Linda chewed her lip as she walked the streets of New York with her boyfriend. She knew she was going to have to tell him because of his reputation ("a reason you shouldn't be dating him", a voice in her head said). She looked up to him, then down at her feet. "You'd say we're boyfriend and girlfriend, wouldn't you?"
"Yes. I'd say so... are you asking because of the Lori incident?"
That still stung. It stung that he had gone to the prom with Lori, and not her. It stung that he thought it was okay to... feel her (Linda) up like that. It stung because she had let him, and in letting him, had broken a promise to herself and to her grandmother.
She sighed, "No, it's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"Danny, I have to tell you something since were dating."
"Sounds serious." He said, stopping out of the way of passer-bys. He didn't drop her hand now that they were standing still.
Linda chewed her lip, "I.. don't want sex. Not now, not in five months, not in a year. I don't want it until my wedding night. And I know I've already told you this, but... I think it's worth reminding you. Reminding me."
She could still feel his fingers on her, could still feel him against her thigh many months prior. She could still remember that ball of heat in her stomach, the one that had desperately wanted to see where the events could take her.
"Okay, that's cool. Whatever you say."
Linda was relieved. "Good, I knew you would say that."
"Then why ask? And if it's because of Lori Curtains, all I can say is I've been a complete gentleman since then. Haven't I?"
"Yes, you have. Sorry, I'm not used to guys agreeing. It's always the same old speech about how that makes me an old fashioned prude. And how they say, 'okay I respect you now, but I'll shove my hand up your shirt and in your bikini five weeks from now'."
Now it was Danny's turn to be surprised. Had that actually happened to her? "You said no, and no means no. No doesn't mean maybe, or for now, or until this point in time. No means no. End of story. And I'm gonna respect that. Honest I will."
Linda smiled, relieved. "You really are a good person, you know that?"
He smiled and swung an arm around her shoulders, "can this good person take you to the drive-in Saturday?"
"Only if we can get chocolates first!"
"That's very doable." He laughed as they started walking again.
Danny drummed his fingers on the wheel of the car. He needed to know what she meant a few days ago. "I gotta know something."
He paused for a little while, and Linda prodded, "about what?"
"About what you said earlier... Now... I'm probably being too nosy, but what did you mean when you were talking about someone's hand up your bathing suit? Because that's oddly specific."
Linda sighed; she knew he would want answers. "I was dating this guy at my old school- Mark was his name. We agreed to date after graduation, and that summer... I spent it with him and his family at the beach. Only it wasn't me and him and his family, it was just me and him, because his parents were busy running a restaurant."
She paused; it was hard to tell him this, since she had never told anyone about it. She hadn't even told her grandmother, and she could always confide in her. "So one day, we were in his van, alone, after having spent the afternoon swimming and being on the beach, y'know? It was night, and we were watching a movie on the big screen. And... it was all my fault, really, because he started kissing me. We were making out, it was all fine... until it wasn't."
Danny wanted to hug her, but he restrained himself. He shouldn't have asked- she looked like she was having a hard time getting it out in the open. Maybe she had never told anyone before. "Linda-"
"He... put his hand up my dress, because I had thrown on a flowy summer dress over the bikini. I was uncomfortable, but... I thought, 'as long as his hand stays on my stomach, it should be okay'. Because I really liked this guy- well, I thought I liked him. But... it didn't. His hand, I mean; it didn't stay on my stomach. He... touched the top of my bikini bottom. I told him to stop, and he did... for a second or two. He... pushed me against the wall and stuck his hand on top of my bikini bottoms... and... he groped me." She wasn't sure that was the right word, but she didn't know any other one.
"What did you do?"
"I slapped him. I slapped him hard, and got the hell out. I never saw him again after that day."
"Are- are you okay?"
She wiped at the tears brimming her eyes. "Yes. That was what confirmed my not wanting sex. I had known before- I saw first hand what it could do to relationships and innocent lives and... and I said 'no way'. But I was starting to feel... left out, I guess. And I knew I still didn't want sex, but I thought it wouldn't be so bad to... be touched like Mark touched me, assuming it was the right guy and I was one hundred percent onboard."
"But when you got there, you couldn't go through with it."
Linda shook her head, tears already slipping out of her eyes slowly. "I... I can still feel his hand on me. H-how his nails dug in my skin."
How it was the complete opposite of what I let you do.
"Don't talk about it anymore," Danny could tell she was one crack from breaking. "Okay? I'm sorry I asked. I shouldn't have. Just sit and enjoy the movie."
She nodded, tried to concentrate on the movie, and not Mark's hand between her legs. She hadn't told Danny it took serval minutes to free the arm he was gripping so she could slap him. She didn't tell him that wasn't the only way he made her uncomfortable. She didn't tell him anything else about Mark Zimmerman, and she wouldn't until a very stressful day.
