Uses the Cookie Monster meme from the Janet Evanovich Fan Fiction Facebook group.
All characters belong to Janet Evanovich, I'm just playing.
Chapter 3: Lester
News of Steph's effort to set Zero up with a chick had spread through the building quickly. We kept it on the downlow, but bets were flying. There are three options: second date, hook-up, and shit show. Personally, I put my money on hook-up. We all hang around the conference room after the Monday morning meeting, eyeing Zero with speculation. With a sigh, he launches into an insane story about rules that has Steph wide-eyed and covering her mouth in horror. "I'm so sorry! She seemed so nice and down to earth when we were talking to her."
He shrugs. "No worries. Knowing what she wants isn't a bad thing, we just didn't click. No harm, no foul."
Steph's smile looks a little forced. "I'm still sorry. I'll spend more time vetting the next one."
Zero's eyes are huge, but he tries to hide it until after she leaves the room. After she does, he drops his head onto the table. I lean over and whisper to Bobby, "Perhaps I was too optimistic. Put me down for $20 on shit show for the next one."
Bobster whispers back, "Asshole," before scribbling it down on the corner of his report. He opens his phone and pulls up a note. Peering over his shoulder, it looks like Ramon, Kong, and Raphael had shit show straight out of the gate and are splitting the pot.
After he finally lifts his head, Zero declines to answer any more questions and leaves to get ready for his patrol shift. He's a nice kid, so good on him for setting what's her face straight and not letting her take advantage of him. Everyone else finally vacates and heads back to their tasks. In my office, I plow through a couple reports, signing off on them.
Late in the morning, my head pops up when I hear Steph laugh in the hallway. She and Ranger are walking closer than necessary, not quite touching, as they walk to the breakroom. Overall, not a lot has changed since she came aboard, but my cousin is a smidge happier. Well, I'm sure he's more than a smidge happier, but that's what he's willing to let the men see. There were bets on how much PDA they'd display, but Ranger caught wind of that bet and shut it down, hard. My leg cramps when I remember the deep bruise that lingered long after he vented his frustration on me on the mats. Not only had I sat back and allowed the men to speculate on his private life, but I disrespected Steph, who I consider a friend. Bets on vehicles dying around her were one thing, but what they do behind closed doors is off limits. At least I wasn't one of the guys assigned to detail the entire Rangeman Trenton fleet in punishment.
Glancing at the clock, I toss my pen aside and lock down my computer. It's close enough to lunch and I want to talk to Steph. The room is half full when I get there. Ella has made chicken tortilla soup, one of my favorites and if I'd waited any longer, I'd have had to settle for some sort of chowder thing. Ladling out a healthy portion, I grab a spoon and a bottle of water, and lean against the counter to watch Steph chat with the men. Ranger has no real expression on his face, but his eyes are soft as he watches her stop and say hello to everyone. He fills a bowl with soup and grabs his own drink, waiting to catch her eye before he tells her good luck. That's right. She's going out with Binkie to round up a couple mid-level skips.
My soup is mostly gone before she makes her way over to me. I love that she finally feels comfortable here, comfortable with the guys. She grabs a water and fills her own bowl before leaning against the counter next to me. She takes a bite, makes a face, and then takes another bite. Setting my bowl aside, I cross my arms. "So, Steph. When are you going to set me up with someone?"
She scrunches up her face while poking at the chowder. "I'm not."
"What? Why not?"
Steph gives me a look I can't quite decipher. "Pretty sure you don't need any help from me."
"But Zero does?"
She takes another bite of soup and grimaces. "Zero expressed an interest. You just want to get laid."
I mean, she's not wrong, but I didn't think she'd be so bold as to say it like that. "And?"
"No and. You don't need my help with that." She sighs and takes another bite of soup, giving it the same unimpressed look she did the last three bites.
"Is there something wrong with the soup."
"Yeah. No offense to Ella but it tastes healthy. It needs some cheese. A lot of cheese."
"Beautiful, I don't think cheese in chowder is a thing."
She snorts. "Shows what you know. Cheese cures a multitude of sins."
I shake my head. "Not everything needs cheese."
She does an exaggerated gasp. "Cheese makes everything better! What kind of monster are you?"
I can tell she means it as a joke, but I run with it. "Beautiful, I'm a monster… in bed."
Steph cocks her head and smirks for a second before affecting a look of innocence. "Like Cookie Monster?"
Zip chokes on his soup and Cal doesn't even bother to hide his snicker. Whatever. I waggle my brows at her. "C is for… cookies and that's good enough for me."
She shakes her head. "Let me guess. You love all cookies, but especially when they have soft gooey centers."
We're shocked that Steph goes there and there's dead silence in the breakroom for all of ten seconds before everyone bursts out laughing and her cheeks take on a beautiful red blush. I give her my best flirting effort before sliding in next to her neck to whisper, "Om nom nom."
She bats me away at the same time I hear "Santos! Mats!" from the doorway. Shit. Busted by Ranger. I step back as Steph starts shaking her head. "There's something just not right with you, Lester."
I shrug. "True, but there are so many things right about me, too."
Steph tilts her head. "Fair enough."
"So, you're going to set me up with someone, right?"
"Still no." She turns and rinses her bowl in the sink before placing it in the bussing tub. With a finger wave in our direction, she walks over to accept Ranger's kiss on the temple before disappearing around the corner.
"Jesus, Santos. Are you that hard up and need a pity fuck?"
Cal gets a middle finger salute. "Bite me, Wilson. Maybe I'm looking for a love connection."
Zip grabs his bowl and empty water bottle. "I'll believe that when Tank decides he likes dogs better than cats."
I try, and fail, to imagine Tank with dogs. Just don't see it. Honestly, there's a better chance of me finding my soulmate and getting married than there is of him switching teams like that. Tank and dogs don't mix. Period.
Slowly, everyone finishes lunch and files out after dropping their dishes in the tub. I take a minute to finish my water, replaying what Steph said. Sure, I want to get laid; who doesn't? Doesn't mean I'm not interested in getting to know someone first. Although, with the way Zero's date turned out, maybe I should let a couple more guys get volunteered first. Let her work out the bugs in her matchmaking system. Yeah, that seems like a good idea.
