Chapter 8:
Alina:
A (?) later:
She thought, time was passing. That it, had to be. Logically, that had to be correct, right? She knew, that furniture existed in the room, as well as, a fire place. She felt the heat on her skin, and stubbed her toes, on everything she passed. She knows she exists because, she could feel her hair against her shoulders, and a tenderness, in her hip. (Due to Aleksander's rage). Many, minor aches and pains, being the only reminder that, she was indeed, still in the world of the living. Which, told her that it couldn't have been that long in the dark, because that, lingering burse on her hip, still now and again. She had always been a fast healer, so she figured, it couldn't have been, more than a day or two… Right?
But right now, she was starting to question, everything.
She wasn't 100% sure, of anything. Nothing, but the soft ticking of a pocket watch, and crackling fire wood, to keep her company. Bored eyes, stared up at what she assumed, was the ceiling. Laying on the bed, was she twirled a strand of oily hair around her finger, as she thought.
How do I even know how long I've been here.. What if the burse was worse, than I originally thought. What if, it's really been a week, or maybe, just an hour, and I'm not even, bruised at all?
A shutter ran through her realizing, she truly had, no way of knowing. Time could be ticking away, and she was none-the-wiser. She was just wondering through, a waste land of endless noir. Not surprising, that she couldn't tell if the sun, was rising or falling. She wasn't even sure, if she was in the same room, either. There was less and less obstacles to trip over, each time she ventured from her bed. Which, She rarely, liked to do. She didn't even know, if she could really hear a ticking noise, or if it was just in her mind. Everything was silent, and dark, except the, tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Of the pocket watch, that seemed to grow louder by the second.
She often found herself, counting the subtle, steps of its metal gears. When, she was bored enough, at least. At the moment, its seemed to sink her deeper into her thoughts. Flooding her, with a deep sense, of uncertainty. The kind, that robs all common sense or logic. It was like she was a house, and her foundation were starting to shift. Causing, cracks and tremblers to break lose, creeping through her bones. Morrow, turning to ice, fingers pausing in thought.
This was hell?
No! I can't think like that… I'm just hungry. She reasoned with herself, smacking her cheeks, as she shook her head, hastily. Doing her best, to break free from her troublesome, thoughts.
I wonder, if Aleksander, has brought me anything to eat? Would he be that nice?
She pulled herself a cross the bed, swatting her foot at the air. Till, a hesitant toe, found the edge of the bed. She released a sight of relief, as she slid her foot to the ground hissing, the cold surface making her wince. She steading herself, with her arms. Slowly scuffling forward, before grunt in pain. Something, randomly, ramming into her middle. She growled in frustration, the hard object hitting her hipbone, harshly.
She forced out a long breath, calming the anger that was about to burst from her chest. Shaking her head annoyed, as twitching fingers, curled over the rim (of what she guessed) was a table. She traced the smooth surface with her palms. Fidgeting tiny limps, finally freezing as they skimmed against cold glass. She guided hands around the base, carrying them up the edges.
"A bowl!" She rejoiced, patting around wildly. Almost managing to knock the large bowl over, scrabbling to discover it's contents. Feeling a pile of dome shaped objects, that fit into her palm, perfectly. Smooth and steamed. She fumbled a round frantically, a with one of the objects, as it fell to the table. She snatched it, right as it was about to roll off, with a gasp of excitement. She hollowed out, holding the ball in the air, showing off her trophy, proudly.
She assumed, that Aleksander was leaving it for her, while she slept. She didn't care either way, she was practically ravenous by that time. Thankful, that she remembered about her stomach, before the food was taken. But, she didn't like thinking about it Aleksander, visiting her as she slept. It was unsettling to say, the least.
Pushing her thought's aside, before rolling, curious fingers around it's smooth surface. Noticing two dimples, that sunk into the top and bottom. She
An apple? She smiled, before placing it to her lips, taking a large bite. Green apple, actually!
She crunched the juicy bite, savoring the sweet and sour taste. The texture was rough, before dissolving instantly bursting into tangy, syrup. The taste soothed her tight muscles. She swayed between her feet idly, slipping her eyes closed.
Turning around, She carried the apple carefully back to bed. She grappled her way onto, the fluffy mattress, almost losing her balance, before catching herself. She found her way to the softness of her pillow pile. Which, was just the group of pillows, that let her know, she was in the middle of the bed. She had learned her lesson, the first time she had fallen off..
A low exhale of satisfaction, escaping her lungs, falling into the cloud of goose-down. A wave of relief, washing over her, now back in the safety her pillows. She gnawed on the fruit, resting her head on a folded arm, as sticky liquid coated her hand and face. Brushing her hair out of the way, making it feel tacky. She didn't dwell on it, as she chewed her huge bites, messily. Never letting, the juicy apple leave her lips, as she chewed. Soft ticking, fading in, barely heard over her munching.
Too drawn, into her own thoughts, to notice. All she could focus on was all thing's apple. That glorious circle, that was currently, filling her stomach. But as the ticking grew louder, her mind started to wonder.
Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick…
Half-way through a bite, she snapped her eyes open. She froze, while her view, grew wide. The vein's in her hand and arm glowed like liquid, star dust. The ink that painted the room remained unchanged. The light seemingly, unable to breaking through. The golden veins, only carrying enough strength, to brighten her skin to a soft glow. She gawked at the apple, that she could still feel, but couldn't see. Like, a gaping hole right, through her palm. She shifted her hand, every which way, in thought.
This is why Aleksander, claimed to see me glow, but I couldn't see it. He spent so long in the dark, that his eyes became sensitive to the light. Or maybe his power, repeals her own?
Natural enemies, light can never mix with dark, less both be destroyed.. At least, that what it looks like, right now.. I still can believe, magic like this is real. Maybe, all of this is a dream. Or a nightmare…
Swallowing her bite, still waving her hand around. Never releasing, the invisible apple. An apple, that just looked like, nothing more than a piece of black paper, but had weight and dimension. She found it all, so curious. She was introduced too everything so quickly, she never had time to really process it. She just accepted it and moved on, but now she had so much time. To the reality fully sink in, that her fairytales, where all real.
Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick…
How does the mind, play tricks on you? And how does Aleksander's magic, made those tricks a reality?
Then, it hit her, like a ton of bricks.
"It make's sense! What do we all fear? Death. The never-ending floating, in darkness that even light, cannot escape. That's why Aleksander, is naturally terrifying. He could turn out the lights and your world, and there was nothing you could do. We are all scared of the dark, and that's how he likes it. The power, was grown out of fear, because he was tired of always being scared. He wanted to be feared, for once. He's like a kicked dog. He bites anyone that comes near, not knowing, that not all people kick." She whispered to the shadows, noticing her stars, flickering.
She frowned, cocking her head confused. The light beginning to dim further, as the gentle ticking of the watch slowed down, to a rhythmic thump. Unlike, the beat of her heart, which rose to frantic pounding. Slamming, against her ribcage.
She panicked, trying to think happy thoughts, but she couldn't think of anything, not even Mal. Every memory that flooded her, was now tainted by anger, and embarrassment. Most of all, She was filled with fear. Like, the light was the only thing keeping the dark from capturing her again.
"Please, please, don't leave!" She pleaded with the light.
This is the first thing, I've had to look at, in forever. I'm going to lose it, I just feel it, in my bones. If I lose, this light, I don't think, I'll make it. What did I do? I don't understand… I've never hurt anyone, unless it was to protect myself. Sure I've stolen and lied, but did I really deserve this?
The veins of light blurred as her eyes filled with tears, till completely fading away. She stared into the dark, as wetness streamed down her cheeks. She didn't want suffer the dark. Suffer alone, in that same dark.
Why, is it that I keep getting punished, for someone else's sins? It's always someone else's choice, whether or not, I get beaten down. I read a damn journal, not murdered a small village! For Christ sake… Oh! And, of course!
She dropped her hands to her lap. A wave of hopelessness, floated into dark murky, ink. Sea salt, cruelly sinking into open wounds. Stinging, the deepest reaches of her wary, soul.
Not to mention, that I finally get powers. But wait for it! This is the best part; The powers only work, when your happy. But, powers are the most useful, in a bad situation. And, Its pretty bloody, hard to be happy, when you might be dying!.
Just, a great big fuck you, from the universe.
"Why do I always draw, the damn, short stick. Every. Bloody. TIME!" Screaming out, springing up. Standing on her knees, hurling the half-eaten apple. A small chunk of it, muffling the cries, still wedged between her teeth. "This isn't fair!"
Chaos broke lose, the second the apple, left her fingers. Echoes of sharp, hit pitch, shattering, cut through the nothingness. The fruit, colliding with glass at some point. Drained to the point of numbness. She just flopped her limp arms, in her lap. Sinking down, kneeling limply, feet popping out on, either side of her.
Tears feel from emotionless eyes, chewing her large bite. Juice collecting at her lips absently, as she finally chewed on her bite, though her silent cries. She swallowed the bite, rolling her eyes at herself, rubbing at her tear stained cheeks. The random crying fits, have become mundane to her, now. She treated her own tears, Annoyances. Maybe, it had been longer than she thought, to become, so accustom to her own tears.
She let her body, fall back into her pillow fort, carelessly. Not seeing, any point, in getting up to find the apple. Since, she couldn't see the mess, it didn't matter to her. Plus, it all seemed to disappear, whenever she forgot about it.
He must be coming in to clean up after me, too. It doesn't just disappear, dummy. His magic, wouldn't clean up after you.
She insulted herself. Whipping her sticky hands, on whatever fabric was closest to her. The sugar had started to dry, becoming adhesive and uncomfortable.
Why still bring me food, and clean up after me, if he plans on 'breaking' me? What's his end game? Is he really just keeping me here, while he's off trying to come up with a way to hurt me? Or has the torture already begun? This has to be torture, because the dark is starting, to get to me..
She curled into the blankets, and wrapped them around herself. How many more times, would she break down, before she couldn't take it, anymore? She didn't know, that she was even hydrated enough, to cry that much. She was reduced down, to a sad, cycle. That, consisted of playing, 'is this a dream or reality.' Promptly followed by, bawling like a baby, Then more sad thoughts, then repeat. That's what she was reduced to, ALREADY. How was she going to be, later? She didn't even know how long, she had currently, been locked away.
Who's to say…That, I won't run out of tears, and lose my ever-loving, mind. She laughed out humorlessly. Forcing the familiar numbness, that she felt all of her life, to take hold. It cradled her, as tears from her cheeks, leaving her feeling empty, and lifeless.
Numbness chipped away at her soul, taking pieces with it. Finally, reaching the hollow cavern, under it. A deep pit, that had always been there. At the bottom of that constant numbness, is things forgotten. Things, she shoved down. Memories, laying scattered, like sun-bleached bones, never to be interacted with again. But, the bones have pilled so high, that it was over flowing. Now, she couldn't force back all the painful memories, that played over and over again, behind her eyes. Under all of those bone, slept a little girl. Alone in the dark.
Widening her eyes in shock, as she pinched her lips tight. Remembering, the darkling's words, when they had their first, real conversation.
It all makes sense, now.. It's not the darkness, that scares me. It's being alone, in that darkness. Big difference. When, you don't have someone with you, in that darkness, your mind with create something, to keep you company. And, you don't have a choice, in what thing, you get. Basically, that thing, may be you're worse nightmare. Whatever that is, will eventually make you lose it.
"You think loneliness is something to mocked?"
She could hear his voice, filling the room, tingling her ears. His hoarse, gravelly voice, vibrating through the dark. So warm and rich, yet dripping with bitterness. Like, dark chocolate coating a poisoned apple, his voice coated, harsh words.
I laughed at his pain.. I total see why he snapped at me. This is what he was trying to teach me the first time, but I ruined it, when I stabbed him.. Why didn't I get that? I guess, I just never thought about loneliness, in such a radical way before. Until now, that is…
She understood now, though. Exactly, what he wanted her to. That loneliness, was the worse torture, anyone could endure. Isolation, in it's truest form, is really just inky, blackness.
The darkling said, that he was in a coffin for 10 years. Without food, without water, Unable to move, unable to die, all alone. For 10 years.. -Yet, loneliness had the power to tormented him the most. Over the hunger pains, over his throat burning with thirst, in a tight, suffocating coffin. Even with all of those things that caused him pain, he remarks, on the loneliness. As if, the rest is simply an afterthought.
She had finally started to see, that when there's nothing to interact with, you will torture yourself.
With enough time alone, you'll start to become numb to your own, worse traumas. That haunt us, all.. That why he's so cruel. He was numb to his own pain, why not yours's too?
Yet, he still craves love and any distraction from his own mind. He's his own, contradiction. A hypocrite, against his own ideology. He needs someone to love him, but refuses to trusts anyone one, enough to let them past his armor.
Just like me, except after years of compounding that idea, He's become extreme, in his mistrust. Deciding, it's safer to be feared, rather to be loved. Fear forcing, those that you love, to stick around, because if you don't scare them, they will leave you. Because, everyone leaves you in the end. She could see, how he thought that way, at least.
She exhaled shakily, eyes searching the night. Maybe, given the time, she'd be like Aleksander, coming to the same conclusions, same pains. She would never use someone else's feelings against them or torture people. But, who's to say, she won't in 100 years?
He threated to rape me, for god's sake. And as if, that on its own, wasn't bad enough; he knew that I was saving my first-time for someone that I loved.
She scoffed to herself, pushing away any sympathy, that was starting to blossom, for a devil of a man, like Aleksander. She waved her thoughts away. If for nothing else, but her own sanity.
He's most likely, just doing this, hoping I'll be happy to talk to anyone, even himself, after going a little crazy. He just wants me, complacent. I can't let my will, die. I have to keep moving forward.
Keep fighting.
She frowned snuggling deeper into her covers, before drifting off back into her dreams. Not wanting to think, anymore. Worried, she'd damage something, the longer she spun her gears.
8888888
A time later.
She truly had no idea, how long it had been, since she was last conscious.. Or unconscious? She tended, to get them a little mixed up, as of late. Shifting between images of Malyen, Aleksander and then darkness filled with voices. Now, seeing more and more of Aleksander creeping into her dilutions, in both her dreams, and the dark. She battled her visions of him, for what felt like an eternity.
The more her dreams shifted to the darkling, the more empathy grew, for the horrible man. The more, she started to have true sickening, empathy for him. That was almost, pitiful in nature. The more she understood him. Ironically, she hated him more, too. Like, a vicious cycle that she couldn't escape.
She dreamed of his voice, speaking to her, demanding things of her. Dreamed of his body heat close to hers, then seconds later. She would feel comforted, then he was, right back to torturing her. Controlling, her. Sometimes, she'd hear his voice, echo in the night, insulting her.
She, at some point, began to answer him. Sometimes, he would even respond, other times, he wouldn't. More often than not, she found herself enjoying their little talk's, when he allotted it. Leaving, her missing his voice, after each linger response.
More recently though, she's been shutting him out, covering her ears. Not having the energy, to risk, getting the one that tells her cruel, things. She didn't want to hear things about her appearance, or the fact, she would never see Mal. Or fall in love. He loved to use Mal, as a way to get under her skin.
She preferred, to dream about what she would do, if she ever escaped. Or dream about, if she was someone else, entirely. She'd dream of faraway places, with tall, towering buildings, and bustling markets, overflowing with random treasures. Or she'd be a pirate. The first of her kind, as a female. She'd sword fight on ships, fall in love with knights and criminals alike. Killing them all coldly in the end, with a dagger to the heart, that she named, 'Charm'.
She'd explore the vast worlds, that her imagination built around her. She would pretend to talk to strangers, that would ask her various questions. Like, 'How did she managed, to escape the darkling?' or 'How did she made it through the woods, all on her own?' She would answer to the shadows, as if the strangers were sitting right in front of her. Always, humble in her brags, of course.
She'd get so wrapped up, in her stories, that she would forget to eat or. She couldn't even recall the last time she ate, but she remembered every conversation. At the very least, she drank the wine or water, that was often left for her, on the nightstand. She was starting to fade into the dark. Weightless, merely floating in an ocean of onyx, ink. Some waves, seeming brighter, than overs, as she sat, unblinking in her bed. Then, glimpses of reality would grip her, sending her spiraling into break-down after break-down.
Until, Now. Her tears have dried up for a while. She wondered, if that finally meant, she was crazy. She had stopped fearing the fantasies, and excepted it. Falling, head first, in dilutions, accepting them as her new reality.
And just like that, she stopped crying. Stopped falling apart. The break-downs, slowly easing, then, disappearing completely. Replaced, with long stretches of silent conversations with herself, and out-loud conversations with the figments of her imagination. She had made friends, along the way. Like regulars, that she would talk to commonly. Like, Inn keeper, Susie, and the black smith, Tom. Like Mel and Aleksander.
Like, her mom.
Who she is, currently speaking to. They chatted about her wild travels, through magical woods. She rocked back and forth, under the thick, comforter, whispering to the nothingness. She was imaging, a pretty brown-haired woman, with kind round eyes, listening with a graceful smile. Elderly wisdom, shining behind crows-feet, and wrinkled sun-kissed, skin. Making Alina feel heard, like she could only imagine, a mother could. She was so deeply invested in her interaction, she missed the click, of a lock.
Till, the creaking of a door, startled her to silence. Her eyes snapping wide, searching the dark around her. Bones creaking, as she popped out from under the pool of blankets. Atrophy, showing its effects on her muscles, creaking from the action. Probably, from hours, or days of her laying still, unmoving. Feeling stiff, and achy as she just listened to the silence.
After a moment, She shook her head, frowning. She ignored, the footsteps that echoed around her. Large footsteps, sounding like they usually did, falling heavy against the stone. She stared into the nothingness, as she rested her head back against her pillow. A voice deeply rich voice, drifting around her.
Must be Aleksander again, maybe if I ignore him, he'll go away. I'd much rather talk to my mom, in peace.
"I have some questions for you." Aleksander's velvety, yet gruff intonation, caressed her ears. She covered them, with her palms, tucking her legs, tight to her chest. She was so use, to the position, that it was practically, instinctive. Not wanting, to hear about, how horrible she was, right now. She'd finally, made other friends, to talk to. She didn't need him souring her mood. When, she only wanted to talk her mom, in peace.
"Go away." She whispered to herself, trying to bat away the dilution's voice, with her hands. "I was having a conversation."
Then, there was silence for a long moment, as she shrugged going back to speaking with her mother, about her travels. She thought it was strange that it quieted so easily. Most of the time, it kept yelling at her, until she fell asleep or ignored it forever. But, she didn't want to look gift horse in the mouth, easing back into her conversation. Thank god..
Her mother was just about to say, how proud she was of her, when- "I heard…" It mumbled, the sounds of clanking dishes, drifting from the table to her right. "You haven't eaten anything, I've brought you."
….Tick. Tick. Tick….
What the.. She growled annoyed as she swiftly sat, up right, crossing her legs, Indian style. She tucked her hair behind her ears swiftly, glared at the darkness. She licking her lips, knowing that her mind, would just keep playing his voice on repeat, till she responded to it.
God, and the damn ticking is back too, haven't heard it in a while. But, this is the last thing, I want too deal with. My mother was just about tell me about how great, I am. Now, I have to talk to Aleksander, and listen to that stupid watch. Are you kidding me?
"I know, I'm not hungry.." She stated flatly. "Why do you care?"
"If you want to kill yourself, it will take a lot longer than starving yourself for a week.." It mocked her, from the dark.
It's been a week, since I've eaten anything? I'm not hungry at all? Why he being so freaking, nice anyways? It's putting me on edge…
"I know that." She mumbled at herself, leaning against the headboard, unamused with her own mind antics. "Not, gonna yell at me?"
"Yell at you? You've been here for almost a month, and you haven't eaten in about a week. I have no reason to yell. Are you on a hunger strike? You're just torturing yourself, for no reason. That's why, I'm checking on you. Not to yell, at you."
…tick, tick, tick, tick…
"You're already torturing me by just talking, so what's the difference?" She shrugged. "You always yell at me. What's changed?"
"I rarely yell, I don't find a reason to..." It trailed off. "Is speaking to me that horrible? I figured that you'd be happy to talk to someone, after being alone in here, for a month. I assumed wrong, I guess." The voice, flattened sounding deflated.
"Yeah, but I was just speaking to mom. Plus, you never had an issue with yelling before, I don't trust that you won't start later. You're so insulting. I'd rather talk to mother, anyway." She spoke, like it was obvious to understand. Why is he acting different? New, tactic to get me, to listen to him? Believe me?
"Insulting you?" The voice asked, sounding closer, footsteps following behind. "I haven't spoking to you in a months, Alina. What are you talking about?"
"Has it been that long since, we've talked? It didn't feel that long ago. You just went off on that rant about Mal, again recently.. "
"No, Alina. It's been a month since, I last locked you in here to begin with. I haven't seen you, since then." The voice spoke, confused and annoyed. "But I'll play along with this act, if you answer some of my questions."
"Sure.." She nodded, sarcasm dripping from the word, sighing. "I bet, you're just going to try and convince me you're real again, aren't you? Can we just skip that part, this time? If you're going to force me to talk, might as well cut to it."
She waited for a long moment, crossing her arms. Waiting long enough that, she figured the voice had surely left, by now. She smiled contently, leaning back, starting to curl under her covers. Only making her frustration grow exponentially more irradiated, as the voice pierced through the night, once more.
"You think, I'm just a fragment of your imagination?"
"Who else, I'm the only one here." She scoffed at the question, as she flipped down the corner of the blanket, only her face, peering above the furry, material. "I always comes back to me asking you to prove it, by taking away the darkness, but you never do."
The disembodied voice took it's sweet time responding again, clearly thinking about something, as the sound of sloshing liquid, filled the room.
"Uh, huh.." It muttered, after what felt like a minute or two. Humming, in sarcastic realization. As the sound, of something heavy, could be heard, being dragged across the floo. Ceasing with a thud, that came from her left, with a long exhale from the voice. Followed by more silence. Which, surprised Alina.
This is the first time he hasn't gotten mad at me for not believing, that he was real. This was around the time in the conversation, where he'd start yelling. She recalled the sound of things, crashing. Little bombs, going off all around her, as he hurled insult, after insult at her.
"What would you say to me, If I was really Aleksander?" This time, the voice whispered, maybe inches from her face. Clearly, changing its focus away from her eating habits, and metal state, after some thought.
The voice was too close. The moist, heat ghosting across her cheek. She didn't expect it. Flinching, backward as she swatted at the air. Grunting, as her spine slammed into a hard surface, behind her. She patted at the smooth surface, that caused her pain, swiftly. Panicking fingers, skimming across carved designs. Recognizing, the bed's oak, headboard.
I'm still on the bed. She took a deep breath, shaking her head. Thank god.
I could have fallen off the bed, and cracked my head open.. She squinted in the dark, glowering towards where the voice had come from. The shocked relief, now turning over to anger.
"Sheesh.. You scared the shit out of me." She groaned out, rubbing her spine. "I really am losing it.. I swear you're closer, somehow. And, are you drinking the wine, I had beside the bed?" She added, reaching for her wine, waving her hands around. Snatching, it from the table, after finding, the tall, glass bottle.
"No, it's my mead." It corrected harshly. "Well..?"
"Well, what?" She snapped, setting the corked liquid beside her, protecting it. Returning, to adjusting a fluffy pillow, awkwardly behind her back. Fumbling with the pillow, not sure if she wanted to add one or two. Running her hand across the bed, trying to find, the smaller pillow, that she preferred.
"What would you say, if you though I was, Aleksander?" The voice urged.
"I don't know.." She rolled her eyes sighing in relief, finally finding the small pillow.
"I think, I'd ask more questions, than anything else. But, I thought you wanted answers? Not, more questions." She shrugged adding it with the others. Then, flopping against her pile of pillows. Feeling dizzy, due to her speedy reactions. Fully exhausted, from the little bit of movement that she had done. What is he getting at?
…Tick, tick, tick, tick…
"Well, You've answered most of my questions, that I was going to ask you. Just by talking to you, now. Maybe, I can answer some for you, too." The voice had a bitter bite to it. The tipping of a bottle, sloshed as he drank. Before a satisfied, smacking of lips, rang out.
"Won't be true, though.. We don't know his past." She uncorked the wine. Deciding, she was too sober, for this conversation, as well. "And for the love of god, turn off that pocket watch again, please. I still hear it."
"I don't have a pocket watch, Alina. And, you never know. Aren't you, the least bit curious, what I have to say?"
She pondered for a moment, before deciding she had nothing better to do, now that she was distracted from her mother.
Was the ticking in my head? Was he messing with me? I have wine now... Fresh wine at that, this bottle was fuller than the last one. I don't have anywhere to be, so I guess, I could amuse myself, with my own theories, that came from his mouth.
"Why not." She concluded aloud, taking another long sip
"You are quite the drinker, now. I have to replace your wine, every-day."
"We always drink, when we talk. So, that's on you." She responded confused. "And what else, is there to do in the dark. Not, like I can read a book.."
"Or journals, thankfully.." It agreed. "But, good point. Now, Ask your questions."
She thought about what to ask, for a moment. Deciding, not to take the voice, too seriously. "Do you have better eye-sight, because you are sensitive to the light, after years of living in a coffin or can you feel my powers, and that's how you knew, I glowed."
"Is that really the first thing that popped in your head, that you're curious about?" Levels of amused, confusion filled the room. Bouncing through the air, glowing green, behind thick dark clouds.
"It doesn't matter." She shrugged.
"Fine, then." The voice sounded irritated and scratchy, before taking a long gulp of the mead. "The century in the coffin was only part of it. I've always been a little sensitive to light, from years of only being awake at night. Bright light's hurt my eyes, if I look directly at them. But, around you I heard a soft ticking in the dark. It's how I knew that something was different. It sounded similar to the noise, I'd here around me mother."
Ticking? Like, the pocket watch I've been hearing? It's my powers? But, he has a weakness, too? Could it be his eyes? But, he stared right at me, after he pleasured me, it makes no sense..
"But, you looked right in my eyes, when I lit up like the sun. Remember?"
"I couldn't look away." The voice admitted. "The burning in eyes proved, that you were real. I thought, it was too good to be true. Sadly, I was right. You turned out to be like every other person, that I've unfortunately come in contact with. You're just as scared of me, as them. You just hid it longer. Congrats."
She regarded the nothingness, taken with the words that washed over her, like a merciless lullaby. She could practically hear the expression he would have worn from his calm words.
His head leaning back slightly, like he always did. Looking down on you, making me feel small. He'd have a small, smile on his lips, as he blinked rapidly. Like, he was struggling understanding his own words, as they were actively spoken.. I bet, he looked beautiful, and terrifying. Guilt, tugged at her heart. She wished, she had tried harder to understand him, before. Maybe then, she wouldn't be having this conversation. He was right.
"Did you not like my answer?" The voice echoed, breaking her from her internal thoughts.
"You know," She shrugged. "I just feel a little…guilty."
"Guilty?" It repeated, with a scoff.
"Yeah, for not trying harder to understand him..." She trailed off. "Doesn't excuse what he did to me, but I do wish, I had paid a little more attention. Maybe, then I could have avoided, this." She waved her bottle around the room, despite not seeing it. "I was just afraid of losing Mal, again."
"Didn't expect that." It whispered, shakily.
"Me either." She laughed without humor, lifting the bottle in a cheers, before taking a long sip.
"Trust me, I was the last person to expect that, from myself. But, I'm going crazy, so I can't image what 10 years here, will do to me. It's felt like 10 years, already. So, I understand that loneliness, can drive you mad. I empathize with him, now. Plus, people haven't always treated me too great. Turns out, I don't like much humans, either. Even less, now that I've had a long time to think about it…" She mumbled on, between swallowing her wine. "I don't think he's justified, but I do at the very least. Understand why he act's the way he does. It hurts me for him, I wish I knew him as a child, so I could give him a friend. Like, Mal did for me…"
"I see… I'm sure, he would have been a weaker man, if that was the case." The voice melted, like melancholy candies, warm and sweet. With a sad, after taste. "You can ask me more, if you like." The voice asked.
"Perhaps, but He'd be happier.. and Okay." She rested her face against her hand clumsily, as she thought. Just pleased that the voice wasn't tormenting her today. Might as well enjoy, the kind version of the darkling while, I still can. Ask him, a real question or two, didn't hurt, either. Even if it's not true. I've missed his voice, when he's like this.
"Where you scared a lot growing up?"
"Pass."
"That, was any easy one…" She whined.
"Next."
"Fine!" She snapped. "Why did you write that you killed Luda, in your journal; If you claimed, It's only ever, rumors about you?" She pointed the wine, lifting a speculative eyebrow, calling out the man, that she assumed was in front of her.
If he wasn't going to answer, my easy question, then I'll hit him with a hard one.
The familiar chuckle, rumbling like whispered thunder. Floating from her left, landing around her, like static, twilight clouds. Soft and heavy, danger crakling just under the surface, shining dimly through the cotton layers.
"Oh, and now you laugh..." Alina's expression fell flat and displeased. "My imagination did a great job, on Alek's reactions. He always laughs out of the blue, then never giving me a straight answer, as of why."
The thunder grew, as she spoke. Till, lighting was filling the room with wheezing, unhinged cackles. She could roll her eyes, but she just couldn't fight the smile, that crawled across her cheeks, all the way to eyes. The storm of laughter, raging on, as she found herself, enjoying the sound of it. She compared it to rain again a tin roof, the sound warm, but the feeling was, cold.
I use to always find storms scary, but I loved the rain.
"You're like a storm." She spoke aloud to herself, cracking growing brighter still.
"Because, you say things like, 'You're a storm', or talking with your hands, without being able to see them. You're strange." It gasped between, dimming laughter. "The storm that you see, Is because I'm in the dark, it will manifests extreme emotion. But, only when I'm in its range."
She cocked her head, pausing. "You've never done that before.. How does that even work?"
"Is that your next question?"
"Wait.. you didn't answer my first question." She thought out-loud as she pointed a finger, at the darkness, as thunder bloomed around her. The voice laughing at her finger, wiggling. She kept imagining him, across from her. I must have been pointing at nothing, again. If the laughing was anything to go by.
"Why do I, have to have a subconscious, that makes fun of me. I must be a masochist.. Am I, that twisted in the head?" She mumbled, rubbing her forehead. Before, quickly taking a gulp of wine, and slapping herself awake. As, the laughter died down a little, catching its breath.
"Oh yeah. I think, we're demented." It spoke sarcastically. The last hints of thumber, falling off the end of the words.
"Well, I don't care. Are you going to answer or not?" She waved the voice away with her hand, feeling fully relaxed, now. Knowing for sure, that she was only speaking to herself, since the voice confirmed it. But, something seemed so real about him, today...
"Impatient, are we?"
"Deflecting, are we?" she countered.
Yellow lighting crackled between them, the hair on her arms standing on end. Electricity, sparking, tingling coolly against her skin. Then, it was gone. Fading instantly, as the voice released, a long, grainy exhale. "Did that mean, I'm pissing you off?"
"No, You asked why I wrote in my journal, that I killed Luda, right?" It snapped, as more static crackled past.
"Liar." She dead-panned, seeing right though his deception. "But, yes. did You kill her, or not?"
"I'm not a liar, Alina." It growled.
"Then answer!"
"Fine! At the time that I wrote that, I felt like her blood, was on my hands. I couldn't wash it off. But, I wasn't the one, that took her life." It spoke in a rush, like it just wanted get the sharing over with, as soon as possible.
She tipped her head to the side curious, how her psyche, was able to put so much emotion, and detail, into her hallucination's voice.
"Wow... I really am going crazy." She thought, with a bitter laugh. "That's such a covenant story. Of course, I'd think of something like that." She smacked her forehead with her palm, baring a crooked smile.
"Covenant?" It asked. A growl curling at the end, claiming the word, for itself. As if, it was trying the adjective, on for size. Before repeating the word again, this time with more conviction, marking it as faulty. The tone sounding, confused and offended, hidden under the armor of monotoned, sarcasm. The weather seemingly changing around her as a warm breeze, crashed into her feeling like rough, sand paper. Chapping her lips, as the winds, nipped at them.
"Oh, you weren't lying… This-" She retorted touching her lips, feeling cracked and dry under her fingers. "-is what your anger, feels like?" Grainy hot winds, silently roared, never shifting a hair on her head. She spun her finger around her, pointing it out for the voice. Just, in case it wasn't clear.
"You think my tragedy, is covenant?" The voice boomed, as the winds spiraling like a hurricane. The heat spiked, the room have becoming a Sana. As sweat dripped down her neck, feeling insane, but refusing to think about it.
"Defiantly." She ignored the voice's implied objections. "Because, I want Aleksander to secretly just be, a misunderstood, dark prince with a broken heart. Of course, I came up with a logical story. That explains why, the sexy man is justified, in his very, not-sexy actions." She reasoned with the voice.
"Sexy?" It repeated with an air of pride, over shadowing, the hint of worry. Still managing, to tainted the word. Making it sound, soured. The rooming cooling down, as she rolled her eyes.
"Yes. Now, can you stop repeating me?" She sipped her wine, wetting her dry lips. "Doesn't take much to cheer you up.."
Another long silence washed over the room, again. She mockingly looked around, dramatically shifting her eyes from side to side. Jokingly, searching the dark.
"I can't see, if you're still here… Dummy." She thought, after what had to have been, more than 15 minuets. She started to wonder, if that was really it. Hoping, her subconscious was finally, cutting her some slack. Resting back into her, pillows getting comfortable, eyeing the dark as she sipped the warm, sparkling liquid. She was just about to start another, conversation with her mother then- as something warm, danced across her Icey, cheek. Only moments later, hearing a husky whisper shattering through the silence, once again.
"SHIT!" She screamed, jumping back, splashing her chest with wine.
"You really do believe that, you're talking to yourself, don't you?" The words twisting, with amused concern. "You're acting, Right?"
"Quit, doing that!" She shouted, fed up with her brain's incessant chatter. Tossing a pillow into the direction, where she thought the voice came from. Sadly, she didn't hear it hit anything, other than the bed in front of her. Oh right, he's in my head. Not really, here. Got it…
"Doing, what?" It snapped, confused.
"You know, what!" She huffed crossing her arms. "Making, me think you're gone, then springing back again, just to scare me! And yes, I amtalking to myself." She slowed her words, feeling weak. The anger demanding more from her body, than she could give. "You're not going to trick me, into trusting you, I'm not that crazy…" She trailed off, a faraway look in her eye, as she drooped further, into the bed. "Yet. That is."
"Well then, why don't we make, ourselves a deal?" The voice tempted her.
Tick, tick, tick, tick….
"Oh no! If my version of Aleksander, is anything like the real one, that will not go well for me. I'll get locked away somewhere, even worse." She shook her head, taking bigger gulps, from her now, half-empty bottle.
"I guess, you will never know, all the secrets, The Darkling, keeps so well hidden."
"Well hidden?" She chuckled, repeating the word amused.
"Look who's the broken record, now." Charming mauveine smoke, billowing from where the voice was, curling around her neck and under her flowing long hair. Causing, goosebumps to break out, under the feather light, touches.
"So, well hidden, in fact.-" She continued, trying to ignoring him "-That, his only captive could have found it, from any one of, his very obvious, journals." She spoke, slow and exaggerated, taunting the voice. But, leaning into the purple smoke, breathing it in. Smelling like warm, milky flower, tea. She couldn't put a finger, on the flower though.
"It's jasmine, milk tea." The voice spoke, as more waves of smoke hit her, the smell growing stronger. Making her feel intoxicated, on the warm, floral scent. Violet smoke, ghosting over her features, leaving feather light kisses across her skin. "It's my mother's favorite tea. It use to calm me as a child."
She snapped her fingers, as it answered her thoughts. "Wait, you can see the smoke, and smell It, too? Is this a part of your prow-
She gasped wide-eyed, before growling, swatting the smoke away, as her brows furrowed. "Hey! Don't try and change the subject! You sucking at hiding things. Don't blame me for being bored and curious. All by myself, in a strange room, and not expect me to look!"
"Point taken, but expect you didn't just look..." It growled, the smoke freezing to a hollow, breathy blue. "You still kept reading, after realizing they were my private, journals. You're not blameless, either."
The smoke slithering into her chest turn icy blue, coiled around her heart, and squeezing tight. She hissed, rubbing at the subtle ache. Placing a palm on her sternum, running it up and down, along the bone, that protruded from her chest. As the voice, continued on.
"How else, would you have known, who Luda was.. You did, good on your acting, very convincing. Almost, had me believing you there, for a moment. In fact, I still think, you might be acting, even now. You want to believe your better, than me. Everyone wants, to be the good guy. But in reality, they secretly act, just like me. Just on a lower, scale. They don't realize that, I never wanted this curse. But, if they had it, they'd do the same things, maybe worse… People aren't scared of me, their scared of themselves."
A phantom pain, like a swift needle tore through her heart. Irking over, the moment the words left his lips. With a clutched hand pressed to her chest, and for the longest, split second of her life, agony filled every one of her sense. Drowning, her in it. Then, it all faded away. Like a dagger, being pulled from her heart, she gasped in a breath. It was over so fast, that it felt like an old memory.
"Wow, never realized how cynical, I could be.." She mumbled sarcastically, under her breath. "That hurt.."
"Well you are, now." It snapped. "Better, get used to it."
The room was threatening to fall silent, but she didn't want it to. She wanted to talk more, peel back the layers of her mind. She felt like she was finally able to say, why the Darkling was so mad at her. It wasn't the fact that she read his writings, but because she wanted to read his thought's. He was just hurt, because it just confirmed, that people will never trust him. Even, someone, who is just like him..
"I'm sorry.." She whispered, and truly meant it.
She refused to let the room fall quite again, not wanting her mind to wonder.
"What was the deal?" She asked lighter, sipping her wine. Letting the alcohol sooth her nerves, while the taste, coated her tongue with sparkling grapes.
"Change you're mind?" It purred, subtle reds bloomed, behind the black smoke. The smell of roses wafted through the room. What emotion is that? It's so faint..
"Tell me what it is, first."
"You have to agree to it, first. Then, I will tell you."
"Pretty sure, the dark is telling me this a red flag.." She lied, mocking the illusions, in the Smokey darkness. "But, to hell with it. I'll agree." She stretched out her hand, pretending to shake with the shadows.
None of this is real, anyways. She added, just to herself.
"Did you just pretend to shake my hand, because I used that, as an excuse, earlier..?" It mused, at her odd behavior. Green crackling, clouds soundlessly, popping around, Like snapshot of silent, lightening flashing behind green, cloudy skies. Another one… green this time, with thunder.
"Shake on it?"
"We just did…"
"No, we haven't."
Then, just like that. As a large hand wrapped around her own, shaking it.
She could see.
Everything was stark white, as her vision began to return. Squinting through the blinding yellow glow. She blinked wildly, as her eyes adjusted to the candle light. Releveling, the same room, that she never thought, she'd see again. With addition of cold food on the table, and a little less furniture. Down to just the bed, side tables, dining table, desk and chairs. Only the staples remained, including the large mural, across from her.
She remained frozen, back stiff against the headboard. The painting across from her, become fuzzy, as tears welled in her eyes. She frantically wiped her tears away, studding the beautiful autumn trees, with hues of reds and oranges, against the other wise, black and white background. It was the most beautiful thing, she had ever seen. At least, it felt like it, in that moment. The painting was a gulp of water, after a long journey through the desert, in the summer. It hydrated her very soul, as relief washed over.
Until, she noticed a subtle shift, out of the corner of her eye. A figure sitting down, leaning before disappearing out of view.
Her gut twisted violently, as her lungs flattened against her rips. Sticking to her bones, and tearing free, breathing expeditiously speeding up. Terror, stealing every, utterance of a word from her lips, as they trembled. A few stray tears fell from her emotionless eyes, as she slowly dragged her face to the left. Her heart, pounding against her ribs painfully.
He was real... Agonizingly slow, she turned her head.
And there he was, right next to her, a mere foot away. The subject of her nightmares, and her fantasies. The past month, felt more like years. Filled with nothing, but thoughts of the man beside her, now. She could touch him, if wanted to. She could barely stretch out her arm, and would really be there. She missed the feeling of his skin, against hers.
Aleksander comfortably sat, like a brooding fallen angel on his throne. The same one, that used to sit, behind the desk, but was now pulled close to the bed. His knees level, with the edge of the bed.
Crouched over, his chin resting in his fingers, elbow anchored to the arm rest. Messy raven locks, falling in disarray, over sunken, dead eyes. Rimmed with inflamed, tear ducts. Bright bright red against his ghostly skin, dusted with dark circles. He was glowering down on her, wisps of black strands, casing shadows over the upper half of his face. Onyx, burning holes through her chest, as she drawn him in.
He lazily, ran the length of his index finger, against his chin. Playing with his now inch long, beard, thicker than last time she'd seen him. He looked tired. He looked human, not perfect, not unbreakable.
"Surprised?" His rich low voice, seeming less powerful in the light. Sounding more flat, less emotional. Dead as bones. She quickly thought, asking herself, if he use to always, speak like that. Then-
Crash.
Another title wave of terror collided with her, punching her chest violently. Lungs starting to burn, from the lack of oxygen. As Alina panted, trying to pull in mouth full of air, as her throat burned. Her vision starting fading, to black again, making her panic even more.
Was he real the whole time? Please god no… I've said and done so many things with him in the dark… I can't face him, even if this was the only real time. I his going to hate me, hit me or worse..
Send me back, into the endless inky, ocean. Abandoned, just like the forgotten bones, of sunken ships.
I don't want to sink… tick, tick, tick. Tick. TICK.
Clawing at the mattress, making an attempt at crawling away, pushing backward. But, was lynched back. Slamming her down on her back, her vision dissolving away. Everything was starting to burn away at the edges, to bitter, blackness.
Her lungs screamed, trying to take in too much air, all at once, but never getting any relief. The blood vessels in her head, feeling like they may pop. Face turning so red, that it was almost plum, blue veins showing under the skin of her eyes. She fought harder, wanting to run through the narrowing, tunnel, clawing at her throat. Scratching deep at her neck, trying to reach oxygen. She writhed wildly. the tunnel was closing, and if it did, she would trapped forever. Using all of her remaining, strength to pushing out three words.
"I C-can't-" She wheezed viciously, his blurry features, screaming something. "Si-nk."
TICK. TICK. TICK. TICK. TICK.
Alina, started to vibrate, light pouring from her hair, turning it stark white. Her powers, turning it bright and wild, starting to flow around her. Aleksander, tried to snap her out of it, before she exploded into stardust, from the on slot of emotions.
TICK! TICK! TICK! TICK! TICK! TICK!
Then, Smack!
Stinging pain, rang across her face. Gasping, as the world slowly came back into view, and light draining from her skin. Aleksander hovering over her, his eyes serious and wide, teeth still perfectly white, hiding behind parted lips. Chest heaving as he panted, lifting shaking fingers to her cheek, in uncertainty. Before, grimacing and pulling away.
Did I just get slapped, like a disrespectful child?
She frantically searched his face, asking that silent, question. As he fell limply, back into his thrown, right being him. Her jaw throbbing, mouth agape in tongue-tied shock, gawking openly at him.
"Believe me, now?" He asked, snatching a bottle of mead, from the floor beside him, his expression
"You slapped me.." She murmured, still shell-shocked from so much, happening all at once. She wasn't even sure if she was really wake, or asleep. She sat up, sitting on her knees.
"It helped. Didn't it?" He took a sip of the mead, raising a single brow. Challenging, her to tell him, that he was wrong.
"Have you been real the whole time?.. "She whispered, truly perplexed by the devil, in front of her, as her heart fell into her stomach. Her eyes, overflowing with tears. Sitting up on her knees. "You let me believe, I was crazy! You sick bastard! It was you, all along-
"Careful, now." He warned, stilling her anger, like water on flame. "We made a deal." He stated lazily, pointing the bottle at her. As if, their conversation was mundane or boring, in some way. Like this, was just any, other-day for him.
She crumbled from her kneeling position, sinking down, till her legs sat on either side of her. Hands laying palm up, in her lap. The reality of her situation, becoming, too over-whelming, for her fragile state. Hanging her head shamefully, letting her dirt hair cover her soon to be blubbering face. Letting a whimper past through gritted teeth. Hissing out a sad chuckle, as she glared down at her hands. She had completely forgotten about the deal..
"HA!" a short, tight laugh, retched from her very soul noticing her legs. Realizing, that her palms rested on too thin, NAKED thighs. Her laughter growing, as she finally, grasped that she was, most definitely, still nude. In front of Aleksander, no less, the one person she never wanted to be vulnerable with. She felt something break in her.
God is playing a cruel joke, and I'm the punchline.
Her cackles, soon turned into bitter sobs, slamming her fists against her thighs. She instantly folded over. Simultaneously, covering herself as much as she could. Sitting on standing feet, with her knees tight against her chest, hugging her arms around them, firmly. She giggled through broken sobs. She cried for herself, and the fate that she couldn't shake off. She cried for the little girl, that just wanted to be princess, but was forced to be a fighter. She cried for every lie, that had once become her dream.
What's the point in pride, if it always comes before a fall? I have no more pride, no reason too push forward. Why do I keep fight, keep crawling? I've fought my whole life. Why am I surprised, that I am naked?
I'm just too tired to care.
"You can drop the act, It's-" He cut off his own words, thinking behind a long swig of mead. Holding up his index finger, pausing. Then, finishing with a 'click' of his tongue. "-It's irksomely, redundant."
He decided pleasantly, his eyes settling on her. An easy smile, spreading across his blushed pink, lips. Everything about the man, before her seemed perfectly content. Except, for his eyebrow that stated to twitch, the longer he looked at her. It was the only hint of malice, that reflected his words.
"Don't look.." She whispered demandingly, shaking her head in shocked bewilderment, in reaction, to just how cruel, he could be.
"You seemed fine with it, earlier." Aleksander's gruff voice seeped venom, as he sipped his poison. "I was fine with it, too."
She snapped her eyes to his, pain and embarrassment written across her face.
He crawled his eyes up and down or bare form, exaggeratingly his point, behind his drink. Lowering the bottle from his mouth, as some of it spilled over his lips. He slowly dragged, a relaxed, thumb over his red glistening, bottom lip. Wiping off, the excess boozes, that lingered there. Pearly, bottom teeth peeping out, as his lip was tugged down. Dropping veiny, pale, hand back to his lap. Licking clean, the rest. Her eyes locked on every movement, still not fully believe her eyes.. "Wouldn't you rather, heard about our deal? Then, get drawn into petty details?"
"What did I just agree, too?" She sniffled, embarrassment distorting her features further, shame glowing behind amber orbs, her lip quivering, as she searched his eyes. "Don't you dare touch me!" She snapped, snatching a pillow to guard herself with.
He chuckled darkly, running a and through his hair. "Don't flatter yourself, girl. If I wanted that, I could easily take it, whenever I want. No, I want answers from you. I want to see if you've learned your lesson, yet?"
"What lesson is that, exactly?" She asked.
"That you can hit me, yell at me, even try and kill me. But, you're not going to lie to my face, or sneak around, snooping through my things. And, you are not leaving, until I know for sure, that I can trust you. But I have a few rules."
"Of course you do.." She grumbled.
"A game of questions. We will take turn's asking each other, anything we like. But, the first one to refuse to answer the question, and the loser has to do whatever the other likes. But, it only works, if we both agree to be honest." he explained. "If I find out, you're lying, well move on to your next trail. I'll go first."
"What's the catch?" Alina chewed on her inner cheek, tears still flowing. Suddenly, very nervous, that it was, too sweet of deal. This couldn't be it, right?
"Not your turn yet, Alina. I promise, that I will close my eyes, if you answer my first question."
"Fine." She answered immediately, slipping her eyes closed, in defeat.
She didn't feel like fighting, she didn't feel like trying. She just wanted clothing, and more wine. After that, she didn't care what happened to her, anymore. She just didn't want to feel this way anymore, she didn't want to feel at all. It only brought about more pain. She, at the very least, didn't have to see him, looking at her. I have a lot of questions for him, too..
He gave her a lop-sided grin, "See, knew you'd come around."
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Hello, beautiful people.
Thank you, so much for reading, hope you liked the chapter.
-Katt=^.^=
