Julie was bored out of her mind.

Her final exams had been written, her last assignments handed in, and her locker emptied. Julie was officially finished with high school, and there was only the formality of actually graduating to get through. For the most part she was glad, but it left her at loose ends while she was babysitting, with no studying to keep her busy. She played with Jordyn and did the dishes and cleaned up the living room to pass the time, but she still ended up sprawled on the couch watching too many episodes of Intervention and Judge Judy.

By the end of the afternoon, she was eagerly looking forward to Tim's return home, if only to have someone to talk to.

Julie was putting Jordyn down for a nap when she heard the front door open and close. She skidded out of the bedroom, ready with a disparaging comment about Tim's greasy, sweaty state, but was surprised and disappointed to instead find Billy standing in the doorway.

"Oh," she said.

"Hey," he greeted her gruffly, tossing his keys down on the table by the door.

"Hey," Julie replied. "Where's Tim?"

"I made him stay late. He can close the place up for once. Jackass."

"Stay late? How come?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but he's come into work late and hungover every day this week and I've had it."

Julie bristled at Billy's rudeness. "Sorry," she sniffed, not remotely apologetic. "Jordyn's down for her nap, so I guess I'll just go."

"Sorry," Billy sighed, rubbing the heels of his hands in his eyes. "I'm just pissed off at Tim. It's not your fault."

They regarded each other warily for a moment before Julie nodded, accepting the apology.

"What's going on with him?" Julie asked.

"He and Lyla broke up, so he's being iTim/i about it."

"Ah," she nodded. She didn't know Tim extremely well, but she had an idea of what that meant.

"Yeah," Billy replied, huffing. He looked up at Julie, chewing his bottom lip contemplatively. "You're friends, right?"

Julie blinked. "Uh, with Lyla, or Tim?"

"Tim."

"Yeah, I mean, I guess so, sure."

"Think you could talk to him?"

"Talk to him?"

"Yeah, you know... He's mad at me right now about something, I don't know what; he won't really talk to me."

"Oh, well..." Julie waffled, not sure what to say. "I guess I can try. I mean... We're not super close or anything."

"I just think he could use a girl's perspective."

Julie nodded. She had absolutely no idea what Billy was talking about.

"Thanks," Billy said, seeming relieved. "He's not much of a talker, and sometimes I think it gets him in trouble."

"So I've heard," Julie said. They both fell silent, and after a long pause, Julie took a look at her watch. "Uh, I have to go to work."

"Sure," Billy said, getting out of Julie's way. "Hey, uh, have a good one. Hope you get lots of tips."

"Thanks." Julie gathered her things and left, unwilling to risk any more awkward moments. On the drive to Applebee's, she pondered what Billy had asked. How was it that she had ended up not only babysitting for the Rigginses, but counseling them through their relationship issues, too?

***

Tim stood back, golf club held aloft, watching the battered beer can as it arced up into the sky before disappearing beyond the edge of the cliffs.

There was something strangely soothing about narrowing his mind to the basic act of whacking beer cans with Billy's old 5-wood.

He liked it better than thinking about Lyla, or the phone call, or college, or about Billy and Mindy and Little Jay. Really, hitting things beat thinking about things, which was what Tim had always liked best about football.

Tim turned around, swinging the club over one shoulder as he walked back to his truck for another beer. He knew he ought to stop drinking if he wanted to spend the night at home in bed, rather than stretched out in the back of his truck, silently listening for thunderstorms and coyotes.

One more won't hurt, he told himself. Just one more.

He leaned against the side of his truck, popping the tab on another beer. Taking a swig, he tried not to grimace; any coldness the beer had maintained since he picked the case up at the liquor store hours ago was now completely gone.

Standing there, lukewarm beer in hand, the wind blowing grit in his eyes, Tim suddenly felt stupid. He felt like the butt of the world's biggest joke, and everybody was in on it except him.

Everyone was itching to get the hell out of Dillon as fast as possible. Everyone but him. He'd really meant it when he said Texas forever for all those years. He meant it like a promise, like a vow, like he'd never meant anything before in his life.

It seemed like he was the only person who looked around Dillon and thought it would do just fine, thank you very much, and wanted to hurry up and get down to the business of living his life.

Well, almost the only person. Tim figured Buddy Garrity would probably be on board with him, too.

Buddy Garrity. Lyla Garrity. Back around again to the same old things. The same old thoughts. The same old hurts. All the things that never seemed to work out, not even when Tim tried real hard not to mess it up.

Frowning, Tim tipped his head back and finished off his beer. He grabbed another from the case and walked back up to the grassy edge of the cliff. The sun was setting and the sky was a deep, soft blue, melting into purple and orange and gold on the horizon.

One more won't hurt, he told himself, lining up his next shot. Just one more.

***

The best part of being finished classes, as far as Julie was concerned, was sleeping late. In particular, she appreciated that when she worked until close at Applebee's, she wasn't expected to get up first thing in the morning the next day to drag herself to American History. Instead she luxuriated in getting up when she felt like it and enjoying the empty house, her parents at work and her sister at daycare. She couldn't luxuriate too long, however, because although classes were over, little Rigginses still needed babysitting.

Julie parked in her usual spot across the street from the Rigginses'. Tim's truck was parked rather haphazardly in the driveway. Julie frowned, wondering what was up; Tim should have been at work. Gathering her things, she walked up the lawn and knocked on the blue front door. No one answered.

"Tim?" she called softly, leaning to try to see through the window. "Mindy?"

Julie tried the doorknob and the door swung open, unlocked. It was dark inside the house, and it smelled somewhat stale. Julie wrinkled her nose and waited for her eyes to adjust to the dim light. When they did, she saw that Jordyn's playpen was in the living room, by the TV, and that Jordyn was down for her nap on its floor. Julie walked over to check on her, and found that she was indeed sound asleep, albeit a bit warm.

"Tim?" she called again, looking around the empty room. "Anyone?"

A sound from the other room caught her attention and, somewhat warily, she walked over to Tim's open bedroom door to investigate. Peering into the room, she found the source of the sound.

Tim was asleep, face down on his bed, wearing nothing but a pair of very worn Panther gym shorts, his tanned back exposed. He was snoring loudly enough to wake the dead.

Julie cleared her throat, starting to feel irritated.

"Tim," she said, trying to wake him. No response. "Tim!"

"Hunh," he grunted, burrowing his face deeper into the mess of pillows under his head.

"Oh my god," Julie said loudly, rolling her eyes. "Wake up! Are you supposed to be watching the baby, or am I? Because I don't really think passing out to marinate in your own beer-sweat counts as watching the baby."

Tim lifted his head, scowling at her without opening his eyes. His hair stood up in every direction, and the skin of his flushed face was creased by the pillows. He looked like a cat who had been disturbed from its afternoon nap.

"Ugh, whatever," Julie snapped, and turned to leave. She stomped back into the great room, quieting her tantrum only to avoid waking Jordyn. Crankily, she turned up the air conditioning and turned on a couple of fans, hoping to move the stifling afternoon air.

The place had reverted somewhat to its previous pig sty state, with pizza boxes and beer bottles littering the room. Sighing as though she'd just been told she had to trudge across the state of Texas barefoot in a drought while bearing the weight of the whole world on her shoulders, Julie began to clean up.

Forty minutes later, the house was once again reasonably clean, and Julie was on the couch reading, her feet propped up on the coffee table. She looked up from her book when she heard a sound, and saw Tim standing in the doorway of his bedroom, squinting at her. He was no more clothed or kempt than before.

Julie pursed her lips and ignored him, sparing a glance at Jordyn, who she was expecting to awaken any second.

Tim shuffled his way into the kitchen and opened the fridge, the telltale clink of glass indicating that he had retrieved a beer. He opened it and came slowly into the living room, silently taking a seat at the other end of the couch.

Julie continued to pretend that she was alone in the room, as Tim groaned and leaned back, taking a long swig of beer.

"You smell like the alley behind The Landing Strip," Julie said finally, unable to help herself.

There was a long pause before Tim replied. "How do you know what the alley behind The Landing Strip smells like?"

Julie turned to look at him. He was leaning back comfortably into the couch, watching her from under lowered eyelids. He had dark circles under his eyes, his skin was still flushed, and he was sweating.

"You look like crap," Julie said softly, injecting less scorn in her voice than she would have liked.

"Feel like crap," he replied, closing his eyes and taking another swig of beer.

"You think maybe you should try, I don't know, water, maybe? Cut back on the beer?" Julie could feel the heat rolling off him, even from over a foot away. Frowning, she reached without thinking and pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. He blinked, watching her placidly.

"You're burning up," Julie said, pulling her hand back. "Are you okay?"

Tim blinked at her a couple of times. He shook his head.

Julie sucked a breath in through her teeth, trying not to scold him. It made her sound too much like her mother.

"It's really stupid to do this to yourself," she said simply. She stood up and took the beer from him. He didn't protest, not moving as she walked into the kitchen and dumped the beer down the sink. Rummaging around in the fridge, she managed to find an unopened bottle of Gatorade. Further explorations in the cupboard produced a bottle of painkillers. She poured a large, cold tumbler of water, and carried everything back into the living room.

Tim took the pills, drinking the whole glass of water down steadily.

"Careful," Julie warned. "You don't want to make yourself barf."

Tim grimaced slightly at her, as though the very word nauseated him.

"Go have a shower," Julie said, leaning forward on the couch and reopening her book on her lap. "You'll feel better and this whole experience will be less unpleasant for me, which I would appreciate."

"I know how to deal with a hangover," he mumbled sullenly. Standing, he slowly made his way to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Seconds later, Julie heard the water go on.

While Tim showered, Julie marveled at him. She couldn't help but compare him to Matt. Both boys had grown up largely without reliable parents, but where Matt had learned to take care of himself and everyone around him without complaint, almost to a fault, Tim seemed completely incapable of looking after anything or anyone.

Yet, even that wasn't quite fair. Julie had seen Tim with Jordyn and Gracie; he was good with them and looked after them fine when left in charge. When he was sober, anyway. He just seemed not to care much what happened to ihim/i.

The water shut off, and a minute or so later, Tim came out of the bathroom, shorts on and a towel wrapped around his shoulders like a cape. He padded back into the living room and stretched out on the couch, tucking his feet in behind Julie.

"You're pretty pathetic when you're sick, you know," she observed, turning a page in her book. "Drink the Gatorade and I'll consider making you something to eat later. Maybe."

"Thanks, doc," Tim replied, his voice scratchy.

Several minutes passed in silence, Julie reading and Tim taking periodic sips of his drink.

"So things are over with Lyla?" Julie asked.

"Yeah," Tim croaked. "Billy tell you?"

"Yes, he did."

"He's pretty pissed at me, I think."

"For missing work?"

"Yeah. For getting with Lyla in the first place, too, I think."

"What do you mean?"

"Always said she's too good for me."

Julie turned to look at him, frowning. "I bet he didn't mean it that way. He's probably just looking out for you."

Tim nodded silently, his head resting against the arm of the couch. Julie observed him for a moment.

"When Matt dumped me, I just cried and ate a lot. Does this work any better?"

"Not really."

"Didn't think so. My way sucks, too."

There was a long pause during which Julie considered the email she'd received from Lyla the week before, and whether or not she should tell Tim about it. The truth had always seemed like the nobler option to her, but right now, with the way he was acting, Julie couldn't see the point of torturing him by letting him know that Lyla had already moved on.

Julie tried to think of something helpful or wise to say to him, but she came up blank. She hadn't learned anything from her break-up with Matt. All she knew was that people were complicated and relationships were hard and that the heart was very easily bruised.

"Wanna come by my work later, if you're feeling better?" Julie asked, turning to look at him. "I'll bring you free dynamite shrimp and desserts."

Tim watched her silently for a moment before a smile quirked his mouth and he nodded.

"Maybe, Jules. When I'm feeling better."

***

Julie graduated from high school on a June afternoon when the temperature topped 110°F, and someone made the unfortunate decision to hold the ceremony on the football field. When the commencement exercises were cut short by a sudden thunderstorm as it came crashing through Dillon, Julie sincerely and without reservation hoped that her mother fired whoever it was who suggested an outdoor graduation ceremony in June. In Texas.

The Taylors were quiet in the SUV on the way home, the swish of the wipers on the windshield and the hum of the truck's engine the only sounds. Julie sat in the back, holding her damp diploma and mortarboard on her lap.

"Wain," Gracie observed from her car seat, looking over at her sister for confirmation. Julie didn't reply, too focused on keeping the disgruntled grimace off her face.

"So how about it, honey?" her mother asked from the front. "You want to go out for dinner, celebrate?"

Julie shifted in her seat, looking out the rain-streaked window at the angry, steel-grey sky. She didn't feel like celebrating at all. She had already asked her parents not to throw her a party or anything embarrassing like that, and thankfully they had complied. Besides, where were they supposed to go? Applebee's? Fran's? The Alamo Freeze?

I really hate this town, she thought.

"Not really," she replied, knowing she sounded like a sullen teenager. She caught the look her parents exchanged, but they didn't say anything.

Grace had a conveniently timed meltdown when they arrived at home, allowing Julie to disappear into her bedroom. She emerged for dinner a couple of hours later, but slunk back to her room again immediately afterward. She lay on her bed, staring up at her ceiling. She wore the batteries on her iPod right down listening to The Arcade Fire as the sun set, casting shadows across the room.

She should feel something. Julie was certain that there was something she should be feeling about graduating from high school, and she was missing out on it. She felt apathetic, mostly, aside from a vague sense of relief. What was wrong with her?

Julie sat up, staring at the bright blue mortarboard slung over her desk chair, its gold tassel dangling. Taking a deep breath, she stood up, grabbed her keys and her bag, and left her bedroom.

"I'm going out," she announced to her parents as she passed by the living room.

"Yeah?" her mother asked, getting up from the couch. "Where are you going?"

"Um, I heard there's a party at Jenny Perry's house, so I thought I'd go for a while," Julie said.

"Okay," Tami replied, eyes wide. She was obviously struggling to be nonchalant about her recluse daughter deciding to go to a party after staying in for months. Julie appreciated the effort.

"I'll be home by 12, don't worry," Julie said, sending a reassuring smile her mother's way before heading for the door.

"One is fine," Tami said behind her, following Julie down the hall. "It's a special night."

"Thanks," Julie replied, wondering pessimistically if she'd even make it that long. She had to at least try; going to bed early on the night of her own graduation was just pathetic.

Julie waved to her mother as she pulled out of the driveway, rolling her window down and turning the radio up. She drove across town to the address on the flyer she'd been given that afternoon while she and her classmates stood in the sweltering quad waiting for their names to be called. Parking down the block, she turned off the engine and watched as people made their way in and out of the raucous house party going on up the street. She listened to the laughter, shouts and music cutting through the peace of the hot June evening.

She sighed, imagining the scene she was in for. She'd wander around aimlessly for fifteen minutes, trying to look totally bored and above it all, then get a drink and find a spot along the wall. Watch everyone celebrate with their friends. Listen to them recollect the high school years she'd spent ignoring them all in favour of her own friends. Roll her eyes as they trashed the East Dillon Lions, kids who were their classmates only a year ago.

Julie put the car in gear and pulled out of the spot where she had parked. She felt smothered, like something had sucked all the air out of the car. Blinking away tears, she rolled the window down and let the breeze fill the car. She drove to the end of the street and quickly turned left, anxious to put space between her and the party. At the next stop sign, she glanced up to see what street she had ended up on. It was the corner of Locust Avenue and Castle Road.

With some surprise, she realised that she was only a few blocks away from Tim's house.

She flicked her blinker on and turned, headed in that direction. In less than three minutes, she was standing on his doorstep, knocking on the blue painted door. After a lengthy pause, she heard a thump and some shuffling inside the house, and Tim appeared at the door, wearing worn jeans and one of the apparent dozens of old Panthers t-shirts he owned, his feet bare.

"Hey," he said, frowning at her. "Shouldn't you be out celebrating?"

"I didn't have anyone to celebrate with," she said honestly, feeling awkward now that she was here. "I never really got close to anyone in my year except Lois and she's gone, so... Here I am."

Tim nodded, stepping back to let her into the house. Julie walked in, pleased to see that the place had stayed relatively tidy since the last time she'd cleaned up. Tim had been watching TV, ESPN blaring away and the coffee table obscured by an open pizza box and several empty beer bottles. Jordyn was propped up by cushions in the corner of the couch, unperturbed by the noisy TV.

"Quiet night in?" Julie asked, setting down her things in the chair by the door and making her way over to Jordyn to say hello. The baby's expression brightened and she reached two chubby hands up at the sight of her babysitter.

"Yeah," Tim replied from the kitchen. "Billy and Mindy needed a break, so they're out for dinner. Between work and the baby and me living here, they don't get a lot of alone time. Beer?"

"Sure," Julie said, settling Jordyn on her knee and turning her so that they were face to face. She bounced her gently, causing Jordyn to giggle. "Hey, baby girl! How's Jordyn today?"

"She's good," Tim said, appearing beside her with a beer in his outstretched hand. Julie took it, and he sat down next to her on the couch, watching her and Jordyn with interest. "Think she likes you better than me."

"I doubt it," Julie replied, leaning back comfortably into the couch while continuing to bounce Jordyn on her knee. "Don't you love your Uncle Timmy, Jordyn?" she teased.

"We were just about to watch Terminator," Tim said. "Wanna join us?"

"Sure, I've never seen it."

There was silence, and Julie turned to see Tim staring blankly at her.

"You've never seen Terminator?" he asked.

"No," Julie said, shrugging.

"Stay there," Tim said, standing up and putting a DVD into the player. "Just stay right there, Taylor. Don't move. Seriously. You're in for a treat."

"Okay," Julie said, trying not to laugh at his seriousness.

Tim turned the lights off and rejoined her on the couch. Julie glanced at him, wondering why he hadn't sat over in the empty chair. He was intent on the screen as the movie started up, though, so she looked away.

Around the time Sarah Connor was trying to hide from the Terminator at the nightclub, Tim reached over and absently picked Jordyn up off Julie's lap, settling her down in the crook of his far arm. Julie tensed when he put his near arm down again and it lay against hers on the couch. He didn't move or say anything. Julie glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, but he was looking away, focused on the movie. He cleared his throat and shifted, the rough hair of his forearm rubbing against her bare skin.

To her intense embarrassment, Julie shivered.

"You cold?" Tim asked softly, turning to look at her.

"Mmm-mmm," she mumbled, not looking at him, frowning as though she was concentrating very hard on the movie. He turned away.

Sarah and Kyle fled the Terminator, hiding out at a motel while their cyborg nemesis left a path of destruction in his wake. Julie realised that an awkward '80s love scene was imminent as the hero and heroine made out against a fridge. She could feel herself blushing, her ears and her cheeks burning and flames spreading out across her chest.

"You want another beer?" Tim asked, turning to look at her. He stopped, staring at her. After a beat, he smirked. Julie blushed even harder, and opened her mouth to say something, but Jordyn shifted in Tim's lap and began to fuss, suddenly letting out a sharp wail.

"I think someone's ready for a change!" Julie declared, standing up abruptly. "I'll take her!" Before Tim could protest, she grabbed the baby and made for the safety of the master bedroom.

"Thanks," she muttered to Jordyn a few minutes later as she fastened the new diaper and reached for a clean sleeper. "I was about to totally humiliate myself back there. Good timing."

Jordyn didn't reply, blinking sleepily up at Julie.

"Come on," Julie said, lifting the baby gently and settling her down to sleep in her crib. She stood and watched as Jordyn fell asleep, her eyes slowly closing and her breaths deepening.

Julie hadn't been really into babies until Gracie came along, and even then she was not interested in her little sister for quite some time. But now she had to admit that there was something oddly compelling about watching a baby fall gently to sleep.

A floorboard creaked and Julie looked up. Tim had come into the room and was standing a couple feet away.

"She down?" he asked, his voice very quiet.

"She's asleep," Julie whispered back.

She felt more than saw Tim nod in the darkness of the bedroom as he came close, the only light the dim glow of the Finding Nemo nightlight plugged into the far wall.

Julie wasn't sure who kissed who, just that Tim took a step forward and then they were kissing each other, touching only where their mouths connected. It was tentative and awkward, and Julie didn't relax until she felt Tim's hand brush against the back of her head, gently pulling her closer. She slid her hands up to his chest, resting one against the faded blue 33 over his heart.

Tim sighed raggedly, his breath brushing her face. Julie shivered as he pulled her into his body, spreading his hands across her back and slanting his mouth against hers.

The feeling of another body against hers after months of missing Matt hit her heart with a sharp pang. She was violently jolted out of the moment and back into reality.

"I should go," Julie blurted, her voice loud, pulling away and turning on her heel before Tim could say anything. Jordyn wailed at the abrupt sound, but Julie didn't stop to comfort her.

She was out of the bedroom and the house almost before she knew it, pausing only to grab her bag by the door. She hurried across the lawn, ignoring the sound of Tim calling her name behind her.

Fumbling with her keys as she got in and started her car, she could feel him watching her from the open doorway. She didn't look up – couldn't – and peeled out of the driveway and down the street. She held her breath, trying hard not to think about what just happened.

As she pulled into her own driveway and forced her hands to stop shaking, she tried not to think about why she was so damn terrified.