Chapter 4
Ya Soshla S Uma
Author's Note: Hey guys! Merry Christmas! Sorry this has taken awhile, I tried to finish this chapter BEFORE Chris came but that didn't happen lol! Here it is :D I've also added chapter 5 so enjoy! I'm currently working on the next chapter of Progression, and…I dunno when I'll start back on suffer in silence.
I am all gone
It is very serious
So I'm sitting here, surrounded by friends and laughter. The good kind of laughter, which sends smiles spiralling across regions of childhood. Where trees and spirits of life happily float through the air, while sprites of nature mischievously play tricks on light's reflection. For some reason; however, I am not laughing. Sure smiles grace my face. But I, Jimmy Neutron, am not smiling, nor laughing at the situation around me.
Situation HELP
Situation SOS
Aphrodite sits before me. Well, in a sense I suppose. For her hair is black, and brown eyes illuminate her soft, freckled face. Gentle. She is gentle. Or so she looks it. But I'm starting to realize that maybe…
I cannot understand myself
Where did you appear from?
She is not whom I want. She is not what I think I want. But I don't know what life is offering me. I don't know anything.
The light is shutting down
I am flying somewhere
"Jimmy, lets get another round of chocolate shakes." Absentmindedly I nod. Her voice is…sweet. Its sweet like the sickening candy I've been sucking down all day. Everyday. Its cake and strawberries with whip cream. Sugar powdered hands grab my own. "Oh Jimmy this is so wonderful!" She is the dream every child imagines. She is that land of sweets and candy. She is the endless mountains of ice cream.
Without you there is no me
I don't want anything
Funnily enough, I don't want it. I don't really…crave it the way I used to. I want…god knows what the hell I want. Cindy? No…. she is Aphrodite in nature. Cruel, harsh, lustful. Well not… lustful.
It is the slow poison
It is making me crazy
She's feeding me her sweet essence of love and affection. It's affecting my senses. I cannot think straight. See straight. This madness intoxicating me.
But they say it is all my fault.
"Jimmy this is great! We should all double date! You and Betty, me and Libby, and Carl and a Llama!" I hear Sheen's voice. I see him. I can't…acknowledge?
"Oh Jimmy, we could go see that new movie!"
"Which one? I want to see Napoleon Dynamite, he looks like me!" Carl smiled wistfully. "It has a Llama in it!"
"For 30 seconds Carl! I bet Ultra lord is there!"
I've lost my mind
I've lost my mind
I don't care what we do. I just don't understand. I feel misplaced and delirious.
I need her
I need her
She smiles at me, and I come to my senses. Its Betty who makes me feel happy and wonderful. She's not destroying me. I'm just overreacting.
"Sure we can see it, how about tonight?" Pressure vices my arm.
"Oh yes! But I have to go get ready. Lets all meet outside the cinema!" She kisses me, and catcalls fill the room. And then…she is gone.
I have lost my mind
I need her.
I'm pining and I'm wishing so many different things. I feel…torn inside. I can't comprehend what's happening to me. Everyone is leaving and I stand to leave as well. Hands shoved in my pocket, Goddard on my tail, I wander home.
Without you I am not myself
Without you there is no me
It didn't feel right today. Betty didn't belong in my group of friends. Cindy did. Cindy, whose…. golden hair and blue eyes were that of Aphrodite…. Venus.
But they say, they say
It is delirium
I was so confused about everything. Did I want Betty? Did I need Cindy?
It is poison from the sun
It is making me crazy
I gazed up into the stars, catching a glimpse of the planet whose rays illuminated the sky. I reached out to touch it, to bask in its warmth of light. But my hands could not grasp the glow in the sky.
But they say it is all my fault
I did try to forget
"Hey there Jimbo!" Right on time, my father.
"Hey Dad…" He sat himself onto our porch, and motioned for me to do the same.
"So Jimbo." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I knew from the tone that I'd be subjected to one of his…talks.
"Yes dad?"
"Who was that girl I saw you smooching with the other day?" Blood rose in my cheeks, but it was only of shame.
"Nobody important." I mumbled.
"Now Jimbo, you shouldn't be randomly kissing girls! You could hurt their feelings and that's not very nice."
"I know Dad."
"Now I think it's time I gave you the talk." I distracted myself once again by the sparkling crystals. Across the street I saw her room. I couldn't see her, or even a shadow. But her light was on, so I knew she was there. And I felt her eyes observing me.
To the end and down
I did count the poles
And confused birds
"And so the queen bee decided she wanted honey pie, and not honey rumble pie…."
"Dad, I think I understand."
"Oh good son, well I must go! I have some ducks to arrange in an alphabetical order." His presence left and once again I was alone. My watched told me I should be heading to the Cinema…but I found I didn't want to suffer through Betty's intoxicating kisses. Sure...they're nice but I don't know. It's not what I want.
Without you there is no me
Let me go, let me go
"Hey Neutron." I turned to see Nick. What was Nick doing here in my neighbourhood?
"Hey Nick, what...what are you doing here?"
"Hanging around…" He glanced over at the temple of Aphrodite. "Making sure Cindy's okay."
"W-what do you mean? What's wrong with Cindy?" I knew what was wrong. And I was the cause of it.
"You sure are a dumbass Neutron."
I've lost my mind
I've lost my mind
He skates away, and it ticks past six. I'm not going. I can't. To create the façade for my friends, to lose precious time.
I need her
I need her
I…I can't face them again.
I have lost my mind
I need her.
I can't face her again. I need…I've….
I've lost my mind
I've lost my mind
In dawning dusk I quietly slip away into my room, writing pathetic notions in a journal.
I need her
I need her
The moon rises and I see her face. I see what I want. What I need. I conclude that I'm losing myself. And as soft beams radiate the room, I fall asleep into Night's comforting haze.
I have lost my mind
I need her.