Carlisle

Carlisle

Chapter 4 – Change

I ached to reach out and touch her face, brush her soft caramel hair with the tips of my fingers. She was perfect; exactly what I had been looking for. But there was no time to waste. I was lucky she was even still alive, given the extent of her injuries. And I could see she was in pain; it was in her eyes, even as she smiled at me like I was some angel come down from heaven. I returned her smile, as I did so feeling a tugging at my heart as I realised I would be putting her through even more pain.

Mooch through enough morgues, and eventually you're gonna come across someone who ain't quite dead yet.

She smelled so good…the blood, the scent of it, was wafting up from her broken flesh and into my nostrils as I inhaled. I suppressed a shudder of desire as I fought to stay in control of myself. You can do this, I encouraged myself. You did it for Edward, now do it for her.

This made me think of him. Edward had been quite moody of late; fighting with the urge to kill that was ever present. He knew that I had no hidden intentions in choosing to feed from animals; I believed it was the right thing, no questions asked. And from the number of times he had searched my mind, he had found nothing to shake that. Yet he still struggled with it. I knew he would leave soon, to try and find his own path. It made me…sad to realise this. No, more than sad, anxious and concerned for his safety…which was ridiculous, really. If anyone could take care of themselves, it was Edward, but still… I only hoped he would return soon after.

Edward had been more than willing for me to create another. He knew that I longed for another companion, a soul mate if you will. Not just for myself, but a mother for Edward as well, who had only known his biological mother briefly in his human life. A motherly figure that would cherish him in a way I could not. Not that I was going to deprive anyone of living their lives in my search! How could I? No, instead I had quite systematically traveled to all the places a living person should not be, and I had found one. But only just.

And yet I still felt so selfish! Conflicting emotions screamed at me on one side to leave and on the other to stay and finish what I had started. Did I really need another companion? I had Edward still, and if he left…well, I would find him again. I couldn't leave her in this state though; I had decided it the moment I realised she was still alive. Leaving her alive would be cruel. And changing her would be damning her to hell. What to do? And what if, after all of it, it didn't work out? Then I'd feel even worse.

Her breathing was becoming more rapid, and as she slowly stretched her hand towards me in desperation the pain in her eyes intensified. I took it carefully, her small hand fitting easily into mine, and on impulse I leant the palm of my other hand against her cheek, hoping my cool skin would be of some relief.

She exhaled and closed her eyes, her breath tickling my skin. The thump of her heart beat was fading, growing ever slower. I had to do it now, otherwise she wouldn't make it. Do it Carlisle! My inner-voice urged. Quick, before she slips away! Either that or end her misery.

I uttered a quick prayer before kneeling beside her, so my face was right beside her wrist. I took a deep breath in preparation, slowing running my lips along the pulse point on her wrist, inhaling her addictive scent. Then that was it; even the guilt was not enough to stop me. My arms locked her forearm in a vice-grip so she couldn't move away. Not that I thought she would struggle; she had passed out.

I felt my canines slide down in anticipation and venom begin to salivate under my tongue. I opened my mouth and gently bit the vein in her wrist, waiting for the rush as the poison entered her body. Her blood instantly began flowing into my mouth, and the shock of it was unimaginable; like having a 200volt electrical current surge through your body. It zapped all my senses awake and set me on edge, my body tingling all over. I could literally feel the strength quivering in my muscles as the animal inside of me tried to take over. One wrong move and…snap! It would all be over, and this search, so near its end, would have to be restarted.

I jerked my head away from her wrist, gasping and fighting for control. Oh God, what have I done? I covered my mouth with one hand, my fingers spread across my face, and squeezed my eyes shut. It's too late now.

She recaptured my attention when she cried out in pain and began to flay on the gurney, jolting her broken bones. How would I fix them? Realising my lack of choices, I gathered her into my arms tightly and left the morgue.

Chapter 5 – Rebirth

I waited as her eyelids fluttered open and those gorgeous honey eyes took in their surroundings. Her gaze found mine and I felt my throat tighten up. What if I had been wrong? What if she wasn't the angel I had envisioned? Or she didn't…like me? Or Edward, for that matter? What if she and I were too different? Perhaps she would not embrace my way of life, and she would choose to hunt humans instead? Could I live with that?

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she tried to comprehend what had happened, and then a different expression filled her eyes which I should have recognised instantly, after all my years training as a doctor, but I didn't. Before I had time to react she promptly rolled over and vomited onto the dirt.

Her vomit was a sickly yellow-pink colour, randomly splashed through with psychedelic swirls of red. I didn't need medical training to know what they were.

Once she had finished coughing and hacking (quite similarly to that of a cat with a nasty hairball) she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and turned to look at me queerly.

"Who are you?" she questioned with fire in her eyes. "And where am I pray tell? Because I assume you have brought me here for a reason."

I was shocked into silence. But only briefly.

"You remember…nothing?" I asked, disbelief colouring my tone.

"What exactly am I supposed to have remembered?" she countered.

Oh dear. Now, this could end badly. Tread carefully, Carlisle, these tiles have a habit of slipping.

"Well," I began, breathing deeply. "What is the last thing you remember before now?"

She pursed her lips, before curiosity got the better of her and her eyes took on a glassy, distant look. Then she gasped.

"The cliff!" she cried. "Oh my gosh, the cliff! I jumped and somehow…"

She turned to look at me speculatively. "I'm dead, aren't I?" she asked, her initial boldness beginning to wear thin. "I'm dead and I've ended up here." She spread her arms wide, gesturing to the bleak landscape. It was true; I hadn't exactly picked a prime location to take her, but it was desolate enough that I didn't think we would be disturbed. We were about five miles from the nearest town, two kilometres off the road, it was an overcast day, and were sitting in the middle of a dead grass paddock. Again, not exactly a prime location.

I was speechless. What was I to say to this audacious, beautiful woman? She had no idea what had happened to her. How would I explain? Clears throat I'm sorry to have to inform you, dear lady, but three days ago I poisoned you and you are now a vampire, only you haven't realised it yet.

She stood up abruptly and dusted herself off; her jaw was set firmly, but her eyes betrayed the panic she was feeling. She began walking away from me, and the vomit she had left coagulating on the ground, with her head held high in dignified silence.

"Wait!" I called, standing up taking a step in her direction. She did not turn, nor did her fast pace falter; anyone would have thought she didn't hear me.

"Where are you going?" I asked, proceeding to follow her, but keeping my distance.

She paused. "I don't know." Her voice cracked mid-sentence and she covered her face with her hands.

I caught up to her and gently removed her hands from her face. She made no move to stop me and, when I could see them, her eyes were brimming with grief.

"There is something I need to tell you," I started.

"Like why I'm here?" she asked, tilting her chin to look at me directly.

"Well, the thing is…" I spoke slowly, thinking my way through each sentence. "You did die, only…"

"I knew it!" she interrupted miserably, before collapsing back onto the ground.

"Wait, let me finish," I said, only just holding back a small chuckle. "The thing is you're dead, but not entirely. You're…undead."

"Undead?" she repeated, her eyebrows raised.

"Okay, let me rephrase that," I tried. "You're not dead, but you're not alive either. The thing is, I found you on a gurney, and…"

"A gurney!" she cried, and I could have sworn I saw memories stirring to life behind her eyes.

"Yes, well," I continued. "You were still alive, but only just. And I…bit you."

"What?" she squeaked in indignation.

"It was the only way I could save you!" I pleaded, hoping for her acceptance. "I turned you into a vampire, like me, so you wouldn't die."

"A vampire?" She stood up now, her eyes wary, and took a step back.

"Yes," I said firmly with as much sincerity as I could muster. "Can you not feel the difference already?"

She looked at her hands quizzically, her eyes lingering over the obvious teeth marks on her wrist, and then explored the shape of her face with her fingertips. Her gaze roved over her tattered black funeral gown and her bare feet that, although they were still very white, needed a good wash.

"I feel unbreakable," she said finally. "And frozen." She was quiet for a moment, before stating hopelessly, "What you're asking me to believe is impossible."

I took a deep breath. "So you don't believe me?"

"Well, I don't know!" she cried. "I mean, vampires are just not real!"

"Am I not real to you?" I murmured, taking a step towards her. She did not move away, but turned her head so she could avoid my eyes.

"Here," I said, taking her hand and placing it over my heart. "Do you feel anything? Any thumps of my heart to prove I truly live?"

We waited together for her to sense the thrumming of life beneath her fingers. It didn't come.

"No," she said in a hushed whisper, her voice hoarse. "I feel nothing."

"Do you believe me now?"

She took a minute to consider this, and to gather her thoughts. By the time she spoke she seemed more herself. "I think so," she admitted slowly. "I mean, it's damn near impossible to explain why I'm even here, and that reason is as good as any I guess. But if I'm a vampire, how is it possible for me to be out in the sun? I thought vampires were allergic to sunlight."

I glanced up at the darkening sky.

"That's a myth," I explained. "As is the whole 'we-sleep-in-coffins thing', and we certainly do not turn into bats."

"But will I have to drink blood?" she whispered, almost like she was afraid to even form the question. I hesitated, and that was enough for her.

"Oh well isn't that just perfect," she scoffed, her terror coming out in sarcasm. "You know what? I feel thirsty already. Is that what it's like? You start off thirsty and it just gets worse and worse until you just attack someone?" By the end her voice had risen an octave.

"It's really not that bad," I assured her, though I didn't fully believe my own words. "I don't hunt people, only animals, and I…" I trailed off, seeing that I was only making her more upset.

"But I don't want to." Her face crumpled and she stumbled away from me a few more steps before her legs gave way. She sank to the ground and wept into her hands.

Chapter 6 – Possibilities

I let her cry; it was better for her to get it out now, rather then at a more inconvenient time. For the while I sat down, too, and pondered my new position. I had made a new vampire, and as a strong fledgling she would need to be taught the basics soon; what to do, what not to do. She would need to know the extent of her own strength, and how she could control it. I would have to teach her to stay away from humans at all times, or at least for the first couple of years, and, most of all, she needed to work out whether she wanted to stay with me, or go out on her own. It was common for young vamps to stay with their maker, as far as I knew, but with a daring beauty such as she, who was to say she wouldn't just leave on a whim? Get up and go? The possibility of this seemed likely. Yet I was still taken with her; it was not her face, it was her everything; her heart and soul, her personality, her rebelliousness. And I didn't even know her name.

I became aware that her crying had stopped, and when I looked up she was standing there quietly, almost waiting for me to acknowledge her.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen," I said softly. "What's yours?"

A slight smile twitched at the corners of her lips. It took my breath away, just like it had the first time; in that morgue three days ago.

"Esme," she said. "My name is Esme."