Umbrella of Lies

Chapter 5: Ranma's Evil Plot

……….

……….

"No way," Ranma said. "I did one date. That was enough."

"I told you two," Nabiki said. "Cheer up. Ukyo doesn't have any spells."

Ranma fumed. Nabiki said it like going on a date was easy. And, sure, maybe for her it was—all she had to do was show up and she'd get showered with presents. But whenever Ranma went on a date, it became a battle for survival. Like on his last date. Shampoo had put some curse on him that made him clumsy—clumsier than Akane, even. He had spent half the date falling over, and the other half trying to weasel a cure out of Shampoo.

"I'm not doing this anymore," Ranma said. "I quit."

"As I recall," Nabiki said. "I have the article and you don't. Really, it would be a shame to give up now, when you're already halfway through."

Ranma gritted his teeth. "This isn't right," he said. "You can't sell me off to the highest bidder. I didn't even do anything."

"Well, you eat our food, sleep in our house, and cause massive amounts of damage. Our household budget has gone through the roof."

"You don't pay the bills."

"Doesn't matter. It hurts us all. I haven't gotten allowance since you've been here. I have to find other ways of supporting myself."

Ranma tried to argue, but Nabiki took out a comb and began brushing her hair. She was acting like he wasn't even in her room. Ranma got the impression he was a sideshow only, and she more concerned about her upcoming date with Kuno. That was adding insult to injury—playing second fiddle to Kuno.

"By the way," Nabiki said. "Last time, you ran off on Shampoo. When you do things like that, it ruins my reputation. Don't do it again. Ukyo's only paying half up front. She'll pay the other half upon the date's completion. If I don't get that other half, Ranma, you'll have to earn it back… in some other way."

"What next? You'll make me date Happosai?"

"If he's willing to pay."

"You can't push me around like this Nabiki!"

She chuckled quietly. Ranma was boiling with rage. She thought he would just do whatever she said. The sad thing was, she was right—at least until he got his hands on that disk. Ranma stomped off.

He nearly ran into Akane in the hall. Instinctively, Ranma flinched. The bruises she gave him the night before still stung. But Akane didn't seem angry at him right now. She looked troubled. She pulled Ranma further into the hall, away from Nabiki's open door.

"Ranma, I'm really worried about Nabiki," Akane said. "I think she may actually be falling for Kuno."

"Believe me, she's not," he said.

"But how can you be sure? This is their second date, and she doesn't want me along this time." Akane lowered her voice. "If he likes her back…well you know how aggressive he can be. And she doesn't know how to defend herself."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Kuno doesn't like Nabiki. And if he did, don't you think she'd be smart enough to—"

And then it came to Ranma. An idea. A brilliant idea. A way to get back at Nabiki. He'd turn her own game against her. He'd make her whole tower of lies collapse on top of her. In the end, she'd be begging to call it all off.

Ranma broke into maniacal laughter. He would have his revenge!

Akane gave him a puzzled look.

……….

Tatewaki Kuno carried a yellow bouquet to the Tendo house. Although this time Nabiki Tendo did not expressly request flowers, Kuno did not wish to offend her. She was proving herself a dangerous adversary indeed. Nabiki clouded his mind; she reached long fingers into his very dreams.

He had dreamt last night of the umbrella of love, but the umbrella of love had become a dark and sinister object that cast a shadow upon him. A shadow from which Kuno could not easily escape. In the light just beyond, lovely Akane Tendo and his pigtailed goddess were skipping around the umbrella. They wore for clothes wreaths of flowers and left a trail of petals in their wake.

"Please, Upperclassman Kuno," they said. "Come join us."

"I shall, my loves," he cried.

But as he leapt forward, dark chains pulled around his body and wrenched him back. He was trapped; the shadow of the umbrella held him tight in its grasp. Struggle as he might, Kuno could not reach Akane or the pigtailed girl. And then he noticed Nabiki.

Nabiki held the umbrella in one hand and smiled at him with doe-eyed innocence. A frightening mask that hid the evil underneath. Suddenly, Kuno's wallet tore loose, and his money swirled in a tornado around him, round and round, as Akane and the pigtailed girl frolicked through 1000 yen bills.

Kuno turned on Nabiki. "You're the cause of this! Begone, Nabiki Tendo! Depart from me forever!"

Nabiki shrugged. "Kuno-baby, all you had to do was ask."

And like a phantom at the first cry of dawn, she vanished. Kuno put his hand out to touch her, but there was only air.

Kuno awoke to rays of sunlight trickling over his portraits of Akane and the pigtailed girl. In that hazy time when dreams and reality merge together, Kuno knew Nabiki was gone. He tore his room apart trying to find her. At last he unearthed an old photograph of her, hidden deep within his yearbook from junior high. Kuno breathed a sigh of relief.

But why, he wondered just a moment later, why did he desire a picture of Nabiki, who was not his true love, who he hardly cared for at all? And why, now, did his palms feel wet and slippery when he held the bouquet meant for her, why did his stomach flutter when he thought what might transpire on their date? Why was he nervous? He had not been nervous, even when he had dated the pigtailed girl. How strange it was. How strange to think of a girl and to wonder whether or not she truly liked him.

Such were his thoughts as he made his way to the Tendo household. But then, in the sunlight, a shadow fell. Ranma Saotome, his most cursed foe, blocked his path.

"Hiya, Kuno," Ranma said.

Kuno withdrew his sword. "Ranma Saotome, I have no wish to fight you today, but if you continue to flagrantly stand in my way, I shall be forced to unleash—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ranma said. "Look, I don't want to fight you either. I want to talk to you about Nabiki."

"About Nabiki?"

"I just wanted to know why you're dating her. Do you like her or—"

"I am not in love with her!" Kuno spurted out. He felt his cheeks heating. "She's been forcing me to date her. Do you think that I—that I—!"

"So she's blackmailing you, too, huh?" Ranma said. "No, you don't have to tell me. I know all about it. But we can get revenge if we work together."

"Me? Work with you, my mortal enemy? The sea shall turn to ice before I should consider it."

"Fine," Ranma said. "But how long do you think it will be before Nabiki starts calling you her boyfriend? What are you going to do then?"

Ranma had touched a nerve. "Very well," Kuno said. "What is your plan?"

"First, you have to tell her that you love her," Ranma said

Kuno laughed. "Oh is that all? I must profess my love to Nabiki Tendo, who is doubtlessly even now thinking of new ways to spend my money." Kuno struck at Ranma, a blow from his sword which cracked a brick wall nearby. "Ranma Saotome, you are plotting my destruction! Prepare to be vanquished!"

……….

Near the window, Nabiki had the perfect view of the fight. She watched Kuno charge into the front yard, Ranma flipping backwards to avoid the blows. One well-placed kick from Ranma probably could have ended the fight, but for some reason, he seemed to be trying to talk to Kuno.

"Wait, hold on, you don't understand—"

"I shall not listen to you lies!"

"Would you think for a minute!" Ranma said. "If you tell her you like her, she'll freak out and confess her evil plan!"

So, that's what he was up to. Nabiki twisted a strand of hair around her finger. He was so simple that Ranma. Did he really think a declaration of love from Kuno would be enough to stop her from making money? Please. Declarations of love were her bread and butter.

Nabiki walked into the living room. She could still hear yelling from outside.

"I shall never listen to you, Sorcerer! You will perish at my hands!"

"All right. I didn't want to have to do this, but you gave me no choice."

Splash!

Shout. Crash.

Nabiki picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello, Ukyo," she said. "Yes, I know I told you this evening, but I've got some great news. For only a small extra fee, you can have Ranma for the whole day. You can pick him up right now, if you want."

Nabiki hung up and walked into the front yard. The scene was a familiar one. Kuno was clutching a now-female Ranma around her waste. Ranma, most decidedly ticked off, was smacking Kuno over the head with a bouquet of yellow flowers.

"Stop being such a moron! When Nabiki comes, you have to—"

"Morning, Ranma," Nabiki said. "Good morning, Kuno-baby."

They immediately turned and looked at her.

Nabiki sighed. "Well, I'd hope we'd have a nice date today, but it looks like you just can't be serious. I guess I'll see you at school, Kuno-baby."

"Nabiki, this isn't—" Kuno began.

Ranma bopped him with her fist and shoved the bouquet—what was left of it—in his hands. "Give her the flowers, you idiot."

Kuno held out a cluster of long stems and leaves. No, that was being unfair. Two flowers still had petals left.

"I have brought you flowers, Nabiki Tendo," he said.

"I can see that. Thanks, Kuno-baby."

"Well," Ranma said, stamping her foot.

"Oh right," Kuno said. He cleared his throat. "I love you," he told Nabiki. She had never heard his voice more monotone.

"You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?" Nabiki said. She took the flowers out of his hands. "I'm going to put these in water."

She went into the kitchen. She could hear Ranma yell at and cajole Kuno from outside. Nabiki filled up a vase with water, and, on second thought, put a kettle on the stove for Ranma as well.

Kuno stormed into the kitchen, with a great display of pomp and circumstance.

"Nabiki Tendo, I love you," he said. "I've loved you from the first moment I set eyes on you. Our souls were meant to be together until the end of time." He went down on one knee. "Please tell me what I may do to win your love."

Well, that was more convincing—for Kuno. Nabiki made a note in her head that he was a pretty good actor, when he wanted to be. She put the two live flowers in the vase and dumped the empty stems in the trash.

"You know, I've dreamed of hearing you say you loved me," she said. "But how can I believe you? Just a minute ago you were in the arms of the pigtailed girl."

Kuno withered. "I-I—It was not my intent—"

"Yes, I know. You love her and not me. And that's why it's foolish for me to keep standing in your way. I should stop pretending when it's clear you can't love me."

Kuno stood up.

"It may be that I can't love you," he said. "I don't know. But I would date you today, Nabiki, if you would let me."

A chill went down Nabiki's spine, and her stomach twisted. It wasn't just his words. It was his expression. The exaggerated gaze of a would-be samurai was gone. Tatewaki Kuno looked sincere.

No. No, this was just Ranma's plan to beat her at her own game. And Kuno was… well, he was just a much better actor than she had given him credit for. But that was all it was—acting.

She had to get a grip.

"I'll give you one more chance," Nabiki said. "I'm going to the café near my house to get some breakfast. If you really want to date me, come over—without the pigtailed girl or Akane. Think it over, Kuno-baby. If you can't keep your hands off other women, don't bother to come."

She gave him a quick smile and left.

If Kuno and Ranma thought they could out manipulate her, they were wrong. She was in charge of this scheme. No phony confession from Kuno was going to change that.

So why was her heart still pounding?

……….

Kuno watched Nabiki walk away. She gave her hair a little toss, as she was wont to do, and the sunlight rippled across it. She had smiled at him. A normal smile, a little crooked. It made Kuno uneasy.

What did an ordinary smile from Nabiki mean?

There was a slight hiss of hot water. Ranma had appeared in the kitchen, standing near the stove, with a kettle raised over his head.

"So, how did it go?" he said. "Did she buy it?"

Kuno shook his head. "I don't think I should continue with this plan," he said. "Nabiki Tendo may be a cold, cruel sort of maiden, but I have no desire to play with her heart. It is unworthy of me."

"Unworthy of—listen!" Ranma said. "This is Nabiki! She'll stoop to anything. If you aren't willing to play her at her own game, we'll never be able to defeat her."

Kuno blinked. "Where is the pigtailed girl?"

"Never mind her," Ranma said. "Okay, here's the new plan. If she didn't buy that you're in love with her, the next thing to do is ask Nabiki to be your girlfriend. That will stop her in her tracks for sure."

"My girlfr—" Kuno shook himself out of his daze. "I don't want her to be my girlfriend. This is trick! You come to me as friend, Saotome, offering advice, but I see your true mind. You would have Akane Tendo and my pigtailed goddess to yourself. Villain! Where have you hidden them this time?"

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Ranma said.

Kuno drew his sword and charged. Strike, strike, strike. Ranma bounced like a puppet on string, dancing back and forth, but Kuno held his enemy within his vision. They entered the living abode. The doorbell rang. Ranma turned to look, and Kuno brought his blade down upon the villain's head. Or rather, the table. As the Ranma dodged, the force of Kuno's wooden sword cracked the table in half, sending woodchips flying forth. Such was his magnificent strength.

From the corner of his eye, Kuno saw Akane come floating down the stairs. Beautiful Akane Tendo. Today, she wore no ribbon, but let hair let free, and the dress she wore bounced fetchingly around her—

Ranma's punch came from nowhere and struck Kuno across his stomach. It did not hurt—it was the punch of a weakling—it was rather the surprise of the blow that sent Kuno to his knees. As he fell, Ranma towered over him.

"Kuno, you got to listen to me," Ranma said. "If you ask Nabiki to be your girlfriend, she'll confess! I'm telling you, she'll confess!"

"So you say," Kuno said, struggling to get up. "But what if she agrees?"

He would have run at Ranma again, but then, a sound! Like the roar of cannons, like the winds in a storm, like trumpets blasting from heaven: the loud and wondrous voice of Akane Tendo.

"RANMA!"

Akane stood near the door. A girl with long hair stood in the doorway, but Kuno only had eyes for Akane. Truly, she was a sight, the crimson rose of anger forming on her cheeks.

"First Shampoo," Akane said. "Now Ukyo!"

"But this—" Ranma said. "Wait a sec, Ukyo wasn't supposed to show up until 7:00."

"So you admit it!"

Akane was awhirl in battle energy. She was so lovely that Kuno's instinct was to run to her. And how could it be otherwise? When in love, what is not natural for lovers to embrace, as natural as for birds to sing, for flowers to blossom? And it was love, pure and sweet, that overwhelmed Kuno's heart. He opened his arms wide.

I'll be at the café, Nabiki said. If you can't keep your hands off other women, don't bother to come.

Nabiki.

Akane was so close, and yet Kuno floundered. In that moment of hesitation, Ranma plowed into him, and Kuno was unscrupulously trampled by the fiend. And then Akane's dainty foot landed on him, and she fled too.

It flashed before him then. His dream from last night. The moment when Nabiki had vanished. The umbrella shriveled up and Akane and the pigtailed girl took his arms and squeezed close to him. Yet he could not happy for Nabiki was gone.

When Kuno opened his eyes, the house was empty. He realized at once that he had left Nabiki waiting in the café. Kuno stood up, and, brushing himself off, departed the house.

……….

Nabiki finished her breakfast and was slowly sipping what remained of her coffee. Kuno hadn't come yet. Nabiki drummed her fingernails on the table. What was taking him so long?

She still had the negatives. He should come for those, if for no other reason. Even Kuno wouldn't trade scandal and humiliation just to hug Ranma and Akane for two seconds.

Nabiki rested her head against her hand. Still, it was Kuno. Maybe the choice was too hard for him. Maybe she shouldn't have given him an ultimatum. It wasn't as if she was jealous or anything—that was Akane's department. But was it too much to ask for to have the guy she was dating to pay attention to her during the date?

The bells on the café door tinkled. Nabiki looked up. In the doorway, he was a dark silhouette, strutting a pose with his sword rested across his shoulder. Nabiki let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

"Nabiki Tendo," Kuno said in a calm voice. "I have driven the pigtailed goddess and Akane away."

"Have you really, Kuno-baby?"

"They are gone, never to return."

"Well, then," Nabiki said. "Let's enjoy our date."

And, surprisingly, they did.

……….

Note: Well, one chapter left and it may take a while. School's starting Monday.