Title: Pillow Talk (Chapter 5)

Author: Tenohikari

Fandom: Gundam Seed Destiny

Pairing: Kira/Shinn (um... yay for non-existent pairings)

Rating: PG-13/R

Warning: A little AU-ish but there are spoilers for the series thus far and shounen ai/yaoi themed if you haven't gotten that from that pairing. Also the rating has gone up for this chapter for implied adult situations. Again, if this offends you in any way go BACK now.

More warnings: Sorry for the delay. This chapter was VERY rushed and un-betad, so all errors are my own (I guess it would double as a legal disclaimer, wouldn't it? No? Okay. Legal Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed Destiny. Gundammit.)

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Chapter Five

"Hello, this is Mayu! Sorry, but I'm not available right now. So please leave your name and number after the beep, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Ja matta ne!"

In the past, Shinn would have left a message despite knowing that his little sister would never respond to it. Now more than ever did he want to hear her voice - not just a recording - cheer him up when he was at his lowest. He needed the reassurance that everything would be all right. Maybe she could even give him sisterly advice, on his current dilemma. Now here Shinn was again, brooding in the darkness of his shared room, racking his brain, while staring at the pink cell phone that had belonged to his sister with the futile hope that it would ring.

Yet as the long months rolled into years, he grimly accepted the fact that despite he needed to stop dwelling on the past. Stop nursing the image of himself standing over the bodies of his parents and sister. A part of him desperately wanted to move on with his life, to once again open his heart to others. Like his comrades onboard the Minerva. Stellar. Kira.

What was he going to do? There was no sense in confronting Kira while he was unconscious, and most certainly not while Athrun was at his side. If possible, his frown darkened even more at the thought of the two of them together. He had learned from both Lunamaria and Rey, that Athrun, pilot of Justice, had fought alongside the Freedom. Alongside his Kira.

Comrades... Friends... Old lovers perhaps?

He clenched his teeth, throwing an arm across his face as if to obscure the mental image that was now assaulting his mind. He couldn't rid himself of the blood smears on the durasteel floor where Freedom's pilot had laid. Then there was the fear that he was losing Kira to the FAITH officer or worse, to death. As much as he wanted to go to the infirmary and shake an explanation from the brunette, Shinn didn't want to see Athrun there. Athrun protecting Kira from him.

Shinn squeezed his sister's last memento with white knuckles, before imbedding his face into a pillow. How many nights did he spend wishing that the fluffy softness was the lean form of his lover? He couldn't recall how many times his hand would brushed against the soft fabric, imagining it to be those familiar dark chocolate locks that he would twine them about his fingers. His thoughts didn't dare go further than just a simple touch. Not when his roommate was often awake in those ungodly hours of the night, just like he was now.

Cracking one weary red eye open, Shinn watched the blonde from where he lay, working diligently at the terminal. He never knew what kind of work Rey would be doing so late, but whatever it was seemed important. The other boy didn't even glance in his direction, when he got up and dressed to take a stroll around the ship.

Automatically his feet led him first towards the hanger for simulation practice; but then he turned away and headed somewhere else. It wasn't too long ago he had use to spend almost every hour of free time he had training himself to defeat his enemy. His enemy. His boyfriend.

God! It wasn't fair! Why did it all have to turn out like this? He had promised to protect Stellar. Despite killing so many people, she had remained innocent until her last breathe when she died in his arms. He had wanted to avenge her death - and it nearly cost him the life of another he cared for.

Why of all people - did Kira have to be the pilot of the Freedom? He lost count of how many times the laid together talking. Shinn had told his boyfriend that he was a mobile suit pilot. He had told him what he fought for, the tragedies of war, and his own losses. Kira would offer words of comfort, claiming he understood...

But all this time...

Shinn's face contorted into a scowl as he remembered that Atha woman and how the Freedom had protected her more than once. It had been Kira who had piloted such a formidable mobile and disarmed his Impulse in their first fight. The same Kira who had laid in bed with him and lied about it all!

Grinding his teeth together, the raven-haired boy vented his frustration on a nearby wall. Pounding against it with his fists until he finally broke into a sob. Luckily, the hallway was empty, not that he cared what people thought of him at the moment. Slowly, he sank to he knees, resting his forehead against the wall's hard surface as tears stained his cheeks.

The brunette had told him that he loved him not too long ago... but was that a lie too?

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Kira decided it would probably be best if the ones holding him captive didn't know he was awake. He wasn't sure how long pretending to be asleep would fool them and from being interrogated. As he lay motionless with his wrists bound together, his mind was running a mile per minute. The teen knew he shouldn't depend on Athrun to get him out of this situation. Also Lacus and Waldfeld were now space and he wouldn't be able to get a hold of them.

What else could he do? The brunette didn't know how many people were watching him. He heard the quiet foot steps in the room, indicating that at least a nurse was present after the doctor had left. Was Athrun still sitting at his bedside? He couldn't start testing the limit of his restraints until he was alone. Even if he did manage to get free, what about security? He was unarmed and what if there were armed guards posted outside the door. What about Shinn, was he still waiting outside?

He would rather deal with the soldiers ready to gun him down then have to confront those accusing garnet eyes. Nothing in the world could prepare him for trying to confess to his lover, that he had lied to him from day one. If he hadn't a prisoner of war trying to appear unconscious, Kira would have frowned. How was he going to convince Shinn that his true feelings weren't false as well? How would he be able to explain his reasons to the pilot Impulse who saw him as an enemy and defeated him in battle.

Which reminded Kira again that even if he was lucky enough to escape the infirmery, passed armed ZAFT soldiers, and managed to find the ship's hanger, hijack a mobile suit; how was he going to get to ORB with Minerva on his tail? The battleship was very much like the Archangel and for all he knew they could be underwater, or in space, or somewhere stationed with literally hundreds of ZAFT mobile suits and ships waiting to shoot him down.

"Looks like you're screwed, Yamato," Kira grudgingly had to admit. He just had to hold out as long as he could until friends in high places could come to his rescue. Unless of course his captives planned on executing him.

Automatically, he held his breath upon hearing the doors open briefly, before closing shut. Did someone leave or enter? Kira couldn't tell with his eyes closed. There was no longer the sound of footsteps echoing across linoleum which meant that the medical staff was probably on break or done for the day. Day? Night? He wasn't sure of the time, he had counted the seconds from the moment he had awoken, and had pretended to be asleep for almost an hour.

It was only did he hear the voice of his best friend, did he exhale.

"You can open your eyes, Kira," Athrun spoke softly, "It's just us."

At the other teenager's reassuring tone, the brunette dared to slowly crack one eye open. He cautiously scanned the room, just in case, before glancing over at Athrun sitting at his bedside. The other coordinator was staring down at him and his lips twitched into a tiny smile of relief.

"How did you know I was awake?" he rasped before trying to clear his throat.

Athrun reached backwards to retrieve a cup sitting on the counter behind him. "You normally sleep with your mouth open," he informed him, while tilting the cup down a bit. Allowing Kira to drink the cool water and letting it ease his parched throat.

"Do I?" Kira asked afterwards, licking his lips while Athrun drew away. "I wouldn't know since I'm asleep when it happens and..." he trailed off and remembered while he was sedated. "The Archangel..."

"Got away."

Relief washed over him like balm. His sister and comrades had managed to escape as his friend explained that one of the ships' engines were deployed to fool them into thinking it had sunk. After an investigation, they had learned the truth and the "legged ship" was most likely heading back to ORB.

Cagalli was going to be furious with him. This was probably the third time she was going to believe him dead.

"Look, Kira," Athrun began in a hushed voice that immediately alerted the brunette to pay attention. "The Mineva is heading towards Gibraltar. I don't think Captain Gladys has reported that we captured a member of the Clyne Faction yet..."

The Clyne Faction. Lacus. Kira's eyes narrowed, were they going to use him to get to her somehow? Over his dead body! They may not have had a romantic relationship like everyone had believed they did at first; but they were rather close. She was his friend and he would do nothing to put her in danger. Too many people depended and adored 'Lacus-sama', and if anything were to happen, the imposter would take over her place permanently.

"...I'm going to make some arrangements," the former pilot of the SAVIOR Gundam told him. "To help you escape."

"How?"

"Some old teammates of mine owe me a favor."

Old teammates...? Kira then instantly remembered his conversation with Milly back in Diocuia. Dearka Elthman was going to help him?

"So just sit tight and don't try anything. I mean it, Kira!" Athrun hissed, grasping his shoulders and shook him. "If you try to escape on your own, they won't hesitate to kill you. So promise me! Just stay here in the infirmary and try not to draw any attention to yourself."

The other boy begin to feel dizzy when his friend continued to shake him, and wouldn't stop until he answered. "I promise... but." He sighed thankfully when Athrun finally stopped. "Athrun, why can't you come with me? You don't belong here with them."

Kira blinked at the sudden deja vu those words had caused. It reminded him so much of the other's request when they fought each other in the first war. Now he was asking Athrun to abandon his comrades...

Shinn.

His stomach growled, breaking the tense silence. Kira looked sheepishly back at his friend who only smirked. Relieved of the sudden change of subject.

"I'll go get you something to eat. The doctor won't be back until later and the security outside won't respond to any of your requests, so is there anything you need before I go?"

He held up his arms. "I don't suppose you could remove my restraints? They kind of itch." Listening to his friend snort and mumble that he would be back soon, Kira felt a little relaxed. Despite their past arguments, his friendship with Athrun would hopefully keep him from rotting in prison or executed.

However, Gibraltar is a ZAFT base situated on the extreme southern tip of Spain. Even with Dearka's help they were surrounded by PLANT's military, not to mention the Mediterranean Sea. It short, it would be no easy task, and he didn't know what his role would be in the escape plan. He didn't want to be a burden to hid allies; but Without the Freedom, how was he going to fight his battles properly?

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After washing his face of the embarrassing tear stains, Shinn wandered the halls again until his body reminded him that he hadn't eaten since the morning he defeated the Freedom. He wasn't sure if he could hold anything down though. Especially when he overheard some of the nurses gossip to each other how handsome the prisoner was, or how Athrun never left his side. It just made him nauseous.

Shinn was just about to head back to his room until his eye caught the sight of another red uniform. Quickly he sidestepped into another corridor and watched with a glare on his face, Athrun Zala walk pass him. The older boy looked to be in deep thought, he didn't even lift his head to acknowledge him.

He grounded his teeth together and resisted the urge to say something vile to the other pilor. Shinn wouldn't physically assault an superior officer, but he wouldn't hold back verbally. If the prisoner hadn't been his Kira, he would have remarked how Athrun had abused his power and didn't deserve to be in FAITH. However, a part of him was grateful that Athrun had done so, or Kira may have died and he would have never known what had become of him. Still...

'It should have been me.'

Then it quickly occurred to him that Athrun was walking away from the infirmary. Was Kira alone? No, the doctor and nurses would still be there, not to mention the guards. Still ... it wouldn't hurt to see what condition the brunette was in now.

At first he tried to walk casually towards the section of the ship the pilot of the Freedom was located at. The prisoner. Before he knew it, he had practically been sprinting down the hallways at the thought of actually talking to his lover. Who could finally explain himself and his actions. To give Shinn the answers he desperately needed to know before the questions drove him mad.

Do you really love me?

He quickly came to a quiet halt, peered around the corner and couldn't believe his luck. The guards that had been stationed at the door were gone! Although they're absence would have worried him, he didn't waste any time to check around and enter the room carefully. Good fortune seemed to be his that day, for not only was Athrun, the guards gone; but the medical staff as well.

Leaving only Kira alone in the room. Though good fortune didn't last long as Shinn noted that his lover was unconscious. His excitement was replaced with disappointment that he wouldn't be able to get his answers after all. Still... since he was here. Cautiously he approached the bed, holding his breath as he reached out with trembling fingers to caress those chocolate locks.

'So soft and beautiful. I can't believe he's here... I can't believe this is really happening.'

It was as if they were back in ORB all over again. There first night together, he had been unable to sleep. All he could do was watch his lover while he slept, mesmerized by his gentle features. He used to stay up for hours, until dawn even, studying the person who had changed his life. His fate.

Growing bolder, he trailed his hand alongside the other coordinator's face, stopping when he gently pressed the tips of his fingers mouth. How many times had Kira kissed him with those soft-as-silk parted lips? How many times did his whisper words of endearment into his ear?

"Shinn."

He was startled to look up quickly to see amethyst eyes looking back at him. How long had he been awake? Did the doctor or Athrun know? Those were questions Shinn should have been thinking but staring back at the older coordinator now who, despite the bandages wrapped around his arm and forehead - looked completely fine.

Better than Stellar had the two times he had pulled her out of a mobile suit cockpit. Stellar. Shinn gritted his teeth, reluctantly pulling his hand back and stepped away. He averted his eyes from Kira's and remembered why he was here.

"Tell me..." he managed, several seconds later. "Tell me who you really are."

Kira wished he could have anticipated this moment earlier so he could calmly explain everything to Shinn, rather sitting there with his mouth hanging open. He wasn't surprised to hear such a request. What probably shocked him the most was how composed the younger boy seemed to be right now. He had expected Shinn to yell at him in anger. To curse him for his lies. To cry at being decieved in such a way. As he moved into a sitting position, he saw Shinn tense for a moment, before trying to read his body language. He could see it with the way fiery red eyes scrutinized him, burning into his skin.

Swallowing hard, Kira decided to stare at his bound arms instead. Reminding himself that he didn't have much time to explain. Athrun would be back soon and as soon as they arrived Gibraltar, he was hopefully getting off this ship. Whether to be rescued or condemned; he may not have the opportunity to talk to Shinn like this again.

"I am... who I told you I was," he started out awkwardly. "I'm Kira Yamato."

"You didn't tell me you were a soldier."

"I'm not," Kira protested, "Not anymore anyway."

"Anymore?"

"I... I used to be a soldier for the Earth Alliance."

Shinn frowned darkly, quickly folding his arms across his chest before he could use them to do anything he might regret later. He hated the Earth Alliance as much as ORB. They were, after all, responsible for the death of his family and Stellar ... and Kira fought for both of them! Didn't he know about Logos and how the Blue Cosmos wanted to wipe them all out!

"Two years ago," Kira added quickly as he saw the furious storm brewing in the other's heated glare. "Only because I wanted to protect my friends who were Naturals. The Archangel had defected and formed an alliance with ORB and the Clyne-Faction. We don't wish for violence, that last thing I wanted to do was fight again, but I know it's necessary to bring peace - for all sides: Plant, Earth, and everyone caught in the crossfire."

"I didn't want to lie to you at ORB, Shinn," he continued. "It was just that after the war, before I met you, I haven't done anything with my life."

Kira had lost count of all the times he spent sitting on the porch. His gaze fixed only on the unchanging, never-ending, ocean. All his dreams when he had been an naive tech student were gone. Washed away with tides of war. All his potential as an Ultimate Coordinator was stored up, hopefully never to see the light of day. He didn't want others to know the origin of his birth. Unlike George Glenn, who revealed the secret of his life's success as the first coordinator in history, which had eventually led to this war. Kira didn't even want to imagine the chaos his secret would cause.

"Unlike my friends who were able to move on with their lives, I was still stuck in the past, and was ashamed of it."

He finally looked up to meet his boyfriend's gaze, hoping at least that Shinn would believe him.

"Why didn't you ever tell me when we were together?" Shinn wanted to know with a note of desperation. "You didn't trust me?"

"It wasn't about trust."

"It wasn't?"

"I wanted to..." the brunette spoke softly, "whenever we had our pillow talks, I really wanted to tell you everything. Those moments we had together were wonderful; but short and I didn't want to ruin them. I didn't want to loose you..."

Kira felt an invisible hand tighten around his throat when he saw the look of doubt and conflict on the other's face. "Or fight you," he continued, "or hurt you in anyway. But if I told you about me and my affiliation, I would have been putting my allies in danger."

"Then it is about trust!" Shinn nearly yelled. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down and lowered his voice. "You thought I would use you-"

"No."

The sudden answer stunned Shinn into silence, as Kira shook his head and hardened his gaze.

"No," he repeated with a softer tone, "I wasn't worried about what you would do, Shinn. I do trust you, and Athrun; but I couldn't afford to tell either of you anything, because of who you're both affiliated with."

"You and I are both driven by our goals, and I do believe that we fight for the same reasons, just for different people. Different causes."

"Who?"

"Gilbert Dullindal."

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After her most recent concert - which involved more singing and dancing, followed shortly by another serious speech of encouraging hope and peace; Meer Campbell was exhausted. It just wasn't easy being PLANT'S princess, Lacus Clyne. Fortunatly the long flight to Gibraltar would allow her some time for some much needed shut eye. Yet her excitement to see Athrun again, the one whom she considered to be a close (even if it probably wasn't mutual) friend and shared her secret.

She couldn't wait to tell him all the exciting things that have been going on at PLANT. Even though he probably wouldn't be interested, Athrun would smile and listen like the gentleman he was. Meer also wanted to know how he had been fairing as well. It was a pity they couldn't email each another, but she knew the fighting must have kept him busy. At least now they would have a chance to catch up... that is if she could get some sleep.

Glancing up front her laptop, where she listened to music and typed almost endlessly about the day's events in her diary, the songstress saw that she wasn't only one awake. The Chairman of PLANT seated before her, and was also working, though it appeared he was talking to someone. Worried that he may have been talking to her, Meer quickly lowered the volume of the song she was listening to, so that she would be able to hear him with the earphones still in.

Much to her relief, he had not been speaking directly to her. For Meer heard two voices in conversation, one of course was the Chairman, the other belonged to the person he was speaking with on his laptop's screen. Shrugging, she was about to turn the volume of her newest demo back up, until Athrun's name was mentioned.

"This is a rather unexpected development," the older man mused but did not sound at all upset by it. "After all the Savior unit was destroyed by that person."

Meer's eyes widened, and she managed to stop herself from vocalizing her shock by placing a hand over her mouth. Athrun was defeated and the Savior Gundam was destroyed? How was that possible, he was supposed to be the best!

"Shall I take care of this problem?" a young man's voice asked.

"No," the Chairman responded immediately, "Just continue to monitor them until the Minerva reaches Gibraltar. I will deal with him myself."

Who? The idol wonders to herself. Athrun? Would he be punished for his defeat?

"I understand."

The conversation ended right after that, and Meer watched the Chairmain recline back in his seat. A smile spreads over Dullindal's pale face, and it's not the charmingly friendly one she is used to seeing. The one that she sometimes thinks, is just for show.

"It's time that Kira Yamato and I, meet face to face."

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Author's Notes:

Sorry for the long delay. Ever since my nephew was born I've been spending most of my freetime babysitting. Writer's block is also ( responsible (as it always is). Again, this story is unbetad, I just finished it today, eventhough I SHOULD be studying for my finals

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