BACK FROM HIATUS~

Been so very long since I last posted, and i'm sorry for that! Holidays came up and was busy with Patre0n! Just wanted to take a moment to promote it by mentioning that I have a handful of extra All We Are chapters and a short comic that you can consume while you wait for the next chapter. Members also get early access to chapters by an entire month and get sneak peeks into the upcoming chapter!

Just to let you know the next update should be in May!

Hope you enjoy the chapter! (I know the chapters have been much shorter than what they used to be, but I don't have as much free time to sit and write as I used to. ( TT_TT)


Eddward had woken up in the middle of the night, his eyesight still blurry and for a moment he was ten once again, with a painful ache in his head, a dry throat, and petrified legs. He heard a weird rasp of sound come out of his throat calling out for the man who he already knew would not be there.

With shut eyes, he let his chest cave in the coldness of the realization that once again he would be alone in this big white house. There was a hand on his forehead then surprising Eddward and he turned to the person beside him, fully expecting a ginger haired boy.

Victor Vincent was sitting beside Eddward's chair, for how long? He did not know, but for the first time in the many times Eddward had woken up, his father was beside him.

The man did not say anything except release a sigh, and leaned back in his chair. Eddward could not find his voice, and he quietly watched as Victor seemed to make a decision to finally stand up and leave.

Eddward was six again, and wanted nothing but to call out for his father to stay with him through the night, scared the nightmares would come back. Eddward was eleven again, and terrified that his father would never come back. Eddward was thirteen…and angry that his father never looked back.

Eddward ripped his watery eyes away from the now empty chair and stared at the ceiling.

Nazz head had been heavy since the night that Sam had drunkenly crawled through her window and made some unnerving confessions. She needed to find out more about Sam's connection to Eddward and perhaps she might figure out what exactly happened three years ago.

She spotted Ed in the cafeteria chatting idly to a freshman girl with the biggest blush on her cheeks and a part of her felt guilty but there were more important matters to attend to at the moment.

"Ed," she called out, waving her hand in greeting, "Sorry, am I interrupting?"

The girl stuttered a shy response, but Nazz wasn't paying too much attention. Her mind was racing with questions.

"Where's Kevin?" Ed asked, looking around.

"Somewhere with Eddward," She gave him a knowing look and turned to the girl, "sorry, but mind if I steal Ed away?"

The girl did not finish her response before Nazz was dragging Ed away, "we really need to talk," was all she said looking around to find an empty classroom.

"Here," Ed quietly said, pulling her along into a study room. "What's wrong?" he asked seriously, closing the door behind them.

Nazz walked as far away from the door and sat down on a desk releasing a breath and her shoulder slumping. "I know you weren't really friends with Eddward when he joined the great white sharks, correct?"

"Correct?" Ed replied confused.

"Eddward never mentioned Sam before?" she asked, "I mean, when you were friends."

"No, why?"

"How did you guys meet Sam?"

"Through Eddy, he was the one who told us about the gang. But then, we all had that fight and Eddy and I joined first…it was some time later that Sam had recruited Eddward."

"But why?" Nazz asked then, "Sam came over, he was a mess, but more importantly he mentioned that he had known about Eddward way before meeting him."

"Wait, hold on a second," Edd shook his head, "what?"

"Sam said, his father had given him a photo and told him that Eddward belonged to him,"

Ed stayed in quiet shock, "the photo!"

"What?"

"The photo Kevin found in Sam's office!" Ed said quickly, "It had the weirdest writing in the back. It had Eddward's height, and age."

"What?" Nazz was astounded, "As if the Dubois were searching for a kid? For what?"

"Sam has always said that Eddward belongs to him," Ed said uncomfortably. "What if he means it literally?"

"As in…Eddward was literally sold off to the Dubois?" Nazz asked.

"No way," Ed said, his eyes wide.

"Ok, wow," Nazz replied just as shocked, "we don't have any real proof of that but… if that's the case, why wasn't he raised with Sam? Why did Sam pretend not to know Eddward?"

"Did Sam say anything else?" Ed asked, eyeing her.

"One more thing," Nazz said, "He said he was going to finish what he started three years ago. Do you have any idea what happened three years ago?"

Ed shook his head slowly, "Three years ago… Eddward attempted for the first time. We had broken up at that point. I joined the gang with Eddy a month before Sarah had her accident. After that, I don't really know, I was in and out of the hospital a lot. Sam would send me and Eddy on small jobs, collecting money mostly."

"When did Eddward join?" Nazz asked.

"Two months after me and Eddy, and then we didn't see him for months after that."

"They didn't seem oddly close to you, upon meeting I mean?"

"I mean yeah, Sam liked Eddward from the very beginning," Ed said quietly, "That much was obvious, he took him on by his side alongside Jimmy and sometimes Johnny."

"So, what business did Sam fail to accomplish?" Nazz asked.

"Eddward has to know," Ed said, "They were glued together, Sam was training him three years ago."

"Jimmy would know. I don't think Sam would have told Eddward," Nazz said, "He was Sam's right hand man before Eddward...When did Jimmy join?"

"Long before we ever did," Ed said. "I don't know but he was already higher in the ranks by the time we joined."

"So Jimmy was around when Liam ran the gang?"

"Right," Ed said, "Liam was still around then…"

"So what did Sam do three years ago?" Nazz asked again, exasperated.

"I really don't know, Nazz," Ed said quietly, his expression pale. "Something so bad that it continues to haunt him."

"He failed," Nazz said, "that's the only reason, but what?"

Kevin begrudgingly ripped himself away from Eddward and in a daze, looked around for his phone. It kept on vibrating madly with incoming texts and as much as they were enjoying getting lost in their sea of kisses, Kevin deemed it important enough to at least glance at his phone.

"Who is it?" Eddward said, voice hoarse as he leaned back against the cold lockers. His fingers lingered on the small portion of Kevin's body that he allowed himself to feel, the teen's waist. The smooth skin was rather distracting, desperately he wanted to touch more. But no, he couldn't.

A part of him feared his own influence on Kevin. Not that kissing wasn't just as bad as touching, but there was something so intimate about exploring Kevin's body that Eddward did not want to ruin the purity of such soft skin with his own dirty hands.

These hands of his were tainted, soiled, and rough.

Another part of him just didn't want to go there for other reasons. Didn't want to drive the relationship at such high speeds, terrified that Kevin would get scared and jump off. But didn't Kevin Barr love to drive fast?

"Nazz," Kevin's quiet voice broke Eddward's train wrecked thoughts. "Say we all need to meet up after school and talk. Something important."

"I can't," Eddward said with a frown, " I'm leaving after sixth remember? Out of town for the weekend. Sam's–"

"Sam's orders," Kevin finished quietly, leaning against Eddward and wrapping him up in a hug that Eddward found adorable.

It turned out Kevin was quite the clingy person, not that it surprised Eddward. Kevin had always been a rather physically affectionate person. A memory of Halloween night popped into his head, a swift and gentle kiss on his cheek. Had Kevin liked him then?

"When do you come back?" Kevin asked in a voice muffled in Eddward's hoodie.

Eddward laughed at this, this was the fifth time he had asked this today. "Not until late Monday night," Eddward told him once again.

"Sam is evil," Kevin groaned out, squeezing his arms around Eddward. "We have a four day weekend and he takes you away, not for one day or two days but for the whole four days! Evil! Greedy!"

Eddward smiled widened at this, his chest warmed up and light. His arms held Kevin tighter in order to comfort the boy. "Sorry Pumpkin," is all he can really say.

"What will you be doing for the next four days?" Kevin asks, clearly annoyed, "The fights aren't until tomorrow night."

Eddward had been honest when he had to break Kevin's heart about their previous weekend plans and told Kevin Sam had signed him up for some cage fights. Of course, Eddward had downplayed it incredibly, so Kevin wouldn't worry so much but Kevin seemed relieved enough to know Eddward rarely lost in his fights. Well…he was honest enough.

This time however, he needed to lightly lie to Kevin. Just a bit.

"Well, i'm training as soon as we get there today," Eddward started, "that's why i'm leaving so soon. Tomorrow night's the fights, then Sam's got some business to attend to so…sorry."

Yes, the cage fight would be Saturday night, but they would be intense. Anything could easily go in these particular fights, therefore he needed to buy some new brass knuckles. Preferably out of town, since the sheriff was still on his ass. Then we would be needing the entire day, Sunday, to recover knowing fully well how rough he will be going to look. And just in case, Monday too, and hopefully by Tuesday morning, his wounds will have healed enough to look like a normal fist fight.

Besides, Sam did have business in Walnut Creek anyways.

And Eddward really needed to blow off some steam. The swimming wasn't getting through this time, Eddward was angry with his father, especially so this time. Something about the man's embrace had enraged Eddwrad like no other time. Eddward needed to punch something, this was Sam's solution to Eddward's problem.

Eddward didn't fight Sam on it, though he did feel guilty about canceling on Kevin.

Kevin reached up cupping Eddward's neck and planting a sweet kiss on his cheek. It was then that the lunch period was over with a blaring ringing throughout the room. "Damn it," Kevin sighed, disappointed, "Can we skip?" he suggested.

"No skipping today," Eddward said with a laugh, "We skip enough already."

"But I won't see you until Tuesday," Kevin said, face shoved into Eddward's neck.

With great resilience, Eddward let out a groan and pushed Kevin off. "No, pumpkin," he repeated himself more sternly. When Kevin stared at him with a disappointed look on his face, Eddward felt his chest jump in a panic. He wouldn't budge though, instead, he leaned down to bump his forehead to Kevin's. "I'll make it up to you when I'm back, yeah?"

Kevin's freckled face was instantly flushed pink, eyes big and hopeful. "How?" he quietly asked.

Eddward let out a small joyful breath at this, kissing Kevin's forehead he said, "It'll be a surprise."

Kevin wrapped his arms around Eddward tightly, giving him a kiss so gentle it made Eddward's heart skip a beat. "Be careful," he whispered.

"Always," Eddward replied, his own face feeling like it had been lit on fire.

In the end, Eddward had won and no matter how much he tried to persuade the swimmer to skip at least their fifth period, Eddward did not budge. Kevin had been bummed out, but at least they'd be together tuesday.

Minutes before Kevin's sixth ended, he received a text from Eddward with a simple 'see you soon', and Kevin, already missing the raven haired boy sent back a crying emoji and a heart. Kevin could already see the smile on Eddward face, but he had sent back 'you'll live'.

Yes, Kevin would live, if only because he was forced to by waiting for the day they'd see each other again.

Kevin had decided to wait in the library at their designated table while Ed and Nazz finished up their respective classes. He spent most of the time finishing up homework and because Kevin Barr would not spend his four day weekend thinking about school.

When he heard the final bell rings, Kevin was mostly done with all the assignments from his classes. Mind you, two of them had decided not to ruin their break, if that was for the mercy for the students or benefit for the respective teachers Kevin won't ever complain and instead raise them on his favorite teachers list.

"Eddward?" Nazz asked, walking quickly towards their table with Ed slowly behind her.

"Can't make it," Kevin said, "had to leave immediately after."

"Really?" Nazz said, deflated then turns to Ed who is looking down at her with a tired look.

"What's wrong," Kevin felt the urgency in their silent exchange.

"The photo," Ed began, setting his backpack on the floor and taking a seat, "the one you found in Sam's study?"

"Yeah?" Kevin questions curious, "What about it?"

"I think we know why," Ed said carefully, looking behind him watching students file into tables around them but somehow the students knew to give them space, because after all they all belonged to Eddward Vincent's friend group. Ed was glad for it sometimes.

"You mean, why does Sam have it?"

Nazz nodded then sat down next to Kevin and they all leaned together whispering among themselves. Nazz retells her night with Sam and what little he confessed to her and a part of Kevin's stomach curls up at the thought that currently, Eddward is miles away with Sam. But Nazz seems to leave something out, because Ed notices Kevin's expression and shifts the attention of Sam's obsession over Eddward by pushing the conversation onto what they speculate.

"Johnny said the same thing," Kevin said, shocked.

"He did?" Nazz said quietly.

"He said, that Eddward, Jimmy and him in some way or another had been sold off to the Dubois,"

"All three of them?"

"Yes," Kevin confirmed, "But I didn't take that to mean literally."

"It might have been," Ed said, "The description on the back…it's as if sending it to someone who hasn't met the boy ever."

"And Sam said his father had told him that Eddward was his," Nazz continued.

"As in, Victor Vincent sent that picture to the King of Beasts, but for what reason?" Kevin was more baffled than ever.

"Money," Ed suggested.

"No," Kevin shook his head, "That doesn't make sense."

"Why?" Ed asked intrigued.

"Because, one, Victor is wealthy enough as it is," Kevin started, listing his reason on his fingers, "two, the handwriting did not resemble Victor's at all and instead resembled Isabella's. Three, Victor never wanted Eddward involved with the Dubois."

Nazz sagged her shoulders, eyes finding Ed's once again.

"So who sent The King of Beast that photo?"

"The Garcias," Nazz said quietly, turning back to Kevin with wide eyes.

"Isabella hated the Dubois," Kevin started.

"Her family," Nazz said a bit too loudly. "If the handwriting is similar to hers then it's one of the Garcias. The Vincents were involved with the Dubois, then why not the Garcias?"

"It would make sense why Victor and Isabella married," Ed suggested. "Stronger together."

"You think they married for power?" Kevin said, something clicking in his brain then.

"Could be," Ed started then, "So why sell Eddward to the King of Beasts?"

"Because Eddward was close to Sam in age," Kevin said quietly.

"Yes," Nazz said almost excitedly, "How could the Dubois not know about Eddward? If Victor was close to the family, of course they would all know the moment they were expecting a child."

"These things get messy," Ed said, his face pale now, "The Garcias could have wanted Isabella to marry for money and statues. As in, raise their family station among the mafia hierarchy. It happens all the time."

"The King of Beasts made a demand," Nazz breathed, her voice in realization, "One they had to fulfill."

"Do you think he demanded the same from all three families?" Kevin asked, shocked.

"I don't know," Nazz shook her head, "But it would make sense."

"Keeping them in line with sacrifice if you will," Ed said. "Raising a tight group of loyal hounds as Sam would put it."

"Then why–" Kevin started his voice strained now thinking about Eddward being alone with Sam. "Why weren't they taken away?"

"Did Johnny ever say he was?" Nazz asked.

"No," Kevin's voice was tight, "he didn't mention it before he…" he trailed off.

"Maybe that's why Isabella came back to the town she was trying so hard to run away from," Ed said looking out of the window.

"What do you mean?" Kevin asked.

"The town belongs to the Dubois family," Ed continued, "Has belonged to them for many years, Kevin."

Nazz inhaled deeply beside Kevin, and Kevin turned to look at her widened eyes. "He did have them raised together, quietly. Under his watch."

Then it hit Kevin like a ton of bricks… Sam had lived here when he was very young. Had gone to the same fucking elementary that Kevin did. Sam would have known about Eddward, Jimmy and Johnny who all went to the other school across town. But for one reason or another never interacted with them because Eddward had no memories of it.

Sam would have known about Blaine…

Would have caught sight of Eddward and Blaine playing together around town.

Would have known where to find Eddward.

So why did Sam lie about meeting Blaine later in life? Because maybe…

Maybe Sam followed Blaine out of town. Pretended to befriend him in order to befriend Eddward. And maybe… maybe already had blood on his hands by the time he officially met Eddward.

Kevin felt his chest sink in the shock of it all, his fingers shaking uncontrollably. He was scared for Eddward, he was scared of what Sam could easily do to them all just as he had done to Blaine. Scared of the many lies that Sam could easily tell with no hesitation.

Scared that Eddward wouldn't see the truth of it all.

"Now," Nazz hesitantly continued the conversation. Her hand wrapping Kevin's trembling ones, "We just need to figure out what the hell Sam did three years ago."

At this point, Kevin wouldn't be surprised if it had been murder.

The lights were harsh tonight, but Eddward never let it blind him. He positioned himself just low enough that his much bigger framed opponent would cover the blaring lights. It was during these moments when he could see the expression on the other's face.

The droplets of sweat smeared the man's face, and stuck his thick hair to his face. The man's face was wrinkled up in frustration, eyes attempting to focus on Eddward. The man was just as dehydrated as Eddward if not more so, the constant bobbing of his Adam's apple told him so. With lips plastered together and nose flared in anger, Eddward knew he had the man where he wanted him.

Frustrated, annoyed, and helpless.

The man attempted to strike him on the ribs now, brass knuckles missing Eddward by a handful of inches. And Eddward took this opportunity to grab the swinging arm with one arm and with his other one— also equipped with brass knuckles– and rapidly punched the man in the face, hitting his large nose. The man led out a loud yelp shaking Eddward off and stepping back clutching his nose.

Eddward stepped back until his bare back felt the cool of the cage's wire and smirked as the man glared at him manically. The man wanted blood and that's all Eddward could ask for.

There were finger's sliding through the wire and pressing onto his skin, but Eddward didn't turn around knowing exactly who they belonged to.

"Stop toying with him, Vincent," Sam's playful voice came close to Eddward ears. "We both know you can be here all night playing cat and mouse, but it is two in the morning and I'm hungry."

"I've made you good money tonight," Eddward replied, "Don't complain."

"I'm not," Sam said with a laugh, shifting behind Eddward and yelling out to Eddward's opponent who was standing back up readying to charge again. "Don't rough up my guy too bad. I can't have him too terribly injured!"

The teasing tone angered the man even further, he let out a growl and started stomping over and Eddward knew this was an easy win. The man wasn't thinking anymore, just in full on attack mode and that was boring.

"You've gone and ruined the thrill," Eddward called back to Sam.

"I'm sleepy and hungry!" Sam called out, slapping the cage twice. "Some of us have to be somewhere tomorrow– woah!"

The man had charged at Eddward and hit the cage next to where Sam was. Sam stepped back then caught by a blonde long haired girl with a much too tight dress for her big chest that had latched onto Sam since the night began.

Eddward was running around the cage now, dodging every charge like a matador would a bull. During one of these charges, Eddward managed to snake his fingers into the man's long hair and the pull of it was enough to catch the man off guard and he fell on his side. With this position, Eddward climbed on top and punched rapidly and fiercely until there was no more fight in the body underneath him.

There was a mixture of cheers and angry shouting that came instantly. Still straddled on top, Eddward realized that he was truly exhausted and maybe Sam had been right. But he needed a cigarette first.

Sam's hand snaked under Eddward's arms and pulled him off the unconscious man. The sounds around him were nothing but an annoying buzz, the lights still blaring his vision. Sam was shouting and talking to him as he led him through the crowd.

Sam guided him to a dim lighted hallway where there were only a few people hanging around. It was there that Sam pulled out a towel and started wiping Eddward like he always did after fights like these. Eddward let it happen, eyes focused on the red lighting and nude posters on the ceiling and walls.

His mind was empty once more, the adrenaline gone. He didn't know what to feel these days, not since the night he had been hugged by his father. By Victor Vincent. He hadn't told anyone, not Kevin nor Sam. Regardless, they both knew something was up with him.

The blonde haired boy could always tell when it was about Victor though, they knew each other for much too long to know. Just as Eddward had cared for Sam the night The King of Beasts had taken Sam's mother away, Sam did not ask any questions and let Eddward process in his own way. Though, Kevin wouldn't approve of the way Eddward was handling things.

A pain stung his chest, knowing Kevin would be disappointed that Eddward's way of coping with this particular situation was cage fighting. But at least it wasn't getting shit faced. Progress.

Sam cupped Eddward's face once he finished wiping Eddward's hair.

"You put up a good fight tonight," Sam said quietly.

Eddward didn't say anything, unable to meet Sam's intense proud stare. It was an odd feeling to desire that look. Sam rarely gave it to anyone, but it came so easily for Eddward. It was odd indeed, after everything Sam had put him through during his training. He hated Sam, truly he did. But Eddward kept coming back, stayed loyal, stayed wanting for Sam's care.

And he needed that proud stare more now than ever.

Sam handed Eddward his black hoodie and leather jacket to put back on. The blonde big chested girl showed up again pressing herself to Sam whispering something to his ear. Eddward looked away far too used to the scene and knew very well where it was heading.

He was about to make his way out of the building when Sam snaked an arm around Eddward's shoulders pulling him in. The girl's hand was on Eddward's chest as if for support but her entire attention was taken by Sam as the blonde leaned down kissing her deeply making her moan in need.

Eddward was about to shove Sam off, when Sam once again surprised Eddward by yanking the girl off and leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of Eddward's mouth with a smirk.

"Sorry honey," Sam said, turning to look at the girl, "The rest of my night belongs to this devil."

The girl looked intrigued but with a bite to her lip stepped back and left them alone. Sam kept Eddward pressed to the wall tucked in his arm. Eddward tried shoving Sam off, "Don't play around," Eddward said, annoyed.

"Who says I'm playing?" Sam said sweetly, eyeing Eddward with a hungry look. "Come on," Sam said leaning in again but Eddward moved aside avoiding the attempted kiss this time.

"No," Eddward said, his stomach swirling.

With a sigh Sam seemed to give up and said "Let's head back party pooper," following Eddward out of the building.

The night was the warmest it had been since late summer. It was May, and life could be seen among the trees as they refilled their branches. Walnut Creek was similar to Peach Creek during the night, both had clear skies and many wooded areas.

The drive to the hotel was quiet, Eddward was exhausted now, truly but he really needed a cigarette. As much as Eddward liked to drive around, when it was Sam and Eddward, Sam always took the lead and Eddward was content enough to sit back in the passenger seat. Sam Dubois knew when to be terrifyingly menacing and then the most relaxed person ever. It was such a drastic switch between personas that the first time it happened, Eddward didn't know how to react to Sam at all. Didn't know what would set him off.

The thing was, most people would see the relationship between them as it is, toxic and destructive. But Eddward sometimes just needed someone to level with him on his own toxicity. It had worked with Mary, until she broke. Eddward would always feel guilty about it, but Sam was resilient.

Eddward, beside being scared of Sam, had always known far too well that no one would match him like Sam did. Although Sam didn't always have the most healthy ways of solving Eddward's problems, it's always exactly what Eddward needs.

Sam didn't know what the problem was this time, and he didn't care to ask. All he knew was that Eddward had some pent up anger he needed to release and vuala, cage fights.

The anger was now simmering in the pit of his stomach, low and warm but incredibly cool enough now to tolerate. The thing about these moments was that his scars began to itch every time his anger against his father arised, but this time he didn't want to fold into the temptation.

Eddward wasn't happy about the last time it happened, wasn't happy Kevin had found him like that and especially wasn't happy about Ed and Nazz catching him as well. This time, Eddward didn't want to fall into the pit of darkness because of his anger, instead he embraced it. He knew it was not a good thing either, but to him it was the better alternative. The drugs hadn't worked, they had harmed Kevin once again. This wouldn't.

His scars itched, like an irritating mosquito bite, but Eddward would just need a good long smoke to get rid of that itch.

The moment they step into their hotel room, Eddward placed his dirty shoes at the entrance and immediately grabbed his unpacked bag searching for his pack. He sat back in the bed with a hand sticking out waiting for Sam to give him the lighter.

"Where's the pen I bought for you?"

Eddward gave Sam a crooked smile watching the cigarette lit up and started releasing its toxins. "No offense, but I do prefer this."

"What would your ginger Juliet say about this?" Sam teased, setting the lighter on the nightstand and shrugging off his jacket. "You should change."

"He knows I smoke," Eddward mumbled out quietly, "I will, just give me a moment. I'll step out on the balcony if you're going to sleep."

"No, not just yet," Sam said, tossing his shirt on the floor and a part of Eddward was irritated enough to want to pick it up and fold it but he glued his eyes to Sam's bareback.

Well, mostly bare. It was now covered in faint scars from where the King of Beasts had tortured his own son. Eddward didn't know what to make of them, he almost pitied Sam. Yet, Sam wouldn't want to be pitied, it would anger him if he knew.

Eddward watched as Sam undressed and headed into the shower, leaving the bathroom door open. It was only at times like these when Eddward felt like he could allow his mind to wander back to Kevin who was probably up playing his video games at this time of night. It brought a smile to Eddward's face, knowing the exact scrunched up expression Kevin would be making when he ultimately woke up close to noon still feeling tired and sleepy.

If only Eddward was back home to at least wake up the boy with a cup of coffee. But he was here, miles away from Peach Creek, and locked up with Sam in a hotel room much too big for two people.

Before he knew it, there was a tug on his legs and upon opening his eyes, found Sam sitting at the edge of the bed, hair still damp with just sweatpants. "You're falling asleep," Sam said quietly, there was a tone there that brought Eddward back to the first year when they were inseparable. When Sam would talk Eddward through his worst breakdowns.

"Come on," Sam said again, snatching the cigarette from Eddward's mouth and holding it in between his own lips. "You need to bathe."

"I'll do it myself," Eddward sat up, rubbing his face with a hand tiredly.

"You're exhausted," Sam said, a hand clutching at Eddward's jaw and examining his wounds. "We need to clean you up properly. Let me bathe you."

The tone had changed, it was a demand. The change from comforting to formidable and Eddward now knew not to go against it.

It might be weird for many, that a guy would bathe another but Eddward had thrown out the window his embarrassment of nudity a long time ago. Sam had forced him to anyway, sort of. Sam would do this sort of thing a lot when he was pampering Eddward during Eddward's emotional turmoil. He learned to just go with it.

Sam seemed to enjoy getting to take care of him. And that was the fucked up thing about Sam's changes because it wasn't just his tone that changed, but the difference between what he would say to Eddward compared to how he would touch him was night and day.

Sam never coddled Eddward with honey coded words. Never told him that things would change, or that he'd get better. No, never, but Sam made damn sure that when Eddward was at his most unguarded state, that those rough hands of Sam's would make him feel those unspoken words. And somehow, that was all Eddward needed at the time.

But right now?

He needed Kevin more than anything.

Eddward stole his cigarette back leaning back in the tub, wincing at the sting of the hot water on his open wounds. Sam gently scrubbed at Eddward's arm. The room was quiet and far too bright for 4 in the morning.

"What time do you have that meeting with the snakes?" Eddward asked between inhales.

"Late afternoon," Sam said, "You're staying in here."

"I'll be fine by then,"

"You'll be sore,"

"Aren't I always?"

Sam sighed out, his eyes dark, "You're covered in bruises, scratches, cuts and whatever the hell else. I don't need them looking down on us when you are in this state."

"They know I was fighting," Eddward argued.

"You're weak," Sam said, his fingers snaking around Eddward's jaw in a tight grip. It made Eddward goran in pain "They'll see you vulnerable and big bad Eddward Vincent must not ever be seen as weak. Understand?"

"Understood," Eddward shook his face out of Sam's hold. "I'll stay here."

"Good boy," Sam smirked, continuing his scrubbing now on Eddward's leg.

They were in the bathroom for a good thirty minutes, while Sam cleaned and patched up his wounds. By the time Eddward made his way back to the bed, his body was on fire with the sore pain. He grabbed another cigarette.

"Are you satisfied now?"

It took a second for Eddward to wrap his head around what Sam was asking, his head too sleepy to properly think. "Mostly," he answered, understanding it was about his anger.

"Was it your father?" Sam finally asked, sitting on the edge, arm extending over Eddward's legs.

"It always is," is Eddward's quiet response, trying his best not to go back to the night.

"Bastard," was Sam's reply.

"I don't want to think about it," Eddward said, closing his eyes, almost ready to finally fall asleep.

A hand on his leg dragged his eyes back open. "You said you're mostly satisfied," Sam's voice was quiet, pensive but inviting. It didn't really hit Eddward what Sam was doing until the blonde was straddling him. "You're still pent up," was all Sam said, hand on Eddward's chest, fingers soothing.

"No," Eddward replied, because all he thinks about in this very moment with Sam on top of him was how much he wanted Kevin.

"No?" Sam repeated amused, his hand wandering over Eddward's entire chest, "why not?"

"Stop," Eddward said, annoyed, "You know why."

"It doesn't have to mean anything, sweetheart," Sam said in that comforting tone trying to seduce Eddward, "It didn't mean anything last time."

Eddward looked away trying not to recall the last time they found themselves in this predicament. The reason for why the whole blackmail even started. Sure it didn't mean anything, except Eddward had lost all sense of freedom. Sam wanted to keep him and it was after Eddward started showing signs of rejection that Sam finally revealed that he had evidence from a hookup Eddward had had at a party. So Eddward stayed, but as far away as he could from Sam as he possibly could. Taking on the leading role at Peach Creek and going on jobs with Jimmy and Johnny.

Eddward had changed then too, from blindly trusting to completely distrusting Sam. Eddward had been sure that that was something Sam never truly understood. That Sam had ruined the relationship they had built with the blackmail.

Because before that, Eddward wouldn't have questioned anything Sam told him to do. That the reason Eddward was rejecting Sam wasn't because he was against him but rather on the verge of some inner torment. Because Sam was too good for him. Because, Eddward was scared of committing to another person who told him they loved him. Eddward didn't want to get unbearably attached when ultimately Sam would leave him, and in a way Sam did.

Sam had left him feeling like he could trust no one.

But Sam kept Eddward's secret.

And Eddward was scared of Sam.

Yet Sam continued to protect him.

So Eddward stayed.

At the end of the day, Sam and Eddward had merged into two sides of the same coin. Sam knew of Eddward's nightmares and weaknesses, while Eddward was the only one who witnessed Sam at his most vulnerable. Sam only ever cried in front of him, it was rare but it did happen. So, when Sam told Eddward he loved him– despite how Sam treated him sometimes– Eddward could easily say that that fucked up form of love was the realest love Eddward had ever known.

There was a hand rubbing him and Sam had leaned down to kiss at Eddward's neck and everything in Eddward's brain screamed to push Sam off. But his body was responding, because it'd been so fucking long since the last time he had done anything with another person. But Eddward was too scared to go this far with Kevin, because it would mean something.

It's never meant anything, ever. And Eddward was used to that. He didn't have to worry about ruining the other person.

"Sam–" Eddward said, removing his cigarette from his mouth and trying to sit up.

A hand pushed him back down and there was a kiss on his cheek, "Lay back down and smoke your cigarette, I'll take care of you. You don't have to touch me."

"This isn't about…not wanting it," Eddward said, carefully. There was a strong grip from Sam's hand and Eddward nearly bucked his hips into the touch.

"What's the problem then?" Sam said in a breathy laugh, continuing his invasion on Eddward's neck.

Eddward grabbed Sam's hand to stop his touch, and Sam glared down at Eddward. "I honestly can't right now…" Eddward tried saying, careful not to reveal his secret relationship with Kevin.

"But you want it," Sam stated, giving another tug that made Eddward close his eyes and a groan vibrate in the back of his throat.

"...Not like this," Eddward breathed out, feeling like he was walking on eggshells when Sam's glare turned murderous.

There's a hand waved through Eddward's hair and grabbed it hard at the same time Sam continued his fondling between Eddward's legs. Eddward just about let's out a desperate moan, "Freckles won't fuck you like I do, sweetheart," Sam said with a scowl, "He won't even fucking dare to touch you, not like this—not in time before you are out of his fucking life."

Eddward knows that's true, to some degree. Kevin could touch him, if Eddward allowed it, he believed. But Sam was right, not like this and not in time before he abandoned the poor boy. Eddward was aware that he won't ever know Kevin's touch, won't ever know what Kevin sounds like underneath him nor how Kevin's body would flush under his fingers. Eddward will not allow it. Won't allow himself to be tormented for the rest of his life with the desire of a haunting memory.

Because the memory of Kevin's loving kisses were torture enough. Kevin's bright green eyes and bubbly laugh will be enough to remember what it was like to feel genuine love for another person.

Eddward caves when Sam said, "Close your eyes and think about him if you like. This is my parting gift, until I take you back home with me."

There's guilt in the pit of his stomach, but Eddward does as he's told. He places his cigarette back between his lips and turns away with closed eyes. Sam never tries to kiss him on the lips, but he does bite and seize the rest of his body.

Eddward never touched Sam, instead he gripped the bed sheets tight as Sam kissed his way down Eddward's bare chest. And it had been so fucking long, that Eddward can't help but let his voice disturb the quiet room. Something that Sam lets Eddward know he enjoyed.

It's hard to think about freckled hands touching him, when the hands he feels are bigger and rougher. It's hard to think about ginger hair when the rays of moonlight in their room show strands of short blonde hair. It's hard to think about gentle loving kisses, when the lips on him are conniving and harmful.

Eddward decided he would just have to smoke his cigarette give in to the pleasure of it. It didn't mean anything and he's so god damn close. He thought about Kevin and his adoring kisses and his freckled hands on his neck and how trusting they feel as they wrap around him. How soothing they feel weaved into his hair and the sweetest bite on his lips that just lets Eddward know that if he allowed Kevin to drive at full speed, that Kevin would.

If only Eddward wasn't a coward.

There's a hard bite on his hip and that was what does it. There's blood dripping down his hip, Eddward can feel it—can feel Sam's tongue on him.

Eddward rode the feeling with Sam's slowed down movements, but Sam wasn't done just yet. He swallowed and continued to trail poisonous kisses back up to Eddward's neck. The hand that had been touching Eddward was now occupied with himself and Eddward let Sam do as he pleased.

Sam's hips grinded against Eddward, slow and steady. Eventually, Sam detached himself off Eddward's neck and placed his forehead to Eddward's, his free hand gripping Eddward's hair to keep him in place. Sam's eyes were dark, hungry, and murderous. Sam was dangerous and in this glare made sure to let Eddward see, as if reminding Eddward who he was involved with.

But Eddward never needed that reminder, he had always known.

Sam finished when Eddward stared back with the same intensity, satisfied that Eddward understood. He kissed Eddward on his cheek, then on his forehead, and for the last time on his other cheek. The last kiss lasted for a long moment as Sam recovered, then he lowered his lips to Eddward's ear and whispered, "I hope you're completely satisfied now."

Just like that Sam crawled off of Eddward and laid down next to him, turning away from Eddward and he was glad for it. With what was left of his cigarette, Eddward bottled up his guilt and turned to look at the moon, thin and bright and beautiful.

He desperately hoped Kevin was peacefully fast asleep right now.

Eddward knew he wouldn't be sleeping anymore, but at least he'd have all day tomorrow to sleep.

At the very least, Eddward knew that this wouldn't happen again. Sam loved keeping these things between them, just like before. But Eddward had someone to think about now, and a voice in the back of his head was telling him that he really was the worst. That he knew at the end of the day he wouldn't have been able to be a good partner to anyone.

That's why Sam matched him, destructively perfect.

Because Eddward didn't deserve anything else.

Would he be brave enough to confess this to Kevin?

How would Kevin respond?

This didn't mean anything…but it would mean something to Kevin and for that Eddward was sorry.

He put out his cigarette and layed down on his side, eyes trained on the moon. Begging his mind to shut the hell up, praying that he hadn't royally fucked up and wishing he'd be brave enough to allow Kevin to touch him.

Eddward released a quiet, long, tired sigh.


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