Wounds to Bind Chapter 37 Her karma train derailed…there were massive injuries…and no survivors.

January 4 – CPOV

We're in the elevator at Grey Annex, I could feel the connection, Ana threw herself at me and kissed me.

'That was...unexpected,' I stammered.

'What's wrong with being in the moment,' she asked.

'Nothing,' I declared. 'I wish you had given me some warning so I could shut off the CCTV in the elevator.'

'That was your warning...' She knelt and yanked my pants and boxers down, spreading my legs to get closer to my body. She went wild on my southern gentleman, licking, sucking, kissing, moaning while swallowing hard on me. She looked up at me through her lashes as she took me deep into her mouth over and over.

'Oh fuck, baby,' I moaned, flattening my hands against the elevator wall instead of fisting them in her hair. 'I'm going to come if you don't stop.' I moaned and tried not to wiggle my hips, trying not to thrust into her hot, wet, velvet mouth. I watched her pouty, pink lips press against my cock. I felt her breasts brush against my thighs. I felt her silky hair caressing my groin. 'I mean it Ana, if you don't want me to come in your mouth, you must stop...' and I felt my warm release fill her mouth...

…and then a cold emptiness washed over me when I realized Ana was not in my bed...but haunting my mind. After working out in the home gym, showering and dressing, I'm working in my home office when dawn crawls over the horizon. I have a word document open on my desktop. As thoughts flow through my head…I jot them down. Elliot's wedding, Ana's security, items to discuss with John and getting Friday night appointments with Sela. Mrs. Jones refreshes my coffee and checks to see what I want for breakfast. She explains breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes.

Taylor was back this morning, looking like hell. He called for a cab to bring him home because he was celebrating something with someone. He promised to brief me later. Reynolds drives me to work. Once I have confirmation Ana moved half of her savings account to checking, I am appalled. Elliot and Kate have never lived on a budget. I am sure Ana and Ray didn't tell them this move would take over half of Ana's available cash. Damn it! If she just would forgive me and move to Escala – she wouldn't need to buy furniture from consignment or antique stores. I'm glad Elliott is only charging Ana $600 a month like she was paying at Kate's condo. However, she has home association fees she didn't have before. A check for $2700 for first, last, deposit and first quarter home association fees dented her available cash.

XXX

"I'm a fuck up John...and that's not self-loathing talking. That's honesty. I held myself to immutable ideas of what success would be for me. All those charitable donations were just guilt because I was such as ass. I hated Ana saw me for what I was...but I loved her ability to see through me, because I could be free to be me around her. The exercise control in all things...I know I have an obsessive compulsive need to have order in my life. The night terrors are realization I am human, and fallible."

"Why do you think Ana was able to touch you?" John asked.

"Because I trusted her not to hurt me." I answered. "But the longer we don't discuss our situation or our relationship, the self-doubts return. I wonder if she ever wanted me at all. Am I obsessed with her because I can't have her? Is what I feel for her real, or am I being a five-year-old who wants all of the Halloween candy in his sack? Too much of a good thing?"

"Obsessed…perhaps. I think you made monumental strides before and after you met Ana. You decide if you're continuing with touch therapy for her…or for yourself?" He paused. "Unless the touch therapy is for you, it won't take. I will admit I had doubts about you tearing out the playroom. I worried one night of drinking and self-loathing would drive you to Locke and Keyes either watching scenes or seeking a new submissive. I am heartened you admitted the BDSM lifestyle was a coping mechanism for you, in addition to sexual release. I'm also heartened to hear you admit you don't know everything about BDSM, and vanilla sex with someone you care about has been sexually gratifying for you."

"There's more," I admitted to him. I tell him about Taylor and Isaac demolishing Elena's playroom with the help of Dominic and Louis from Locke and Keyes. I reveal Isaac gave Taylor blackmail materials to destroy which included pictures of me when I was Elena's submissive. I cannot express surprise. She never told me she was taking pictures of me. Nor did she ever ask permission to take pictures. I'm relieved submissive pictures of me are destroyed. I reveal her future arrest as a madam.

"What does that mean for you?" John is surprised by my revelation.

"I believe we should discuss how I come to terms with the possibility Elena molested me. Taylor was furious Elena kept pictures from her time with me as a possible insurance policy." I state. "I realized I miss Ana so much I feel I can't endure this separation between us. However, I will always be grateful to Ana for being the impetus to clear out the playroom, contracts and insurance pictures. I've seriously thought about this since I found out Leila accessed the safe. Would Leila have used the information to blackmail me into a relationship with her?"

John sighed. "Are you sure Ana will never reveal what she knows about you, Elena, the lifestyle, Leila, etc.?"

"I know she won't…and not because she signed an NDA. For six months she's worked with the SEC to bring down Hyde and Lincoln…and she never hinted to anyone. She's so strong." I admire her quiet courage and her inner strength. She may not see how strong she is, but I know.

"She certainly is. I think Ana may be afraid of the depth of her feelings for you…but I sincerely doubt she's afraid of you." John laughed.

I outlined what is going on at Grey House, Grey Publishing, the terminations of staff and Ros's assertion Ana needs a close protection detail until the SEC issue is resolved.

"You can't insist Ana accept a bodyguard," John protested.

"I'm not…I'm staying out of the situation. You'll be pleased I delegated…Ros is tackling that issue." I somehow see the humorous side of this.

January 5 – CPOV

"Loeder," I shook his hand.

"Mr. Grey," he shook my hand. "Good morning. How can Grey Publishing HR help you today?"

"Settle in for a disturbing read." I hand him the background interviews Welch conducted with Hyde's interns. I also gave him a list of the dates of the sexual assault videos Jack Hyde stored on his stand alone hard drive.

"Ditto," he handed me the exit interviews for Blandino, Hudson and Morgan. "Once Hyde claimed Ana's career manipulations caused his termination, I ended the interview." Loeder admitted.

"Hyde didn't like that, did he?" I barely feel the question leave my mouth before Loeder agrees.

"He's accustomed to manipulating people. When I did not fall in line as he expected, he accused Miss Steele of using her feminine wiles to corrupt me." Loeder grinned. "I explained she was the wrong sex to corrupt me. Then he tried to flirt with me. I shut him down, and departed his condo. He's a functioning alcoholic, slightly charismatic, and blessed with an eidetic memory."

"How are Mae Anne and the twins by the way?" I asked…remembering Ros advised the Loeder twins were added to the list of possible children for the Grey Care facility. I remembered Robb and Mae Anne Loeder celebrating a fifth anniversary in Cabo. Hyde was definitely attempting to sway Loeder to his line of thinking.

"Excellent," Robb admitted before he approached the subject of Elizabeth Morgan. Her exit interview was the rant of a delusional female. She let Jack Hyde use and abuse her. She blindly obeyed his orders – not because of blackmail – but because his assurance of fidelity to her caused her to ignore the interns' complains of sexual harassment. Morgan blamed Mr. Grey for morale problems at GP. Everyone saw how Mr. Grey favored Ana. How else could one explain the parking space?

Morgan was livid because of the interference in Ana's evaluations. Hyde was furious because Ana was not fired. Grey arranged for Ana's employee evaluations to be changed so she kept her job. He arranged for her ninety-day evaluation to provide a raise in pay and time off. He encouraged Mr. Roach to hire a clerical trainee so Ana didn't perform mundane tasks. Ros put Lauren Hudson in Ana's position but not as an intern, but as support staff, which irked Morgan and Hyde. An intern worked at will and Hyde could fire her any time. Support staff had specific line items to follow before termination could occur. Ros implemented a new position to pay Ana more wages than other clerical staff at SIP/GP. Morgan claimed Mr. Grey fired Jack Hyde to provide his girlfriend with another job advance at SIP/GP. She predicted Mr. Roach would retire within the next five years…to be replaced by that social climbing Anastasia Steele.

Ana accuses me of living in an ivory tower…she really doesn't know Roach that well. That man turned a deaf, mute, blind eye to Hyde and Morgan's shenanigans …at least until Ana came along.

Blandino claimed she did not know Elena Lincoln was persona non-grata at GEH or in my life. She threatened to have her father's lawyer sue me for wrongful termination. HR explained she broke her work contract by using GEH email for personal reasons. She broke her non-disclosure agreement by talking about GEH business with Elena Lincoln. She had been arrested by the SEC for insider trading. GEH agreed to not share that information with her father's political opponents if Blandino continued to cooperate with the SEC.

Hudson's exit interview claimed Ana knew what a sleaze Hyde was. By not reporting Hyde to HR, she facilitated his preying on staff. Hudson threatened to expose Ana and my relationship if she did not receive a decent severance package. After questioning by HR, Hudson admitted she never saw any impropriety between Ana and anyone, let alone me. She believed what Morgan and Hyde suggested about a relationship between Ana and me. They cited Ana's parking spot as proof I used Grey Publishing as a career move for my girlfriend. Hudson claimed Hyde used her friendship with Blandino as leverage to force her to provide information about new Grey House projects. Grey House HR explained there would be no severance package due to the SEC investigation. There would be no severance package due to her emails with Blandino which contravened work policy.

Loeder needed most of an hour to read Welch's reports. Only seven interns would talk to Welch, and he paid $50K for an updated non-disclosure agreement for each of them. Three quit at their ninety-day employee evaluation when Hyde propositioned them in exchange for a better rating. Four stayed until their one-hundred-and-eighty-day employee evaluation. They felt Hyde made their lives a miserable hell once they gave into his sexual demands. He used videos to blackmail them. As interns, they had no support system, not Hyde, not Morgan, nor Roach. Each of them received a Does Not Meet Expectations one-hundred-and-eighty-day employee evaluation. But instead of agreeing to an extended sexual relationship with Jack Hyde to change the evaluation to something more equitable…they quit and moved to where they did not claim their internship on job applications.

"Did anyone have a clue this was occurring?" Loeder asked, dumfounded.

"I think Ana Steele suspected she wasn't safe around Jack Hyde," I postulated.

"Morgan's exit interview was quite heated. She blames Miss Steele for Jack Hyde's termination, Lauren Hudson's termination and her termination. She said you needed a position for your girlfriend and used SIP and then Grey Calendars to cover for you and Miss Steele's liaisons. She claims Miss Steele's weekly lunches with your sister are just a cover." Loeder swallowed hard. "She asserted you've been seeing Miss Steele since she graduated from WSUV and moved to Seattle at the end of May last year."

"Loeder, I don't discuss my personal life, and I know Ana doesn't discuss hers. What I say to you now stays behind closed doors. I am not the reason Ana got the job at SIP. Barney found evidence Hyde was hacking staff emails and then he found the sex videos. The SEC will interview Blandino and Hudson to determine what GEH business they discussed. We intend to hand the information we found about Jack Hyde assaulting his interns over to the SPD Sex Crimes Unit."

"Oh," Loeder acted like all the air deflated from his lungs.

"Did Ana accept the position as Copy Editor?" I have a list of items to discuss with him.

"Yes, but she has conditions," Loeder laid out Ana's demands.

"I tried to get Ana to work for GEH. She's an excellent negotiator and would have been an asset in our M&A team. I want to offer her a signing bonus for staying at GP. I think if given the opportunity, she will be an excellent editor and will work hard for GP." I slid a piece of paper to him. "Top line is her signing bonus. We have offered signing bonuses before. Hyde and Morgan's behaviors endangered us with possible lawsuits, as you read in Welch's reports. Bottom line is the yearly salary for a starting copy editor. You may negotiate the salary to a 2.5 percent increase."

"So I'm to present this amount as a signing bonus?" Loeder stared at the paper.

"If Ana questions the signing bonus, show her the costs for the last three national searches we conducted. Explain her acceptance means GP doesn't conduct a national search, provide transportation or per diem for candidates, or pay relocation fees. Additionally, we're not negotiating salary and benefits with an editor who is being culled from their current publishing house."

I slid another piece of paper to him. "Perks of Ana's job include paid parking, and free use of the Grey Annex gym. Tuition, fees and books paid for twelve hours of classes per semester until she obtains her master's degree. Grey House will pay registration, transportation and per diem to professional development workshops and seminars. Ana will receive a new smart phone and laptop from GP. She has flexible work hours. As long as she gets the job done, we don't care how she puts in the hours. Remind Ana GEH personnel are allowed paid leave time for community service, up to eight hours a quarter. I know she hasn't utilized community service hours yet, and I believe that might be because of Jack Hyde and Elizabeth Morgan. Her leave time increases to ten hours per month for sick leave and fifteen hours per month for annual leave, accessible for her use after ninety days since she's part of middle management. Her insurance was viable after her one-hundred-and-eighty-day employee evaluation in December. She is eligible to increase her life insurance policy to $250K. She is also eligible to sign up for a 401K program."

Loeder took notes while I continued.

"GP accepts and understands Ana wants to stay in her current office. The empty support staff cubicle close to her office is for her support staff. Start a search for support staff for Ana, but don't announce the position until Monday. I'd like the search to take one week – offered to GEH employees first, public second. I want a minimum of ten candidates. Absolutely no one who has ties to Blandino, Hudson, Morgan or Hyde will be considered for the position. No one who uses Esclava Salons will be considered. Security will run background checks before we narrow the list to the top ten candidates. There are established work performance standards and minimum qualifications for the position. You, Ana and Amber Aragon from GP are on the interview panel. I want Ana to have support staff before the end of January. They are to be trained by Amber and work with Ana. Thank you for your work to update the GP procedure manual."

"Miss Steele requested we set her hours from nine to six so she has time to use the gym in the morning," Loeder noted. "She would prefer not to be responsible for the author launch at the end of March in Las Vegas. She is willing to attend the author launch in order to receive training, but she does not feel she's trained to coordinate the event She believes GP Marketing and Grey Calendars will handle the launch more effectively."

"Acceptable," I said. Personally I'm pleased she's using Grey Annex gym instead of paying for a gym membership or running in bad weather. If I can find out where she volunteers for community service, I might be able to arrange a serendipitous encounter. I'm also pleased she's not going to Las Vegas without my security making arrangements. Especially since Mia's going…I don't want Ana corrupted any more than she's already been corrupted by Elliot and Kate. I ought to ask if Elliot wants ownership of Kate's condo as a wedding present?

January 6 – 3PPOV

"Elena," Linc sighed when his secretary put through Elena's call. He heard she had been arrested. She probably wanted bail money and he wasn't playing that game with her. "Which minor deity did I piss off to earn a call from the Bitch from Hell?"

"Not funny, Linc," Elena snapped. "I'm not in the mood for your bullshit right now."

"Careful, Magdalena," his cold Dom voice held a warning. "I don't have to talk to you at all, I can hang up quite easily and ruin your one phone call for the day. I have a right to know who I pissed off to endure this call."

"I need help," Elena retorted. "I don't have anyone else to ask."

"What kind of help, because financial help is out of the question." Linc declared.

"The damned SEC talked to the IRS. The IRS seized my assets: the house and contents, the businesses and their assets, plus my personal bank accounts. They threatened to charge me with tax evasion. I have money, I just need a place to stay where the SEC or the IRS can't harass me until I go to court. Can I live in your pool house until I can get this mess sorted?"

"Will I get charged with aiding and abetting?" Linc thundered.

"No, once you sign the agreement the SPD faxes to you, I'll be fitted with an ankle monitor and released on bail. I have twenty-four hours to leave my house, with thirty days of clothes, a dozen pairs of shoes and purses and one car. They are taking all my jewelry except one watch and a pair of gold stud earrings." Elena deliberately omitted telling him she was being released on bail for breaking Christian's no-contact order. That would piss Linc off and he wouldn't help her.

Elena didn't know whether to be pissed at Isaac or thank him. He stole her nest egg from the safe, but he cleared out the dungeon and all the evidence of her side business including the hard drive from her server and her laptop. Thank god that information was gone from the house so she wasn't arrested for promoting prostitution. She signed paperwork with a bail bondsman this morning. She used the prepaid Visa card number she had memorized. The card was safely tucked away in her locker at her tennis club with two more prepaid cards, and an emergency stash of cash in a backpack. She also had a backup flash drive with all her business and financial information. She was amazed one million dollars fit inside a backpack the size of a grocery shopping bag, and weighed about twenty-five pounds. She needed to empty her tennis locker before the IRS raided there too.

"Normally, I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, Elena, with one of those big dick strap-ons which you prefer. However, I feel magnanimous today. Once the SPD faxes me the agreement, and once my lawyer approves, I'll sign and fax the agreement back. Pick up the key to the pool house and the code to the gate from my receptionist. You will be restricted to the pool house. You don't enter my home, garages, tool shed, wine cellar, staff quarters, etc. You do not entertain any of your men or run your stable from my property. You will not whip, spank or fuck any underage boys on my property. You will not have access to my WIFI – so plan to go down the road to Starbucks or McDonalds and use theirs. I will not wine you, dine you, or associate with you. You are responsible for your own cooking, housekeeping, laundry, etc. Should I have guests who entertain me by swimming naked in my enclosed pool – you will stay in the pool house with the drapes drawn or leave the property." Linc warned Elena. "All those rules will be printed and you will sign your agreement or you will not receive the key to my pool house."

"Thank you," Elena accepted the terms he offered. "I have one more favor to ask…"

"If you are asking me to talk to Christian Grey or any of the Grey family, the answer is no." Linc snarled. "I know you were arrested for violating a no-contact order for Christian Grey. I enjoyed seeing the video of your arrest on the Kavanagh Media website. Your arrest for violating a no-contact order entertained me more than the SEC arrest. You're not very popular…are you?"

"I need a burner phone, a burner laptop and an electronic scanner to check for bugs and trackers. I can't stop to buy any of them," Elena counted to one hundred before she planned to tell Linc to shove his pool house up his ass.

"I'll call an IT guy I know and have your electronics delivered to the house. The housekeeper will pay for them. You will repay her when you arrive. I'll tell my housekeeper you will be incoming today. I need to get back to work." Linc hung up and listened for the fax machine to beep at him.

Linc called his lawyer. "Lincoln here. I need you to review an agreement the SPD faxed me. They want to put the ex-Mrs. Lincoln under house arrest using my pool house. She will pay for the costs incurred for the monitoring device and monitoring service. No, I haven't gotten soft in my old age. I want a front row seat when they arrest Elena and haul her off. Give SPD my cell number; I'll open the gates for them at any time of the day or night. I will provide a guided tour, hot coffee and sandwiches. As quick as the agreement hits my desk, I'll send the agreement to you. Once I have your approval, I'll sign and fax the agreement back to SPD. I estimate Elena arrive at my place within the next twenty-four hours."

That part of his plan set in motion – Linc arranged for overnight company. Tomorrow morning, he would stand in front of his floor to ceiling bedroom window which looked out over the pool and pool house. He would arrange a blowjob from a naked, pert and pretty young blonde who would be blindfolded, hands restrained in thigh cuffs while he used a flogger on her back and ass.

Elena had forgotten she was Linc's submissive. All her pleasure and her body belonged to him. The bruises and broken bones when he threw her down the stairs hurt her less than invoking the prenuptial agreement which left her destitute with the clothes on her back and the cash in her purse. Of course, she never told the police he punished her for breaking their marriage vows…and their BDSM contract. Linc obtained a health check as fast as possible; he wasn't about to catch a life-altering sexually transmitted disease.

Elena knew how to suck a man's spine out through his cock while purloining his pocket. Linc suspected Grey was not her first playmate. However, he never caught her fucking around until he caught her with Grey. Linc wasn't an ugly man; he was still in excellent physical shape; plus, he had money. However, if he had Grey's looks, physique and money…he would never have wasted time fucking an old slapper like Elena. He would have fucked everything pretty and petite on both the East and West Coast. Grey seemed to have come to his senses since he terminated their business partnership. Grey also had a no-contact order against Elena which he had no qualms about utilizing.

XXX – 3PPOV

Taylor's friend at SPD told him about the IRS seizure of Elena's assets. She was released with an ankle monitor to a fifteen-mile radius of Lawrence Lincoln's property. He told Taylor the Sex Crimes Unit was not ready to arrest Elena. He recommended Mr. Grey stay away from Elena Lincoln at all costs.

Friday, January 6 – APOV

I'm as settled as can be in the condo. Now my time is spent acclimating to my condo, neighborhood and new routine. Utilities are in my name. The cable guy activated my account and hooked up electronics. The upholstery people cleaned the chairs. Dad and Elliot sealed off the balcony with Plexiglas last night. I used the gourmet subs voucher to feed the five of us. While Dad and Elliot worked on the balcony, Kate and Laura helped me organize the closet in the master bedroom. Actually, Kate and Laura brainstormed wedding ideas while I sorted and organized. The master closet is almost twice the size of the one I had at Kate's condo. Dad bought a stepstool just for the closet so I can reach things.

Dad and Laura left for Montesano this morning after they let Kate know they've checked out of the Fairmont Olympia. Dad requests I call Mom about the SEC/Christian/Harley situation before the news goes national. I just can't deal right now. I tell Dad I'm taking the new job. I explain my weekends will be busy for a while with Kate and Elliot's wedding. Dad says I'm always welcome whether I come to Montesano for a few hours or overnight. Laura wants to teach him how to Skype, and we can always call or email. They will come to Seattle over Presidents Day Weekend and Easter.

I dress appropriately to attend the Grey Publishing meeting with Robb Loeder. I sent him my negotiation points in advance of our meeting. We cover my thirty-day Editorial Reader employee evaluation first. I sign, he signs and we talk about my future position. Since I achieved an Exceeds Standards, I'm eligible for a two and a half percent raise and another week of leave. My raise changes the base pay for the Copy Editor position.

I'm shocked when Loeder hands me a signing bonus and I'm shocked at the amount. I try to refuse, but he assures me signing bonuses are standard operating procedures for a Grey Enterprises Holdings company. I ask him, nothing personal, to prove that. He accesses and shows me a database. Okay, so I'm a little paranoid. GEH does provide signing bonuses, especially if they don't conduct national searches to fill positions. My signing bonus provides a healthy balance for my emergency funds, and I can make a quarter payment for my student loan without any hesitation.

In addition to the signing bonus, I'm offered work issued laptop and a new smart phone. Both are set to access the company servers and email. The phone is preprogrammed for Grey Publishing, Grey Security and Grey Calendars in addition to half a dozen coworkers, Robb Loeder and Mr. Roach. I will have Shawn and Harley take a look at the electronic equipment to ensure neither has a tracking program. Additionally, I want the upgraded firewall installed at my new condo. Robb agrees to let me keep my parking spot in the Grey Annex parking level. My parking spot offers better CCTV coverage than the space Hyde had. I know Christian will approve. Robb explains the rest of the perks for my job.

Then Robb offers an amount for my new position. I agree, and we sign the papers. He will arrange for new business cards and a door sign. Additionally, he will conduct the search for my support staff. Because of time constraints, he hopes we can interview at least ten applicants next week. He would like us to reach a decision by Friday, and have my support staff onboard two weeks after that. He hands me twenty file folders and asks me to select my top ten candidates. I peruse the resumes, separating them into go/no go piles. The first three I cull are young women who sound like Lauren Hudson in their application paragraph. Once I have resumes, I align them in order of my interest. I have the rest of the weekend to settle at the condo.

I changed my address at the bank, in addition to depositing my signing bonus. I purchased a VISA gift card, and passed on the offer of a free bank logo calendar for 2012. I also passed on the suggestion for a Christmas Club account.

I Skype Mom and tell her about my new job. The Skype started as one of the best conversations we've had in a while. I tell her about Kate and Elliot's engagement. She's excited I am living in Elliot's old condo and because I will be Kate's maid of honor. I do a walk-through of the condo with the laptop. She disapproves of the décor. She asserts I should have asked Kate or her for decorating advice. I asserted the décor is comfortable and suits me. The conversation disintegrates; we are frustrated with each other, again.

Shawn and Harley come to help me christen the place and celebrate my new job. "When I said I had things for your closet, I didn't mean clothes." Shawn gestured at the collapsible hand truck he wheeled in and at the one which Harley pulled behind him.

WTF? I'm shocked at the sheer number of boxes they transported to the condo. "Master bedroom that door. Home office that door. I'm currently storing the spring clothes in the home office closet. Do you want me to pass out from shock now, or swoon later at the big reveal?"

"Reveal I think." Shawn sniffed the air. "I'd better hurry or that lasagna will be done before me."

Harley settles down to work on the new work laptop, smart phone and establishing a firewall for the Internet at the new condo. He recommends using the work laptop at work and using my personal laptop for home. He recommends flash drives to move work back and forth from office to home instead of emailing items. He recommends a red case for the work phone, and selecting an annoying ringtone.

XXX

We talked about Kate and Elliot's engagement, my future tasks as Maid of Honor, and decorating my new office at work. Shawn explains until I can take professional development classes, I need to watch professional development segments on You Tube and search for online professional development webinars. He also recommends watching some You Tube segments on dressing professionally. He recommends I watch hairstyle and makeup videos while sitting in front of a mirror. I can pause the video and practice the steps as needed. We talk about Christian. I told Harley I'm open to dating if Christian asks. Otherwise, I'm not interested in dating anyone else. He said the only thing he needs to discuss with me regarding the SEC investigations is the date of the trials.

"Since you're sated with wine and carbs…let's give your master closet a whirl." Shawn suggested.

I groaned.

"I had to rearrange your shelving unit in the middle of the closet. You are determined to limit your spring summer and fall winter wardrobe to sixty pieces each. Therefore, I bought twelve dozen matching hangers. Five for clothes, and one for outerwear. I've rehung the clothes in your fall/winter capsule in your bedroom closet. Spare hangers are on the hanger holder…which is why I had to rearrange your shelves." He pointed at the odd object. "Better to use one of those than waste hanging space in the closet. The six dozen hangers for spring/summer are on the floor of your office closet, waiting to be used. I have a spare hanger holder for the spring hangers when we rearrange the closets. I bought space hangers for belts and scarves."

I groaned again. "How much would you charge me to organize Kate's closet?"

"Hush…you love me." Shawn chided.

"You didn't come to my aid and rescue!" I complained to Harley.

"Yes, I did…I'm the reason you don't have more than sixty items in each capsule. I'm also the reason you don't have color coordinated hangers for each capsule. I'm the reason you don't have clear plastic shoeboxes for your shoes. I'm also the reason you don't have a jewelry armoire. And don't get me started on purse hangers versus purse cubbies versus clear storage boxes for purses." Harley feigned a swoon and fanned himself before collapsing on the chaise.

"Oh all right…I guess I forgive you," I jested.

"You'll forgive me too, when you see what I found for you." Shawn proudly displayed a navy cashmere jacket.

"Very nice…" I agreed. "So, what is the damage to my budget?"

"Surprisingly low…considering January is organization month. Everything to organize your life is on sale this month." Shawn boasted before handing me the bills.

I didn't wince when I saw the bills. "I made an executive decision," I handed Shawn a VISA gift card loaded with $500. "The pin is the last four digits of your phone number. Don't spend the funds all in one place. When you need a refill on the card, let me know. There may be some places where the card isn't accepted, so know I will reimburse you for whatever you buy." I wrote him a check for the organizational bills.

"About my payment," Shawn hesitated.

"There's a take and bake lasagna in the freezer for you," I smiled. "Let's go eat some tiramisu and drink espresso. You can critique the condo afterwards."

XXX – CPOV

"Welcome back," Sela greeted me with a left hand shake. "Are you ready to begin again?"

"Yes," I stripped off my sweatshirt. I wear the torso bandage. I know Sela will only massage my hands and arms, but I don't want there to be any barriers. "Just remind me of the steps."

"When I massage I can reopen old wounds, reveal trauma, or hear unspoken truths. I can tell by skin tone, muscle tension, voice intonation, body language, gestures and quality of contact how you are doing in a session. TTT takes conscious commitment to change your reactions to touch. You cannot rewrite your beginning…but you can create your ending."

"You're not disappointed because I must restart this process?" I want her assurance.

"Christian, trust the process." Sela chided. "You've started…and you had to stop for personal reasons. You restarted and had to stop because of the holidays. I have faith you will complete the process. You can start as many times as necessary. We can repeat sections of your body until you are comfortable with them. Just do not give up on yourself."

I'm determined to do this. I want to loathe Elena, but I can't. She used Mom to get to me. She lied to me. She isolated me from my family and from having real friends. Although I ended our D/s relationship – she kept me dependent by vetting subs for me. She preyed on my fear of exposure. She used her contacts with my family to illegally buy stocks in my M&A companies. I believe she pumped Oliva for information and encouraged Lauren Hudson to cause problems for Ana. Yes, I want to heal. I want to show Ana she can trust her heart, her body, her life with me. Somehow, I will feel enormously pleased to flaunt a normal relationship with Ana in Elena Lincoln's face.

I relate playing football against Elliot, Ethan and Eamon on Thanksgiving. Taylor, Dad and I kicked butt. Dad was shocked I suggested touch football and opted for flag football. We played and I didn't scream bloody murder if someone inadvertently touched me. Of course, I had on a thick t-shirt and sweatshirt. Mom made us play flag football but Taylor and Dad provided good defense.

When we do the ten-minute hold, Sela has questions about the SEC investigation. I answer as best as I can. I omit telling Sela about Elliot's black eye. I told John about giving Elliot a black eye on Wednesday night. John counseled me about purging my emotions through fisticuffs instead of asking questions and getting to the bottom of the situation. John thought Ray Steele threatening to toss me off the balcony was rather funny...Asshole.