A/N Yea! Here is chapter 2 for Invisible Dreamer! I hope everyone enjoys it. I'm kind of taking my time before Jared imprints on Kim. The story actually has a much wider focus than just strictly the imprint, so I'm taking my time setting everything up.
For one thing, I've always wondered why more Jared/Kim fics didn't have much on the Bella/Edward/Jacob situation.... It's kind of an important thing impacting the pack. Anyway, I need to build things up slowly for that.
Please review! It makes me happy! :o)
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Chapter Two: Reflections
____________________________________________________________________________
"I suppose you must be some kind of Namer, too, even if a primitive one."
"A what?"
"A Namer. For instance, the last time I was with a Teacher – or at a school, as you call it – my assignment was to memorize the names of the stars."
"Which stars?"
"All of them."
"You mean all the stars, in all the galaxies?"
"Yes. If he calls for one of them, someone has to know which one he means. Anyhow, they like it; there aren't many who know them all by name, and if your name isn't known, then it's a very lonely feeling."
______________________________________________________________________________
She had liked Jared Tala-Hania for as long as she could remember. She assumed that it had been an unspoken part of her personality since birth. However, she first became aware of her adoration of Jared when she was in the sixth grade. He had been sent by his teacher Mr. Dichali to ask her teacher Mrs. Shimasani a question about the school-wide Christmas party that would take place at the end of the week. She had looked up from her math worksheet and it was as if she had been struck dumb. She likened it to seeing an old friend after an absence of years. She realized then what had been a sub-text to every action of her life before now – she would do anything for Jared.
At rare moments – when she thought about it objectively – she could concede that it was strange. Most would call her unwavering devotion to a boy that had never spoken to her an obsession. She even supposed that was true. After all, wasn't love supposed to be based on mutual respect, friendship? Or so her parents said. Or was it supposed to be based on a deep emotional connection? That's what the world said. Maybe…. It came to her all of a sudden that her priest might say something about her love being "sacramental," because she was showing grace in this "our fallen world" by "denying herself" and "sacrificing for love."
Or maybe she was creepy and stalker-ish. Besides, the priest's words sounded suspiciously like platitudes.
All that to say, she tried to do things for Jared that shifted her from the "creepy and stalker-ish" category to the "devoted and loving" category as frequently as possible. So, she paid attention whenever he spoke.
She knew that he liked to be outside, even in the near-constant rainfall of Forks.
She knew that he loved soccer.
She knew that he thought cheese was an abomination and should not be a part of any major food group.
Knowing these kinds of things, she tried to watch for ways to care for Jared in whatever small way she could.
She always made sure that the gym had soccer balls in stock, quietly buying some out of her own allowance whenever one was finally kicked to death. (The school's coach, Mr. Enyeto, had an unfortunate habit of coming to school with headaches that looked suspiciously like hangovers. He was tolerated though because even the jocks hated the organized forcefulness of seventh period gym under substitute teachers. So, gym was a joke, but no one was going to rat him out to the administration. If Mr. Enyeto was going to come to school slightly wasted, no one minded as long as he let them do pretty much what they wanted during gym – which included destroying soccer balls on a regular basis).
She paid close attention to what was on the cafeteria menu. If there was something with cheese, then she would slip in before lunch and help the lunch lady arrange for some cheese-free items. The lunch lady, a Mrs. Sokw who sported a neon blue hair-net and hot-pink nail polish, thought Kim was a delightful and unselfish dear who was trying to take care of lactose-intolerant students (the story a serious-faced Kim had fed her at the beginning of sophomore year – the day after she discovered Jared's dislike for cheese). However, if the truth be told, the lunch lady was also lazy and wouldn't look a willing hand in the school's tiny, greasy kitchen in the mouth.
She even prayed – the only slightly religious person in an indifferent family – for sunny days or at least mildly drizzly days so that Jared could go outdoors. Even he was smart enough not to go outside when the sky was full of thunder, lightning and hail. He always came to school the next day grumpy though.
On second thought, maybe she was a stalker.
But Kim tried…. She paid attention to the tiny actions that individualized Jared – the actions that made him unique and different from everybody else – the way he rubbed his forehead with his fist when he was confused, the way he threw back his head and shouted with laughter whenever he couldn't contain his mirth, the way he bent his head and stared gravely at the floor in mock repentance whenever a teacher exasperatedly discovered him in the thick of some shenanigan or another.
There was just one thing keeping the fantasies that Kim brutally tried to control from becoming a reality.
She wasn't sure Jared even knew her name.
It didn't matter that Kim had been raised in La Push. It didn't matter that she had three younger brothers raising hell at the middle school, or that her mother and father were active in the community's affairs, or that her family had been Omaha, but had lived among the Quiluete for generations. Kim blended into the scenery. She had a face like water that seemed to fade – chameleon-like – into whatever surface she happened to be standing in front of at the moment. Her face reflected her clothing choices. It was neither beautiful nor ugly – just average.
Mrs. Sokw, the lunch lady with her blue hair-net, didn't know her name. Miss Chosovi, her young, pretty English teacher, didn't know her name. Nadia Huyana, the laughing girl she sat next to in French, didn't know her name. Mr. Enyeto, the washed-out school coach, didn't know her name. The dozens of teenagers milling through the crowed hallways, each of whom she had grown up with, didn't know her name.
And Jared Tala-Hania certainly didn't know her name.
Kim came to an ungraceful and sudden stop a few feet from her locker. Jared wasn't there. He hadn't been sick a day in his life. Where could he be? She hoped nothing was wrong with him or his family. She knew that his father had left years ago and that he lived at home with his mother. He never said much, but she could see the silent respect in his eyes whenever he spoke of her, even if no one else could. If anything had happened to her….
The bright bubble of happiness that had settled in her stomach this morning because of Joey popped. She loved Joey – and Scotty and Ryan and her mother and father. But she lived each day for those few moments in between periods when she saw Jared joking around his locker, or passing notes with the guys in the one class she shared with him, English.
Feeling defeated and deflated, she trudged to what used to be her second favorite class of the day (after English), first period Art.
A/N I hope everyone liked that... I'm actually experimenting in this story with an idea... It's based on my faith, but I think that everyone (whatever her religious persuasion) can find value in what I'm trying to do.
To explain... I've been thinking a lot about how we seem to have extremely abstract concepts, particularly in religion, that we're supposed to follow. They're at the heart of most ethical systems. For instance, one of the two primary precepts in Christianity is "thou shalt love one another." We hear that all the time... But does that mean?? In real life??
I'm trying to explore in this fic how sometimes commands like "thou shalt love one another" work out in comic ways in real life.... Particularly how they can seem really absurd sometimes. I mean, come on.... Kim is following the Savior's love by checking for cheese in the cafeteria food? Seriously? It doesn't seem particularly noble, does it?
But I think there is something deeply sacrificial (and therefore deeply spiritual) about the level of her devotion towards Jared. It's that level of devotion -- one that includes the absurd and comic -- that I'm trying to portray in this fic.
There are other aspects of love (and the command "thou shalt love one another") that I'm going to explore as well, but the sometimes comic nature of love is what I'm exploring in this chapter. Stay tuned for more. :o)
