Author's Note: I have decided that the original chapter twelve that I had posted is not where my original intention for this story was supposed to go. So here is a better updated version of chapter twelve. There will be some stuff the same as the previous chapter twelve, but for the most part it will be going back to my original intention. Oh, and I know that JKR's timeline for her books is 91-98ish, but for all of my purposes here, I have written this story where the characters were born in 90 and attended school from 01-09ish. JKR's characters and etc. are hers. Happy Reading!



"Don't give up on the dream

Don't give up on the one thing

And everything that's true

Don't give up on the dream

Don't give up on the one thing

Because I want you, too

Because I want you, too

Because I want you, too

Because I want you

Because I want you"

"Because I Want You"-Placebo

Chapter Twelve: Can't Want You Because…

It was my birthday. May fourteenth of 2009, and I was now 19 years old and six months pregnant. I couldn't help, but feel upset by this. I didn't want to be a mother at 19. It wasn't fair really, but hey they never said life was fair, actually they always said the opposite of that. It was the last couple weeks of teaching before graduation happened. It was the only thing I was looking forward to in the near future. I would get to graduate and go on my way. However, I had no clue as to where I was going from there. I know Draco had asked me to marry him, but I don't think that it would be best for either of us. I was going to have a baby that wasn't his, and he was going to realize that I was not good enough for the man he had grown into this past year. I'm sure everyone around me would disagree considering I was the first good-natured Slytherin to show up since Hogwarts was created, but no matter what I was still not enough for him when it came down to it. If Hermione weren't so in love with Ron I would have suggested her, but Ronald Weasley being the case, I would never tear that apart.

"What are you thinking?" Draco asked from a corner in our classroom. We were setting out the ingredients for the students' final potion for the year as their final grade.

"Just wondering what it will be like not being here." It wasn't an exact lie, but it wasn't wholly the truth either, because part of me was wondering how I was going to live without him. I couldn't think about being selfish now. I needed to make sure he didn't end up with me for his own benefit.

After having been kidnapped by Lucius on Valentine's Day, I knew that it would be best for Draco if I left him. He wouldn't have to endure the hardship of contemplating killing his father. I didn't want that. As I had explained to Hermione and Ginny sometime after the kidnapping, I don't want Snape's sacrifice to have happened in vain. I don't want Draco to lose a sense of the difference between him and Lucius, and he very well may do that if he kills him.

"It seems like there's more to your thinking then just reminiscing your time in the corridors here." He said staring at me intently.

"Nope that's it." I tried to assure him. I didn't want to let on that I would be leaving him soon. The last class of the day filed into the room. A month back, a couple of the Gryffindor boys had built up the courage to sit by some of the Slytherins, since then they had really started to mingle. It would have made Dumbledore proud to see it. Each student looked up to the board and saw that the Forgetfulness Potion was on the board. This meant it was their final examination. They all groaned in unison.

"Sorry guys, but this is how it has to be." I apologized to them. I thought about how I had been able to teach for this last term and how wonderful it had been to do so. I thought about maybe teaching permanently. I couldn't deny my aspirations for the American Wizarding Government, but at the same time I don't think they were realistic anymore. I would never belong back home as much as I didn't belong here. I sighed. Once again I was faced with the stabbing reality that I didn't fit into the wizarding world just as much as I didn't fit into the Muggle world. Oh how I loved being a Halfblood. Not only that, but I would never fit into a purely American world nor a purely British world. So really I was just a big giant ball of not fitting in anywhere. I was in the middle of my thoughts when I felt it. A sharp pain in my lower abdomen caught my attention off-guard.

"Professor Mallerd, are you okay, you look extremely pale." Helena, a usually shy Gryffindor girl, asked me. This caught Draco's attention immediately. He was at my side within moments.

"You should go to Madame Pomfrey." He demanded. I just nodded my head.

I started to walk to the door when I doubled over from another swift pain. I let out a soft moan of pain. "Draco, I'm not going to make it on my own." I whispered almost inaudibly.

"Scotts! Monitor the class. I have to get Professor Mallerd to the hospital wing." Draco yelled to a Gryffindor boy with glasses in the back of the room.

"Yes sir." The boy replied coming to the front desk with his cauldron and supplies.

Draco scooped me up into his arms. It took about twenty minutes for him to carry me to the hospital wing. The entire time I shifted in his arms in pain.

"What's the matter?" Madam Pomfrey ran to me.

"We don't know she turned extremely pale and she's in pain."

Madam Pomfrey started to check me over. "Miss Mallerd, we have to get you to St. Mungo's immediately. You are going into premature labor."

Before I knew it, I was sitting in a bed in St. Mungo's awaiting the arrival of the baby I had been sharing my body with for only six months. I knew something was wrong because the baby should be in there for another three months.

"I'm sorry that you're lying in the hospital on your birthday." Draco mumbled to me while searching for my hand to hold. I gave it to him because right now my selfish side was winning. I was in pain and even though I planned on leaving him to find someone better, I needed him to help me get through this experience.

"Hi my darling daughter, I hear you're having a baby without us." I heard my mum say from the doorway, she was holding Daddy's hand and smiling at me. She looked between me and Draco. I wondered if she could sense the tension. I didn't think he could, but Mum was more perceptive than he was. "Robert, it seems Draco's been here awhile with her, can you take him to get something to eat."

"Mrs. Mallerd that isn't necessary." Draco started to refuse, but then Mum gave him a look that even he knew not to refuse. "Well I am a bit famished." He amended and followed my father out of the hospital room.

"How're you feeling?" Mum asked me as she walked to my side.

"Um in pain." I muttered.

"No dear, I mean how are you feeling about Draco? I can see he's oblivious to the tension, but sweetie, I'm not. What are you thinking about?"

"Why are you so damn perceptive?" I asked her.

"I'm amazing." She just smirked back.

"I just think that there's going to be a time when he's going to have to choose between his father and I, and I don't want him to have to do that. I want to keep him out of the pain. I mean I'm already having someone else's baby…ouch…like right now…oh Mum go get someone!" I screamed. The pain was taking over.

"What's the matter? I heard her scream from the hallway." Draco asked as he came rushing to my side.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask everyone to leave." A healer told them. "She's in position to have the baby."

Mum, Dad, and Draco walked to the door. Draco looked back at me longingly.


I was sitting in the waiting room of St. Mungo's watching Jordayna's parents fidget back and forth. They had ushered us out of her room about an hour ago. I didn't know how long it took to have a baby, but I felt like this is longer than it should be.

"Draco, dear, stop looking like that, an hour is barely enough time to even begin having a baby. She can be in there for a day. You need to relax." Kathleen said to me. Well I guess that changed my opinion about how long a baby took to be born. It didn't make me feel any more comfortable. I shifted again.

At eleven o' clock that evening a healer finally came in with the news that Jordayna had finally given birth to the baby. She had a girl. They were going to let us see her, but they warned us that she was extremely tired.

"Hey Mallerd." I said from the doorway. There were all kinds of magical monitors on her and she looked weak. I would say she looked small too, but Jordayna was only five-foot-one, she was always small.

"Hey Draco." She practically whispered. I don't think she had enough strength to speak at a higher volume.

"How are you doing?"

"I just had a baby girl on my nineteenth birthday. I didn't have a name picked out for a little girl. I'm in pain, and I'm sitting here looking like utter crap in front of the hottest guy in school." She rattled off to me in what I'm sure is an induced state of mind.

"I'm hardly the hottest guy in school." I said to her.

"Since when is Draco Malfoy modest?"

"Since he has two beautiful girls to take care of."

"No, Draco, I won't let you take care of us. You need a life of your own. You shouldn't have to be worried about a family before you've even had a chance to turn nineteen. You shouldn't have to choose between a family that isn't even yours and your own. Draco, I can't see you anymore. After I get out of here, we have to stop seeing each other."

"What do you mean? Of course I want to take care of you. Jordayna you're not thinking clearly."

"No Draco, I am thinking clearly. I don't want you wasting your life on me."

"Well then why wait until you're out of here. Why not start now?" I said as I walked away from her. "By the way, you want a name for a girl? Try Medea Calixte, it was what my mother was going to name me if I were a girl." I said as I left her alone in the room. If she didn't want me then fine she wasn't going to have me.


I felt bad for what I had to do to Draco, but it was for the best. This morning all of my friends were around me.

"You look good for having a baby like nine hours ago." Ginny mentioned to me. "Where's Malfoy?"

I had hoped that no one would ask, but of course someone would have noticed that he was not at my side.

"We broke up. I don't want to talk about it." I said, and thankfully I didn't have to because at that moment a healer brought in Medea.

"Oh wow! She's absolutely beautiful!" Daphne crooned over the extremely tiny baby in my arms. She only weighed eight-tenths of a kilogram and was twelve and a half inches long. "She's so tiny!"

"Well she was born three months early Daphne." Hermione pointed out being the know-it-all she was.

"I know Hermione!" Daphne exclaimed. She felt insulted. "Do you think you'll be okay by graduation?"

I didn't have to answer because Healer Thompson came in and answered for me. "She'll be there. Everything went fine. She'll be out of here in a day or two, along with beautiful Medea there."


The day had finally come. I was staring in the mirror at my dress to go under my robes. I could hear Medea gurgling in the bassinet next to my bed. I don't know what compelled me to go with the name that Draco just called out with his receding back, but it was a beautiful name. It matched the name I was going to give her if she was boy. It would have been Sotiros Alexander.

"Come on precious girl. We have to get to the ceremony. Grandma and Grandpa will hold you there." I whispered to her. Mum and Dad would be overjoyed. They had been in the last two weeks with their granddaughter. They had come back to Hogwarts to stay with me until graduation.

I walked out into the common room. Daphne and Blaise were waiting for me. I assumed Draco had gone on without us. He had been avoiding me for the last two weeks. That's okay. I deserved it.

"He went on. His parents are out there." Daphne said as I came down. "You look beautiful by the way." She finished.

I glanced down. I was wearing a light orange and pale green sundress. I couldn't have looked any better than I did any other day. My hair was up, and I didn't have any make-up on.

We rushed down to the Great Hall.

The ceremony was over and I was staring out at Draco over the grand dinner we were having.

"You know, you could go talk to him." Nicolette advised me. I had been stunned to see her here, but she just told me she would never have missed my graduation from the best wizarding school the world has to offer. "I'll hold Medea while you do."

"No, I can't. I have to stick to this decision. I mean look he's right there with his father, his father who kidnapped me three months ago. I just can't."

"Well it looks like he wants to talk to you." She said and I glanced over and saw steel gray eyes watching me.

"Stop staring at her. She's below you. I don't care if the Dark Lord is gone or if I'm reformed, she is still below you for three reasons. She's a Halfblood, she's American, and she has someone else's baby." I heard Lucius scold his son.

"Shut up Father." Draco vehemently answered. He stared at me one last time before looking away. The entire time his mother sat quietly occasionally glancing between the two of us. I think she had noticed my necklace. The necklace I still refused to take off because I still loved him. I just couldn't be selfish enough to keep him.

"Darling we'll take Medea home with us, while you spend your last night with your friends." Mum said as she carried my sweet little girl away. I would argue and say there would be no spending time with my friends tonight, but I didn't want to alarm them.

I said my goodnights to my parents and sister, and then headed back to my common room, but Harry caught me in the hallway.

"Hey Jordayna! McGonagall is looking for you, and you really need to come back to the Heads' Common Room when you're done with her. We're throwing a party and Ginny and I have something for you!"

I smiled at him. I guess I could spend this night with them as long as I kept my distance from Draco. "Okay Harry, I'll see you there. What's the password?"

"Graduation."

I laughed a little. I nodded towards him and then ran off to Professor McGonagall's office. I got there and McGonagall looked expectant.

"Hello Miss Mallerd. I won't keep you long from the celebrations, but I wanted to ask you if you would return next year to continue teaching the first years Potions? Professor Slughorn would like to leave in a couple of years, and when he does, I would really like to already have someone who can do the job."

"Oh wow Headmistress, I'm flattered, but I have to think about this. I've just had a baby and I have to think about her."

"Oh of course we would make accommodations for her. I promise you that."

"Thank you so much Headmistress, but I still need to think about it. I need to talk it over with my family."

"Okay, but if you can reply soon that would be best."

"Yes Headmistress."

I walked through the corridors back to the common room that once used to belong to me too. I was thinking about McGonagall's offer when I got to the portrait of Dumbledore. I simply muttered "Graduation," and he quickly swung open for me. I entered the party and noticed that I didn't stand out still in my outfit from under my robes because everyone was wearing the outfits they had under their robes.

"Jordayna! I'm so glad you're here! I have something for you!" Ginny yelled at me. I assumed she'd already had quite a bit of Firewhiskey. She handed me a small envelope with my name scrawled across it in lavender ink. I pulled it out and gasped at the fact that it was a wedding invitation. They were getting married this summer, two days after Harry's birthday. Ginny slinked away and I went over to where they were handing out the Firewhiskeys. Six months without one, and the sudden appearance of Draco through the portrait hole. I took one look at him and downed the first glass they handed me. I told them to give me another.

Seamus Finnigan asked me to dance, and I had already had four Firewhiskeys so I agreed. As soon as we got to where everyone was dancing, the music switched to a slow song. Seamus pulled me close and I couldn't help but imagine he was Draco so I got incredibly comfortable.


I wanted to rip Finnigan's head off of his neck. He was taking advantage of her intoxication. When he grabbed her ass that's when my final limit was thrown. I stalked over to where they were dancing.

"Finnigan, may I cut in?" I asked and looked toward Jordayna. She was holding another glass of Firewhiskey.

"Mallerd, I think you want to give me that." I said trying to take the glass from her. She just pulled it closer as she dragged me into her. Her drunk self was sending mixed signals.

"Nope you can't have it. If you want it, then you'll have to come get it." She said in a teasing tone. She started to head to the portrait hole. I tried to hold her back, but she struggled and got there anyways.

"Mallerd, you can't go back to Medea like this, you need to sober up." I tried to reason with her.

"Medea's with my parents. I'm all alone Malfoy. Wanna see?" Oh she was definitely drunk. She was supposed to be avoiding me like the plague and now she was totally trying to lure me to her.

"I'll make sure you get back to your room safely." I whispered taking her arm. She was stumbling around the corridor. "Really Mallerd alcohol is not good with you."

"I'm fine Malfoy. Shut your trap. Ha ha ha." She laughed. I had no idea what she was laughing about.

We made it back to the common room, but I was worried about her being by herself and trying to make it down stairs or something like that. I brought her into my room, and I was going to sleep on the sofa until she pulled me onto the bed with her.

"Malfoy, we're going to have sex right now. It's the last time I'm going to ever offer this to you, because I'm drunk enough to do it." Well when she put it that way. She was slowly undressing, not being as graceful as she could be, but then again she had a few to drink.

She started to strip, and when she was finished with herself, she started to undress me.

"Jordayna, we can't do this. You're drunk."

"That's the very reason we can do this. It's the only chance you get Draco. Take me to bed or miss out on your last chance forever. Tomorrow I will be sane again." For some reason her words made me think that in the morning I could convince her to stay, so I followed her lead.