"C'mon, it's just down here!"
Harley led Ivy down to a room, flipping the switch. The old bulb flickered some before giving its all - and likely last, Ivy thought with a frown - to blaze bright.
"This here's the best we got!" Harley proudly announced, gesturing around the room. In truth, it was a wreck. The makeshift furniture was in shambles; the walls were scuffed and full of holes. The smell of liquor and tobacco were well contained, and Ivy wrinkled her nose, attempting to clear it. At least they hadn't destroyed a nearby potted plant which immediately leaned in Ivy's direction, as though reaching for a savior. Sitting next to it, Ivy stroked its ailing leaves, cooing to it sweetly as though it were an injured animal.
"It was Franky Boles' old room when he used ta help with a heist," Harley went on, noting wistfully. "Now it's…somebody else's, can't remember who. You can use it fer tonight!"
"Charming," Ivy frowned, glancing up only once from her little patient. "Makes the Motel 9 look like the Gotham Plaza."
"I know, right?" Harley giggled, not catching the sarcasm. Checking the time, she sighed. "Well, look, I'll try to get back here fer a chat. Right now, the boss needs me, always does after a heist." She smiled as though she had the greatest secret in the world. "Gotta help him…relax and all."
Ivy chose to ignore the latter sentence. The image from earlier was harmless by standard practice of relationships. (If you could call what they have a 'relationship', Ivy mused.) But it had given her enough to have nightmares for weeks. She didn't want to think of anything more…intimate than that.
"He needs you like you need a hole in the head," she scoffed to cover disgust. "Which if you don't come to your senses soon, you will probably get one."
Harley crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. "He's lettin' ya stay. Can ya try to play nice? Fer me, yer best pal?"
Ivy sighed, looking up at her. "You're the only reason I ever do."
Harley offered a big smile before hugging her tightly. "Thanks, Red. If I don't see ya, sleep good!"
Ivy looked around as she released her. "Yeah, I will…try," she said, more to herself, since Harley was practically out the door. She focused once again on the plant, which seemed a little more lively at her touch. "Won't we, precious? Yes, it's all right," she went on, comfortingly. "Don't you worry, I'm here now."
* * * * *
Harley found Mistah J in the larger main room, sitting comfortably on what they had deemed his throne and barely acknowledging her. At his side, Bud and Lou whimpered anxiously, sensing something unsettling, but perked when they saw that Mommy had joined them at last. They rose quickly and made their way towards her, wanting only comfort. But she stopped them in their tracks with a loud, commanding, "SIT!" Not daring to disobey, the hyenas did as they were told, continuing to whimper and cry.
"You promised!" she said, pointing accusingly at her boss.
The Joker was silent but a moment before addressing her. "As I recall, my first gesture was an open door." He leaned forward threateningly, rage building in his eyes. "My open door. And what was hers? Hmm?" Lashing out a foot, he kicked over a nearby table. "SPITTING IT BACK IN MY FACE!!!"
Bud and Lou ran from the room in fright, while Harley quickly reverted back to her place, cowering.
"Y-ya don't hafta t-tease her though," she said meekly.
The Joker laughed, long and full. "! Me tease her?! Is that headpiece on too tight?!" he asked, tugging roughly at it and releasing, the tiny bell on the end jingling.
Harley rubbed it some with a wince. She had been fixing her hair in pigtails lately and arranging them as such inside her cowl. One good tug and it hurt!
"Well," she mumbled, "you don't hafta get touchy feely with her then. That pushes a button, y'know."
"Oh-ho-ho! I've got a button she can push!" he said menacingly, fitting his electrifying joy buzzer onto his hand.
Harley's eyes went wide in fear. "Puddin' no! Don't! Please!"
His seething slowly abated. He would be stronger than this. He was the Joker for Criminey's sake! He couldn't let someone as insignificant as Pammy Isley bring him down!
"One night?" he grumbled.
Harley nodded quickly. "One, one night, just one!" she repeated over and over until he silenced her.
With an irritated growl, he returned to his throne, reveling some in the power he felt in sitting there and letting it soothe his nerves. Harley cautiously watched him before deciding to follow. Slowly, she settled into his lap, ready for him to throw her off, but he allowed it.
"How did Red take to her room?" he asked quietly, just above the level of murmur.
"She…liked it," Harley replied vaguely. The slightest thing could set him on a tirade. Best to play things low key when it pertained to their houseguest. "Knowin' her, it'll be to her likin' in no time."
His eyes widened slightly as he hummed an acknowledgment.
"Wha' is it, boss?"
"How many plants are in the place?" he asked.
Harley looked thoughtful. "Not a lot. One, two tops? If that." He hummed uneasily again, and she leaned over to look in his ear curiously. "What're ya thinkin'?"
"That she's being awfully quiet down there…"
Harley shook her head. "Yer just worryin' too much."
"Ha! I'm not worried, my dear," Mistah J replied pointedly. "Merely…observing."
"Yer observin' too much, then."
At this, he took on a temporarily serious tone, clearly intending to teach. "You can never observe too much, Harley. Ever."
The student, however, was hardly paying attention in her quest to draw her teacher's mind from what was going on downstairs, and more towards what was happening there. Carefully, always alert for negative vibes, Harley wrapped her arms around him, and began to rub his shoulders. "This time, puddin', ya certainly are."
The grumble he had prepared for an answer changed into a pleased groan as he enjoyed the gesture. It had been quite a night, and while Harley had her tendencies to be more than a spot of bother, she was useful to have around for moments like this.
She on the other hand continued, kissing his cheek, guiding him to more delightful thoughts. It was a tough job, but she was glad to do it and then some! "See? Ain't this nice? You, me, here…?"
The Joker chuckled deeply. "No goons to interrupt us…"
Harley giggled and grinned. "None at all!"
He reached to run a hand down her cheek. "Mmnyes. Not to ignore our guest, but, uh…how you feeling?"
Harley beamed brightly, snuggling close in the feeling of good fortune. "Hm, probably the same as you."
"Was hoping you'd say that, sugar drawers."
"Were ya?" Harley teased.
"Ooh yes," he concluded with a smooch.
"Red…can wait…," Harley murmured, drawing closer as he cuddled her and kissed her again.
But that rare intimacy was short lived - as usual, Harley thought angrily. In a repeat of previous events, a loud crash! rang through the halls, but this time, followed by Ivy's angered shrieks. One by one, monstrous vines began to break through the walls and into the room, a prisoner at last able to fight back thanks to its newfound guardian.
"Ain't it always the way? Heh!" the Joker mused, watching the scene unfold. "She's your guest, Harls."
Amidst her looking around the room in fright, Harley noticed one thing missing and her eyes showed fear in great amounts. "Where…are the Babies?"
As if on cue, Bud and Lou ran frantically back into the throne room, heading for the throne itself to hide from their attackers.
Atop the final vine Ivy stood, jaw clenched as she gazed at the filthy creatures. Her friend or not, it didn't matter. Harley's damn animals had interfered for the last time!
"What did I tell you, Harley?!" she screamed, ordering the plant vines towards them. "If your mangy hyenas came near one of my plants again…!"
The Joker rose from his seat as the challenge was issued. "Maybe it was the pheromones?" he mused sarcastically. "If you're into that kind of thing, I don't judge!"
Ivy snarled, changing her command to go after him. The vine changed course without waving a leaf, snapping at him like a whip and going for his throat. Harley protested, "Red! Enough!! They didn't mean it!" But her pleas fell on deaf ears as Ivy refused to surrender.
The Joker grinned manically. Pammy truly did forget who she was dealing with! With a simple snap of his fingers, every one of his hired hands came out from behind the panels and curtains, riddling the plant with machine gunfire. Ivy gasped, collapsing as she screamed, feeling every bit of the pain herself.
"Oh I forgot to tell you!" the Joker cried, taunting. "While Harley was making you comfy, I called back the boys! Since they were so enamored with you, Pammy, they…couldn't resist!"
Taking out his own pistol, he opened fire along with them, laughing all the way! Ivy writhed in agony, doing whatever little she could to fight back, and Harley looked on between the two, shaking her head when it became too much. Her mind was racing, unsure of loyalty to the two people she loved dearly. In the end, she ran to the Joker and grabbed his arm, pleading.
"Call 'em off! Call 'em off now!"
The Joker turned on her, glaring angrily. "Whose side are you on?!"
"Call 'em off now!!" she screamed, thinking of nothing but saving the one friend she had in the world.
He continued to fire and keep Ivy at bay, but motioned to the goons to pay attention. "Ok, boys, you heard her! Positions!"
Like a well-oiled machine, they all ran for the windows following their boss' lead in attack.
"Harley! Get the kids!" he went on.
Harley's eyes filled with tears as she saw Ivy on the floor, glaring at her with in recognition of oncoming betrayal. Her best friend perhaps…but Harley wouldn't be anywhere without her puddin'. With a whistle, she called the Babies to her, and took her place amongst the goons.
The Joker ran for a floorboard, ripping it away ferociously. Underneath it were endless amounts of powder kegs and gasoline drums, spanning the entire length of the area. "Time for the grand finale!" he laughed, calling out "Now!!"
All of the goons ran for the windows, three grabbing Harley, Bud and Lou to get them out. Ivy's eyes went wide, and she began to crawl as best she could for an exit. She didn't get far.
The Joker leapt for a window, but then stopped to look at her, his face a frightful menacing leer. "Not too sloppy, eh?" he called, blowing her a kiss before taking aim at a keg. A shot was all it took and he jumped out the window as massive explosions engulfed the entire building. Throwing his head back, he let out a mighty, triumphant laugh.
Harley clutched the Babies tight, bawling into their fur. True, she loved a good demolition as much as the next person. But…that was her bestest friend in there. When he joined her, the Joker drew her up, kissing her forcefully before gazing with pride at the inferno.
"That was fun! We should do it again some time!" he laughed before lowering to a snicker. "Ah, the irony…now where do we go?"
Author's Note: The story is not over! I would just like to take this brief opportunity to thank my partner-in-crime, my dearest friend Jason Marnocha for being the best Joker that any Harley can have the honor of playing alongside. Once again, these stories are based off of improvs that we have done as the Joker and Harley Quinn, same as my last fic, One Sentence. This was a more recent prov, one of the biggest as well as the first time we brought other characters into the mix. I took on the task of playing Harley and Ivy, and there are two more guest spots coming up very soon that Jason tackled and did splendiferously (one with full dialogue and one cameo; I shall say no more than that!). So this story is just as much his as it is mine.
On that note, not only does he write the Joker incredibly, he also performs with equally stunning talent. Please swing by YouTube and look him up: http : // www . youtube . com / user / LordJazor (without all the spaces of course). Not only does he do the Joker, both Hamill and Ledger, but other characters as well. There is even a piece from a radio drama project of mine where the both of us perform the Patient Interviews from Batman: Arkham Asylum, he as the Joker and myself as Harleen Quinzel. So go give it all a listen; you won't regret it!