Chapter 7

The Joker was far from a humble human being. He would be the first to tell you that, unless he allowed Harley to do so for him. He was a legend, the number one, a man of epic proportions even! Fellow rogues and mortals alike cowered at the sound of his name. That was no exaggeration either; he delightedly saw it in a victim's eyes every time he delivered a punch line.

But moments like this, relaxed and content, Harley curled up beside him in bed as they pet their precious kidlins…it amused him. One big demented family, a joke all in itself. Yes, it amused him, and that made him happy.

Harley looked down at her "children," and then smiled up at her man.

"Long day, hmm?" he asked with a wink.

"Maybe fer you, not me," she murmured, pulling closer to him.

He laughed lightly, cuddling with her. "Tonight can last 'til we're ready for it to end."

Placing a finger to his lips, she shushed him. "Then I nevah want it to."

They were interrupted only by Bud and Lou, who apparently decided that Mummy and Daddy had enough time to themselves. The hyenas pounced, licking them alternately, and Harley gasped in surprise before giving in to their demands. She threw on something comfortable, and then jumped into the fray to roughhouse. What followed was a spirited game of Tug-Of-War with a very unlucky pillow.

"That's it, boys!" Harley cheered with a playful snarl. "You show that big bad Bat!"

"Haha! Mummy teaches her kiddies well!"

Both "mother" and "children" flourished under the boss' praise as he looked on. Harley even took a corner in her own teeth. But after a few more tugs, she left Bud and Lou to their antics, climbing back up beside her Mistah J to watch.

"One big, happy family again," he chuckled, slipping into a robe.

Harley giggled, and the Babies went at it more intensely, determined to rip their Bat-pillow apart.

"C'mon, boss, wha'cha think?" the little hench wench piped up giddily, looking between the two. "Who's gonna kill it first? You get first dibs!"

"Ooh! Ooh! Dibs on the furry one!" he teased.

"Come on!" she persisted. "Just fer laughs!"

The Joker eyed the odds. "I say Lou," he decided, cheering him on. "Come on, Louie! Chew 'im up and gnaw his bones!"

The hyenas fervently ripped and tore at the pillow, but in the end, it was Bud who gave the winning tug, tearing it clear apart. As feathers flow everywhere, they pranced around to catch them.

"Ha! That's my boy!" Harley crowed triumphantly, giving her boss a smirk. "Pay up."

"Fair's fair," the Joker shrugged, letting the robe go again. If nothing else, it was a chance to be admired, and from the look on Harl's face, she certainly was.

"I love winnin'," she snickered, eyeing him appreciatively and then patting the bed. Bud and Lou answered the call immediately, each receiving attention from their respective cheering squads.

"Wish you coulda had the real thing, sweeties," Harley sighed, scratching Bud's tummy as though he were a tiny puppy dog.

"Nuh-uh, can't open that present 'til Christmas!" the Joker teased.

Harley smiled, but then sank slowly into silence, absently petting her precious Babies. "I want his head, mask still on," she said softly. "The rest goes to them to shred, piece by piece."

The Joker grunted an acknowledgement, his hands folded beneath his nose in his traditional expression of thought. Mistaking this as exclusion, Harley slid away from her snoring hyenas and moved closer to him, reaching to rub his shoulders as penance.

"And, of course, whateva pieces you want, shnookums," she cooed.

The Joker's hand shot up in a gesture for quiet, nearly taking her nose with it. Before she could ask, there was a sharp thud above them.

"He's here," the Joker whispered, pointing upward.

The faint clomping of slow footsteps came from the deck, moving in bursts and sliding until they were directly overhead. The Joker motioned for Harley to wait while Bud and Lou perked, growling deeply. The footsteps moved again, stopped for a good while, and then went off into the distance.

"…is he gone?" Harley whispered.

"No, he's being 'clever,'…wait!" the Joker snapped. "He's at the gangplank. Keep the boys quiet."

Harley gave them a quick tug at the scruffs of their necks, shushing them and then stroking their manes to calm them down. An engine roared to life above and squealing tires signaled the intruder's exit.

"Now he's gone," the Joker concluded, relieved.

Harley shook her head. "I don't like this, Mistah J. How could'e know ta look here?"

"Only one way," the Joker answered, already on his feet, dressing and grabbing his pistol. "He's on the trail of someone else and that someone has been here. Get dressed, come on."

Harley obediently did as she was ordered, holding tight to her pop gun. With Bud and Lou in tow behind them, the Joker led the way stealthily up the stairs to the deck. Opening the latch slowly, he signaled to his tiny clan to follow carefully.

"The smell of guano lingers," he chuckled cruelly. Going to the bow, he leaned over the edge while Harley watched his back.

Silently, the Joker examined the entire length of the ship, walking along until the whole shell had been thoroughly checked and deemed secure. He stopped, thoughtfully scratching his head with the gun barrel and stroking his chin.

"Hmm," he said at last. "This was made to lead us to think Batsy's been here. But if I know Batman - and I like to think that I do - he'd leave one of his fancy little listening devices if he even had a hunch that we were here." He turned to Harley. "So either we're the best Hide-and-Seek players in the history of time…or that wasn't the Bat."

An odd spark came to his eyes and a grin spread wide across his face. Twirling the pistol on his finger, the Joker put a foot up on the side of the ship and leaned on his knee, looking out at his dirty city. Pointing the gun at Gotham, he made a quiet sort of sound, mocking a gunshot and giving a low chuckle.

"It's her turn to hide now."