She closed her eyes, this couldn't be real. The creature in front of her was Tamlen and at the same time it wasn't. His blonde hair was gone, his bright blue eyes were dark, and his skin was grey. She knew it was the effect of the taint but she wanted, needed it to be a horrible dream that she was going to wake up from. She opened her eyes but Tamlen still stood in front of her.
"I'm sorry lethallan. I didn't want it to be this way." Tamlen said.
"Tamlen." she whispered. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks.
"You have to end my life lethallan, please. I don't want to hurt you." he strained to say. Keira shook her head.
"Tamlen there has to be a way to save you. I have to try." she begged him.
"There isn't lethallan. I can hear the song in my head. Please you have to end my suffering. Please don't make me attack you." he begged her. She closed her eyes and unsheathed one of her daggers. Her tears were falling faster now and her heart was breaking.
"Tamlen, I'm sorry." she sobbed and stabbed him. He fell back onto the ground and she hit her knees.
"I'll always love you, Keira." he said with his final breath. She covered her mouth to keep from screaming. She wrapped her other arm around her stomach to try and hold herself together. The emptiness that had started in her chest seemed to be consuming her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized that her friends were standing around her. She didn't care what they had to say, didn't care if they thought she was weak. She wrapped her other arm around her stomach and bent over. She felt sick.
"Keira?" Alistair whispered. She shook her head. She wasn't ready to talk or to leave Tamlen's body. All she could think of was how everything in Tamlen's life had been her fault. How could she save the whole country from a Blight when she couldn't even save the one man who had truly loved her?
"Its your friend, Tamlen, isn't it?" Alistair asked. She nodded.
"It was a mercy, Keira." he said reaching to put his had on her shoulder. She shied away from him and shook her head. There was no mercy in what had happened to Tamlen, or any sense of fairness either.
"This is what happens to people exposed to the taint Keira." he tried to explain. She knew and had seen it before but that didn't matter. She could have saved Tamlen, could have prevented this. The tears rolled down her cheeks and fell to the ground next to Tamlen.
Alistair stood up and grabbed Keira's arms and pulled her up until she was looking in his eyes.
"Tell me again what your people would do for him Keira." he half demanded. She shook her head she couldn't think.
"A-a tree." she choked.
"What kind of tree Keira?" he said trying to get her to focus.
"A sapling, an oak." she gasped.
"Tell us what to do Keira. We can help you bury him right here." he pleaded. She shook her head.
"Someone might cut it down." she cried.
"Then where, Keira?" he asked. She sobbed and tried to think. They weren't very far from the shore of Lake Calenhad.
"The shore. He loved the water." she cried.
"Ok, but you have to tell us what to do, so that it's right." Alistair instructed, she nodded. He let go of her arms and sank back to her knees. She could hear Alistair telling the rest what they needed to do. Oh sure now he can be a leader. Some part of her thought bitterly. Her friends went about getting things together and heading towards the lake. Leliana knelt beside her and laid her hand on her back. Keira put her head on Leliana's shoulder and felt Leliana rest her head on hers as she covered her mouth try and keep her sobs quiet.
"Come on, Keira. I'll walk with you." Leliana whispered helping her up.
"Wait." Keira gasped as she reached down and removed the necklace Tamlen wore. He had gotten it from the Keeper when he had become a full hunter. She held it in her fist as they made their way through the forest to where the men were digging. It was a beautiful spot, right at the edge of the lake in a tiny clearing. She sat next to an older oak and answered Alistair's questions absentmindedly. She watched as they buried him and then planted an oak sapling over him.
"Is there anything else, Keira?" Alistair's asked. Keira shook her head.
"Ok. Then we'll leave you alone." he said ushering his friends back to camp. Keira moved and knelt in the grass by the sapling.
"I'm sorry, I never wanted this to happen to you." she said in Dalish. She wondered what her Keeper would think if she knew what had really become of Tamlen, Keira shook her head. She would never tell her Keeper what happened tonight, she didn't need to know.
She found her way back to camp much later in the night, she saw that Zevran was the only one sitting next to the fire. He looked up at her when he heard her approaching.
"Just leave me alone Zevran. I don't want to talk about anything." she said bitterly, walking towards her tent. He fell in step behind her. She stopped in front of her tent and turned to face.
"Please Zevran, the only man I've ever loved asked me to kill him tonight. I just want to be left alone." she said with tears welling in her eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but she interrupted him.
"Leave me alone! I don't want to talk to someone who doesn't even understand what love really is! I know I've been just a bed partner for you! Just leave me alone!" she yelled. She knew she was going to hurt his feelings but part of her didn't care. Her emptiness, broken heart, and pain where the only things that mattered. She would have swore she saw a flash of hurt in the assassin's eyes but she turned and entered her tent before he could say anything.
She opened her fist and saw Tamlen's necklace still sitting there and put it in her pack. She didn't even bother to remove her armor, she just collapsed on her bedroll. She wanted to cry more but her body was to exhausted. She buried her head in her pillow and let sleep take over her.