Chapter 2

"BOYS!"

The Joker rolled his eyes as he waited, and received no answer. Morons, he was entirely surrounded by morons! Not that goons needed intelligence, but a little competency would be helpful!

Stomping over to the door, he tried again. "BOYS! Damn it, where the hell are…?"

The door flung open, nearly hitting him if he hadn't stepped back. But instead of two ton muscle masses, there was a petite woman…if one could call her that. Physically, Poison Ivy was indeed female right down to her curves, but her entire being was a pale green, covered only by leaves and vines in place of typical human attire. Her flowing red hair assisted said greenery but not by much.

The Joker hardly acknowledged the…guest - he made a disgusted face at a mere thought of the word - with a simple "Ah." conclusion. Harley, however, ran to greet her, hugging her best friend tight.

"Bout time we had another sleepover, huh, Red?" she said, filled with childish giddiness. "And this time at my place!"

Ivy made a small effort to return the embrace, but could not take her glare away from the Joker, who willingly returned the favor. Tension was officially building, and as Harley drew back, she nervously looked between the two.

"I would be happier, Harl, if not for the extensive mammalian incompetence you call 'help' downstairs," Ivy said finally. Her deceitful voice, while soothing and seductive, still had a deadly, venomous tone. It certainly suited her.

"Blame the economy, Red," the Joker interrupted, returning to his seat. "Good help, hard to find, and all that."

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen," Ivy countered, sarcasm at its finest.

His grip tightened around the arm of the chair, and he snarled, "The door's right where you saw it last. Care to give it a looksy again?"

"No! No need!" Harley interjected, staring at him to remind him of his promise. He ignored her, as did Ivy.

"Some way to treat a guest, clown," the red-head menace jeered.

The Joker bolted upright, his first steps toward them an angry stomp before he found the strength to calm down. His face contorted into a brief look of disgust, and then smoothed into a forced smile.

"Oh, my dear, you're Harley's guest, not mine," he reminded her. "Now, what brings you to our cozy, little HAHA-hacienda?" He made a bat shape with his hands, flapping the 'wings' and screeching. "Hmmmm?"

Ivy swallowed the horrific taste in her mouth. It was hard enough to come here. She knew Harley wouldn't turn her away, but knowing the Joker was with her, she didn't expect to make it passed the front door without a fight. Having to admit anything to that ass, especially defeat to the Rogues' common enemy, was torture. And he knew it.

Harley piped up in the role of translator. "I think that's a yes," she said innocently, garnering a cruel look from the plant.

"Awww," the Joker simpered, running a hand through Ivy's red hair, well aware that his touch was frostbite to the flower.

She swatted him away with a growl. "Get your mits off of me!"

Frowning, Harley excused herself and him, pulling him across the room. "What're ya doin'?" she hissed softly. "She's upset! Y'know what happens when Red's upset?!"

"She isn't exactly being grateful either!" he shot back.

"Not her style!"

"What I know is, she's wearing out her welcome and she's been here for two minutes!"

Harley looked back at Ivy helplessly before turning back to him. "Please, puddin', only one night, just one, honest! Hang in there fer one teensy night!"

The Joker started to speak, and then stopped. He followed suit, looking at Ivy and then back to Harley. "One. Night."

Harley let out a breath, kissing him sweetly. "Just one."

"Are you two finished yet?!" Ivy screamed. "I'm right here, I can see and hear everything!"

Putting his hands behind his back, the Joker faced Ivy again, walking towards her. "But…!" he began in a threatening chuckle, "If she brings the Bat here…"

Ivy finally smiled, or more like a smirk, clearly taunting him. "Not all of us are so sloppy."

"Not at all, my dear!" the Joker replied. "Seeing as you're doing so well with your getaway. Banging on my door like some…!"

He was cut off as Harley clamped a hand over his mouth, and laughed weakly.

"He's just a little cranky," she whispered, conspiratorially. "Gets that way when…when, uh…"

"No need to remind me," Ivy said hastily, sparing her the trouble of finishing the sentence. "I saw the display with my own eyes. So much for pleasant dreams!" She looked around the room. "So is there any place to stay around here?"

"We'll kicked the goons out for the night, yes," the Joker said, shoving Harley away and straightening his suit. Wonderful, now he'd have to have her press it!

"…well?" Ivy prompted. "Then do it."

His eye twitched, his hand shot up to the flower on his lapel - she so loved flowers after all; it was the perfect way to off the tramp! But he simply brushed his shoulder, as though that is what he wanted to do to begin with.

"BOYS! FRONT AND CENTER!" he bellowed. Harley pulled Ivy aside, counting "3, 2, 1," to herself just as the boys plowed through the door out of breath.

"Our…guest will be using your quarters tonight," he said, receiving sighs in response.

Ivy stepped forward, exuding pheromones and smiling as she watched them pay close attention, some even starting to salivate at the sight of her. "You boys…don't mind that, do you?" she asked sweetly, beneath lowered lashes.

"You don't have to go home!" the Joker interrupted, speaking louder before he lost them all. The tempting Venus flytrap luring them in before she makes her kill. He had managed to keep his hired help alive tonight against the cops and Batsy; he wasn't going to lose them now to Pam Isley of all people! "But you can't stay here! So move it, scram!"

The men grumbled and began to shuffle out, occasionally looking back at Ivy…until the Joker took out a pistol and fired without hesitation at the ceiling. With renewed spring in their step, they bolted, the last one nodding with his cap before closing the door shut.

Harley snorted a laugh. "Nice one, Red! Never saw 'em listen so good!"

Ivy grinned, satisfied. "I may have to take that last one. Real men are hard to find these days." She looked at the Joker snidely though she spoke to her friend. "Isn't that right, Harl?"

The Joker walked to the door with a dark grin, and opened it with a bow. "Lady first, go ahead, Harls," he sneered with a smile.

Ivy simply returned it, refusing to give him any kind of victory. Harley tried to ignore the exchange between them, tugging her along to get them as far apart as possible.

The Joker closed the door behind them with a wink and toothy grin. When they were gone, he returned to his seat, picking up the phone, and dialed. The filth ridden city that he had to call home, so full of pests, both in the form of rodents and weeds.