AN: So what do you think, too weird? Well, it doesn't really matter. I absolutely love it. It may be my favorite thing, it's deliciously evil and it'll only get worse. I've read all the books, and it'll be just as mind-blowingly inappropriate, overly materialistic, and amazingly juicy. So keep reading, and don't expect anything whether it's Moliver or Loliver or else wise…except that J3 will be the JoBros, that's gonna happen.

it's m's party

"Miley," A male voice whispered huskily from behind her. She smiled at her Prada clad reflection, and scooted back on her 3-½ inch Manolo Blanhiks to the warm body that was calling her. Tonight would be the night. The night of her 16th birthday extravaganza when she'd finally become a woman, and not just because of the extra candle on her cake… It would be the night she stopped being known for her fatherless birth to Serena van der Woodsen, actress and model extraordinaire. From now on she would be known for her wild, hot−but always classy−escapades all around the city with Oliver Adam Archibald. Naturally they'd christen her bed first, before moving on to his, and the park, the corridors of their school…

"Mmm…I'm so hot," She purred as seductively as possible, muzzling against him with her eyes shut and feeling his hands on her hipbones. She grinned wickedly to herself as she felt her skin burn with his touch, "Help me off with my dress?"

"Gladly," He replied, already tearing off the strap of her one-shouldered purple silk number.

Her eyes flew open at the sound of his voice and she pushed him away, fixing her dress. "Jake!" She shouted, shooting daggers at him. "How did you get in here?"

"You're such a tease," He groaned, sitting on the edge of her dark blue comforter. She kicked him with her sharp heel, and he yelped. "You're mother let me in." He paused, lips curling into a sickeningly slimy smile. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"No," She stated flatly, looking at herself again in her full length mirror. A minute ago she'd thought of her image as perfectly sultry but also respectable. Now the feeling of Jake's dirty fingers on her shoulder had ruined that. She stepped into her closet, slamming the door and hoping he'd get the messaged.

"I brought you a present," He said, leaning against the smooth oak door.

"The only present I want tonight is from Oliver," She called back, holding a red Chloe dress to her frame. She shook her head, placing it back on the hanger. The satin material would have looked beautiful on her−like most things−but it was cut too far up her tennis-toned thighs to say L-O-V-E. Instead it shouted 'Desperate enough to open the door and let Bass boy in'. She shuddered.

"How very The Notebook of you," He snorted, and she heard him shift over towards her bed again.

"Thank you," She smiled, if only they were in the '20s and Oliver could be taken away by war at any moment so she'd need him to ravish right then because if he didn't who knew if they'd ever have the chance again…

"You do realize you don't have strawberry blond hair? Or a sweet Southern disposition?" He mocked, his hiss-like laugh penetrating quite noisily through the door. "Or that Olliekins was born black-haired and rich?" She opened the door to glare at him, popping off one of her impossible-to-walk-in heels and throwing it at him.

His disgusting little smirk just widened though. "If you wanted to play rough, all you had to do was ask van der Woodsen."

She rolled her eyes, turning back to her closet. "You're ruining my night," She reminded him, contemplating a rather pristine ice blue Hérmes. Too virginal.

He seemed happy with his looks though, admiring his reflection in the clean glass doors of her balcony. "I know I wasn't part of your little novel, Miles, but Archibald won't be exactly what you had written in either." She shot him yet another look, "I'm just saying…you're no exactly Mandy Moore in Chasing Liberty." She threw her other heel at him, missing and casing a loud clatter as it hit the glass. "Hey! I meant it as a good thing, the chick's a prude. Did you know she had to have a butt double for that dip in the river?"

She stood in the door of her closet, leaning against the frame in just a fuzzy red robe. "So what exactly should I be expecting then?" She hissed. One hand poised on her hip, choosing to ignore his last comment about the always classy Mandy Moore.

His eyebrows raised and she held his gaze, eager but collected none-the-less. He walked up to her, standing behind her and resting a hand on each shoulder. "You…" He whispered in her ear. "…should be expecting Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intentions."

Her navy eyes widened and she elbowed him in the stomach as hard as she could. "Pig!" She gasped, embarrassed that she had expected anything less.

"What?" He laughed as she attempted to push him out of her room.

"That girl was a crack whore, emphasis on whore!" She snapped, thrusting the door from its open position.

He caught it with his foot, still smirking evilly. "And she loses her lover boy to that innocent twit." She assumed he meant Reese Witherspoon, who she admired very much."Not that I'd ever make that mistake," He leered at her once more before slamming the door dramatically for her.

"Pig," She repeated bitterly, trudging slowly back to her closet and feeling unnerved that he'd taken the drama out of her moment.

AN: I know this is very Chuck/Blair of them, in fact that "If you wanted to play rough" thing was almost straight from the show. I haven't really decided where I'm going as far as couples are though. I'll get a little bit of everything in, because between the books and the TV show of GG basically the only couple that hasn't happened is Blair/Dan. And that's just so far. Also, what do you think of me putting Mikayla in here? I think if tweaked her a little she'd make a good Vanessa type. And where do I fit Jackson in? Would you be at all disgusted if I so much as hinted a little Mackson if they're not siblings in this story? Let me know. Also, I know the chapters are short but there are going to be a lot of them. So don't worry about it.