The Escapades of DARTH!! Maximus – Episode I
Disclaimer: Star Wars is not mine.
Summary: Very AU! Darth Maximus is the reigning Sith Lord, with his loyal assistants servants Minion Secretary, Minion One, Minion Two and Minion Three. Oh no! What does this mean for our poor, poor galaxy?!
A/N: Finally restarted again. It was paused because I was er...bored at the time, and I had just lost chapter four and couldn't be bothered to continue. Anyway. Enjoy!
Enough of my ramblings.
-Darth Maximus
Chapter Five: Exploring the Ruins.
"Okay, next destination: Tatooine!" Darth Maximus said happily and cranked his sedan chair up. Minion Secretary busied herself with pouring a cuppa. Of tea, of course.
"Isn't that just a dry, barren, desert?"
Darth Maximus frowned and looked at his list of planets.
"Ahh, yes," he said. "Next stop, Banana!"
Minion Secretary gave him a funny look which was completely ignored by Maximus. He clapped his hands together.
"Now, where's my pizza?" he asked Minion Secretary imperiously. Minion Secretary turned pale and started shaking. Maximus cranked his seat down and stood up, looking up at her1. Minion Secretary cowered, shrinking smaller. Until she was shorter than Maximus himself. Darth Maximus loomed over her.
"Don't tell me you forget to order my pizza, again," Darth Maximus spoke quietly. Minion Secretary now looked positively scared.
"Uhh...I f-forgot to order your pizza?" Minion Secretary said uncertainly. Darth Maximus blinked.
"Ahh, that's okay," he said brightly, gave her a warm hug, and then skipped back to his chair, cranked it up, and then started talking to Smoochums about his newest game. Minion Secretary blinked five times, shrugged her shoulders and started sipping her tea normally.
The Super Star Destroyer, The Computer, zoomed out of hyperspace and slid to a stop in front of what seemed to be an empty patch in space. Darth Maximus' eyes bugged out spectacularly.
"Where in the world is Banana?!" he choked. Minion Secretary spoke up.
"Isn't Banana the name of the enemy planet you fought while you were a Padawan?" she asked him. Darth Maximus glanced at her.
"Well, yeah, but...we defeated them, right?"
Minion Secretary rolled her eyes. Darth Maximus consulted his list of planets, and then a big idiotic smile lit his face up.
"Why not go to Telos?!" he grinned. Minion Secretary groaned, which was ignored by Darth Maximus again.
The Super Star Destroyer, The Computer, zoomed out of hyperspace and slid to a stop in front of what appeared to be an asteroid field. Darth Maximus' eyes bugged out for the second time that day.
"What?!" he spluttered. "Why are we in an asteroid field?! Admiral, blast our way out of here!" Admiral Douglas saluted him and put The Computer back into hyperspace, after blasting a few of the asteroids.
"That still doesn't answer my question," Maximus muttered.
"Maybe because uhh..Telos was the first planet to be blown up by the Bananas under Darth Vegetable and Darth Banana?" Minion Secretary suggested. "You remember them, right?"
Darth Maximus waved his hand around.
"Er...yeah," he said vaguely. Minion Secretary rolled her eyes again. Maximus looked up his list of planets yet again.
"Why not go to Coruscant?" he asked Minion Secretary. Minion Secretary looked at him like he was crazy. Which he was, of course.
"We've already been there!" she cried. "We went there in the first chapt- I mean, we've already been there!" Darth Maximus merely shook his head imperiously.
"You just don't want to fall on your ass again!" he proclaimed.
"To Coruscant!"
A/N: Hope you like it! :D :D :D Reviewreviewreview...pwease?!
1: Darth Maximus is something like..136 cm tall? And Minion Secretary is like 20 cm taller than him. When he gets angry, Minion Secretary shrinks so she's shorter than Maximus.
