Chapter 4

While the goons were loading up the car, Harley sat away from the group, continuing to watch the blaze slowly break the building down piece by piece. Gone. Her nearest, dearest friend was gone. She didn't even budge when she felt her precious Babies sniffing and nuzzling her, sensing the tension in their human mother and wanting to ease it. Lou laid down next to her, resting his head on her lap while Bud nudged repeatedly at her hand until she gave in to pet him. Lowering her head into his thick fur, she let loose a few tears. Why didn't she try harder to help Red, why?!

Feeling a hand on her head brought her back to reality. That's why.

"Harley."

She flinched at the sound of his voice, jerking away from his touch. "Don't."

The Joker felt his jaw clench, his hand tightening around the red tassel on her hood. He could hardly contain the urge to give it a rough tug and rip the underlying pigtail from her brazen little skull. But…it wasn't worth it. This was sure to attract Batman's attention and he needed all the possible distractions he could get. Time to play nice, keep the little hench happy in her 'hour of need', he thought disgustedly.

Kneeling down by her, he spoke quietly, "Harls, Pammy threatened our babies. What did you want me to do? Let her…take them from us?" Lou lifted his head to look at him, and the Joker gave him a quick pat for good measure.

Harley turned tear-stained eyes to him, wiping them and then running her sleeve under her nose. "N-no…b-but…"

"Shh," he soothed, enveloping her in his arms.

She stiffened, her mind still reeling. "She's…my best friend…"

"Not when she goes after our kidlins, she's not."

Harley sniffed, looking at her precious sweetlings; they returned the gestured, gazing back with those big beautiful brown eyes. Holding out her arms for them, she snuggled them when they came closer to her. The Joker rose to his feet, making a grand show of being excluded. When she noticed, Harley winced, standing up and holding out her hands for him, apologetic. He…he was just protecting them all. Right? Right.

The Joker grinned, taking her hands and kissing them gingerly. "That's my girl."

A little smile tugged at the harlequin's lips as she gradually became herself again. "So…what are we gonna do, Mistah J?"

"Ah, the question is 'what aren't we going to do?'" he announced with a grand, broad gesture towards the city. "See that? We need a night out! We've had a long enough break, Harl! Earlier was a mere warm-up for me; I need my best gal at my side! It's time to have some real fun!" Walking with her to the car, he went around to the trunk. "Which reminds me! Fun requires toys!" He opened it to reveal her entire weapons arsenal. "Saved 'em!"

Harley squealed seeing all of her best defenses. "Pop Gun, Mallet, Bazooka…!" She gasped seeing the last: her Club. It had been a crush gift from the late Frank Boles, the Arkham guard that had decided to play for the Rogues' team. When Mistah J found out, he decided to…gift it again, after making a few alterations a.k.a. whittling the end down to a sharp point. It was a favorite of hers ever since.

"Oh Puddin', yer the bestest!" she said, cuddling it close and gazing at him adoringly. "Not all this stuff can be replaced! I mean, sure, just gettin' another one's all honky dorey…but this one's special."

He leaned in and gave her a smooch. "Only the bestest for the bestest!"

She beamed at the praise before putting the Club back in the trunk. Taking a minute to load the Bazooka and arm herself, she said, "Nevah hurts ta be ready! Them streets house the Bat too!"

Upon hearing his best straight man's name, the Joker turned his stare towards the sky and squinted. "Mmmm."

Harley followed his gaze as she holstered her Pop Gun. "What's up, boss?" she asked, looking around.

"Hmmm…he's out there, Harley."

Harley waved a dismissive hand. "Of course he's out there; he's got no life!"

The Joker's eyes widened as slowly looked at her. "What?"

Harley shrugged, naïve. "Well, think 'bout it! Night afta night, he's goes out and fer what? To ruin our time! No life!"

"So you're saying I'm not worth his time? Hmm?!"

Finally catching his tone darkening, Harley cowered, cringing. "Th-that's not what I meant."

The Joker scowled, fighting his rising hand back down. The impudent little twit, she still understood nothing of how he and the Bat worked. Batman came first and foremost, above everything. No life indeed, they were each other's life! Forever tied at the hip like the mad Ying and Yang that they were! One without the other was unacceptable!

Speak of the flying rat, when the Joker looked to the skies again, sure enough there was that bright blazing signal. "Ah, there, much better."

Harley sighed at the sight. "Aw crap, he knows."

"Not yet, but Gordon does," the Joker corrected, tossing her the keys to the car and ordering the goons to their own. "Load 'em up, boys! It's time to hit the road!"

Harley squealed as she caught the keys, the police sirens already sounding in the distance. Road trip! Opening the back door, she called to her excited, panting children. "Come to Mommy, babies; c'mon, that's it!" she cooed, herding them successfully into the seat. "Good boys! Yep, Mama's kiddies are havin' Batwings tonight, yeshtheyare!"

Comfortably situated in his seat, the Joker threw his head back and laughed at the very idea. Harley jumped behind the wheel, putting the pedal to the metal as they sped away.

"Any idea where we're goin'?" she asked. "B-man's gonna be out soon 'nough!"

"Oh yes, I know just the place," the Joker said, a grin spreading slowly across his face. "Take Manning Ave until you get to 52nd, and then make a right."

Harley's brow furrowed, looking at him. "Why does that sound familiar?"

A car horn screeched, stopping him from answering. Harley twisted the wheel quickly, swerving to avoid the oncoming car. "Keep yer eyes on the road, ya jerk!"

"They think they own the road?!" the Joker added obnoxiously as the Babies snarled and barked at other drivers. "Hmph, tourists! Only explanation!"

Suddenly without warning, he flew forward, jolted by Harley slamming on the brake. "ACK! What is it now?!"

He turned to look at where they were: their destination, Ivy's own greenhouse. Harley glared at it, and then at him. "Yer kiddin' me, boss. Ya gotta be kiddin' me, of all places?!"

"Look, sweets," the Joker began nonchalantly, climbing out of the car. "Batman will go to the old place to check for clues. He'll find her…uh, he'll find plant bits and little else. He'll never think to look for us here!"

The frowning intensified as Harley got out. "That, and it's damn hysterical, right?"

The Joker grinned. "Little bit." He signaled the hired help to unload their entire arsenal before continuing. "Red took a chance, a shot. And a cheap shot at that! She cast the dice and lost, got what was coming to her, nothing less."

He ran up to the greenhouse door, kicking it in. Inside, the place was dark and empty, except for withering plants that were fading without the mistress. "Helloooo?" he called out. "Anybody ho--…oh yeah, ha!!"

Harley dragged herself to the trunk to start gathering her own things when she overheard one of the goons snickering.

"Bet the slut weed never saw this comin'! Fried crispy, then us movin' in! It's like she handed it right over, the dumb bitch."

Harley snarled, grabbing the Club and heading in his direction. "What was that?!"

The goon whipped around in fear. "Quinn! Didn't see ya there!"

"Yer problem!" she shouted, raising it high.

"C'mon, Quinn, I didn't mean…gyaaah!"

Stabbing him first in both legs, Harley beat him to a pulp when he went down, the others backing off as she did.

"Little respect fer the dead! She's worth a hundred of ya!"

Breathing heavily, she kicked him with her foot, checking him over. Bloody and gone, he wasn't getting up. Her eyes blazed as they shot up to stare down the rest, all of them taking another step back, not daring to go against the boss' girl.

"Anybody else wanna say somethin'? I didn't think so," she hissed before commanding Bud and Lou to clean up the mess, which they happily obliged.

The Joker came back outside upon hearing the commotion. He slapped his forehead, muttering at the nonsense. "BOYS! Just shut your yap boxes! We don't have time to clean up anymore bodies tonight, not with him out! Harley, inside, since you can't play nice!"

Harley did as she was told, tossing her things aside and sinking into her favorite seat, sulking. Figures, just when she was starting to get the happy again, she was right back to Square One. Mistah J wasn't far behind, inhaling and exhaling dramatically as he entered.

"Lot of atmosphere," he commented, plopping himself down onto Ivy's seat and leaning back comfortably. But the sight of Harls frowning dampened his good spirits, and he felt his patience drop rapidly.

"Harley…we let her into our place when she needed it. Wouldn't she do the same?" he asked, attempting an emotional tug to cheer her up. When she closed her eyes, hardly moving, he rose from his seat and went to her. "Just one night?" he added, not quite sinister, but vaguely mocking.

Still, she remained quiet. He knelt before her, clutching her face in both hands. "Harley…"

She opened her eyes, getting a little fearful.

"I didn't want to." Yes I did. "You know that, right?"

"What if…what if somethin' goes wrong now? Where'm I gonna go with her gone?" she mumbled, not thinking it through.

That was it; that was all he could take. The Joker stood, growling. He grabbed a potted plant and threw it across the room where it shattered. "Okay! Alright!! Next time I let anybody room with us and then threaten the kids, I'll just SIT AND WATCH!! Since THAT seems to be what you prefer!!!"

Harley had been shaken out of her mindset the moment the plant had gone down. Hiding behind the chair, just out of his reach, she cried out, "I d-don't…don't mean that! I'm s-s-sorry!"

But he would hear nothing of it. Though his seething subsided, the Joker stormed out, headed for the car. Crying, Harley ran after him in desperation. He couldn't leave her now, not alone like this!

"Puddin' wait! Wait please!" she begged, gripping his arm. "I didn't mean it, honest! Please, I'll be a good girl, really!"

He kept walking with some difficulty, muttering so quietly that Harley could barely hear him. "Should've…time ago…fore any of this could…damn Ivy…tramp…"

Harley jumped in front of him. "Al'right, look shnookums, look! I'm smilin' see?" She paused only to give him a huge, forced smile. "See?! It's all yours, all 'bout you, I swear!"

The Joker would have nothing of it, and he pushed her aside, leaving her to drown in her own waterworks.

"Please, boss, whateva ya want me ta do! Tell me, I'll do it! Please stay, please!" she pleaded, reaching for him as he got in the car, but didn't shut the door.

He looked at her finally, a simple bothered look on his face. "Oh shut up, Harley!" he ordered, turning on the radio and activating a police scanner. When she finally stopped blubbering, he beckoned her to him as he listened closely.

Harley breathed a small sigh of relief. She slid into his lap immediately cuddling close, and humming softly when he began to stroke her head. "Mmm, I'm sorry, Mistah J," she sniffled, nuzzling him gratefully.

He nodded, giving her a quick smooch to silence her. The radio was difficult enough to understand, and while he didn't turn down adoration, staying one step ahead of the game was currently more important.

"I'm sorry, puddin', I'm really sorry…"

"Harley! Enough!" he snapped, turning up the radio louder as it crackled.

"Laugh City scene taped off…forensics on-site…no evidence…casualties…"

The Joker's eyes widened instantly. No evidence of casualties?!

Still at her attempts of affection, Harley didn't notice. "Hm…wha' is it?" she purred at his cheek.

"BOYS!" the Joker called, standing quickly causing her to fall with an 'oomph!' "Don't get too comfortable in there!"

Harley sat up at attention. "What's wrong?"

He offered no reply, so she followed him as he ran back inside the greenhouse. When they made it inside, there were no goons to be found, and the Babies were laying in the corner, whimpering. Harley whistled for them, comforting them gently when they came to her.

"What's goin' on, boss?"

"Get your things," he snapped, and she did so. "Come on, come on!"

He shuffled out the door, running back to the car, and Harley struggled to keep up.

"What happened?!" she cried as the four of them jumped in the car, the Joker in the driver's seat this time.

"Don't know, don't care," he responded, slamming his foot to the gas pedal listening as similar evidence was reported over the scanner.

"Mistah J, yer scarin' me," Harley said, gripping onto the door. "What's wrong?"

His only response was turning up the volume obnoxiously loud as he looked at her, hoping she'd understand. Harley listened as best she could, but shook her head. Her brain was rattled with everything that had happened tonight, and she looked back at him with a helpless smile.

The Joker snarled, turning the radio down. "Do I have to draw you a picture?!"

"Well excuse me!" Harley shot back, counting on her fingers as she went on. "I've seen my best pal get blown ta smithereens, you goin' beserko on me cause I'm upset 'bout it, and now yer just freakin' out! Just a teensy bit confuzzled is puttin' it lightly!"

The Joker snapped his head towards her, trying to remain calm as he concluded. "Let's examine that first claim, sweets. Did you?"

Author's Note: In reference to the Club. This is always a favorite story of mine. In one of our first major improvs, I had brought up the idea of Harley having a police club with the episode "Joker's Millions" in mind. ("One of 'em's dyin' ta see you too, Puddin'...welcome to the club!") Jason pulled a major "Touche!" moment on me, and turned it into a gift from Frank Boles, a character in Batman: Arkham Asylum. It's been a favorite weapon of mine to have her use ever since! Maybe some day I'll transcribe that prov, but for now, know that that's the origin of this particular weapon for Harley in our canon C: