"Ahh, that was a hoot!"
Harley smiled at her boss, tossing the newest weaponry acquisitions into the trunk. "Only thing that coulda made it betta was stickin' round ta party! Could use a drink," she laughed.
The Joker glanced at each of the cars, a thoughtful look on his face, before he found a limo. "Ah, there we are." Breaking the window, he scrambled around the back seat, emerging with the minibar. "For the road?"
Harley let out a high pitched giggle, grabbing something expensive and fancy - champagne from the looks of it. "Sure he won't miss it!" she said, popping it open and drinking straight from the bottle as she jumped in the passenger side.
"That's my girl!" he approved, revving up the car engine. With a grand laugh, he cried, "Let's ride!"
As they sped towards the exit, the Joker pressed a button on the dashboard, activating machine guns from the side of the car. The height and width cut out precisely, and he let out another cackle for such great success. Harley merely settled in comfortably, kicking her feet up and enjoying her drink.
"Feel like living on the edge, boss?" she offered, handing over the bottle.
He gladly accepted, grinning. "Tonight, life is good," he proclaimed, taking a long swig.
Harley giggled wildly, leaning over to cling tight to him, rewarded with a dramatic smooch and his arm around her.
"This place we goin' to a…comfy one, Puddin'?" she asked, kissing his cheek happily.
"Oh yes," he chuckled, "oh yes indeed."
Subtly snatching the bottle away, Harley took another drink. "Good…probably gonna need it after this!" she snickered.
The Joker joined in the joyous song of laughter…only to slam on the brakes and come to a screeching halt. Harley flew forward, just hitting the dashboard but coming to with a quick shake of her head. (All that time with her Puddin' had taught her how to handle pain well.) They both looked straight ahead, however, and the unspoken question was answered. Rounding the corner in all its goody-good glory was the Batmobile in hot pursuit!
"Tsk, tsk, ruin our evening, will he?" the Joker scoffed. "And so late tonight too!"
Harley didn't have time to even let out an "oomph!" before the Joker turned down a side street to escape. But as always, Batsy was relentless, staying close on their tails! Bud and Lou snarled and whooped at their favorite morsel, while their mama's eyes narrowed.
"That bastard! Just when we's havin' fun!"
Drinking the last of the champagne, Harley angrily threw the bottle with all her might, growling when it didn't even crack the windshield.
Nonetheless, her Boss-man was proud. "Haha! Good girl! Now…how about some heavy hitting?"
Harley beamed in fiendish delight. "Bazooka?!"
"Bazooka," he confirmed with an evil, toothy grin.
She clapped her hands with glee, clumsily climbing over into the backseat while he drove on like the madman he was. Pulling the seats down, she slid the bazooka out from the trunk with a little effort, leveling it heavily on her shoulder. Squinting, she took aim.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" she cried, taking a shot. The force sent her backwards, and worse, missed its target. The Batmobile easily swerved to avoid it. "Dammit!"
"What?! No!!" the Joker screamed, speeding up. "What are you doing?! Not at him! Hit up the hotel coming up on the right, lobby and top floor!"
Leveling the massive weapon yet again, Harley scowled, mumbling under her breath. "Nevah the Bat, Harl…nevah evah the Bat, wah wah wah." She took aim again. "FIRE TWO!!"
Taking two shots this time, she shot up the hotel as ordered, marveling as it burst into a mass of flames, explosions, and people fleeing in terror. Harley really did love fireworks!
The Joker shrieked with laughter, and the Babies snapped and howled viciously wanting a piece of the Bat and now!
"What'cha gonna do, Bats?!" Harley taunted, hugging her precious pets close. "Poor lil' peeps need ya, you big softee!"
Sure enough, the Batmobile came to an immediate halt in front of the inferno, the top hatch sliding open. The Batman himself leapt out, not willing to go down without a fight. Quinn was right, but there was no way he'd let them get away so easily. He threw a tracker at the car, the small device attaching to the bumper.
"Puddin'! He used a gizmo!" Harley called like a tattling child.
"Oh please, really?!" the Joker sneered, disappointed in the Bat's pathetic attempt. His straight man, the flying rodent though he may be, couldn't do any better than that?
The Joker pressed another button on the dash, and this time, an electric current surged along the car's shell. The tracker instantly deactivated, and popped right off with no trouble at all. Problem solved!
He turned in his seat, grandly saluting the city. "Thank you, Gotham! We love you! Good night!! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
As they sped away, Harley gripped on tight before giving the Bat a different, more crude salute. "Buh-bye, Batsy!" she called, throwing him a kiss before rejoining her man up front, both in peels of laughter.
* * * * *
With the way the Joker drove about town, any drive was a short drive. They reached the docks soon after the chase, but when they reached Warehouse 12, he passed it right by. Harley, still feeling the rush of sweet victory, began laughing less…and less…and less until it had completely disappeared behind them.
"Uh, Puddin'?" she asked, pointing back in its direction. "Ain't that…?"
"Oh don't be stupid, Harls," the Joker scolded, tossing the keys into the bay. "Pengers will tell Batsy in a heartbeat, not to mention…someone else. As long as we know where both of them will keep their eyes for the next five days, we'll be ready."
Harley took a playful swat at him, and missed. Holding her head in a slight dizzy spell, she said, "I'm not stupid! Tipsy maybe…"
The Joker laughed, amused. "The night is still young, and that was just the first bottle! Losing that wild child edge, cupcake?"
She chose to ignore this, instead giving her best thoughtful look. "Then…where we goin'?"
It didn't take long to find out. When he turned up a gangplank, Harley just caught the name on the side of the old ship they stormed, the decommissioned Mercy.
"Awful name, I know," the Joker chuckled, retracting the gangplank with another button push. "But wait 'til you see her hold."
Harley tilted her head, awed by the gangplank with girlish delight. "There nothin' this car can't do?"
"Got to be a match for his ride!" he replied pointedly, as if the answer should be obvious.
Harley tittered lightly as she climbed out and stumbled. She knew she wasn't too drunk; she'd done far worse before. But the champagne was definitely going to her head a bit.
"Wow…yep, tipsy," she smirked, moving to get up.
"Come, my dear," the Joker coaxed, getting her to her feet and kissing her hand. He flipped a switch nearby, and Harley "ooh!"ed and "aah!"ed watching the place light up. Old it may be, but it sure beat the old hideout by a landslide!
"Oooh…shiny!" she gasped. "Just like Titanic! Y'know before it sunk!"
"Mhm. Cozy? You like?"
"Me like," she grinned, holding onto him tight. "Can I see more, pwetty pwease?"
He led her through another door to the bedroom where lavish furnishings and yet another minibar greeted them. Harley ran straight for the huge, round cushiony bed, squealing as she bounced comfortably. Bud and Lou even had their own comfy spots on the floor, and they made themselves at home.
"Tomorrow, we'll go out and recruit some new boys," the Joker determined, joining his little hench wench. Grinning wickedly, he concluded, "But tonight…is all us. Best enjoy it while we can, hmm?"
Harley quickly glanced at the Babies. "Should they be here then?" she asked, nodding their way.
The Joker chuckled ruefully, rubbing a sore spot he had from the last time they had let the hyenas stay nearby during such merriment. Bud must've mistaken pleasure for pain, and made haste in protecting his matriarch from danger. Best to be safe than sorry this time around. He whistled quickly, his pets perking and coming to him without hesitation.
"Okay kids!" he said, gesturing them to follow him to the door. "Mummy and Daddy have some very important things to do! Amscray! Let's go!"
Once they were gone, he locked the door behind him before rejoining Harley for a proper celebration of the Second Escape. She held up her arms for him, smiling only her bestest when he lowered her gently.
"That's right, Puddin'," she murmured, "yer Harley needs a tune-up…"
Author's Notes
1) All credit for deciding to bring in the Bat for the first time goes to Jason. And it remains one of my favorite bits to this day. Very fun stuff to work with! B-man has yet to appear in another prov as of the time of this note. But you never know when he'll show up again. Ain't that always the way?
2) Fun tidbit - Harley was supposed to be a lot more drunk for this chapter originally. While it was comedy gold at the time of prov, overall we decided that she really needed to be toned down for the story. And trust me, she'll need her wits about her later, so in the end, tipsy it was!
3) Anything else? Yes, I want the Joker's car; what a ride! XD