Chapter One

Thump. What the hell was that? I thought to myself, as I slowly uncurled myself from my position at the end of the couch. There was my best friend Tyler, lying on the floor and laughing like an insane person. "It's not that funny. By the way, dumbass, you should've saved the food before you hit the floor." Said his brother, Nathan, sitting in his usual position at the other end of the couch, holding a huge plate of spaghetti.

"What time did you get in?" I asked, still groggy from my sudden company. "Around six. You were knocked out."

"I guess. Is there any food left? I'm starving."

"Whatever Ty didn't squash is on the table." He was looking at his younger brother, his hazel eyes regarding him with skepticism and fondness at the same time. While I was growing up, I always thought of Nathan as a grizzly bear; he was big and cuddly to the people he cared about, but if you pissed him off he'd make you pay. Luckily, I was lucky enough to never have that temper turned on me, and for that I was grateful. I got up and got a plate of pasta and some pizza. Tyler recovered his composure and now the two brothers were yelling at the TV. "What the hell! Can I get an offensive foul? Are you blind ref?" Apparently there was a game on. Not in the mood for basketball, I retired to my room. While staring at my quilted comforter, I let my mind drift to other things.

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June 2001

Dad was staring at me in this way that he had, as if he was trying to say he loved me but also saying that that love couldn't change anything. But his eyes held something else: defeat. This was the man that said he would be there for me. I remembered when I was five and thought that my dad was some sort of superhero, simply because we always had our Friday nights, parked in front of the TV, eating huge bowls of macaroni and cheese and watching whatever sports game was on. It was simple back then. He promised me that he wouldn't let anything bad happen, but there he was, six years later, not even close to fulfilling his promise. Instead, he was telling me that he had to go, he was sorry he had to leave me on my birthday, but he had to take care of something and he was sure that Tyler's family would take good care of me. He promised that he would be back, and that he loved me. I was eleven, not stupid; I already knew that he wasn't coming back. I knew he was giving up. Since Mom died, our macaroni Fridays were over and he couldn't even bear to look at me anymore, we never said more than two words to each other for weeks. Yet despite the fact that he was leaving, I didn't feel anything. Not sadness, fear, anger, nothing. Zero. Just an understanding, and an acknowledgement that my life wasn't going to be the same.

A loud knock came at the door, breaking me from my memories. "What?"

" You alright? You seem weird. You didn't even take a bite out of your food. Knowing you, you would've been down for seconds by now." Tyler tilted his head and cocked an eyebrow, daring me to try and lie to him.

"I don't know. I'm just, I don't know. Lots of homework, work, you know."

"You're having a lot of days like that."

"I know, I just…" I trailed off, hoping that he'd let me drop the subject and forget about trying to explain. He didn't, and just kept staring at me. Something came together in his head, and he read my mind, as usual.

"I get it. Father-daughter dance is coming up. Val, your dad was a good guy, and you know that he loves you. He just couldn't take it anymore, so he bailed. Don't blame yourself just because he couldn't cope." I shrugged; it had the essence of multiple conversations in the past. I understood what he was saying, but I couldn't bring myself to believe him. He was being naïve.

"C'mon. You don't have to be all tough with me, ok? I've known you since we were in diapers. Don't think that I believe you when you smile and say that nothing is really wrong." Damn him. Is he just trying to be all smart to annoy me? I hated that he was way more perceptive than a guy should be.

"Whatever. I'm over it. Can we drop this and talk about something else?"

Nate's head poked into my room. "Hey guys, gotta meeting. Which tie looks better?" He held up a black and silver striped tie and a plain red one.

"Stripes."

"Alright. Later."

We heard him start up his car and pull out of the garage. Tyler plopped himself on my bed with his arms behind his head, and looked up at me with his deep brown eyes, with a very serious look on his face. Something that seemed so out of place for a face made for smiling all the time. "You can cry, you know. If you ever needed to. I wouldn't laugh." I hit him in the face with a pillow. "Right. You'd just hold it over my head for the rest of eternity."

"Yup." We stayed there in companionable silence. This was one of the things that made us best friends. We were comfortable with silence. It was really annoying when people tried to cover the silence by talking about nothing. After a while, he got up and kissed my forehead. I looked up at him and wished I could tell him thanks for noticing, for caring. But being me, I just gave him a small smile. I never could tell people how much I appreciated things, or how much I cared about them. It's a good thing he knew me well enough to know what I was thinking. He nodded and left my room, leaving me to lay back and stare at the ceiling. I didn't understand this. Why wasn't I over it yet? It had been six years, so it shouldn't still be lingering in my mind. I was starting to think that maybe this was one thing that I wouldn't ever get over. Maybe it isn't so much getting over it, but learning to live with it. Living with a tiny piece that would always wonder why I wasn't important enough to make him stay. I sank back into bed, the thoughts gnawing at me, and fell into a reluctant sleep.