Umbrella of Lies
Chapter 3: First Date
……….
……….
In the moonlight, Tatewaki Kuno (age 17) cut a magnificent figure. He wore his best dark suit, which accentuated his height and his dashing good looks, and in one hand, he held a bouquet of exquisite roses. He gripped them tightly. He was not here for love, but to do battle. The flowers were his sword and his suit was his armor and his adversary was his date for the night, Nabiki Tendo.
He knocked.
Akane opened the door. "Hello, Upperclassman Kuno," she said.
He was not prepared for that. It was though the dragon had dissolved into the lovely princess—here stood Akane, dressed in blue, with a golden ribbon forming a halo around her hair. Kuno felt light-headed.
"Akane Tendo," Kuno said. "Have you been expecting me?"
His heart swelled. His arms opened wide, and he ran to embrace her. Akane looked away demurely, holding up a single, slender arm. Kuno ran face-first into her fist.
It hurt, but Kuno laughed. Akane was as strong as she was beautiful. A maiden of pure and modest temperament, she would allow no man to encroach upon her virtue.
"Let us away, my love, to date," Kuno said. "Please accept these flowers as proof of my ardor."
"Why thank you, Kuno-baby, but I'm standing over here."
A chill went up his spine. Just behind Akane, wearing black pants and a black jacket, stood Nabiki. One hand settled on her hip, an enormous bag around her wrist. She smiled, as if amused.
"Those are my flowers, aren't they?" Nabiki said.
"Yes," Kuno said, through teeth gritted. "Akane, please forgive me, but I am indeed here to date…your sister."
"I know," Akane said. "I'm coming with you."
"You are?" He was touched. "Even as I date your sister, you would stand by my side. Akane Tendo…"
"Her date's waiting at the restaurant," Nabiki said.
"Her date?"
"Yep," Nabiki said. "Didn't I tell you, Kuno-baby, it's a double date."
Kuno wrenched his wooden sword from his belt. "Who is this imposter that would dare impose himself upon Akane! No man may date her without first defeating her! I have declared it—"
"Ah, but you're dating me now," Nabiki said. "So I don't see why it matters."
"You mean to torture me!"
"Why would I want that, Kuno-baby?"
"What other reason could you have," Kuno said, "except that your heart is cruel and finds joy in the misery of others."
Nabiki shrugged. "Well," she said, "I guess I just don't want to see my sister staying home on a Friday night." She smiled.
That smile threw him. For a moment, Nabiki seemed playful and cute. Kuno quickly banished the thought from his head. She was a malicious trickster, and he was dating her to get the pictures. That was all.
"So, are we going?" Akane said.
"We shall proceed," Kuno said. "But fear not, Akane, for if that fiend lays but a single finger on you, I shall smite him with all the might of Blue Thunder. The villain will curse the day he was born."
"Sounds good," Nabiki said. "Let's go."
……….
Nabiki, of course, picked out the restaurant.
The Century Restaurant was on the top floor of the Century Hyatt Hotel, and at night, the skyline was beautiful. As the elevator opened, the low smooth sound of live jazz wafted in. Nabiki smiled. It was one of her favorite places, but she couldn't go very often—it was too high-class and few of her dates could afford it.
Nabiki walked straight up to the restaurant manager. "I have a reservation for four, under the name Kuno," she told him.
"Right this way, please," he said. "A member of your party is already waiting for you."
Nabiki smiled at Kuno, who didn't seem to notice her at all. He wouldn't have looked bad—he certainly wore his suit well—but he had taken out his kendo sword and was glaring at their table like it had insulted his mother. Nabiki shook her head. Kuno would be the kind of date a girl would love to show off, if only he didn't act so silly all the time.
At first it seemed that the waiter was leading them to an empty table—a very nice empty table, with crystal glasses and raspberry napkins folded into crescent moons. But there was no sign of Akane's date. Nabiki wondered briefly if he left. Then, a head poked out of the table cloth. Gosunkugi had been slouching so low in his chair he was practically invisible. When he saw Akane, his face broke into a dopy grin.
When Akane saw him, she turned pale. "That's my date?"
"Akane, may I introduce—" Nabiki began.
"Traitor!" Kuno yelled.
Nabiki blinked. In an instant, Kuno rushed across the room, his sword a whirlwind. Chairs clattered to the floor as he passed. Gosunkugi leapt out of his seat, but Kuno was too quick. He backed Gosunkugi into a corner, and raised his sword ominously over Gosunkugi's neck.
"So, you play Brutus tonight," Kuno said. "You think to steal Akane all to yourself. But I shall teach you the pain that awaits those who betray their betters."
Gosunkugi quivered.
"Kuno," Nabiki said. "This is a nice restaurant. Put your stick away and sit down." The orchestra had stopped playing and people turned around in their chairs. It was embarrassing.
Kuno glared at her over his shoulder. "Did you have something to do with this?" he said.
"After Ranma refused, I had to find someone for Akane," Nabiki said. She crossed her arms. "And if you attack him here, I don't think I'll feel much like finishing this date, Kuno-baby. We'll have to go through this all over again—at a much more expensive place."
Kuno looked once more at Gosunkugi. His lips moved, some whisper of a threat, and Gosunkugi shrank back. Then Kuno put his wooden sword away and sat down. Jazz began to flow once more and waiters set the chairs back up. Nabiki felt a small spark of triumph. That was one problem down.
"Nabiki, can I have a word with you?" Akane said.
And one more to go. "Sure, sis," Nabiki said, turning her back to the boys. "What is it?"
"When you said you'd set me up on a date, this isn't exactly what I had in mind," Akane said.
"It's not a real date, remember?" Nabiki said. "It's just a cover. I need you to protect me from Kuno."
"But he doesn't seem interested in you."
That hurt Nabiki's pride. "Well, gee, thanks," she said dryly.
"I didn't mean—"
"If you'll excuse me," Nabiki said. "I have to go make sure my date doesn't skewer your date before the appetizers arrive."
Actually, Kuno was behaving himself as well as could be expected. He sat stiffly in his chair, spouting off poetic threats to Gosunkugi. Gosunkugi slunk low in his chair, eyes barely peeping above the tablecloth. When Akane sat down, Gosunkugi smiled at her. Kuno whipped out his stick.
Drama, as usual. Nabiki waved down a waiter.
"I'm ready to order," she said. "I'll have the Kobe beef and lobster." She turned her date. "What do you want, Kuno-baby?"
"Cretin! If you leer at Akane again, I shall teach you better manners with my sword!"
"He'll have the same," Nabiki said.
"And what will you have, Miss?" the waiter said to Akane.
Akane coughed. "This is all so expensive."
"It's not your money so you might as well live it up," Nabiki said.
Akane frowned and fretted. Her sister had no taste for luxury. Nabiki leaned slightly against the cushion of her chair and watched a waiter wheel a cart with a silver pitcher and rows of pretty deserts. A woman with long diamond earrings pointed to a small dark cake and gazed lovingly at her date, who smiled back and smoothly ordered coffee for them both. That was the life Nabiki wanted. One day it would be her's, not just for a single night, but forever.
"Miss Nabiki Tendo?"
It was the restaurant manager. "Yes?" Nabiki said.
"You have a phone call. A Miss Kasumi Tendo."
"That's odd. Excuse me."
She followed the manager to the front of the restaurant, carrying her purse with her. (Her purse held the photographs Kuno was buying, some makeup, and no wallet). She picked up the phone.
"Hello, Kasumi? What's going on?"
"Nabiki, I'm so sorry to interrupt your date, but you see, we have a little problem," Kasumi said. Nabiki heard a crash in the background. "Shampoo is here, and I'm afraid she's tearing apart the dojo. She says Ranma ran off on their date. She says she wants her money back."
Nabiki's grip tightened on the receiver. "She knows my policy. No refunds."
There was another crash, louder. This one came from the restaurant. Nabiki turned around. She rolled her eyes.
"Kasumi? Put Shampoo on the phone. Tell her I know where Ranma is."
……….
How had it been that the sharp eyes of Tatewaki Kuno had missed the arrival of Ranma Saotome? Perhaps it was that the villain had crouched low to the ground and moved from table to table like a sneak thief. Or, as Ranma was wearing a tuxedo similar to what the waiters wore, perhaps it was that he had donned a disguise and slipped unnoticed into the room. He must have come just after Nabiki had left, while Kuno himself was dreaming of rescuing Akane that they may date long into the night. However he got in, the reason he was here was obvious. He had come to laugh at Akane.
"That's your date?" Ranma said. "Oh, Nabiki's really done it this time."
He was gripping the leg of a table, bent over with laughter. His whole body shook. Hoots and guffaws burst from his rude lips.
"Go…Gosunkugi…" he wheezed. "The voodoo spike guy!" Tears squeezed from his eyes.
The more he laughed, the redder Akane grew, a blush of mortification spread across her cheeks. Her gentle hands pressed into quivering fists. Kuno felt her humiliation as his own, and his blood grew hot.
"Ranma Saotome, while I agree that this half-man who would date Akane is an unworthy creature, deserving of all laughter, I will not allow you to torment Akane in this insidious manner." He raised his sword. "Prepare, foul fiend, to meet your end!"
"Oh yeah. Try and stop me," Ranma said.
Kuno drove his sword down, but Ranma leapt to his feet and dodged the blow. Then, a strange thing happened. It was as if the very universe itself protested, for suddenly Ranma tripped and fell backwards. He crashed into a table a waiter had been clearing. The waiter jumped away and was saved; the table, however, broke. Plates of leftover food and wine glasses fell on top of Ranma.
"Justice," Kuno said. He heard a click.
Gosunkugi, weasel that he was, had taken advantage of the situation. He slipped quietly beside Akane and took their picture together. Akane blinked in surprise.
"Cur!" Kuno said. "You dare force yourself upon Akane!"
Gokunsugi shook Akane's hand, took his camera, and fled like a coward.
Kuno deemed him unworthy of pursuit—he could confront him later at school, if need be. For now, Kuno would deal Ranma the finishing blow. A smile curled on his lips. At long last, Kuno would have his revenge.
But, to his surprise, Ranma was gone. Lying on the table instead, wearing a tuxedo a few sizes too big, with red wine and water running down her front, was the pigtailed girl. She seemed stunned. She tried to pick herself up, only to slip and fall back down onto the broken wood.
"Oh, my love," Kuno said, "what terrible circumstances have brought you to me? What has that villain Ranma done to you?"
He gently picked her up. She protested, no doubt still frightened and confused from what had transpired.
"Fear not, beloved," he said. "For you are safe in the arms of Tatewaki Kuno. I will see to it that Ranma shall never harm you again."
He held her close.
……….
Nabiki had only been gone for a minute. When she came back, a table had been destroyed, Gosunkugi was gone, and Kuno was squeezing a flailing female Ranma whose best suit was blotched with food and sauce. The dry cleaning was going to cost him a fortune. Served him right.
"Are you from the Kuno party?" a waiter asked.
"Yes," Nabiki said, hands clenched.
"Our manager said you have to leave."
"The damage isn't so bad," Nabiki said. "And I can assure you the head of the party will pay for everything."
"They're still fighting," the waiter said.
It was true. Ranma was doing his best to slap Kuno upside the head, though, for some reason, he kept missing. Akane came up to Kuno and smacked him with her mallet. Kuno grabbed her arm and declared he would protect them both.
"I'll put an end to their argument," Nabiki said. She took a silver steaming pitcher off a desert cart. "Just write up the damages and make sure the bill is addressed to Kuno."
A second later—and one howling yelp—Ranma was male. Black coffee dripped off his pigtail.
Nabiki dropped the pitcher and sighed dramatically. "At it again," she said. "Oh, Kuno-baby."
When Kuno discovered the thing squirming in his arms was a boy, his face twisted nicely in horror.
"It's no use," Nabiki said. "I see your love is too strong. Ranma, Kuno, I wish you the best."
"What are you talking about?" Akane said.
"This is not what it looks like!" Kuno said, turning bright red. He pushed Ranma rather unceremoniously back into the broken table and plates of food. "Akane, do not believe her treacherous lies!"
"Lies, are they?" Nabiki said. "I have proof."
The look on his face was priceless.
She was tiptoeing around their agreement, but Nabiki didn't care. Kuno had almost gotten her thrown out of her favorite restaurant, and he was messing around with Ranma and Akane on his date with her. This was Kuno, of course, and Nabiki expected no less—but it still annoyed her.
Ranma managed to get to his feet. "What's going on?" He wobbled. "My legs aren't working right. What's happening to me?"
"I wouldn't know," Nabiki said. "But I bet Shampoo would. She was pretty angry when I spoke to her, and she mentioned something about an Amazon curse."
"Shampoo?" Akane said.
The front door to the restaurant suddenly crumbled. "Where Ranma? Why you leave Shampoo on date?"
"Looks like perfect timing," Nabiki said.
Akane turned a jealous shade of red. "Ranmaaaaa!" she roared.
Ranma was already trying to run. But the curse, whatever it was, was having its effect, and he kept stumbling, falling flat on his face. The two girls loomed over him. "Shampoo, Akane," he said, "it's not what it seems."
Drama, as usual. Nabiki pulled out her chair and sat back down to watch the show.
……….
Even the most gentle animal, once wounded and cornered by its enemy, would extend its claws and fight—and so it was with Akane Tendo, once the barbs of humiliation hath sunk deep within her tender heart. Her natural sweetness changed in an instant. A warrior's wrath, an aura of battle, radiated from her skin. It was a glow that sent her body alight, like some heavenly being, an angel of vengeance descended to earth. Or no—it was a perfume, rich and spicy, intoxicating to behold. It sent Kuno's heart soaring with desire. He saw the flare of Akane's blue dress, diaphanous as smoke, as she pounced into battle. His thoughts were awhirl.
He would join her in defeating the evil Ranma Saotome, yes, and once the deed were done, she would turn to him with eyes grown soft. Please Upperclassman Kuno, she would say, please take me from this awful place. He would assure her. But of course, my love. We shall away, to land where no one shall stand between our love. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet.
Perhaps Kuno was getting a little carried away. They were still in the midst of battle after all. When he tried to carry her, Akane's porcelain arm shot up and struck him square on the forehead, hard. An accident, he thought, as his vision faded to black….
When Kuno came to, Ranma and Shampoo were gone. He caught a flash of gold ribbon, like the last gleam of sunlight, as Akane stormed out the door.
Kuno leapt to his feet. "Akane, my beloved, wait for me."
"Tatewaki," Nabiki said.
He had forgotten about her. Nabiki was sitting at their table. Kuno could see the back of her black jacket and her profile, looking toward city lights of the skyline. Such a contrast of dark and light. Nabiki took a wine glass filled with water and brought it to her lips.
"Tatewaki, if you run off and leave me with the bill," she said, taking a sip, "I will be very, very angry."
Kuno considered it. For that moment, the thought of walking out on her filled him with intense joy—until Nabiki turned in her chair and her eyes fell upon him.
Kuno never realized Nabiki had a battle aura. It took him by surprise; it flooded him before he knew it. It paralyzed him. The power radiating from Nabiki was just as strong as Akane's, but different. Nabiki's energy was cold and came only from her eyes. If you cross me, I will destroy you. Not quickly. My vengeance will be slow, in little increments, but your pain will be complete. Kuno broke into a cold sweat. His limbs wouldn't move of their own accord. He found himself sitting down, against his will, in the chair across from her.
Nabiki smiled. Her battle aura disappeared.
Kuno's heart pounded in his chest. What was that? He felt a brush of butterflies in his stomach. Was that fear? Ha. He, the great Tatewaki Kuno, scared of such things. Attraction? Less likely.
Then what?
The food came, and Nabiki's expression changed. She was happy. He liked her better when she was happy, there was something almost soft about her, something nice…. A trick, he reminded himself. A trick a serpent would play, showing a false face to its prey, for Nabiki was dangerous and malicious, had he not seen it but a minute ago.
"Aren't you hungry, Kuno-baby?" Nabiki said.
Kuno looked down at the steak and lobster on his plate. "Did you order this?"
She nodded. "You should try the Kobe beef. It's absolutely delicious."
"I'm sure it is," he said. "This a high quality establishment."
"I'm glad you like it. It's one of my favorite restaurants."
"And how many men do you beguile into taking you here?"
"Beguile?" Nabiki pressed her chin to her hand and leaned forward. "Am I beguiling you, Kuno-baby?"
He didn't like the way she said the question. He didn't like the way she looked, with her hair falling across her face and a mischievous glint in her eyes. She looked sexy, and she knew it. She knew she was playing with his emotions; she was laughing at him. It made him angry.
"I would not date you of my own volition, Nabiki Tendo," Kuno said. "You are not my ideal of what a maiden ought to be. A maiden should be pure, as your sister is pure: pure of heart, pure of courage, full of honesty and light. Or else like my pigtailed goddess: healthy, lively, warm, and robust. But your heart is vile and filled with rot. You are cold and scheming, Nabiki. I care not for such a one as you."
Nabiki drew herself back. "How flattering," she said. "Who taught you how to sweet talk girls, Kuno-baby?"
There was a sour note in her voice. She folded her arms and looked away from him. Kuno couldn't have hurt her feelings. Surely a maiden such as Nabiki had no such tender feelings to wound.
They finished their dinner in silence.
