The house was still there.
He didn't know what it was that he'd been expecting. He hadn't helped Miss Suzuki destroy this city, no, just Seasoning City. Even though he had spent most of that fight running and hiding and crying and screaming he just…he couldn't help but feel responsible. It was a bad feeling, a terrible one, but not one that could have drowned out all of the other bad ones.
The ones he got when he was alone.
The trip to the city had been…crowded. People had been pushing in on him at all sides the whole ride. The whole train and bus and…and he hadn't even thought that he could have been capable of it, coming all the way here on his own, no Miss Suzuki there with him. Just the feeling of the umbrella in his hands, the last thing he had to remember her by. He hadn't gone back to pack up. There hadn't been time. Fukuda had told him that it was a now or never kind of thing.
He chose now.
And now he was home and home was still there. He held his umbrella close. The house was there and Mom…she must have been home. He didn't think that she could have gone to work after what had happened. It had happened so far away and maybe, he thought, she didn't know and she was at work. Maybe news of what had happened, what he had been involved in, hadn't come all the way here…maybe things were normal here.
There was only one way to find out.
He walked up the steps and knocked on the door. It was kind of weird, really, to knock on the door of his own house…and it was his house, wasn't it? It was written right there on the mailbox. Serizawa. Serizawa Katsuya and Serizawa Yuzu…his name hadn't been crossed off even though he'd left. Even though he'd done what he'd thought had been best for the both of them…he brushed some of the dirt from his shirt. Everyone had been scared on the way out of Seasoning City, and some people had been just as dirty as he'd been, and it hadn't looked weird…but now he looked weird, didn't he? Dirty and scared. He probably smelled bad. Maybe the best thing to do would have been to turn around and run all the way back to Miss Suzuki. She never thought that he was weird, never rejected him in any way, loved him…he could have gone back to her…
The door opened.
"Mom…" said Serizawa, finding some words. There she was, Mom, standing right in front of him. His Mom. It felt like he hadn't seen her in years…and he hadn't. Not since he'd left home. Not since Miss Suzuki had shown up in his room that one fateful day. Her and her umbrella.
He clutched his umbrella in his hands.
"I'm home." Said Serizawa. He wondered if he sounded more confident now. That was what he had been going for. Miss Suzuki would have told him how he sounded. She would have been there to-she wasn't there. Miss Suzuki was gone.
He was on his own now.
"Kat…Katsuya!" said Mom before she threw the door wide opened. He could see into the house now. His shoes were still there, still too small, still in the spot he'd left them all those years ago. His schoolbag was still on the floor. His coat was still hanging up on the hook. Everything was just the way he'd left it, it was like no time at all had passed.
Mom was still the same.
She reached out to touch him, probably to hug him, but stopped herself just as her hands came into contact with his aura…not that she could see it. Because she was a normal person and normal people couldn't see auras and…and all of that didn't matter, did it? Not anymore. Not to him…but to her it did. She thought that he was going to hurt her again.
The dent in the wall was still there.
"You can hug me, mom, it's ok. I learned…Miss Suzuki taught me how to control my powers." Said Serizawa as he clutched his umbrella tighter in his hands. Mom got a sour look on her face, the same kind Miss Suzuki got when she accidentally left her milk out for too long, or maybe the kind she got when…this wasn't Miss Suzuki's look, it was Mom's look, and he really shouldn't have been mixing the two together in his mind.
Nope. Not the kind of association he wanted to make.
"That girl…no matter, no matter. Come inside before the neighbors see-before you catch cold." Said Mom as she reached out and motioned for him to follow her. He had tensed up a little, it had seemed kind of like she had been planning on touching him or even worse…taking his umbrella…but she hadn't. She had just been inviting him in.
Inviting him in to his own house.
"S-Sure." Said Serizawa as he followed her inside, stepping into the genkan and slipping off his shoes. He quickly put them next to his old ones. His feet had grown a lot. Those old shoes were so tiny that they could have fit Mukai's feet…no, wait, still too big. Sho's feet, maybe. He was young. Well, he wasn't much younger than Miss Suzuki but he seemed so young. Just a year older than Serizawa was when he'd locked himself away…for the first time.
He held onto his umbrella.
"I can take that, Katsuya." Said Mom as she reached out for his umbrella. He shook his head and held it close to his chest. He needed this. This was the last thing, the first thing, that she had given him…it was the only thing he had to remember her by. Even though there were so many things about Miss Suzuki that he didn't want to remember…things that he wasn't going to think about while his own mom was looking at him!
He looked away.
"It might…it might rain." Serizawa offered weakly. He caught sight of Mom in the cracked mirror. Her keys were still hanging on the hook underneath it. Her hat was still there too. It was like she had been waiting for…for him. Not that he actually believed that she would have. He had been gone and she had finally been able to live her life…she had finally been able to be happy.
Maybe he just should have stayed with Miss Suzuki.
"You're not staying long?" asked Mom after a moment. Serizawa shook his head, then nodded, then shook his head again. He hadn't known that there would have been questions! He had just thought that he would have been able to come home and everything would have been the same and-and-and everything was the same but…but that didn't mean that Mom wanted him back. Maybe…maybe this whole thing had been a mistake.
Miss Suzuki loved him, Miss Suzuki wanted him, and it was Miss Suzuki that he belonged to.
"I don't know." whispered Serizawa
"At least stay for a cup of tea, Katsuya. Unless you're busy but…but you haven't been back in so long." Said Mom. Serizawa nodded and followed Mom into the kitchen. Part of him wondered if he should have asked her permission to step into the house, or if he should have asked if he could help, not that making tea was complicated…as complicated as he used to think that it was.
Miss Suzuki had shown him how to make tea. She was such a good teacher.
Serizawa sat down in his seat…in what had once been his seat. There were only two chairs at the table, it wasn't like they'd ever had any company over anyway, not with Serizawa being who he was. He squeezed his umbrella between his knees and folded his hands like he was at school…it was weird but he didn't know what else to do but sit politely. Back home he would have been able to stare at his DS or play it but Mom had rules about videogames at the table. Well ,she had said no Gameboy at the table, but she called everything a Gameboy. Serizawa decided not to make her mad. He wasn't home anymore. There were rules here and…
And this was still his home.
He watched as Mom filled the kettle. It was the same one, with the dent in the side from that time he'd lost control…one of the times he'd lost control. It had happened so often that he couldn't even remember, sometimes, specific times…he had sent her flying so many times…there was still the dent in the kitchen wall, too. Had that one been because of school? Or maybe it had been from the time that she had made vegetable curry when he'd wanted pork…or maybe it was the time when he hadn't put his Gameboy down no matter how many times she told him to pause it because the battery light was red and he was nowhere near done with the level and it had been the very last level and that had seemed so important back then and the kitchen had been so much bigger and she had been so much bigger and had she always hunched over like that and why was there so much white in her hair now and why were her arms so wrinkly and why was she flexing her fingers like that and why-
"Do you want your Gundam teacup or your Link one?" asked Mom
"Wh-what?" asked Serizawa
"I saved them both. They're your favorites, though I did try to replace the one with that Italian man…the green one, but I couldn't find an exact match. The man at the store said that it was-" said Mom
"-a collectible….and that's ok. I shouldn't have broken it in the first place." Said Serizawa
"It's not your fault, Katsuya, you are the way you are and it's…it's your burden to bear." Said Mom
"But I still shouldn't have been a burden on you. Not then and not now." said Serizawa
"Serizawa Katsuya! Have you lost your mind?!" shouted Mom as she spun around to face him. He shrunk back. She had never shouted at him before…no one had ever shouted at him before. More like no one he loved…people had been mean to him when he had been a kid…even though they knew what would happen…
The kettle on the stove began to shake.
"Mom…please." said Serizawa as he reached down and held onto his umbrella for dear life. He gripped it so hard he could feel the plastic straining. He took a deep breath, trying to find what little of Miss Suzuki he could in his umbrella, but of course she wasn't there. She had given this to him years ago…she had thought of him. She loved him. She loved him and he…
Needed to calm down.
"You are my son, do you hear me? You could never be a burden on me. Ever." Said Mom as she practically marched over to the kitchen table. The stove top was right there, so close, but each step she took felt like a thousand. She was getting closer and closer to him even though she knew better than anyone how dangerous it was.
"Mom! Please! Stay away! I could-" said Serizawa
"I don't give a damn about that, Katsuya, not one single damn!" said Mom as she took his hands. He closed his eyes and braced himself for the worst. A surge of power, a scream, a thud…maybe even something shattering. He could hear the kettle rattling around on the stove. She had put his teacups next to it. Any moment now they could shatter and then she'd be upset…no, no, Mom never got upset. At least she never showed it. If something did happen she would probably just try and replace them.
She cared a lot about him.
And he cared a lot about her.
"But I do, Mom, I do and I don't want to hurt you again. I've hurt you so many times…I've made your life so much worse than it has to be…" whispered Serizawa. Still no surge of power. Still no screaming. Still no thud. Still nothing shattered. He risked opening his eyes. Mom was there, so close, and still holding his hands. She wasn't afraid of him. Even after everything that he had done to her she wasn't afraid. Either that or she was good at hiding it.
He let go of his umbrella anyway.
"You have never once made my life worse, Katsuya, never once." Said Mom
"But all those years I spent locked away…you couldn't go anywhere or do anything and I costed you so much money and I messed the house up and broke so many things…I'm sorry. I never meant to do any of that." Said Serizawa
"I don't forgive you…because I never once held that against you. Any of it. You're my son. I'll love you no matter what…and I mean that." Said Mom. Serizawa wondered if his eyes were getting as shiny as hers. He hoped that she didn't cry. She shouldn't have ever cried, moms weren't meant to cry, and he…he didn't want to cry either. Miss Suzuki wouldn't have liked that.
He wouldn't have liked that either.
"I know…I mean I know now. I think." Said Serizawa. Moms were supposed to love their sons and his mom was no exception….and he knew that she wasn't the sort of person who told lies. She had spent his whole life teaching him not to lie. But…but it was still hard to believe her.
Especially when her eyes got all shifty like that.
"And if there's been some serious 'what' then you can tell me." said Mom as she reached across the counter and-oh. The tiny TV had been on. It had been muted but Serizawa didn't need to sound to know what was on. The news. There wasn't any mistaking it. He had seen the news channel's logo in the corner of the sky footage of the forest…the one where downtown used to be.
The one that Miss Suzuki had grown for some reason.
"No matter what it is you can…you can tell me." said Mom
"But it's…it's bad." said Serizawa
"I don't care what you did or may have done or…or could be implicated in doing. Everything that happened…whatever it is, my baby, it's not your fault. It's my fault, my fault for letting you go with that girl, my fault for not teaching you about the world, my fault for not working harder to see if there were other people like you out in the world…it's all my fault." Said Mom. She had probably been prepared to say even more things after that but Serizawa wasn't prepared to listen to them. No. Not when she was saying things that were so, incredibly, and obviously untrue. He was the one who had messed up, not her, he was the one who had done…done what Miss Suzuki had wanted….
But Mom didn't have to know about everything.
"I don't blame you, mom, and I don't think that you should blame yourself either. I chose to follow Miss Suzuki and I chose to help her stop her Dad-" said Serizawa
"Wait, stop? Something was stopped? It could have been WORSE?" asked Mom
"Um….maybe? I don't know exactly what President Suzuki had planned, we're not that close and we mostly just talk about videogames, but I guess it was bad and Miss Suzuki had to stop him but they fought and kind of broke everything…and I shouldn't have been there to help her and…and I mostly just ran and hid and cried-" said Serizawa. Mom put her hand over his mouth and shook her head.
"Katsuya, baby, no. None of that, let's just…let's not talk about that girl or her father or what happened. So long as you didn't actually have anything to do with it then the whole thing just doesn't-doesn't merit mention. Alright?" asked Mom
"But I-" said Serizawa
"Now let's have a nice cup of tea and then I can get your room ready for you just the way it was before, and I'll get you some comfortable pajamas and socks and underwear too since you didn't bring any bags, and then I can stop by that model shop and see if there's anything new and I'll get you some game systems and then things can just go back to normal." Said Mom. Serizawa shook his head. The thought of all of that, new consoles and models and games and comfy pajamas did sound tempting, but he knew better than to let himself fall to temptation again. Just because he wanted something that didn't mean that it was good for him.
Miss Suzuki had taught him that.
"Mom…I…I…" said Serizawa. He didn't know if he could say it. Mom looked so…so happy, maybe, or possibly sad. It was like the two feels had been mixed together in her eyes and were threatening to run down her cheeks. Just because he didn't want to sleep in his room, just because he didn't want things to go back to the way they had been before, just because Miss Suzuki had spent years trying to make him into a better person…he didn't know if he could destroy her happiness just because he didn't want things to go back to the way they were before.
Or maybe he could make them better.
Because things hadn't been good before. Not for him. Not in the dark and the mess. Not in the glow of his TV. Not in the stale air. Not in the dreariness…the fear and the loneliness…things hadn't been better. Miss Suzuki had shown him how much better things could have been. She'd shown him what it was to have friends, to be able to be out in the world, to have fun and to go on adventures…she'd shown him so much and made him so much better. She'd made him into the kind of person that she could have fallen in love with…
Into the kind of person who could break her heart.
"I don't want to sleep in my old room!" said Serizawa. He had been selfish in taking Fukuda up on his offer. He'd been selfish in leaving Miss Suzuki when he'd been the one…the only person who could have been there for her. The person that she was in love with. The person that she had loved enough to make love to. Even if it hadn't felt like it should have, more slimy and weird than the pure goodness and joy he had always imagined it as, she had still done that with him and he'd left.
Because he'd wanted to.
"You want…oh Katsuya, of course you can sleep somewhere else. In fact let's trade rooms. Yes, that sounds good." said Mom as she took his hands in his. Serizawa nodded and let her hold his hands. Because she loved him and he loved her.
The love was still there….so he was there, too.
