to go home and start living our lives together. We took a commercial flight to Oregon, then flew his plane to the landing strip nearest La Push. Mom picked us up and we told her all about our trip on the way back to the house. We had both taken lots of pictures and I couldn't want to show mom what we'd been up to. Ahnah and Seth weren't so happy to see us, but Akiak was delighted to have his uncle back. He wanted to show him all the new creatures he could become.