Joe and I stood in the shower, arms entwined with each others. The dread that was rising was burning inside my chest. I just stood there holding him, my lips pressed to his skin trying to remember everything about his skin, smell and taste.

He was standing still, doing the same I think.

I was grateful for the shower's spray, I was trying to be brave and the water camouflaged the tears that were escaping. After what seemed only a second under the heated spray, there was a knocking on there door, and with a sad sigh, Joe released me and climbed out, handing me a towel.

Wordlessly, we got dressed and walked into the room.

I sat down on the bed, my hands between my knees, not looking up; Joe kissed my damp hair and walked out the room. I heard his voice from down the passage and smiled a sad smile.

How could this stranger have stolen my heart in such a small space of time?

I thought of all the things I didn't know about him and a small tear made its way down my cheek.

I hastily wiped it away and pasted a smile on my face as he walked back. He leans against the wall and stares at the floor, and his voice breaks as he says, 'there is a driver waiting to take you back to your car, as soon as you want to go…'

I stare at him as he looks up and my heart breaks when I see there are tears streaming down his face.

Walking over to him, I kiss him gently on the lips while he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tightly.

'You know, I could just hold on and never let you go, then you will have to come with me.'

His attempt at a joke makes me roll my eyes and my resolve to never let him see me cry hardens.

I pull away from him and walk over to his phone, punch in my number and walk to where his luggage is hemorrhaging clothes. I scratch and find what I want, and look up foolishly at him.

'Just so that I know this wasn't a dream…'

I look around avoiding his gaze and suddenly I can feel my emotions start to crumble. The need to get out of here with my dignity intact becomes more urgent. I walk quickly to the door, and pause for a moment, not turning around I say, 'when you are in the neightborhood again, give me a call…'

I try to make the statement light and carefree, and I feel like the words are choking me.

I am grateful that the living area is empty of his family and I make my way down the hall toward the elevators. As the doors close and I press the ground floor, I lift his tee I stole and inhale his smell… marshmallows. I give a giggle as I realize that, and the giggle gives way to a sob. I swallow the escaped pain and as the door opens, I find the driver waiting for me in the lobby, and my little dream bubble bursts and reality starts washing over me again…

……………………..

Dear Marshmallow girl

I am sitting in the plane, waiting to take off. I am going home, but all I want to do is run off the plane and make my way to you. I am so tempted to leave my life to make a life with you here, in this strange country.

Most of it is because I love you; I have and never will feel like this about someone. Some of my reluctance is because I am terrified that you would try to hurt yourself again.

I am terrified that this is all the time I was allowed with you.

Could you do me a favor, will you please not try something stupid again? I am of the opinion that fate will throw us a bone and sometime in the future we will be able come together again.

I know that you were not ready to come with me, but someday I may just turn up at your doorstep and whisk you away…

That is the only thing that is keeping me going at this point.

I meant what I said; I love you and want to be your only one, forever…

Joe.

………………

When I got home, I climbed into my bed and pulled the covers over my head, cuddling his tee shirt. I stayed like that for three days. I ignored my phone, and the banging on the door, knowing it was just my mother, friends and sisters that wanted an explanation as to why Tony called off the engagement. Confident that my mother would handle all the details of the wedding – well, the cancellation of said wedding, I just let the world rush by. I did not want to carry on, like nothing had happened.

The letter arrived that third day, my neighbor sliding it under my door. On the way from the kitchen, back to my bed, the flash of light blue caught my eye. The messy words on the plain blue writing paper made my knees go weak and as I slid to the floor, and finally allowing myself to break down. I started sobbing and didn't stop for the longest time…

………

…………

Peering out the little porthole window as the plane started it's decent into JKF airport, my nerves were shot. After an 18 hr plane flight, six months of trying to get my visa and getting my life back into order, I had just about had enough. The only thing that kept me going was Joe's letter. Feeling the dog eared envelope burn a hole in my jacket pocket, I control the urge to take it out and read it again for the millionth time…

The plane drops smoothly from the air onto the tarmac and I give a huge sigh of relief. The worst is over and everything that I have been planning is coming to fruition.

I tap my foot waiting to disembark the plane. Tap, tap, tap… everything is taking too long. People are walking too slowly, and I try to keep my cool. The only good thing was that I only had my carry on luggage and I didn't have to wait for them to unload the plane.

I hailed a taxi just as the sun was going down… getting into the car and pulling away, I lean over and press my flushed cheeks against the cool glass, giving the driver the address. A pang of homesickness gripped my chest as I looked on as the sun tucked itself in behind the buildings – I close my eyes and remember that sunset. The one I spent with Joe. I think that was the happiest I have ever been. My two biggest passions in one place… Joe and Capetonian sunsets.

I felt a tear forming as I start to wonder if it would ever be that perfect again. I knuckle the tear away and berate myself on the pity party I was starting. I was on my way to see him again, how could I be sad. I was sure there were other sunsets, other beaches that were just as good…

Watching the city fly past, I tried picturing how it would be. What I would say when I saw him again… the only thing that worried me a bit was a nagging little voice asking me – 'is he going to be happy to see you?'

The cab driver interrupted my silent war with myself, having reached my journey. Madison Square garden was looming above me as I got out of the car and paid the driver.

Walking toward the ticket office, I fight my way through all the screaming teens waiting in line for the concert. I spoke to the attendant and received my VIP passes. I cost me a small fortune to get backstage passes and a front seat ticket, but as I walked over to the VIP entrance, I thought I was so worth it.

I walked into the ladies room and quickly took of my jacket. I smiled as I patted out any wrinkles on my tee shirt. A nervous giggle escapes through my lips before I could stop it, echoing off the walls. I look in the mirror at the 'I heart Joe' tee shirt. I really could not help myself… I saw one of his Youtube interviews and had to do this…

Making sure my hair was still presentable after the 18 hr flight, I quickly rinsed my hands and made my way to the stairs where the usher were standing around.

I smiled as one of them led me to my seat. I pushed my bag and jacket under my chair and sat down. The throng of girls outside was getting noisier and a wave of screaming hit me as the doors opened and they were let in. I was glad to be seated and mostly out of the way.

The crowd was mostly in place and then the chanting started, 'Jonas, Jonas, Jonas….'

The house lights went out and multi colored light started beaming down on the stage.

A band called Action Item came on and started playing some really awesome music; I tapped my feet to some of their song, having heard them on Youtube a while ago before they were signed.

As their set wrapped up, I was almost jumping out of my skin, being so excited to see Joe for the first time, (well, except the couple of times on TV but that really doesn't count). Shiver went up and down my spine as the light went out and the music started… I smiled.