NOW
Katie woke up the next morning feeling sore and stiff. Stretching her arms above her head, she groaned as her tired muscles protested. Yesterday's fire had really taken it out of her. Daryl was already gone, of course. She never understood how he managed to function with so little sleep. He had probably woken up and headed straight to the cleanup crew.
She was thankful that he had finally slept in the bed with her, it was comforting to have him close. But, the closeness was also torture. Lying side by side hadn't been enough.
Not quite ready to face the day, she huddled deeper into the bed and let her mind drift. Memories of slow weekends spent naked in bed with Daryl surfaced and she smiled sleepily. She had looked forward to those days all week- nowhere to go and nothing to do but each other. Her blood rushed and lower stomach clenched at the memories of what they would do in that big ass bed of hers.
Remembering how his large hands would work over her, she let her fingers circle a nipple making it pebble. The routine was familiar. How many times in the last ten years had she pleasured herself while imagining his body moving over her? Hundreds, she was sure.
She sighed softly as her body began to hum and respond to her touch. Eyes closed, she pictured Daryl's naked body. His strong arms, taunt stomach and that ass. Dear God, she loved his ass. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that his body would still melt her.
As her fingers traveled down to the wet warmth between her legs the pipes in the building next door began to clang, startling her.
"Aw. Shit." She moaned, suddenly distracted.
The loud clanging continued mercilessly, taking all of Katie's ability to focus. With a groan, she reluctantly gave up on pleasuring herself and crawled out of bed. Great, now she was going to be horny all day.
The cold air in the room made her shiver when she left the warmth of the quilt. She pulled on a pair of cleanish pants and a warm sweater, combed her hair and pulled Daryl's hat over her head.
The air outside was colder than the air inside and Katie regretted leaving the room almost immediately. She could hear people working on the pipes in the boiler room and across the quad she saw the clean up crew hard at work on the mess yesterday's fire had left behind. She decided to have a quick breakfast and then head over to join them.
Katie walked across the quad, passing the gazebo and caught sight of Lydia sitting alone at one of the tables. In the food line, she grabbed two plates of breakfast and approached the table Lydia was sitting at. She placed one of the plates in front of the girl. "Here."
Lydia's eyes briefly flicked up to Katie and then back down to her plate. Picking up the fork, she poked at the pile of oatmeal.
Katie took the seat across the table and eyed the girl. "Daryl said you're not eating."
Lydia just shrugged.
"You want to talk?"
Hanging her head and hiding behind her hair, she twirled the fork in her fingers, but still didn't take a bite. "Not really."
"I'm worried about you." Katie confessed. "I know all this isn't easy, so if you ever want to talk I'm here."
Lydia's eyes flashed angrily to Katie's face. "All these people hate us. Don't you see them? Always staring?"
Katie nodded. "Yeah. I'm not blind."
"And you're just okay with it?"
Katie sat back and frowned. "No. Not at all. I hate it."
"You don't act like it." Lydia accused. "You're always smiling."
Katie chewed on her bottom lip. "I guess, I never really smiled with our group."
"No one did."
Katie nodded in agreement. Smiles and laughter were rare in the Whispers camp. "I'm trying to make the most of it. We have a fresh start."
Lydia's face pinched. "Well, you have Daryl. Who do I have? Henry's gone. My mom killed him."
Katie frowned. "Yeah. She's a piece of shit. You've got me. Daryl's on your side too."
"I don't need parents."
"We just want to be your friends."
Lydia sighed and pulled her sleeves over her hands before curling herself into a tight ball.
"You and I? We're going to have to stick together. All this…" Katie raised her hand and gestured to their surroundings. "It's bat shit crazy."
That earned her a small smile from Lydia.
"Right? I mean walls? Real beds? Hot food? You probably barely remember how the world was before. Getting used to all this is gonna take a minute."
"What if I don't want to?"
"Look. I can't pretend to know what you're going through. You've lost so much. It's okay to hurt. Just give it time?"
Lydia frowned and shook her head. "No promises."
Katie spooned a mouthful of breakfast while she paused in thought. She couldn't blame Lydia for thinking that death might be the better option. The kid had been through hell. She chewed slowly while watching Lydia continue to poke at her own breakfast.
"Ya know. Daryl doesn't do bullshit. If he didn't think you were worth saving he would have given up on your ass by now. But he sees something in you."
Lydia raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"I think you remind him a little bit of himself. Ya know, he had a shit childhood too."
"How so?"
Katie caught sight of Daryl walking towards them. She raised her chin in his direction. "Speak of the devil. Why don't you ask him yourself?"
"Mornin'." He greeted them. Katie gave him a wide smile, but Lydia didn't respond.
He glanced down at the table and took notice of Lydia's untouched food. "Ya gotta eat."
Lydia defiantly pushed the bowl away, crossing her arms.
Daryl huffed and took the empty seat beside Katie. "Whatever. I don't give a shit."
Under the table, Katie gave his foot a soft kick. He glared at her and she gave him wide eyes back. The message was clear: Be nice, Dixon.
He pushed the bowl back to Lydia. "Gotta keep your strength up."
"What for?"
"What ya mean what for?" He gave a little shake of his head to get the hair out of his eyes.
Again Lydia was silent and only gave a shrug in response. Daryl shot a questioning look Katie's way and she tried to explain with only her eyes what Lydia was struggling through. Under the table, she made a motion with her hands like she was slitting her wrists.
Daryl frowned with understanding. He leaned in closer to Lydia. "Ya think I'm gonna just let ya walk off and end it?"
Lydia huddled further into herself and shrugged.
"Like hell I ain't. I didn't risk my ass just to have ya go off and call it quits."
"Your people died because of me. Everyone would be better off if I was gone." Lydia whispered.
"Naw. No way." Daryl shook his head. "Ya can't think like that."
Lydia finally looked up and into their eyes.
"I mean it." Daryl reached over and gave her thin shoulder a squeeze. "We're here for you."
Lydia gave him a soft nod and pushed back from the table. "I'm gonna go."
"You know where to find me if you need to talk." Katie said to the girls back.
Daryl turned to Katie once Lydia was out of earshot. "That girl's been through some sick shit."
Katie nodded. "We probably don't even know half of it. I'm worried. I'm gonna stick close to her. Make sure she's okay."
Daryl's thumb found his mouth and he chewed at the nail. "Don't have to do it alone. I'll help ya."
Her hand found his and she squeezed it gently. "Thank you."
"You sleep okay…. after?" He was referring to her night terror.
She nodded. "Yeah. Thank you. For staying with me." She slowly turned her palm and threaded their fingers together when he didn't pull away. "How's the clean up going?"
Daryl gave her a grim look. "Ezekial keeps fighting for this place, but it ain't good."
"What's going to happen?"
"I was talking to Carol this morning. She's ready to call it quits."
"Where would everyone go?"
"One of the other communities. We're gonna need to talk to the others. Figure it out."
"Damn." Katie breathed. "How can I help?"
Daryl gave her hand a squeeze before letting it go. Katie immediately felt the loss of warmth. "C'mon. I'll show ya."
As they walked Katie grabbed for Daryl's hand again, and smiled when he didn't pull away.
"Stop smiling." He grunted.
Her face fell at the unexpected reprimand.
He paused and turned to face her. "Sorry. It's just a lot right now. Kingdom ain't got much to smile about."
She looked up into his blue eyes and saw his own mixture of pain and happiness there. She knew exactly how he felt. "I know. I'm sorry."
Tugging her hand, he wordlessly pulled her between buildings to gain a little privacy. When he was satisfied that they were hidden, he backed her into the gray brick wall, boxing her in with his body.
"When I saw you run into that fire…" His voice thickened and he stopped, chewing on his bottom lip in thought. The feeling he had last night- the way his heart had stopped and almost shattered in two- when he saw her run towards the burning building came rushing back. "I lost ya once. Don't want to lose ya again."
He reached out and cautiously touched her face. His fingertips glided over her cheekbone. "You know I ain't never been good with this shit. But, I damn near lost my mind. That's how I lost my mom, Peach."
"Oh my God," Katie cringed at the reminder. She hadn't been thinking when she ran straight into the smoke and fire after that goat. "I am so sorry. That was so fucking stupid of me."
Daryl didn't mean to glare at her. At least not for the reason she thought. His glare was for her unnecessary apology, and it came across all wrong.
She broke eye contact and hung her head. "Fuck. Please don't be mad at me."
Daryl gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Listen to me."
Looking at his face, and seeing the depth of sincerity in his eyes made her own eyes begin to water with unexpected tears. One of them hit Daryl's thumb and he gently swiped it away.
"I ain't mad at ya. I don't think I can be mad at ya." He told her quietly.
"Always saving my ass." Katie laughed through her tears. She reached up, taking his face into her hands. The scruff of his beard scratched against her palms and her thumb glided across his bottom lip.
His eyes on her face, and the way he was opening up to her had Katie melting. Her emotions were getting the best of her. And she wanted him. Dear God, did she want him. She wanted nothing more than to feel his lips press against her.
"Katie." He said her name in a way that she couldn't decipher. Was it a warning or an invitation?
"Please kiss me." She whispered. Her thumb pulled on his lip as she tried to coax him forward.
Daryl's eyes closed and his face pinched in a pained expression. She felt his body shift from foot to foot and knew she was losing him. "I cain't."
He slipped away from her and in a moment of desperation she reached for his vest, clinging tightly to the leather. "Don't do this."
"I cain't." He said again, hanging his head.
Katie's hands dropped to her sides in defeat. Her heart squeezed and she bit back a sob.
"I'm sorry." He muttered. And he genuinely was, seeing her pain at his rejection broke him.
Her emotions that she had been working so hard to stifle got the best of her. A sudden wash of anger surged over Katie and she reached out, shoving at his chest. "Why?"
He took a step back and she moved forward. Pushing him again, her hands met a rock solid chest. He grabbed her, large hands encircling her wrists and held them tightly. "Stop."
"Tell me why, Daryl! Why can't you?"
Still holding her wrists, he backed her up into the wall again. His stormy blue eyes held hers and pinned her in place. Katie struggled against him, but he held tight.
"You let me hold your hand. You flirt with me. Last night, you held me so tight….." she trailed off as tears welled. "Why?" She choked out.
He stared, watching her come undone and feeling powerless to help. Knowing that he would just fuck it up.
"Why." She demanded.
"Cause I'm scared. Is that what you want to hear, huh?"
"Scared of what? Of me?"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"Cause it hurt too much when I lost ya the first time!" He confessed.
She digested the words and then gripped his vest, pleading with him. "We get a second chance and you're just going to throw it away!? People don't get second chances anymore! We didn't survive all this just to ignore that!"
"I don't know!" Frustrated, he ran a shaking hand through his hair, mussing it.
"I know you love me. You never said it, but I always knew."
There it was. That word. Love. Why did it scare him so much when it came to her? Why could he tell everyone, but her, that he loved her? He stepped back from her grasp, but never broke eye contact. But, the tears and pain in her eyes were too much.
Then he walked away, not even turning to see if she was okay. She wasn't. Sliding down the wall, she clenched her fists and let the tears fall.
