The Winds of Change

By

AZgirl66

Chapter 6- You Can't Take It Back

"Wait a second," Matthew Dillon, Jr. said as he sat cross-legged upon his bed, "So these kidnappers were nice?"

Kitty was sitting next to her son, with Scarlett snuggled up against her side, "They actually were very kind folks," she explained, "the Cathcarts just had it in their minds that Orkey needed t' get married before Sweet Billy."

"So they took you?!" Adam questioned, his blue eyes wide with concern.

"Yes," his mother confirmed as she gazed at her middle boy. He looked so little on his top bunk, swinging his legs back and forth. "Orkey came t' town to find a wife. He said he 'looked a purpose, he saw, and he chose'," Kitty used her best storytelling voice to imitate Orkey Cathcart.

"They weren't mean t' Mama, just a little unfamiliar with the law in these here parts," Matt added, sitting in the large chair now in the corner of the room.

"They were a gentle family, but somehow, I don't think I'da fit in their world, so it's a good thing that Daddy, Grandpa, and our friend, Chester, found me," Kitty smiled, stroking a yawning Scarlett's curls.

"We coulda been Cathcarts," Matthew interjected, "livin' in Tennessee."

"Fat chance," Kitty whispered, glancing at Matt through her downcast ginger lashes.

"The funniest part was when Chester fell into a gigantic hole and just disappeared outta sight," Matt continued the story, "he hollered like a girl!"

"Hey!" Addie and Kitty protested in unison.

"Well, he did," Matt firmly stated, a smirk upon his face, "and now, it's time for all Dillons under forty years old t' go to sleep," Matt rose to pick up the now snoozing toddler from her mother's side.

"One more olden days story, Daddy, please," Ezra yawned.

"Yeah. Tomorrow's Sunday, so we get t' sleep a little later," Adam reasoned.

"You heard your father. Time for all of us t' go to sleep," Kitty securely tucked Ezra in under his covers, giving his cheek a noisy, playful kiss.

Once kisses were dispersed and everyone was deposited where they belonged, the tired parents settled into their bedtime routine.

"How ya feelin', Kitty?" Matt asked as she was climbing out of the tub.

"Pretty good," she answered, carefully holding the edge of the large tub as she exited.

The big man hurried to her side, "Honey, you need to wait for me," he quickly grabbed one of her elbows.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm just over the halfway point with this baby. In a couple of months you can hover over me like a mother hen," she smiled as Matt lovingly wrapped a towel around her shoulders.

"You just seem bigger this time," Matt pursed his lips, concentrating on assisting his wife with drying her hair.

"Gee, thanks, Cowboy. You certainly know how t' make a girl feel desirable," Kitty rolled her eyes as she grabbed her long-sleeved cotton nightgown.

"You know I always find you desirable, Mrs. Dillon," he planted a quick kiss upon her plump lips.

"You may need t' prove it to me, Mr. Dillon," Kitty purred as she strolled into their bedroom. She sat at her vanity and through the looking glass watched her husband follow her every movement.

Matt leaned against the door jamb, wearing just a towel and a smile.

"And what would Doc say about that?" he asked, arching his eyebrows.

"First off, it's none a Doc's business what we do in our bedroom. Secondly, I only had a bad bout of morning sickness, Matt. It just made me tired for a couple a days," Kitty continued brushing her hair.

"Well, in that case, let me get cleaned up," he licked his lips.

Kitty glanced at him over her shoulder, "Well isn't that a darn shame? I prefer ya dirty."

XXXXXXXX

As was his usual routine, Matt was up before the sun, checking the tack in the family horse barn. He stared into the small tack room and sighed, Why won't these kids put their things where they belong? Maybe fetching a switch would do the trick, the frustrated father ruminated on how to discipline his three oldest children.

After feeding the family horses, Matt headed inside to discuss the consequences of the children not following directions with Kitty. She was the best, most balanced mother he'd ever known, so he was confident she would think of the perfect solution.

Matt smiled as he climbed the stairs, proud that he'd been able to pleasure his wife not just once or even twice the previous evening, but three times. Not bad for a nearly fifty-one-year-old, he smirked. In fact, the memory was giving him ideas for a pre-breakfast surprise.

He shucked his boots in the hallway and opened the door to their room as quietly as possible. Once inside the room, Matt locked the door and in near silence, removed his clothing. He bit his bottom lip as he checked to make sure Kitty was still asleep. He was pleased that her eyes were closed and her breathing was deep.

Matt climbed under the covers on his side of the bed and burrowed deep under the quilt. Fortunately for Matt's purpose, Kitty had never dressed after their nocturnal activities. He kissed her protruding belly, working his way down her body in order to pleasure her with his mouth.

In a sleepy haze, Kitty moaned her approval, tenting the covers as she bent her knees. While Matt worked his magic, kissing the inside of her creamy white thighs, he rested his hands on top of them, just below her triangle of auburn curls. He smiled, noting that his tongue's ministrations were exciting his wife even while she remained half asleep.

"Oh, God…yesss," Kitty hissed as she opened her legs wider, her hips slightly rocking, "Don't….stop…"

Matt noticed her soft, pliable body quickly became rigid. As suddenly as her pleasure began, it ended. Kitty thrashed in the sheets, her lower extremities wrestling with Matt under the covers. The confused man was trapped, unable to emerge from the tangle of the sheets and quilt, as her legs kicked furiously.

"Bear, please…stop…please…stop. Don't, Bear, please!" Kitty cried, her eyes bleary with sleep as she tried to achieve full consciousness.

"Kitty," Matt gasped, freeing himself from the confines of the covers, "it's me, Honey. Damn, you almost snapped my neck," he leaned his head to the side, rubbing where it ached.

"Matt?" she gasped, yanking the quilt up to her neck, her legs pulled as close to her chest as her unborn child would allow. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I…I don't know what came over me," she stared at her husband, her eyes wide with panic.

"Damn," he rolled his head in a circular motion, "I just thought I'd surprise ya," he paused, taking in her frightened expression. The realization of her words hit him like a ton of bricks, "What did you call me?" his eyes narrowed.

Kitty shook her head, biting her bottom lip, "I…I don't know. I must have been having a dream."

"Kathleen," Matt scooted closer to her on the bed, "when I got under the covers, you were not having a bad dream. Your body was definitely responding to me. Then all of a sudden, you started to panic. You called me 'Bear'. For the love of God, Kitty, don't lie t' me. Did Bear rape you?"

Kitty buried her face in her hands, shaking her head, "No. No, Matt…he didn't rape me," she mumbled.

He grabbed both her wrists, "Perhaps I'm using the wrong words," his voice was firm, "Did he try anything that he shouldn't have?"

Kitty lifted her head, her eyes so clouded by tears she could barely see her husband. She choked, "Yes. Yes, he did."

Matt tried to remain calm. He let go of her wrists and stood, looking around the room for his union suit.

Kitty followed his movements with her eyes, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

Once he'd dressed in his union suit, he sat next to her on the bed. With an edge to his voice, he commanded, "Time to start talking, Kathleen. Don't leave a thing out."

"Can you hand me my dressing gown, please?" she asked, clearing her throat.

"Here," he handed her the billowy brown garment.

Kitty stood, slipping her arms into the garment. She walked over to the window as she tied the sash. She blankly stared into the expansive yard.

"He was inappropriate a couple of times," she quietly explained, "but he was actually just confused. In his world, he thought we were married."

"So that made it okay?" Matt bit out. He remained sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands clutching the edge of the mattress.

"Not okay," Kitty shook her head, "but understandable. He was so addled, at times he was extremely confused."

"Uh-huh," he stood, folding his arms across his chest.

Kitty turned to face her husband, "Matt, I was always able t' talk my way out of the situation. He'd do whatever I asked, honest," she reached for his arm, but he dodged her touch.

"Somehow, your 'honest' doesn't carry much weight with me this morning. Now it's time to explain that," he pointed to the rumpled covers on the bed.

Kitty took a deep breath. She held out her hand, hoping he would reach out to her, "Will you sit with me?" she asked, nodding her head toward the table and overstuffed chairs in front of the other window.

Matt didn't accept her hand, but he did make his way over to one of the large, comfortable chairs. Kitty followed, walking with her hands clasped behind her back. They sat for a moment in complete silence while Matt put on his pants.

"I'm waiting, Kathleen," he folded his arms once again across his chest while he stared at his wife.

Kitty closed her eyes as she began, "Do you remember the note you sent with Festus when he brought Matthew t' me?" she looked up, waiting for her husband to answer.

"I sent a note, yes, I remember," he crossed one leg over the other.

"Matt, I'm asking if you remember what was in the note."

"I told you Ezra was sick."

"No. You told me you would come t' me later that night. That I should be waiting for you, 'in all my glory'," Kitty softly recited, lifting her eyebrows, her eyes begging him to remember.

"Okay, I do remember that. Continue," he strummed his fingers on the table that was in between them.

"I was naked, waiting for you to come to me. I tried t' wait up, but I fell asleep," she stared directly into his eyes. The silence was deafening.

The realization of what must have happened hit the former marshal straight between the eyes.

"Kitty?" Matt whispered, tilting his head to the side.

The shame was too much for Kitty to bear. She broke their eye contact and studied her hands atop her belly, "Yes, Matt," she blinked slowly, tears trickling down her flushed cheeks, "sort of like this morning. I thought it was you under the covers," she began to stammer, "I…I was half asleep…I was so, so happy that you'd come t' me, that I, I just-"

Matt stood, his blue eyes blazing with fury, "You. Just. What?" he growled.

"I…I thought it was you," she whispered as she reached for his hand.

He took a step backward, "How could you not know? How?!" he ran his fingers through his hair, turning his back to her, "And at what point did you figure it out?!"

All Kitty could do was cry. Matt turned to look at her. Her eyes were closed, and her hands were still resting on her belly, tears flowing down her face.

"Oh, hell no," Matt mumbled as he stomped past her.

"Matt," she implored, standing to follow him, "Please, I need you t' listen to me."

He whipped open the door to his wardrobe, whirling around, "Now you want me t' listen? Why in God's name didn't ya tell me before now?!"

"Because clearly, this is going so well," Kitty replied sarcastically. She took a step toward him, "How would I have started that conversation, Matt?" She flung her arms in the air, "Hey, by the way, Honey, Bear was senile and thought we were married and in the middle of the night decided he'd pleasure me-"

"Jesus, Kitty, that's just great! Make light of it," he turned his back to her and violently forced his arms into a shirt. He haphazardly grabbed some extra clothes out of the wardrobe.

Her voice became eerily low, "I'm not making light of it at all," she narrowed her eyes as she watched in disbelief as he stuffed the clothes into a small satchel, "It was humiliating and embarrassing. I felt violated! But in reality, it was just a crazy accident," she sat on the side of the bed, whispering, "Then Bear killed himself, and it just didn't seem…oh, hell," she held her head in her hands.

"Somehow, I don't think you'd like it much if some woman accidentally put her mouth on me," Matt firmly stated, standing by the door, clutching his bag.

Kitty stared at her husband's face. She knew he'd been deeply hurt by her sin of omission, but she couldn't do anything about it now.

"You leavin', Matt?" she stood, her head nodding toward his satchel.

"I gotta get my head straight. I'm angry. Hell, I'm furious! I need t' go before I say somethin' I'll really regret," his expression was rigid but sorrowful.

Kitty remembered once upon a time when she'd told Molly McConnell that Matt was a man with no strings on him, but he was more hers than anyone else's. She dug deep to find her inner strength; the hard-as-nails Kitty Russell she'd seemed to have left in a past life.

She sighed, "Do what you gotta do, Matt. I don't ever want you t' feel like we're strings tyin' ya down," her tone was soft, her expression sincere.

He scoffed, nodding at her belly, "Sure, Kitty, sure. Seems t' me string number seven is cookin' right now."

"I'm dead serious, Matt. When Addie was born, I said you didn't have t' marry me. I couldn't ever use a child to keep you. Never. Not the first one and certainly not the last. Only come back if you want t' be here."

He stared at Kitty, debating on whether to reply. He wanted to hurt her as she'd hurt him, but deep in the depths of his soul, he wanted to embrace her and tell her that no matter what, he would return.

He grabbed his boots from outside their bedroom door and headed straight outside without even putting them on his feet. When Matt Dillon slammed the front door behind him, he wasn't aware that a pair of tiny blue eyes were watching him from the library window.

XXXXXXXX

The breakfast table was unusually quiet that morning. The children had sensed something was wrong, even though there'd been plenty of days their father was gone before the first meal of the day. But never on a Sunday. Normally, Sunday mornings included a large breakfast with a discussion about a family activity for the afternoon. This particular Sunday morning was different. Breakfast consisted of plain porridge and milk served in a silent room, but for the sound of spoons scraping the insides of bowls.

"Grandpa," Matthew summoned the courage to address the pall over the kitchen table, "is everything okay?"

The children's eyes focused on the aged man. He tugged at his ear before offering Maggie a soupy spoonful of porridge as she sat in her highchair. He couldn't bring himself to look at their curious, innocent faces, "Of course everything's alright. Now finish yer porridge so you can start your morning chores."

Addie and Matthew locked eyes, knowing something was very wrong in their little world.

Adam couldn't hold his disturbing secret any longer, "I heard you," he cried, looking at Kitty, "Mama, I got up t' go t' the water closet and I heard you and Daddy fighting," the six-year-old trembled as he looked at his mother through his tears, "I ran downstairs so I wouldn't get in trouble, and that's when I saw Daddy leave. He had his satchel with 'im."

Kitty stared at the little broken boy, her bottom lip quivering. "Adam," his name came out as a whisper. All she could do was open her arms wide and wait for him to run to her.

Addie abruptly stood, "He left us?! Daddy left us?!" she shouted, furiously glancing from her mother to her grandfather, "What are we gonna do?"

Scarlett cried, "Daaadddyyy…I want my daaadddyyy," porridge dripping out of the sides of her mouth.

"Grandpa?" Ezra whispered, "What's happenin'?" he leaned into Doc's side, "I'm scared."

Doc stood, placing both of his hands on the table. He cleared his throat over the sniffles and cries of the little ones, "Children, I need all of you to sit down…please," he surveyed the room, waiting for everyone to be seated. Adam held Kitty's hand while Scarlett climbed onto her lap, smearing a mixture of snot and porridge onto her mother's dressing gown.

"Adam is partially correct," Kitty beat Doc to the punch, "Daddy and I did have a fight. But I need to explain something to you," she closed her eyes, trying to ignore the slight twinge in her lower back, "Sometimes, in the 'olden days'," she grinned, tears filling her eyes, "if something really bothered Daddy, he needed to go away and think," she glanced at all of their faces individually, willing them not to panic.

Doc walked behind Kitty and squeezed her shoulders, hoping to lend her some of his strength.

"Mama, it's gonna be okay," Addie comforted, "Daddy will come back. He loves us. He isn't like your father."

Kitty wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, with Scarlett clinging to her for dear life. She attempted a smile but failed. Her heart was broken and her back ached. Oh, God. What if he doesn't return?

TBC